* Posts by magickmark

212 posts • joined 3 Sep 2012

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(You can't) buy one now! The flying car makes its perennial return

magickmark
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Trollface

Re: Calories (or whatever measure of energy expenditure you prefer)

"But even using the same make and model equipment in the same gym doesn't guarantee the same results if, for example, one has been greased more recently than the other."

Indeed, if one has been greased more recently it can make a difference! But also one must remember to shower one's self after or else one will ruin one's new suite when going to the club after the gym.

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AWS v Oracle: Mark Hurd schooled on how to run a public cloud that people actually use

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Re: Over-reliance on single nodes ...

"At least Oracle's transparent moonshine won't kill people; let's be grateful for that."

I'd have to respectively disagree with that point. Within the Health Services (talking NHS in particular here) there are a number of Oracle databases in use that have potentially life threatening consequences if not accessible.

Not sure how that may tie into their 'cloud' strategy but I'd not like to have to put it to the test to find out!

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Customer satisfaction is our highest priority… OK, maybe second-highest… or third...

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Re: Close 'em down...

Thanks for the replys and thumbs up!

I've done a little research on Google (about 5 minutes worth!) and its come up with this:

All-Time Best Error Message

When a Texas Instruments 990 minicomputer was on the verge of crashing, the error message read: "SHUT 'ER DOWN, CLANCY, SHE'S PUMPING MUD!"

Here: http://www.computerworld.com/article/2552844/it-management/tidbits-and-timelines-from-the-past-40-years.html

There are a few other pages that discuss this and seem to agree with this as well but I'll not include them all but one other that is interesting re: Star Trek is here:

http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/61/messages/332.html

Now to do some real work!!

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Alien

Close 'em down...

Many years ago i wrote a little DOS program (we'd call it an app these days). It was only for internal use at the org i was working at.

I had seen this posted on a forum somewhere as an obscure and apocryphal error message "CLOSE 'EM DOWN, CLANCY. SHE'S A PUMPIN' WATER"' with some debate about its authenticity.

I liked it so much I used it as the heading for my error messages along the lines of "CLOSE 'EM DOWN, CLANCY. SHE'S A PUMPIN' WATER: <error message here.>" for two reasons:

1) because it amused me

2) so it was a genuine error message

Every now and then I'll throw it in some code that only I'll see... because I'm a mature adult !!

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Manchester pulls £750 public crucifixion offer

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The earth has to be flat or what else is the Turtle going to do??!!!!

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Decapitating Rockall: How a 1970s Navy expedition blasted the top off the Atlantic islet

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Alien

I'm guessing the British Cthulhu would be Sir Walter R'lyeh?

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NASA extends trial of steerable robo-stunt kite parachute

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Paris Hilton

All in the best posssible taste

Well if it were released on the 14th Feb it could be a Cupid Stunt Kite?

With all due respect to the late great Kenny Everett

For our 'merican cousins:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLBW8L198GQ

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/books/article-2360476/The-shocking-truth-Kenny--CUPID-STUNTS-THE-LIFE-AND-RADIO-TIMES-OF-KENNY-EVERETT-BY-DAVID-AND-CAROLINE-STAFFORD.html

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Nokia's 3310 revival – what's NEXT? Vote now

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Psion Series 5

For me it would be the Psion Series 5 would love me a working one of those again.

Just found this place http://www.psionex.co.uk not sure how current it is but its temping!

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A webcam is not so much a leering eye as the barrel of a gun

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I must still be old fashioned! I still use and external webcam on my desktop PC and just tend to keep my lint free spectacle cleaning cloth hung over it when not in use or if I'm feeling in a particular tin foil hat mode I'll just unplug it.

And yes I know that would not work for a laptop with a built in cam, but I'd just use a bit of tape!!

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Get orf the air over moi land Irish farmer roars at drones

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Coffee/keyboard

Re: "County Tipperary has a density of just 37.2"

@Huw D - brilliant, simply brilliant!

Maybe it could be a new El Reg unit of measurement, a Tipperary of denseness/stupidity where 1 unit = 37.2 Tipperians?

I expect a few down votes, but for the record I'm of Irish descent!!!

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Google mistakes the entire NHS for massive cyber-attacking botnet

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XP?

"Incidentally, it may have been my imagination but I could have sworn the last time I saw a PC in hospital a few weeks back it was running XP."

There is a possibility it could have been some form of XP but most places have now 'upgraded' to Windows 7, but.. very often its configured to look like XP and its so locked down there's no way to change it!!

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Naughty sysadmins use dark magic to fix PCs for clueless users

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I have two tales of woe to add to the collection here!

