* Posts by jke

14 posts • joined 4 Jul 2012

HALF of air passengers leave phones on ... yet STILL no DEATH PLUNGE

jke
Paris Hilton

The average airliner is struck by lightning every eighteen months. I cannot believe that a mobile phone being left on is a greater safety hazard.

Paris because she is far too smart to be fooled by this airline nonsense.

John Edwards

Playboy fined £100k by Blighty watchdog for FLASHING SMUT at kids

jke

Foolishness

A credit card's first line of defence is to check that the card number is a Luhn number. These are not hard to generate. Since no twelve year old is dumb enough to use any but a stolen card number at a porn site it would be a nice little business for the mathmatically inclined child to supply such numbers for a small fee.

Ever had to register to buy online - and been PELTED with SPAM?

jke
Paris Hilton

Always Register with Charities

There is a good reason to register as a donor if you give to a charity. They can claim "gift aid" from the Revenue which adds, I think, an additional 28% to your donation. Paris, because she has been out of favour lately and is well known to give willingly

Wikipedia doesn't need your money - so why does it keep pestering you?

jke
Paris Hilton

A tax fiddle

I was a volunteer worker for a charity, mostly moving stuff about in my van. I made no charge for this, regarding the running expenses as a donation. Then I found that if I billed the charity for my expenses and made a corresponding donation, the charity would be entitled to claim about 30% extra from the Revenue as gift aid. Volunteers who have legitimate expenses please note.

Paris because this would be obvious to her and because she has been neglected of late due to El Reg being infatuated with Lindsay Lohan

John Edwards

Einstein almost tagged dark energy in the early 1920s

jke
Paris Hilton

You're all wrong

It is all due to intergalactic slood. Nearly as easy to discover as fire and much more useful. Ask paris she knows all about it and so does Terry Pratchett.

Man facing rare refusal-to-unlock-encryption charge: Court date set

jke
Coat

I have nothing to fear since I have nothing to hide. I hid it in the woods ages ago. Mine is the one with the trowel in the pocket.

Heroic Register reader battles EXPLODING COMPUTER

jke
Paris Hilton

Fire Precautions

I have a 10kg CO2 extinguisher in a cupboard by the front door. This puts out fires without making a mess on the carpet. Before getting one read up on the effects of CO2 poisoning, or if you prefer, die.

Paris, because she lights my fire and no amount of CO2 would put it out. Cold water would work much better for this special case.

How can the BBC be saved from itself without destroying it?

jke
Paris Hilton

The BBC are a crock of tweet. For real news go to RT and Aljazeera. As to the programmes they are, (expletive deleted), awful.

Paris, she should be the next DG as she would do a much better, ahem, job.

UK prosecutors, cops ponder new probe into NASA hacker McKinnon

jke
Paris Hilton

Re: It's time for this circus to end..

Fine him £5.00 for making the US government look stupid, as if we need more evidence of this, and have an end to it.

Paris Because. Just because.

Amazon accused of remotely wiping punter's Kindle

jke
Paris Hilton

Amazon

Folk, just google ABE and buy books made from former trees. Marvellous service from second hand booksellers, almost everything available, and cheap. Cautionary note for Amazon. If you visit me to take away my paper library warn the porters that fifty years ago I did the silent killing course and am still eagerly waiting to find out just how silent some of the nastier moves really are. Anyone who mistakes this claim for gasconade may inspect the bruises that I suffered then, and which are still visible. BTW I use Amazon, £30 this very morning. All hard copies though.

Paris, of course, she must be an avid and erudite reader of books.

John Edwards

Bloke jailed for being unable to use BlackBerry Messenger freed

jke
Paris Hilton

Jury Nullification

This is the type of case where "Jury Nullification" is so valuable. Since a jury is the only source of guilty or not guilty verdicts, it is always open to them to decide that a prosecution is downright silly as it clearly is in this case and bring a finding of not guilty. This in the face of the fact that a salacious message was clearly sent to two underage girls and the defendant's mum.

Jury nullification is not widely advertised by our almost infallible police and our entirely infallible CPS, but it does exist. As we get more and more mired in incomprehensible regulations jury nullification could become a valuable weapon in the hands of common people like Reg readers.

Paris because she hasn't had much exposure lately and is a lot smarter than the CPS droid who brought this prosecution.

Megaupload's founder downloads on Hollywood

jke

What I don't like is the assumption that a law abiding person in one country can be carted off to another for trial under a different law. For example, I don't think that the current leadership in North Korea is made up of very nice people. There, that would be enough to get me executed. If it is alright for America to have locally lawful people extradited, why not the Koreans? I suppose that at the moment the North Koreans lack the drone technology to kill me and wreck half my street but again the must be looking at the aerial murders in the Middle East and wondering how hard it would be to develop this useful foreign policy tool.

BA staff to google for snaps, dirt on biz-class passengers

jke
Paris Hilton

Tea, coffee, or (know) me. That should pull in the punters.

Paris, for those who don't get the allusion.

Full Tilt Poker boss arrested over $430m 'Ponzi scheme'

jke
Paris Hilton

Easy to profit from gambling

But a casino. Paris, because even she knows that.

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