Police confiscated disks and other items capable of holding data:
A notebook.
A few loose pieces of paper.
Two palms of a hand.
One potentially tattooed skin.
A brain.
Posts by Anomalous Cowshed
607 publicly visible posts • joined 16 Aug 2012
Snowden journo's boyfriend 'had crypto key for thumb-drive files written down' - cops
Billionaire Google founder splits with wife, allegedly beds Google Glass staffer
Facebook strips away a bit more of your privacy – but won't say why
Pulsars: the GPS beacons of the cosmos
Friday 30th August 2013 07:55 GMT
Re: And so, to the stars...
Re. PlaNet: I could copyright it and then sue anyone who used that word in speech or in print; I could even force kids and teachers in school to pay me 10 cents each time they said the word, and make use of an NSA commercial service now being trialled and soon to be known as "Universal Copyright Enforcement Service" to know exactly who had said it and when. I would make billions!
I am continuing with this story and will post another instalment soon, but work is slowing me down. If the comments for this article are closed, I will put it on www.graziella-greenwich.net/and so, to the stars
Thanks for your interest!
Tuesday 27th August 2013 12:44 GMT
Re: And so, to the stars...
The time had come. We were gathered on the hill, shivering in the cold, but beside ourselves with excitement. And then it happened. There was a dull roar and a shaking of the ground. The first ship rose up into the dark and starry sky, in a deafening din, trailing a plume of fire. It was a magnificent machine, the outcome of years of invention and engineering. Now the universe would have to take note, for mankind had laid a wager. We were bidding to fulfil our destiny. This slither of silver cutting its way across the void, was our greatest gambit. The first affirmation of our presence. Of our coming of age.
We stayed up for hours after it had vanished into the blackness of space, gazing up at this new frontier that we somehow knew had now been breached and would forever be a part of us. Then we walked back to the warmth of our homes, pondering the momentous event we had just witnessed.
As those it left behind slept in the cosy fastness of their homes, the ship hurtled across the void, its Varyan shields deflecting anything that might obstruct its path and would otherwise spell its doom. The great streaks of fire that spewed out of the engines had by now abated and in their place came an eerie bluish haze, a device designed to accelerate the ship to unimaginable speeds without any perceptible sound or vibration. It looked and felt as though it were suspended motionless in the vast infinity of space – though in reality it was moving at immense velocity.
It was while conducting research into innovative ways of shielding spaceships travelling between the planets of the solar system, that the Space Foundation’s scientists had discovered that the shields they had developed had an unexpected side-effect. Because of the way in which they bent the fabric of space and time around the ship, in order to deflect the deadly solar radiation and the infinitely rare but dreaded space rocks, they enabled a spaceship to accelerate to speeds far in excess of what had been thought possible under conventional relativistic physics. The Ruycliffe effect, named after the late 22nd century mathematician who had first developed a model that could describe it, would set up a network of distortion streams between the vessel and nearby artefacts and deformations in the space-time continuum, which in turn formed a channel that bypassed conventional space-time. The result was a gradual and paradoxical lessening of the effects of mass as the vessel’s speed increased, thereby negating what had always been one of the most fundamental barriers to interstellar travel. A ship travelling within such shielding could thus not only journey immune from all known external hazards. It could also accelerate without limitation, and the more it accelerated, the more the impact of the acceleration grew, meaning that its speed would increase exponentially over time. To decelerate, the shields would merely have to be powered down, gradually – very gradually and very carefully.
A series of probes had been sent out, as the engineers gradually adapted the technology to the unknown scope of this new effect. The first dozen or so had exploded in mid-flight; many more were lost when all contact with them was broken off, on account of having reached speeds and distances at which any control was impossible. However, over the years, the designs had been refined to the point where probes could be sent out, accelerated to speeds beyond that of light, and returned to Earth intact – though of course they could not be monitored or controlled during that part of their journey when they were being accelerated to extreme velocities. Finally, after extensive tests, a decision had been taken to send out a manned mission. And this was it.
