* Posts by magickmark

199 posts • joined 3 Sep 2012

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Trump inauguration DDoS protest is 'illegal', warn securobods

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WTF?

Land of the Free

So basically just because someone has made a call for a large number of people to visit the site anyone who does so, if its in response to that call or not, could be potentially breaking the law?

Or to put it another way anyone visiting Whitehouse.gov on the day of the inauguration could be prosecuted if identified.

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Terry Pratchett's self-written documentary to be broadcast in 2017

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MUCH MISSED STILL

REST IN PEACE SIR PTERRY

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Peace-sign selfie fools menaced by fingerprint-harvesting tech

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Mushroom

Re: For the 1,000th time

"I mean, would you like the same level of security used for launching nuclear missiles to be applied to, say, launching your car...?"

So basically you are asking if I'd like Donald "The Duck" Trump to have the codes to start my car? That would be a resounding NO.

I'd not turst him with my car let alone ..... Wait, dear baby Jesus Christ, God save us all!!

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Sexbots could ‘over-exert’ their human lovers, academic warns

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Paris Hilton

Re: How's it different than masturbation?

"Now if they can wire directly into your brain so you have a push button orgasm"

I believe we (blokes) already do, its called the Prostrate, only problem is its a little tricky to get to!!

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Plusnet? More like Plus-naught: Mobile data on the fritz for days for some unlucky punters

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Facepalm

Budget Problem

"Plusnet Mobile: unlimited calls and 4GB of 4G data for £10 a month"

Well if you pay peanuts you should expect monkeys!!

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Google caps punch-yourself-in-the-face malicious charger hack

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Coat

Re: As above

"Ahh, the good old days when chargers were real chargers."

And real men were real men..

And sheep were afraid...

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Slim pickings by the Biggest Loser: A year of fitness wearables

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Trollface

Re: You can stick it ..

"So their next wearable model would be the titbit?"

Or indeed a fit-tit?

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The Life and Times of Lester Haines

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Re: Thanks for the memories

Upvoted, and El Reg should make him a gold badge anyway!!

Come on guys do the right thing! If anyone deserves it, it's Lester!!

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TalkTalk hacker gets iPhone taken away by Norwich Youth Court

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Re: Ridiculous

"if I have a frontdoor made of cardboard (not the case) and somebody kicks it and nicks my stuff, it is the burglar who is responsible. Not the victim."

How about the builder who installed said cardboard door, which was then signed off by the project manager both of them telling you, the customer, "its cheap so you save money but its as safe as houses"? Or you happily accepting the cardboard door without further questioning?

Yes the hacker deserves a slap on the wrist but its TalkTalk who really are responsible for for not putting proper security in place.

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BAE Systems' autonomous research aircraft flies itself to Scotland

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Re: I'm looking forward to ...

I think its amazing that Douglas Adams saw this as a problem back in the late 70/early 80's and made comments about it in his work, have an up vote.

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Brits think broadband more important than mobes, cars or savings

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Pint

Re: Those in large contry houses...

Hi Jason

First have a pint :)

That's a possibility. My Dad is in his 70's and lives in Norwich city center and absolutely hates anything to do with computers/internet and refuses to use anything but a simple flip phone so I think for some of the older generation its a bit of a blind spot.

I think the point I was trying to make is that if you make a lifestyle choice to live in the country you have to accept what that actually means.

If you choose to run a business from a rural location where it is not necessary to be located there then you need look at these issues before you settle on a particular location. If however you are in the situation your business requires you to be a specific location (farmer, boat builder on the Broads) then it very much sucks but unfortunately for now you kind of have to factor that in to your current business plan as a threat and then figure out how you are going to address that threat.

I myself used to be a freelance IT consultant working around Norfolk and Norwich so know the challenges to small rural businesses.

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Windows

Re: Those in large contry houses...

I live in a small market town just outside of Norwich (10 minutes walk and I'm in the country side) and I nominally have a 50 Mbs connection though I find I normally run at about 52-54. Admittedly I don't live in an isolated "large country house".

I know the more isolated rural areas can be horrible for broadband. But I think people who choose to live there as a lifestyle choice should see this as way to drop out of the (digital) rat race,

One thing I find amusing is people who chose to move to rural locations and then complain about things like the noise from animals and church bells and complain about the 'agricultural' smell we get at certain times of year, I think slow broadband in rural areas is on par with that But I know and accept that people who run rural businesses find the situation very frustrating.

For me broadband is on par with utilities like electric/gas/water etc. Essential, but not the same as having savings, car, mobile etc.

