Any way you slice it.
371 posts • joined 17 Aug 2012
"Apple has filed suit against Qualcomm alleging it was charging excessive patent royalty fees for cellphone technology."
'Allo kettle, it's me pot!
Most of the quotes from Apple's lawyers are so funny they could have been taken out of a lawyers joke book. Seriously though hypocrisy is no laughing matter.
“Does that mean the cat’s dead?” Zuckerberg replied
No Zuck, the cat is both alive and dead until the river has been drained and the bag opened.
Wouldn't you prefer a nice game of chess?
You always blame the intern!
It results in fewer firings and just as may fires.
"The company estimates it could save $50m a year by shifting from human to robot-powered delivery of its piss-poor excuse of a beer."
It could save a good deal more if it made a quality product.
Guess I can't feel to bad for not paying into the system then.
What's the price point after over priced?
“The additional cost will not delay or cancel any current missions, though there may be fewer opportunities for new missions in future years, from fiscal years 2017-2020,” NASA says.
Somebody get the poor sods some funding! Can.. can we start them a patreon?
Rather than buy them a pint, throw that loose pocket change into a collection bowl and see how fast it all adds up.
"I worry about people who throw rocks."
What worries me is where they keep getting all of these rocks.
"If Mankind is supposed to survive, we are going to need space-mining experience and technology." - Pascal Monett
It seems both you and the N.A.S.A. boffins should watch the documentary Armageddon. I hadn't realized humanity had forgotten so much about the art of asteroid mining.
So long and thanks for all the bleeps.
Don't fret one iota. It'll be those silly customers that pay the cost and none of the executive bonuses will be affected.
That really is a relief on my mind!
"But what sort of a god are they?" - redpawn
The question you should be asking is what does god need with a starship?
They'll not be pirating this browser, me hearties.
"I've returned the modem 3 weeks ago, cancelled the contract via phone (cannot do that by chat) and moved out of the US." - Rafael 1
I suppose that's one way to get out of your contract... sounds less painful than gnawing your own arm off as well.
Darling, get my coat! We're getting away from Comcast no matter the cost.
Won't somebody think of the profits!?
"it is reasonably possible that we could decide to end production of the 747.” - SEC filing
That'll do pig, that'll do.
"With the assistance of leading experts we have taken and are continuing to take steps to enhance the security of our network in the face of these recent events." - DCCC
All of the horses are gone? Somebody fetch me my bolt!
Securing what's already been take is the elementary part, my dear friends.
"Verizon plans to begin offering the first business services based on the new networks next year, with residential services to follow."
Ready just in time for them to flog it off to someone else for a pretty penny?
If their revenues continue to fall they'll be able to report them within the 140 character limit.
"logged a net loss of $302m as it continues a campaign to rebuild its business model."
Would that explain why my PCS phone hasn't gotten a phone call in months?
"there’s no Magic Internet Pixie" - Andrew Orlowski
Your disbelief has been noted. Please report to the Office of Fantastical Re-education at our earliest convenience.
Coats will be provided.
"The group said that within the package were printouts of each complaint"
The only ones harmed by this stunt were the unsuspecting trees used to make the paper for those 100,000 print outs.
On the other hand no lobbyists were harmed in the pulling of this. Next time save a tree print your complaint on a lobbyist.
Bad form sir! Bad form I say!
And your TLS requests be malformed.
I just finished reading through Brennan's private emails and it's clear the man doesn't have a clue about encryption. If the head of a security organization can't form a coherent idea on the topic, I don't expect anyone will actual place any value on his opinions.
If those are 'copters I hear outside, we'll know that reading his work emails may have been a step too far.
"In classic disruptive fashion, the Raspberry Pi has already taken a significant share of the education PC market with over 8 million devices shipped," - Chris Fleck
To be fair about fifteen of those are scattered around my house. I don't know what I'll do with all of them, but they're so cheap that every time they release a new version I grab a couple.
