* Posts by mIRCat

376 posts • joined 17 Aug 2012

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Back to the Future 2: Gasp! America's trade watchdog discovers the risks of 'free' movies

mIRCat
Coat

To be fair.

"...and absorbing games."

What he and his wife do in the bedroom is none of my business.

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'Tech troll' sues EFF to silence 'Stupid Patent of the Month' blog. Now the EFF sues back

mIRCat
Paris Hilton

Ignorant of the facts.

"We further demand that you make immediate arrangements for any links to the article to be removed from the world wide web including any and all other websites which references the infringing material."

I don't believe that's how the internet worked, even in 1999.

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Airplane bomb fears spark America's laptop, tablet carry-on ban

mIRCat
Coat

Obligatory...

Obviously this can't be something the terrorist just realized they could do. TSA Screening.

Mine's the one with the laptop in the pocket.

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Marissa! Mayer! out! as! CEO! of! Yahoo! corpse! post-Verizon! gobble!

mIRCat
Paris Hilton

Darling, we'll always have Paris.

Failing into success is an art form.

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IBM has cloud access to quantum computer 400 times smaller than D-Wave system

mIRCat
Coat

But wait..

Does this mean it can and can't play Crysis at the same time; all on high settings?

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Senator wants a piece of Pai: FCC boss blasted for ripping up schools, libraries internet report

mIRCat
Childcatcher

Any way you slice it.

...'cause money?

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One BEEELLION dollars: Apple sues Qualcomm, one of its chip designers

mIRCat
Coat

Irony and lite starch... It's how I keep my collars stiff.

"Apple has filed suit against Qualcomm alleging it was charging excessive patent royalty fees for cellphone technology."

'Allo kettle, it's me pot!

Most of the quotes from Apple's lawyers are so funny they could have been taken out of a lawyers joke book. Seriously though hypocrisy is no laughing matter.

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Marc Andreessen has a pretty creepy relationship with Zuck

mIRCat
Coat

Who needs boxes when you got it in the bag.

“Does that mean the cat’s dead?” Zuckerberg replied

No Zuck, the cat is both alive and dead until the river has been drained and the bag opened.

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AI boffins turn to StarCraft to train future neural networks

mIRCat
Mushroom

Shall we play a game?

Wouldn't you prefer a nice game of chess?

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Samsung are amateurs – NASA shows how you really do a battery fire

mIRCat
Flame

Maximum accountability!

You always blame the intern!

It results in fewer firings and just as may fires.

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Uber's robo-truck makes first delivery of ... Budweiser in Colorado

mIRCat
Pint

"The company estimates it could save $50m a year by shifting from human to robot-powered delivery of its piss-poor excuse of a beer."

It could save a good deal more if it made a quality product.

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The IRS spaffed $12m on Office 365 subscription IT NEVER USED

mIRCat
Black Helicopters

You get out what you put in.

Guess I can't feel to bad for not paying into the system then.

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Analyst: iPhone 7 points to price jump

mIRCat

iPhone NeXT?

What's the price point after over priced?

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Next Mars landing scheduled for Monday, November 26th, 2018

mIRCat
Pint

For less than the price of a pint a day...

“The additional cost will not delay or cancel any current missions, though there may be fewer opportunities for new missions in future years, from fiscal years 2017-2020,” NASA says.

Somebody get the poor sods some funding! Can.. can we start them a patreon?

Rather than buy them a pint, throw that loose pocket change into a collection bowl and see how fast it all adds up.

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We're going to bring an asteroid fragment into Lunar orbit

mIRCat
Boffin

Re: Giving Skynet an Asteroid to Drop on Us?

"I worry about people who throw rocks."

--Chrisjen Avasarala,

What worries me is where they keep getting all of these rocks.

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mIRCat
Mushroom

Re: And ppl cursed china over Three-Gorges-Dam slowing down earth's rotation

"If Mankind is supposed to survive, we are going to need space-mining experience and technology." - Pascal Monett

It seems both you and the N.A.S.A. boffins should watch the documentary Armageddon. I hadn't realized humanity had forgotten so much about the art of asteroid mining.

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R2D2 actor Kenny Baker dies

mIRCat
Pint

You gave a droid a heart.

So long and thanks for all the bleeps.

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Cox stiffed for $25m after letting subscribers pirate music online

mIRCat
Joke

Don't worry!

Don't fret one iota. It'll be those silly customers that pay the cost and none of the executive bonuses will be affected.

That really is a relief on my mind!