First:

Many years ago I used to train people new to IT, someone has mentioned Olivetti 386's, those were the PC's I used to train people with at the time. There was one lady, Ginny. Every time she sat down at any computer it would go totally nuts, the poor woman was driven to distraction and being new to PC's she assumed it was her fault and she would never get the hang of using them.

After a few weeks of this we sat down to talk about what she wanted to do next. As part of our talk she told me that she had been previously 'diagnosed' as having, or creating, a high level of static charge.

So I got her to touch a radiator and sat her down at a PC and away she went, from that point on as long as she earthed herself before hand she had no further problems.

Second:

This one is more recent.

In my current role I was moved to a new desk with a new PC. So I packed up all my stuff and moved to my new deck and PC. Set up all my stuff at the new desk, all good so far.

Over the next few days I noticed my typing seemed to be getting worse more spelling mistake than usual passwords not working etc. etc.

I'm a competent touch typist and although we all make mistake at times this was getting silly. So I slowed down to see what was going on and that's when I noticed that certain keys when pressed would mistype ie I'd type a 'p' and get an 'h' and so on. Not every key just some of them.

So anyway I dug out a new keyboard plugged it into its USB port.. Exactly the same issue, I tired different empty USB ports, still no joy.

As a last resort I unplugged a USB powered Plasma Ball toy, a Christmas gift from my girl friend, and plugged the keyboard in there. JOY it worked!!!

Plugged the toy in to another port, problem came back, it was now obvious what the problem was.

Strange thing was it had worked perfectly on my old PC and works perfectly on my home PC when tried there as well. But obviously on my new work PC it must have been causing some kind of interference on the USB bus.

OK, neither one is IT magic, although Ginny thought so in her case.

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Northumbria Uni fined £400K after boffin's bad math gives students a near-killer caffeine high

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Headmaster

Ethics

First let me say I work in medical research governance for a large NHS University Hospital, and am based in a University.

I think I can see part of the problem here: "enrolled in a March 2015 sports science experiment on the effects of caffeine on exercise.". Specifically the "sports science experiment".

As the participants were probably recruited directly from the student population I would assume that being a university the study would have been through an internal university approval process involving some kind of university Research Ethics Committee (REC) but probably no external scrutiny and possibly without input from a pharmacist or a medically qualified person.

Had the study been run under a medical school and had NHS involvement (which happens a lot) then it would have been a whole different thing.

This study would have needed approval by the Health Research Authority, an NHS REC, which would have been made up of medically qualified people. Also as the caffeine/orange juice mixture would be defined as a Investigational Medicinal Product (IMP), basically a drug, so the study would have also required approval from The Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency (MHRA) as well.

The IMP would have had to been made by a qualified pharmacist working in a pharmacy that had a licence to manufacture the IMP with very strict SOP's in place as to how the IMP is made, stored, distributed, used and destroyed if not used.

I just find it mindbogglingly unbelievable that this study would have been allowed to be conducted under the circumstances it seems to have been run!

PS To put on my pedants hat "...were mistakenly given as much caffeine as what's in 300 standard cups of coffee." seems like the author studied at the Ernest Wise School of English!

PPS The term IMP always makes me think of the great Terry Pratchett and the various Discword devices that have actual imp's inside them, like Twoflowers camera or Sam Vimes organiser. So every time I read a research protocol and read about what's going to be done to/with the IMP it always brings a smile to my face.

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Trump inauguration DDoS protest is 'illegal', warn securobods

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WTF?

Land of the Free

So basically just because someone has made a call for a large number of people to visit the site anyone who does so, if its in response to that call or not, could be potentially breaking the law?

Or to put it another way anyone visiting Whitehouse.gov on the day of the inauguration could be prosecuted if identified.

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Terry Pratchett's self-written documentary to be broadcast in 2017

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MUCH MISSED STILL

REST IN PEACE SIR PTERRY

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Peace-sign selfie fools menaced by fingerprint-harvesting tech

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Mushroom

Re: For the 1,000th time

"I mean, would you like the same level of security used for launching nuclear missiles to be applied to, say, launching your car...?"

So basically you are asking if I'd like Donald "The Duck" Trump to have the codes to start my car? That would be a resounding NO.

I'd not turst him with my car let alone ..... Wait, dear baby Jesus Christ, God save us all!!

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Sexbots could ‘over-exert’ their human lovers, academic warns

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Paris Hilton

Re: How's it different than masturbation?

"Now if they can wire directly into your brain so you have a push button orgasm"

I believe we (blokes) already do, its called the Prostrate, only problem is its a little tricky to get to!!

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Plusnet? More like Plus-naught: Mobile data on the fritz for days for some unlucky punters

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Facepalm

Budget Problem

"Plusnet Mobile: unlimited calls and 4GB of 4G data for £10 a month"

Well if you pay peanuts you should expect monkeys!!