Onboard the ship was a crew of three picked men, the best and most experienced astronauts from the Space Academy. There was Linden, tall and muscular, an icy Nordic god, ever dependable, if slightly ponderous at times. Rante, a fiery southerner, easily crossed and quickly brought to the boil, but single-minded and dedicated to the task at hand. And Shand, the captain, who appeared forever lost in thought, mysterious and unfathomable.
They did not pilot the ship – such a task would have been beyond their powers. The ship was controlled by banks of concealed computers which handled all its vital functions without as much as a single whisper or flashing indicator. Neither did the crew know their final destination. They had not been told it.
At the Mission Control Centre, in the main control room, buried deep in the bowels of an enormous reinforced concrete building bristling with antennas, legions of stern men and women pored over huge screens, watching a white cross move in a slow but deliberate way across fields of complex symbols and lines. That was the ship, making its way past the markers that science had chosen to track its progress through the universe.
First came the moon, and the sphere extrapolated from its orbit around the Earth. Then that derived from the asteroid belt. Then Mars, which had taken its toll over the years in failed expeditions to settle the planet. Then the outer planets, the gas giants that could harbour no life and had been left unexplored, save as a source of raw materials.
Several hours had passed, and the cross on the huge screens was nearing the very limits of the control centre’s ability to track it. By now it was travelling at several hundred million miles per hour. Any direct contact was impossible. The only record of the ship’s existence was provided by the beacons and detectors that had been stationed for that purpose along the path plotted for the vessel.
Then the cross vanished off screen, as the Control Centre’s computers struggled in vain to assemble any meaningful data to plot its position and path. Although this event had been anticipated, it drew gasps from those present in the hall, and the countless millions who were watching the proceedings over PlaNet from their homes.
Monday 26th August 2013 06:24 GMT
And so, to the stars...
"The time had come. We were gathered on the hill, shivering in the cold, but beside ourselves with excitement. And then it happened. There was a dull roar and a shaking of the ground. The first ship rose up into the dark and starry sky, in a deafening din, trailing a plume of fire. It was a magnificent machine, the outcome of years of invention and engineering. Now the universe would have to take note, for mankind had laid a wager. We were bidding to fulfil our destiny. This slither of silver cutting its way across the void, was our greatest gambit. The first affirmation of our presence. Of our coming of age."
Dopey dope-growing dope smoked out by own dope dope-growing vid
Thursday 29th August 2013 17:48 GMT
Re: Promotional incarceration
At last someone sees it: the parting shot of the judge.
But I would go further.
Basically, what the judge said was this: You're going down, because you're dumb. It almost rhymes.
From this, future courts might perhaps infer the following rules of precedent:
- If you want to cultivate marijuana with utter impunity, you need to be clever
or:
- If you are clever, the Law will let you cultivate marijuana with utter impunity
And in the supreme court, the reasoning might run as follows:
- What the judge of the lower court inferred was that law enforcement should be tailored so as to encourage cleverness in America, with the differential in cleverness between the perpetrators and the law enforcers de facto enabling cleverer people to do things that would be impossible, i.e. prohibited, for idiots, such as grow marijuana.
Steelie Neelie accused of killing €0.01-per-megabyte roaming fee cap in Europe
Thursday 29th August 2013 15:28 GMT
Well
I reckon they tried to impress upon her that the elasticity of demand could not outweigh the decrease in the premiums paid at such prices, or that it might not be possible to cover the extra administration costs involved (if any - I haven't a clue), so hold fire while we try to work out a mutually acceptable outcome...or else not only NO MORE BROWN ENVELOPES WITH CASH IN THEM, we'll actually put YOU in a big brown paper bag and ship you to our new joint venture, SOYLENT GREEN.
Obama prepares to crawl up NSA's ass with microscope
Wednesday 28th August 2013 20:28 GMT
How to make people more comfortable with the US's snooping
1. Classic [but surprisingly popular, if recent conversations with supposedly worldly people are anything to go by]:
"It's for your own safety, in order to prevent terrorists from attacking America [or insert country name]."
"We need to sacrifice things like privacy and freedom of the individual at some stage for the greater good of society."