3
3

Google Chrome will beat Flash to death with a shovel: Why... won't... you... just... die!

mIRCat
Pirate

Re: Thank you

"But what sort of a god are they?" - redpawn

The question you should be asking is what does god need with a starship?

They'll not be pirating this browser, me hearties.

3
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US state sues Comcast for $100m in row over 'worthless' repair plans

mIRCat
Coat

Re: My Comcast sob story

"I've returned the modem 3 weeks ago, cancelled the contract via phone (cannot do that by chat) and moved out of the US." - Rafael 1

I suppose that's one way to get out of your contract... sounds less painful than gnawing your own arm off as well.

Darling, get my coat! We're getting away from Comcast no matter the cost.

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Stop us if you've heard this one before: Telcos try to kill net neutrality

mIRCat
Childcatcher

Those poor innocent profits..

Won't somebody think of the profits!?

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Death of 747 now 'reasonably possible' says Boeing

mIRCat
Pint

"it is reasonably possible that we could decide to end production of the 747.” - SEC filing

That'll do pig, that'll do.

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Dem-owned-crats: Now its congressional committee is hacked

mIRCat
Holmes

Too little, too...

"With the assistance of leading experts we have taken and are continuing to take steps to enhance the security of our network in the face of these recent events." - DCCC

All of the horses are gone? Somebody fetch me my bolt!

Securing what's already been take is the elementary part, my dear friends.

4
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How to upgrade cities to 40Gbps broadband without replacing today's fiber network

mIRCat
Alert

"Verizon plans to begin offering the first business services based on the new networks next year, with residential services to follow."

Ready just in time for them to flog it off to someone else for a pretty penny?

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Twitter: $602m into -$107m

mIRCat
Trollface

Where's the PR staff to paint this as a good thing?

If their revenues continue to fall they'll be able to report them within the 140 character limit.

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I'm good, I'm fine, solid quarter, real well ... pants Sprint as it limps past, spilling $300m

mIRCat
Paris Hilton

"logged a net loss of $302m as it continues a campaign to rebuild its business model."

Would that explain why my PCS phone hasn't gotten a phone call in months?

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Ban ISPs from 'speeding up' the internet: Ex-Obama tech guru

mIRCat
Coat

Those of faith will be rewarded.

"there’s no Magic Internet Pixie" - Andrew Orlowski

Your disbelief has been noted. Please report to the Office of Fantastical Re-education at our earliest convenience.

Coats will be provided.

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Special delivery: Activists drop 100,000 net neutrality complaints on FCC

mIRCat
Coat

No journalists were harmed in the publishing of this story.

"The group said that within the package were printouts of each complaint"

The only ones harmed by this stunt were the unsuspecting trees used to make the paper for those 100,000 print outs.

On the other hand no lobbyists were harmed in the pulling of this. Next time save a tree print your complaint on a lobbyist.

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Let's Encrypt in trademark drama

mIRCat
Mushroom

May all of your certificates be expired.

Bad form sir! Bad form I say!

And your TLS requests be malformed.

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Non-US encryption is 'theoretical,' claims CIA chief in backdoor debate

mIRCat
Black Helicopters

It's okay!

I just finished reading through Brennan's private emails and it's clear the man doesn't have a clue about encryption. If the head of a security organization can't form a coherent idea on the topic, I don't expect anyone will actual place any value on his opinions.

If those are 'copters I hear outside, we'll know that reading his work emails may have been a step too far.

10
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Citrix bakes up Raspberry Pi client boxes

mIRCat
Coat

With extra whipped cream.

"In classic disruptive fashion, the Raspberry Pi has already taken a significant share of the education PC market with over 8 million devices shipped," - Chris Fleck

To be fair about fifteen of those are scattered around my house. I don't know what I'll do with all of them, but they're so cheap that every time they release a new version I grab a couple.

I know I left one in one of these pockets.

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NASA eyes stadium-sized orb launch: Part 3

mIRCat

For those not yet converted.

"22 acres of polyethylene film – similar to a sandwich bag" TheReg

I'm sorry, I'll need that in official Register units please. Either NanoWales or football pitch are acceptable.

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'I hacked Facebook – and found someone had beaten me to it'

mIRCat
Linux

Re: Excuses.

"I smell a con job." Mark 85

Did you mean cron job? It was a Linux server after all.

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Ad-blocker blocking websites face legal peril at hands of privacy bods

mIRCat
Pint

Click here to view this title.

Good on him! Someone buy the man a pint!

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GNU want (another) free AI package release? Yes. But we should train this puppy

mIRCat
Coat

Robot overlords needed.

Let me be the first to wel... Oh, they're already here? Let me fetch my coat then.