I know I left one in one of these pockets.
"22 acres of polyethylene film – similar to a sandwich bag" TheReg
I'm sorry, I'll need that in official Register units please. Either NanoWales or football pitch are acceptable.
"I smell a con job." Mark 85
Did you mean cron job? It was a Linux server after all.
Good on him! Someone buy the man a pint!
Let me be the first to wel... Oh, they're already here? Let me fetch my coat then.
You beat me to that comment.
You can't plug that in here, YOU'LL CRASH THE NETWORK! Repeat ad nauseum, Christmas Story style.
Paris.. Something about shooting her eye out.
Try explaining that rash to the missus.
Mines the one with extra protection in the pocket.
Goodbye sir. So long and thanks for all the Debians.
"Regardless, senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA), who chairs the US Senate Intelligence Committee, went on TV and said..."
Perhaps if they focused on Human Intelligence instead of worrying about SIGINT there would be one less reason to question the collective intelligence of their committees. Terrifyingly it is not only in Washington where they lack intelligence.
"Look, if you you're too fucking stupid to search with Google, then maybe you balls deserve that kind of treatment.
Dropbox/OneDrive/Google Drive is what you are looking for." - Anon
Sure that wouldn't make it more difficult than it needs to be. I mean the Internet makes everything easier. Even transferring files between local devices. Twenty years on and I still email myself files.
"I want a machine to behave like a machine which means that the controls stay where I expect them to be. Am I in a minority here? " - leon clarke
Our future machine overlords will not be pleased with comments like this.
Let me be the first to say I am happy to accept whatever changes our machine overlords deem necessary.
"The terms the Commission is reviewing are commonplace in most commercial contracts, and in fact are being used by our competitors in their own contracts," AT&T vice-president of federal regulator Frank Simone
Now Frankie, if all of your little friends were jumping off bridges do you think your mother and I would let you jump too?
"Pretty sure experiments like this have been done before, but the real breakthrough is...
using the internet. " - Triboolean
If they could find a way to package it all into a mobile phone, I'm sure that they would be granted a patent on the novelty of the idea.
Mine is the one with a device that allows direct communication with other people and still fits in a pocket.
Are we going to have boffins popping by to see if we've got a spot of isotope laying around?
Can it be used to deliver packages any quicker?
Okay I lied, it was another penis joke. Prime... for her pleasure.
The future is now! Or will be around shortly.
Where'd I leave all my spare SD cards?
Only another fifty or hundred trillion years left? Honestly, what's the point? I think I'll stay in bed today.
"The first ten million years were the worst. And the second ten million: they were the worst, too. The third ten million I didn't enjoy at all. After that, I went into a bit of a decline."
Monthly caps top out at five gigabytes.
"Youtube, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and LiveJournal are all in the nation's top 25".
I guess it may be time I knock the dust off my LiveJournal. I've never had a YouTube, Twatter, or Instagram account and I deactivated the FaceBook over a year ago.
What's Russian for, "Will you marry me for citizenship?"
I was the recipient of strange looks every time I asked if it was the first of April, but I knew there were hijinks afoot!
I was waiting for a characteristically Reg punchline until nearly half way through. The entire article has a first of April feel that I still cannot shake.
Obviously the joke went over my head.
"With this latest move, Google+ will now be put in a position to sink and swim once and for all. Without other services feeding users into its ranks, Google+ will have to establish itself as a social network in its own right."
It is time for Google+ to move into the niche it was created to fill. The social media platform for people whom post photos of what their cats are eating for dinner.
Which one of you left this tuna in my coat?
"Using the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA), our team has now successfully removed the all posts related to this incident as well as all Personally Identifiable Information (PII) about our users published online," ALN said in a statement.
Because that's exactly how the internet works.
Any one with children knows that you don't negotiate on the promises of good behavior. Even if they managed to cooperate for a full year previous I'd find myself leery of making any form of agreement with them.
But we can't forget the Golden Rule.