2. Confusion
Don't worry, it's not snooping, it's actually Snoopy. It's nothing to worry about: it's all a joke, a misunderstanding - it's just a cuddly cartoon character!
3. Cold fusion
The NSA is helping the US government identify areas in which we can improve the social and healthcare services so as to help Americans be more [insert attribute that Americans feel proud about being]. We are listening to you. We know what you want and what you expect.
4. Mafia-style
We know where you live, what stuff you smoke, what taxes you haven't paid, when was the last time you drove while drunk, where your kids go to school, the names of your wife's lovers, and if you don't stop complaining about this "snooping" business, we're going to mess your life up.
Moto X teardown shows US manufacturing adds mere $4 to handset costs
Three axes data-roaming fees in SEVEN countries
Wednesday 28th August 2013 17:31 GMT
Already available on 3 Austria
You can already use your "3" Austria phone like that in the UK. Until now the "3" UK did not have a similar arrangement. Perhaps they wanted to milk their UK customers a bit more, before coming up with this amazing innovation and getting more customers...which of course, they will! (at least one)
iPad classes for DOGS offered in New York
Poison Ivy RAT becoming the AK-47 of cyber-espionage attacks
Tuesday 27th August 2013 08:44 GMT
What to do about these RAT things?
Even the experts don't know how to deal with them. The other day, a senior industry source was heard saying:
"There's a rat in the kitchen, what am I going to do?"
Twice.
After which, losing all sense of proportion and decorum, he went on to say:
"I'm going to kill the rat, that's what I'm going to do, I'm going to kill the rat..."
Before starting to hum and gyrate and nod back and forth in a frankly alarming way, suggesting he had been drinking too much red, red wine.
Top 10 Steve Ballmer quotes: '%#&@!!' and so much more
Saturday 24th August 2013 08:33 GMT
Re: Developers Developers...
It's kind of true, for both developers and users, they've been taking some extraordinarily arbitrary decisions over the past few years (according to what I've heard):
- They discontinued the Help for VBA in Office 2010, making some people fear that they'd discontinued the VBA system itself, though I think that wasn't the case, but it put me off from ever upgrading from Office 2003
- They introduced the famous ribbon, which of course put me and millions of others off. It's almost impossible to find your way through it
- They introduced the 'metro' interface, which millions of people didn't want
- They kept introducing software with less and less user-customisable options (for instance the e-mail client in Windows 7 versus Outlook Express)
- They introduced a mobile OS which is (supposedly) as closed as the one of Apple, whereas one of the big bugbears for many professional users of mobile phones is the inability to access the file system of the machine
All this seems to be emphasis on style and packaging versus emphasis on content and flexibility. Which of course isn't good for a lot of people.
BALLMER TO RETIRE FROM MICROSOFT
Germany warns: You just CAN'T TRUST some Windows 8 PCs
Friday 23rd August 2013 13:14 GMT
You just can't trust them windows 8 computers...
At a time when it has been shown that the American and British governments spy on their citizens, it's good to know you are a German citizen, for once. You can trust us implicitly.
Now this windows 8 ain't no good. I don't want to go into the reasons, which are classified, but as a good citizen, you should seriously consider using Windows 98 or 3.1, our systems are optimised for them which are far more secure.
Understood? You may go now!
Report: Secret British spy base in Middle East taps region's internet
Friday 23rd August 2013 12:49 GMT
Highly sensitive material...
...the disclosure of which could put lives at risk:
- Brand of jam most regularly ordered at no. 10 Downing Street
- Breakdown of the moneys nicked by MPs SINCE the Telegraph revelations
- Amount of bribes paid by UK oil companies and banks, and identity of people to whom paid
- Amount of times British "citizens"* were unduly spied on by British government agencies over the past few years
- Amount of times government agencies exchanged surreptitiously gathered data about said British "citizens"
- Number of false convictions obtained using these handy exchanges of data
- Details of FUD campaigns organised in the press by various government agencies over the past few years
* They're not in fact citizens, they're subjects, and there's no constitution, so in fact, you can do anything you want to them, but let's pretend for a moment that they are in fact, citizens, and have some basic rights.