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Google caps punch-yourself-in-the-face malicious charger hack

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Coat

Re: As above

"Ahh, the good old days when chargers were real chargers."

And real men were real men..

And sheep were afraid...

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Slim pickings by the Biggest Loser: A year of fitness wearables

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Trollface

Re: You can stick it ..

"So their next wearable model would be the titbit?"

Or indeed a fit-tit?

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The Life and Times of Lester Haines

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Re: Thanks for the memories

Upvoted, and El Reg should make him a gold badge anyway!!

Come on guys do the right thing! If anyone deserves it, it's Lester!!

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TalkTalk hacker gets iPhone taken away by Norwich Youth Court

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Re: Ridiculous

"if I have a frontdoor made of cardboard (not the case) and somebody kicks it and nicks my stuff, it is the burglar who is responsible. Not the victim."

How about the builder who installed said cardboard door, which was then signed off by the project manager both of them telling you, the customer, "its cheap so you save money but its as safe as houses"? Or you happily accepting the cardboard door without further questioning?

Yes the hacker deserves a slap on the wrist but its TalkTalk who really are responsible for for not putting proper security in place.

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BAE Systems' autonomous research aircraft flies itself to Scotland

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Re: I'm looking forward to ...

I think its amazing that Douglas Adams saw this as a problem back in the late 70/early 80's and made comments about it in his work, have an up vote.

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Brits think broadband more important than mobes, cars or savings

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Pint

Re: Those in large contry houses...

Hi Jason

First have a pint :)

That's a possibility. My Dad is in his 70's and lives in Norwich city center and absolutely hates anything to do with computers/internet and refuses to use anything but a simple flip phone so I think for some of the older generation its a bit of a blind spot.

I think the point I was trying to make is that if you make a lifestyle choice to live in the country you have to accept what that actually means.

If you choose to run a business from a rural location where it is not necessary to be located there then you need look at these issues before you settle on a particular location. If however you are in the situation your business requires you to be a specific location (farmer, boat builder on the Broads) then it very much sucks but unfortunately for now you kind of have to factor that in to your current business plan as a threat and then figure out how you are going to address that threat.

I myself used to be a freelance IT consultant working around Norfolk and Norwich so know the challenges to small rural businesses.

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Windows

Re: Those in large contry houses...

I live in a small market town just outside of Norwich (10 minutes walk and I'm in the country side) and I nominally have a 50 Mbs connection though I find I normally run at about 52-54. Admittedly I don't live in an isolated "large country house".

I know the more isolated rural areas can be horrible for broadband. But I think people who choose to live there as a lifestyle choice should see this as way to drop out of the (digital) rat race,

One thing I find amusing is people who chose to move to rural locations and then complain about things like the noise from animals and church bells and complain about the 'agricultural' smell we get at certain times of year, I think slow broadband in rural areas is on par with that But I know and accept that people who run rural businesses find the situation very frustrating.

For me broadband is on par with utilities like electric/gas/water etc. Essential, but not the same as having savings, car, mobile etc.

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New British flying robot killer death machines renamed 'Protector'

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We thank our clients for their kind interest and would ask them to leave. Now!

It is most gratifying that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated. And so we would like to assure you that the guided missiles currently converging with your ship are part of a special service we extend to all of our most enthusiastic clients… And the fully armed nuclear warheads are, of course, merely a courtesy detail. We look forward to your custom in future lives. Thank you.

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Plastic fiver: 28 years' work, saves acres of cotton... may have killed less than ONE cow*

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Trollface

Just a Troll living under a bridge with a comment to make

Just a couple of points to make from different conversations:

RE KITTENS

Personally I like to eat a nice pussy every now and then!

RE VEGANS AND TRACE AMOUNTS OF TALLOW

I would expect a lot of vegans are also followers of homeopathy (the two do seem to happen quite often hand in hand) so probably the smaller the amount the trace element (in this case tallow) the stronger the effect of that trace element. So have we just invented the homeopathic fiver?

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Tobacco giant predicts the end of smoking. Panic ensues

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Joke

Re: Paul Woodhouse I know what's next...

I would up vote that remark but I can't be arsed with that

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The future often starts as a toy, so don't shun toy VR this Christmas

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Paris Hilton

Re: small? more like miniscule

"I fail to see how the geometry works unless you find the headphone jack to be of sufficient diamet.... oh, you said flAshlight. Nevermind."

Ahh but I'm sure that somewhere out there, there is smartphone controlled device of sufficient diameter to encompass your every need!

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You want SaaS? Don't bother, darling, your kind can't afford it

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Devil

* Pro tip: choose or make up an obscure department that no-one ever has any business with. Statistics or internal auditing is good.