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New British flying robot killer death machines renamed 'Protector'

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We thank our clients for their kind interest and would ask them to leave. Now!

It is most gratifying that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated. And so we would like to assure you that the guided missiles currently converging with your ship are part of a special service we extend to all of our most enthusiastic clients… And the fully armed nuclear warheads are, of course, merely a courtesy detail. We look forward to your custom in future lives. Thank you.

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Plastic fiver: 28 years' work, saves acres of cotton... may have killed less than ONE cow*

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Trollface

Just a Troll living under a bridge with a comment to make

Just a couple of points to make from different conversations:

RE KITTENS

Personally I like to eat a nice pussy every now and then!

RE VEGANS AND TRACE AMOUNTS OF TALLOW

I would expect a lot of vegans are also followers of homeopathy (the two do seem to happen quite often hand in hand) so probably the smaller the amount the trace element (in this case tallow) the stronger the effect of that trace element. So have we just invented the homeopathic fiver?

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Tobacco giant predicts the end of smoking. Panic ensues

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Joke

Re: Paul Woodhouse I know what's next...

I would up vote that remark but I can't be arsed with that

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The future often starts as a toy, so don't shun toy VR this Christmas

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Paris Hilton

Re: small? more like miniscule

"I fail to see how the geometry works unless you find the headphone jack to be of sufficient diamet.... oh, you said flAshlight. Nevermind."

Ahh but I'm sure that somewhere out there, there is smartphone controlled device of sufficient diameter to encompass your every need!

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You want SaaS? Don't bother, darling, your kind can't afford it

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Devil

* Pro tip: choose or make up an obscure department that no-one ever has any business with. Statistics or internal auditing is good.

Wow that exactly what I was going to say and what I actually do! I actually am a 'civil servant' now and work in an obscure department (R&D and Innovation) and my job does include an element of statistical analysis and auditing data so I normally waffle on about this aspect of my job (ignoring anything interesting or useful) until people move away.

I learnt along time ago to never tell people I was an IT Consultant or else I ended up being expected to solve every bodies computer issues.

One trick I used to use when self employed was to keep business cards on me all the time and when anyone asked me an IT question in a social situation I'd whip out a card write a ridiculous hourly rate on the back and told them to call me in the morning.

This led of course to one of two situations, I never heard from them again or they called me and had to pay a slightly silly amount of money for help/advice. I was equally happy with either outcome.

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Space crap: Flap, zap or strap? $30k from NASA for your pooper scooper

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Re: I always wondered how toilets worked in the Star Trek universe.

Adds a whole new meaning to the opening line "To boldly go where no man has gone before!"

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Reg man 0: Japanese electronic toilet 1

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Re: You're doing it wrong

"Toilet technician? How does that rate against Telephone Sanitiser?"

Somewhere between a Management Consultant and a Hairdresser?

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Re: Sounds like...

That Bloody Stupid Johnson, err?

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Open sesame: Alibaba to open its first data centre in Europe

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Re: Cloudy Security?

Exactly the point I was trying to make :)

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Re: Cloudy Security?

Well I'm not an expert in this area but I'd assume being in Germany it would be subject to EU data protection laws? I'd further assume that's the reason they have chosen it as a location, to help customers feel more secure?

Not saying I'd trust them anymore than I would Amazon/Google/M$ seeing how they have to contend with the NSA.and the fact (as often reported here) of the apparent free flow of staff between the US Govmt and the US Tec industry.

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BT will HATE us for this one weird 5G trick

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Re: Well come to Norwich then...

Somehow I had a feeling you were talking about Norwich before I got to the bottom (the heading helped)!!!

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Re: @velv

"Replace"? You mean you have street lights already? Luxury!

<Northern Accent> <Hovis Music>

When I were a lad you had t' walk down street wi'h a match over your head, And if it were really dark you had to light it!

</Northern Accent> </Hovis Music>

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Re: Buzzword fail

Yes you did!!

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Analysts apply Occam's razor to Tesco Bank breach

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Re: Sounds horribly complicated

"...using leaves as currency. We'll just have to worry about highwaymen with pistols stopping the Mail Coach"

And also we need to worry about people burning down deciduous forests and not being able to afford peanuts.

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Pythons Idle and Cleese pen anti-selfie screed

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Well as someone once said "Always look on the bright side of life"

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A cardboard desk? I won’t stand for it (actually I will)

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Black Helicopters

" What happened to to good old rubber ducky?"

My understanding is that "rubber ducky" aka Donald "The Duck" Trump, is busy and about to take over the running of the free world. No problems there then!!