BILLION-TONNE BELCH emitted from Sun to hit Earth this weekend
Indian IT exporters coin windfall profits as rupee plunges
Friday 23rd August 2013 07:09 GMT
forget about renegotiating
Now is the time to hang on to our jobs for dear life! The price of offshore outsourcing is going down. How attractive to our loyal employers! I wonder how long they'll be able to resist the temptation despite their great love and admiration for us. That's the worst possible trend for the UK IT worker. Come on Rupee - rise! And living standards in India - rise! We ALL need a fair deal and some job security.
Bradley Manning is no more. 'Call me Chelsea,' she says
Friday 23rd August 2013 07:02 GMT
cor
This is becoming a very complex story. Let's hope there is a positive twist (an appeal, a pardon) and that it ends well, and doesn't turn into a tragedy. We need some positive outcomes, our trust in the social contract is being eroded, and the protagonist needs to live a normal life and not be sacrificed on the altar of expediency and revenge.
Kim Kardashian's bosom pal in bling snatch Instagram unpleasantness
Thursday 22nd August 2013 16:59 GMT
Phwoarrr!
It's stories like these that make scum like me content with our lot and entirely satisfied that we are not mingling with these high-fliers - are they planted on purpose? I wonder.
The watch however, looks amazing - not to wear, but just to look at.
Earlier this year I saw a watch selling for £240,000 at Selfridges. Obviously that's for a lower income crowd.
Total cost of THAT axed NHS IT fiasco to taxpayers: £10.1bn
Thursday 22nd August 2013 15:12 GMT
Re: Disgusting
"To be fair this is just one component of the whole national IT programme.
There are lots of systems working well."
Indeed:
Automated Number plates Recognition system - working well.
Local authority parking fines systems - top notch.
GCHQ systems - no complaints received to date about any alleged malfunctions.
Four ways the Guardian could have protected Snowden – by THE NSA
Thursday 22nd August 2013 12:38 GMT
Re: How about strapping a micro-SD card to a homing pigeon's leg?
I've got pigeons crapping on my balcony every day, and I don't know what to do about it. They are so confident, that when you come at them screaming and thrashing your arms around to scare them off, they just look at you smugly and then turn away. Lately two of them (one male, one female I presume) were discovered in the early morning (6am) scouting out the fireplace as a possible location to establish a nest (it is summer, the fireplace is not in use). This isn't the first time they or their ancestors check out the fireplace, either. They were there a few years ago too. They also tend to crap on the floor and on the table as a memento each time, just in case you may have missed them.
So any use that can be made of these pigeons is of great interest to me. And if together we can defeat the NSA and all the other troublesome acronyms, and make some money from it, then I am willing to let them lay eggs in the fireplace and establish a whole dynasty.
Hacktivists boast of English Defence League KO after website downed
Thursday 22nd August 2013 12:00 GMT
Football hooligans
Speaking of football hooligans, I used to be mates with a self-admitted football hooligan. He was (is?) a hairdresser and used to support Tottenham.
He told me how they used to pile into a van, him and some other colourful characters, I've forgotten their nicknames but I remember they were hilarious, along the lines of "Big Joe" and "Ned the <something>". Apparently one of them was really strong. They used to drive to the away games singing Tottenham songs and looking for trouble - nothing serious, just an opportunity to taunt the rival fans and get into small-scale fights.
They sounded like a rough but fun and reckless bunch. Maybe they were not standard football hooligans. I don't think they were members of the EDL.
Jolla's first Sailfish phone preorders 'fully booked'
Thursday 22nd August 2013 07:26 GMT
Antti Saarnio
Good luck to them, may they prosper and give the big boys a real run for their money!
But - as a completely irrelevant aside - I could not help but notice the name of Jolla's CEO.
Antti Saarnio: Is that a real name, or a clever, covert plug for a healthy diet?
Sorry for bringing this up but I could not resist!
NSA admits slurping thousands of domestic emails with no terror connection
Thursday 22nd August 2013 07:14 GMT
Re: As they should
Despite what you think, the right honourable anonymous commentator was right, ladies and gentlemen.