Wow that exactly what I was going to say and what I actually do! I actually am a 'civil servant' now and work in an obscure department (R&D and Innovation) and my job does include an element of statistical analysis and auditing data so I normally waffle on about this aspect of my job (ignoring anything interesting or useful) until people move away.

I learnt along time ago to never tell people I was an IT Consultant or else I ended up being expected to solve every bodies computer issues.

One trick I used to use when self employed was to keep business cards on me all the time and when anyone asked me an IT question in a social situation I'd whip out a card write a ridiculous hourly rate on the back and told them to call me in the morning.

This led of course to one of two situations, I never heard from them again or they called me and had to pay a slightly silly amount of money for help/advice. I was equally happy with either outcome.

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Space crap: Flap, zap or strap? $30k from NASA for your pooper scooper

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Re: I always wondered how toilets worked in the Star Trek universe.

Adds a whole new meaning to the opening line "To boldly go where no man has gone before!"

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Reg man 0: Japanese electronic toilet 1

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Re: You're doing it wrong

"Toilet technician? How does that rate against Telephone Sanitiser?"

Somewhere between a Management Consultant and a Hairdresser?

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magickmark
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Re: Sounds like...

That Bloody Stupid Johnson, err?

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Open sesame: Alibaba to open its first data centre in Europe

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Re: Cloudy Security?

Exactly the point I was trying to make :)

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magickmark
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Re: Cloudy Security?

Well I'm not an expert in this area but I'd assume being in Germany it would be subject to EU data protection laws? I'd further assume that's the reason they have chosen it as a location, to help customers feel more secure?

Not saying I'd trust them anymore than I would Amazon/Google/M$ seeing how they have to contend with the NSA.and the fact (as often reported here) of the apparent free flow of staff between the US Govmt and the US Tec industry.

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BT will HATE us for this one weird 5G trick

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Re: Well come to Norwich then...

Somehow I had a feeling you were talking about Norwich before I got to the bottom (the heading helped)!!!

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Re: @velv

"Replace"? You mean you have street lights already? Luxury!

<Northern Accent> <Hovis Music>

When I were a lad you had t' walk down street wi'h a match over your head, And if it were really dark you had to light it!

</Northern Accent> </Hovis Music>

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magickmark
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Re: Buzzword fail

Yes you did!!

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Analysts apply Occam's razor to Tesco Bank breach

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Re: Sounds horribly complicated

"...using leaves as currency. We'll just have to worry about highwaymen with pistols stopping the Mail Coach"

And also we need to worry about people burning down deciduous forests and not being able to afford peanuts.

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Pythons Idle and Cleese pen anti-selfie screed

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Well as someone once said "Always look on the bright side of life"

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A cardboard desk? I won’t stand for it (actually I will)

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Black Helicopters

" What happened to to good old rubber ducky?"

My understanding is that "rubber ducky" aka Donald "The Duck" Trump, is busy and about to take over the running of the free world. No problems there then!!

Rubber tits seem like a suitable substitution to me!!!

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magickmark
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Re: Cats 'n boxes.

Schrodinger

That is all.

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Paris Hilton

Standing Comments

I think that's the first time I've seen a box being unboxed!!

Not the most aesthetic of things is it?

Paris? Apparently she knows a few things about making erections.

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Celeb-backed music TV phallus Electric Jukebox finally ready for launch

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WTF?

WHY??

Huh!!

Amazon Fire TV stick = £32.99

Amazon Prime account = £79 (inc free next day delivery, Prime video content, Prime music content)

Electric Jukebox = £169 inc first year of account

Electric Jukebox = £52 there after a year (music only (assuming its still available in 12 months))

Anyone see a flaw in the business model or is it just me??

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Karhoo who? Uber challenger shuts down after burning through $250m

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FAIL

Never heard of them!

Maybe they should have been called "KarWho"?

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Twitterstorm erupts over suspected murder of record-breaking earthworm

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Earthworm Who?

I read this story and thought of this:

http://www.interplay.com/games/earthwormjim.php

Anyone else remember this 'Groovy' guy?

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Smart Meter rollout delayed again. Cost us £11bn, eh?

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Obligatory Douglas Adams quote

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” ― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt

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Birmingham sperm bank pulls plug after just a handful of recruits

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Headmaster

Re: Sticky fingers

Or even creaming off the profits?

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Paris Hilton

Fap Fap

"In the UK, sperm donors are paid a set sum of £35 a visit" not exactly splashing out then!!

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What will happen when I'm too old to push? (buttons, that is)

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Paris Hilton

Re: Oh, Alistair...

@Bernard M. Orwell

Is that you Burser?

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