* Posts by The Boojum

136 posts • joined 10 Apr 2012

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5G signals won't make men infertile, sighs UK ad watchdog as it bans bonkers scary poster

The Boojum

Re: effects on lab test animals and not on humans,

I refer you to the person who just won his case claiming that Veganism was a protected belief. He does not take the bus on the basis that it will kill insects hitting it.

IT protip: Never try to be too helpful lest someone puts your contact details next to unruly boxen

The Boojum

Re: Overtime

A few years ago I was in dispute with an Accountant about the 25% uplift to the bill for completing a (procedurally very simple) tax return that I lacked the professional knowledge to complete, at least until I'd reverse-engineered his work. His main defence was to inform me that the uplifted amount was what he had booked on his time sheet and therefore had to be correct. I took great pleasure in informing him that I was well aware of the very tenuous link between the hours worked and the hours recorded and could he please answer the following specific and detailed questions about the drivers for the price increase against the original estimate. The firm's business manager then replied to say that the cost of the Principal's time in answering those questions was greater than the value of the uplift and they were going to write off the increase.

I just love your accent – please, have a new password

The Boojum

It's in the same building in the Sirius system where they counsel redundant lifts thrown out of work when Gogrilla Mincefriend reinvented the staircase.

Official: Microsoft will take an axe to Skype for Business Online. Teams is your new normal

The Boojum
Facepalm

Another interesting Teams use case

As a Knowledgebase. Without a search facility.

One piece of advice I found was to access Teams through a browser because that way you could at least use the browser's search.

Operation Desert Sh!tstorm: Routine test shoots down military's top-secret internets

The Boojum

Re: rows of car batteries baking in the 48° heat

Possibly an obscure addition to the thread but I suffer from sleep apnoea and have to use a CPAP machine to get a decent night's sleep. Some people with this condition like to go camping, which means they need a serious power source to run overnight, and 'proper' CPAP batteries are expensive. So the question is often asked, "Can't I just use a car battery instead?" To which the answer is, "No. Car batteries are designed to deliver a massive current for a few seconds then be recharged quickly. If you subject it to an extended drain over a period of hours then you will kill your car battery in very short order."

I don't have to save my work, it's in The Cloud. But Microsoft really must fix this files issue

The Boojum
Terminator

Re: G Docs

Yes there is. It's advanced technology beyond your understanding.

Minecraft's my Nirvana. I found it hard, it's hard to find. Oh well, whatever... Never Mined

The Boojum

Re: I liked this column

But I can for the whole wide world in my hands!

Techie with outdated documentation gets his step count in searching for non-existent cabinet

The Boojum

I reckon I can just see the BOFH's shadow at the top of the photograph heading the article.

The Boojum

Re: So it wasn't his job

Yay! I get to use my most recently acquired bit of grammar - Nazi pedantry. Something is an acronym only if you can say it as a word (e.g. NATO). Otherwise it's an initialism. And I defy anyone to say OBTW as a word. In fact I defy anyone to say OBTW faster than they can say the underlying words!

AI has automated everything including this headline curly bracket semicolon

The Boojum

Re: 'An Evil A.I.'

You can add Obie from Jack Chalker's Well World series. Definitely one of the good guys | AIs.

My 2019 resolution? Not to buy any of THIS rubbish

The Boojum

@Doctor,

I must admit I didn't expect the question mark at the end of the sentence.

Microsoft menaced with GDPR mega-fines in Europe for 'large scale and covert' gathering of people's info via Office

The Boojum
Joke

But you don't understand...

The telemetry is just MacroShaft being helpful. It saves the beta-test community (i.e. everyone) from having to manually submit manual bug reports.

Where to implant my employee microchip? I have the ideal location

The Boojum

Re: As someone who currently designs chip-enabled cat interface devices...

Tried that. Cat still got out.

Where can I hide this mic? I know, shove it down my urethra

The Boojum

Somewhere in the cosmos, he said, along with all the planets inhabited by humanoids, reptiloids, fishoids, walking treeoids and superintelligent shades of the color blue, there was also a planet entirely given over to ballpoint USB Drive life forms. And it was to this planet that unattended ballpoint USB Drives would make their way, slipping away quietly through wormholes in space to a world where they knew they could enjoy a uniquely ballpoint USB Driveoid lifestyle, responding to highly ballpoint USB Drive-oriented stimuli, and generally leading the ballpoint USB Drive equivalent of the good life.

Still using Skype? Good news! After HOURS of meetings, Microsoft reckons it knows when you're Not Active

The Boojum

Re: Just kill it already...

"The only real reason Skype is used is that it's marginally better less worse for screen sharing"

A flash of inspiration sees techie get dirty to fix hospital's woes

The Boojum

Re: Upsetting non-techies can be hard

Too right!