The biggest threat facing humanity is not overpopulation, epidemics, natural disasters, rogue asteroids or global warmongering. It is terrorism.
As one of the key components of the international terrorist infrastructure, the NSA and other security agencies worldwide collect as much information as possible on their enemies, the people potential terrorists, and provide fear, unease and disinformation to them in return.
Occasionally there is an attack, and that makes the peoplepotential terrorists miserable because they feel that they are truly caught in a vice and they no longer feel safe.
That is the goal of terrorism. And that's what the NSA and all these other agencies worldwide are aiming at. To keep the peoplepotential terrorists from straying out of line and endangering the foundations of 'society'.
It's a tough job, and we should therefore continue helping them wherever possible by providing them with all our thoughts in written form using Facebook, Twitter, SMS, IM and all other tools designed to overcome the temporary lack of direct telepathic eavesdropping tools.
Bradley Manning* sentenced to 35 years in prison
'Symbolic' Grauniad drive-smash was not just a storage fail
Wednesday 21st August 2013 14:17 GMT
A bit of an insight into why this happened
As this is a very controversial event, our researchers have been analysing the mental waveforms detected around the scene on that day and recorded by our secret, super-advanced patent-pending sensors, which were very planted there as part of another surveillance operationhappened to be lying around. The result is that we are able to reproduce the actual thought processes going on in some of the protagonists' minds, which led to the events being commentated on here:
<before>
RRrrrrrr. Waff wafff. Grrrrrrrr. Waf! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!
<hard disks and memory destroyed>
Rrrrr. Wif. Wif wif.
Palestinian Facebook flaw-finder getting $10,000 payday in online appeal
Wednesday 21st August 2013 12:06 GMT
Re: I'll say it, since nobody else has the guts to
It looks like your comment hit a raw nerve, but you seem to have got a bit more upvotes than downvotes, so you're in the money for now. I have a question entirely unrelated to this matter though - are you the Steven Roper who used to work for BDP in Oxford Street in the late 1980s?
Tuesday 20th August 2013 21:19 GMT
This kind of attitude is wrong
A man discovers a massive black hole in the coding and security of the core mission-critical process of a mega multicorp. Dutifully and in good faith, he informs the multicorp of this flaw, and he modestly claims the bounty of $500 that is officially on offer to those who find any serious bugs in their systems. Instead of kissing his feet in gratitude, the multicorp refuses to pay him and then slams the door in his face.
What kind of justification is there for such an attitude?
If you treat the bona fide white hat researchers/bounty hunters like this, it's not hard to see how they might decide to dye their hats another, darker shade, and start to take advantage of their insight and ingenuity to make a whole load more cash than the $500 bounty offered for reporting such a fundamental flaw. Imagine how much money someone might make just by threatening to go public with such flaws, let alone trying to exploit them for darker and more covert purposes...
Japan's unwanted IT workers dumped in 'forcing-out rooms'
Wednesday 21st August 2013 07:46 GMT
They do this everywhere
Over here in the UK they use this as a technique too: it's called managing you out of a job. If they don't want you any more, they gradually take away all your important tasks and leave you doing more or less pointless things and feeling like you have no purpose, no value, no self-worth. After which, unless you have a really thick skin, you tend to give in and beg for a quick settlement. You may not be put into a special room and instructed to look at the Internet or to stare out of the window. But the effect is the same: it wears you down psychologically. You know you're no use any more. You know you're history, and up for the chop. You go back home and your wife asks: how was it at the office today dear? Your kids ask: what do you do in the office, papa? And you cannot bear it...
Vietnamese city drinks the smart city kool aid
Wednesday 21st August 2013 07:35 GMT
A jobsworth's take on economic development
Vietnam is still a relatively poor third world country despite all efforts made.
We've tried to increase our GDP per capita by getting rid of the parasites (France, US), improving education, agriculture, opening up for tourism. But this economic growth lark is taking too long. The problem is, when applied to a low number, even fast growth takes a long while.