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FCC clicks off the safety, fires at America's great cable TV box rip-off

mIRCat
Paris Hilton

Re: Anyone remember Bell system DAAs?

You beat me to that comment.

You can't plug that in here, YOU'LL CRASH THE NETWORK! Repeat ad nauseum, Christmas Story style.

Paris.. Something about shooting her eye out.

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Australia considers mass herpes release for population control

mIRCat
Coat

I swear you're the only woman for me!

Try explaining that rash to the missus.

Mines the one with extra protection in the pocket.

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Debian Linux founder Ian Murdock dead at 42

mIRCat
Linux

A revolutionary

Goodbye sir. So long and thanks for all the Debians.

2
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Hillary Clinton: Stop helping terrorists, Silicon Valley – weaken your encryption

mIRCat
Black Helicopters

Military Intelligence and other Oxymorons

"Regardless, senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA), who chairs the US Senate Intelligence Committee, went on TV and said..."

Perhaps if they focused on Human Intelligence instead of worrying about SIGINT there would be one less reason to question the collective intelligence of their committees. Terrifyingly it is not only in Washington where they lack intelligence.

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Apple's design 'drives up support costs, makes gadgets harder to use'

mIRCat

Re: But

"Look, if you you're too fucking stupid to search with Google, then maybe you balls deserve that kind of treatment.

Dropbox/OneDrive/Google Drive is what you are looking for." - Anon

https://xkcd.com/949/

Sure that wouldn't make it more difficult than it needs to be. I mean the Internet makes everything easier. Even transferring files between local devices. Twenty years on and I still email myself files.

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Microsoft's 'Arrow' Android launcher flies into Play store

mIRCat
Terminator

Re: Auto adjusting to what the user does often

"I want a machine to behave like a machine which means that the controls stay where I expect them to be. Am I in a minority here? " - leon clarke

Our future machine overlords will not be pleased with comments like this.

Let me be the first to say I am happy to accept whatever changes our machine overlords deem necessary.

2
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AT&T, Verizon probed: 'No escape from biz broadband packages'

mIRCat
Flame

For the love of all that is holy THERE'S A BRIDGE FIRE!?

"The terms the Commission is reviewing are commonplace in most commercial contracts, and in fact are being used by our competitors in their own contracts," AT&T vice-president of federal regulator Frank Simone

Now Frankie, if all of your little friends were jumping off bridges do you think your mother and I would let you jump too?

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Boffins make brain-to-brain direct communication breakthrough

mIRCat
Coat

Your results may vary

"Pretty sure experiments like this have been done before, but the real breakthrough is...

using the internet. " - Triboolean

If they could find a way to package it all into a mobile phone, I'm sure that they would be granted a patent on the novelty of the idea.

Mine is the one with a device that allows direct communication with other people and still fits in a pocket.

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ESA tries UPLOADING PATCH to Philae lander to fix radios

mIRCat
Boffin

Re: Lesson learned?

Are we going to have boffins popping by to see if we've got a spot of isotope laying around?

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Jeff Bezos trousers $8m Florida rocket sweetener package

mIRCat
Paris Hilton

All penis jokes aside

Can it be used to deliver packages any quicker?

Okay I lied, it was another penis joke. Prime... for her pleasure.

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Raspberry Pi gains new FreeBSD distribution

mIRCat

That's a pi of a different colour.

The future is now! Or will be around shortly.

Where'd I leave all my spare SD cards?

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Boffins: The universe is DOOMED and there's nothing to be done

mIRCat
Terminator

You think you've got problems?

Only another fifty or hundred trillion years left? Honestly, what's the point? I think I'll stay in bed today.

"The first ten million years were the worst. And the second ten million: they were the worst, too. The third ten million I didn't enjoy at all. After that, I went into a bit of a decline."

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Gigabit Google? We're getting ready for 10 gigabits says Verizon

mIRCat
Joke

But here's the kicker

Monthly caps top out at five gigabytes.

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Russia threatens to block Reddit over dopey posts

mIRCat
Coat

Coming up aces

"Youtube, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and LiveJournal are all in the nation's top 25".

I guess it may be time I knock the dust off my LiveJournal. I've never had a YouTube, Twatter, or Instagram account and I deactivated the FaceBook over a year ago.

What's Russian for, "Will you marry me for citizenship?"

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Google's new parent Alphabet owns abc.xyz – and, yup, there's already an abc.wtf

mIRCat
Coat

They all thought I was crazy.

I was the recipient of strange looks every time I asked if it was the first of April, but I knew there were hijinks afoot!

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