Rubber tits seem like a suitable substitution to me!!!

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Re: Cats 'n boxes.

Schrodinger

That is all.

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Paris Hilton

Standing Comments

I think that's the first time I've seen a box being unboxed!!

Not the most aesthetic of things is it?

Paris? Apparently she knows a few things about making erections.

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Celeb-backed music TV phallus Electric Jukebox finally ready for launch

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WTF?

WHY??

Huh!!

Amazon Fire TV stick = £32.99

Amazon Prime account = £79 (inc free next day delivery, Prime video content, Prime music content)

Electric Jukebox = £169 inc first year of account

Electric Jukebox = £52 there after a year (music only (assuming its still available in 12 months))

Anyone see a flaw in the business model or is it just me??

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Karhoo who? Uber challenger shuts down after burning through $250m

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FAIL

Never heard of them!

Maybe they should have been called "KarWho"?

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Twitterstorm erupts over suspected murder of record-breaking earthworm

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Earthworm Who?

I read this story and thought of this:

http://www.interplay.com/games/earthwormjim.php

Anyone else remember this 'Groovy' guy?

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Smart Meter rollout delayed again. Cost us £11bn, eh?

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Obligatory Douglas Adams quote

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” ― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt

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Birmingham sperm bank pulls plug after just a handful of recruits

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Headmaster

Re: Sticky fingers

Or even creaming off the profits?

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Paris Hilton

Fap Fap

"In the UK, sperm donors are paid a set sum of £35 a visit" not exactly splashing out then!!

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What will happen when I'm too old to push? (buttons, that is)

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Paris Hilton

Re: Oh, Alistair...

@Bernard M. Orwell

Is that you Burser?

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Invasion of the virus-addled lightbulbs (and other banana stories)

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Unhappy

Is that you Marvin?

Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they tell me to take you up to the bridge. Call that job satisfaction? Cause I don't.

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'Please label things so I can tell the difference between a mouse and a microphone'

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Unhappy

Re: Label you, label me, label us all together

@TRT "I'm not doing the old underwear labelled C&A joke."

Damn, I was going to until is saw your post!!

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WTF?

Re: Engineers!

So did he then complain that he could not find the "Any" key?

I use to train new IT users back in the day and I've actually had that happen to me!!!

Spoken instruction to class:

Me: Do [some task] then press any key

Inevitable User: Where's the "Any" key?

Me {thinks}: Now how do I respond without embarrassing [Inevitable User] in front of whole class?

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The wait is over: MoD releases latest issue of Ship Paint Monthly

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Coat

Gloss over it

What a magazine, sounds about as interesting as watching paint dry!!!

Sorry someone had to say it, I'll get my coat, mines the one with the stains on it

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Naked, drunken Swede assaults chicken shed after 60th birthday

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Coat

Clucking Hell!

Well this seems an appropriate response..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGs6TDeXo8E

Mine's the one with the feathers in the pockets

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Apple iPhone 7 launch hysteria? Not in Viking land

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Trollface

Re: Maybe they own headphones...

"Screw Apple. Over the years, I've bought five of them. I can't see ever buying one that lacks a headphone socket. Arrogant wankers."

But obviously you are not listening to it correctly!!

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We live in a world where a 'Hamdog' burger hybrid is patented

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Windows

Dogburger

That is all...

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Indefatigable WikiBots keep Wikipedia battles going long after humans give up and go home

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Black Helicopters

I for one welcome our Wikipedia Bot Overlords..

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Two Sundays wrecked by boss who couldn't use a calendar

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Re: Thank Bibulous it's Friday - Wow Wow source?

Hey, Wonko, how are the dolphins? (bet you've not been asked that before? :D )

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Pint

Thank Bibulous it's Friday

"Thank Bibulous it's Friday, because I can write this and go home."

Oh God, maybe some Wow-Wow source will help so you'll be fit again for Monday?

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Dear sysadmin: This is how you stay relevant

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Re: Ummmm

"The truth is that most organisations today are IT organisations"

I think the point of the argument for the above quote is that most businesses may not be selling IT for its own sake but they are selling a service that would not be able to function without IT, effectively selling an IT service to facilitate the delivery* of their end product. None of the businesses you mention "retail, banking, logistics" could function without IT, just look what happens when a banks IT goes tits up.

* By delivery I mean the wider business sense of providing a product or service, unless you are a logistics company then your deliverable is a delivery of course!! And just try to manage that without IT!!

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Assange returns to Earth

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OH my GOD,, its full of Elephants!

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Of course you can orbit a flat earth! You just have to go under the big turtle!

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