We need to ramp up our efforts in order to reach the next level. Hmmm. What shall we do? Spontaneously develop world beating technology to raise our standard of living to Western standards and beyond? Would be hard. Build some atomic bombs and invade China to acquire massive economic clout in one fell swoop? Could do but could be quite hard too. Hang on, I have the solution: install Wifi in the metro so that people can use the internet on their mobile phones while on the way to the paddy fields or the sweat shops and feel as though they are rich Westerners. Job done!
US highway agency awards Tesla Model S record safety score
Wednesday 21st August 2013 07:20 GMT
Tesla model S, safest car
For the time being at least. In China, they are currently working on a new electric car, to be known as the Edward Snowden e-car, which will be even safer, because, thanks to its multiple levels of reporting devices accessible by sundry authorities (government, local council, wife, employer) in return for a fee, if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear!
Chinese firm applies for 'Edward Snowden' trademark
Wednesday 21st August 2013 07:17 GMT
The Edward Snowden model X
It can be tracked by satellite and has several built-in reporting devices (cameras and microphones) that can be accessed by the authorities (government, wife, employer) for a fee.
The Edward Snowden e-car, voted the world's safest car: because if you have nothing to hide, you have NOTHING TO FEAR!
100 million self-driving cars will be sold globally in 2035 – report
Tuesday 20th August 2013 20:28 GMT
Driverless cars
Driverless cars, are the future.
For most people, most of the time, driving is a chore, a dangerous task which they barely master and which can cause deadly accidents.
Currently, only private cars can take you from any point A to point B, without changing conveyances. Trains and other public transport are constrained to specific routes on account of practical limitations, chiefly by virtue of their communal nature. Taxis are too expensive to be a regular or long-distance option owing to the manpower cost involved.
If driverless cars became the norm, firstly, road travel would become safer and more pleasant, and secondly, automatic hire cars (like taxis, but without drivers) would become a viable possibility. As a result, there would not even be a need to own a car.
Climate change made sea levels fall in 2010 and 2011
iWatch rumours grow as Apple hires Nike fitness guru Jay Blahnik
Assange washes hands in election row
Guardian lets UK spooks trash 'Snowden files' PCs to make them feel better
Tuesday 20th August 2013 11:41 GMT
Tips to make them feel better
These days law enforcement agents are overworked. They need to be given a break. So here are our guidelines to citizens to help those who protect us all let off some steam, and "make them feel better"!
If you get stopped by police for driving in the wrong lane / having a broken tail-light: let them puncture your tyres and smack the bonnet and windscreen with a jemmy, it will make them feel better!
If you get stopped by your neighbourhood wardens for acting in a drunk and disorderly manner (walking across the street when the light is red): let them kick your head in and knee you in the stomach a few times, it will make them feel better!
If you get audited by the tax man and he can't read your handwriting: let him seize you by the hair and thrust your head under water in the sink for a couple of minutes, it will make him feel better!
If you get stopped by the security forces for being too tall / too black / being in possession of a camera / wearing a rucksack: don't move and let them just shoot you, your sacrifice will make them feel better!
If you are accused by MPAA of downloading songs or films illegally from the Internet: let them take your family hostage and work them in the mines for life, it will make them feel better!
And always remember, if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear!
Thank you for your cooperation
Boffin blends benevolent beer
LinkedIn lowers age of consent to 13
Tuesday 20th August 2013 06:46 GMT
next year
Toddlers now admitted on LinkedIn.
Get in early and make those vital connections you will need now AND later on in life. Connect with Winnie the Pooh, Mickey Mouse, Teletubbies and many more key figures of the toddler world. Get endorsements for your skills, from walking to talking to bubble blowing, potty and computer / smartphone operation. Get a start in life. Get linked in!
Amazon DISAPPEARS from internet
Monday 19th August 2013 20:14 GMT
No, it is not Bruce Willis and Jeff Goldblum
The mighty Register, that David among Goliaths, and its army of fiery commentating avengers, will save us from the destruction wrought upon the Internet by the forces of evil with their Error 503 and Error-what-have-you weapons of mass unavailability!
Biting the hand that feeds IT