My cat has discovered this to great effect. The record is 45 minutes undoing what she did in about 5 seconds.

I've seen the future of consumer AI, and it doesn't have one

The Boojum

Solution looking for a problem?

Sounds like we need an Electric Monk to use all these AI gadgets to save us from being exposed to them.

Prank 'Give me a raise!' email nearly lands sysadmin with dismissal

The Boojum

Re: The reason I left...

Was his name Jeffrey Archer by any chance?

BOFH: Is everybody ready for the meeting? Grab a crayon – let's get technical

The Boojum

Re: "concerns over its debts owed to private equity parent, Rutland Partners"

But he did tip Satan's electronic deputy down the Infinite Abyss when it looked like the shiny box on wheels would become Satan's deputy. A true BDFH?

A pretty and helpful user interface? Nahhh. Is that really you, Samsung?

The Boojum

I agree with the sentiment but if I don't want to use a particular piece of software, I don't want to just hide or disable it, it want to be able to delete it. Anything less is not acceptable.

Dixons Carphone 'fesses to mega-breach: Probes 'attempt to compromise' 5.9m payment cards

The Boojum
FAIL

Communication preferences

I received a text from Currys PCW yesterday stating that 'Important information from Currys PC World concerning data security' was to be found at a shortened URL. A check of the URL results in a long, tech-style address ending in cpwplc.com. Checks on that reveal this it's probably OK but I'm not minded to try it out.

So in short - and assuming it's valid link - lets warn our customers by sending them a text that looks like an invitation to be phished!

Sounds to me like an early recipient of of a GDPR 'Right to be forgotten' instruction.

NHS England fingered over failure to forward patient correspondence

The Boojum

Re: "concerns over its debts owed to private equity parent, Rutland Partners"

Why should they? There wasn't a service level agreement in the contract for telling anyone about misdirected post.

Visa Europe fscks up Friday night with other GDPR: 'God Dammit, Payment Refused'

The Boojum
FAIL

Ah! That was the problem.

Uber robo-ride's deadly crash: Self-driving car had emergency braking switched off by design

The Boojum

Re: Design Life Limitations

Alternatively, the problem can come from the opposite direction.

On a previous car the engine warning light started flashing. A quick check of the manual came back with the instruction not to drive the car and to seek immediate assistance. So i did.

The Recovery mechanic quickly identified the problem: a brake light bulb had blown. The reason for the engine warning light was that the engine's control software took input from the braking system to reduce fuel flow under braking. In short the car's designers identified the wrong problem and massively overstated the severity of the problem.

Facebook Android app caught seeking 'superuser' clearance

The Boojum

"We <del>do not</del> need <del>or</del> and want these permissions, and we have already fixed this issue to extend it to all Android phones. We apologize for any confusion,” Facebook commented.

Did you even sweat, tho? Plaintiffs told to amend claims in Apple headphones suit

The Boojum

Re: Too salty

No, no, no!

Apple Fanbois "Glow".

Men perspire and horses sweat.

Blood spilled from another US high school shooting has yet to dry – and video games are already being blamed

The Boojum

Re: "concerns over its debts owed to private equity parent, Rutland Partners"

Video games don't kill people. People kill people.

German IKEA trip fracas assembles over trolley right of way

The Boojum

In the modern version of Dante's Divine Comedy, one of the circles of Hell is an Ikea car park on a Sunday afternoon.

Zookeepers charged after Kodiak bear rides shotgun to Dairy Queen

The Boojum

Re: Sense of humor

Plus "the sort of growl that starts in the back ofone throat and ends up in someone else's."

There will be blood: BT to axe 13,000 employees

The Boojum

Read the figure of £200m somewhere.

Who will fix our Internal Banking Mess? TSB hires IBM amid online banking woes

The Boojum

No one ever got fired for hiring IBM

But they might just get fired for having to hire them in the first place.

BOFH: We know where the bodies are buried

The Boojum

No, I think your use of shorting is correct. Connecting their stock directly to 415V.

Facebook puts 1.5bn users on a boat from Ireland to California

The Boojum

Re: It goes from bad to worse.

To properly complete your PPPS:

... organ by organ. To the Butcher.

Correction. Did sell.

Credit : Andy Hamilton, 'Old Harry's Game'.

Boffins find new ways to slurp private info from Facebook addicts using precision-targeted ads

The Boojum

Re: missing the point?

http://home.assets.gocomics.com/nonsequitur/2011/02/04?comments=visible#comments

PwC: More redundos at HQ of UK 'leccy stuff shop Maplin

The Boojum

Re: "concerns over its debts owed to private equity parent, Rutland Partners"

You could say that all the equity becomes private and all the staff become public.

A smartphone recession is coming and animated poo emojis can't stop it

The Boojum

Re: Well no shit

+1 for the Bluetooth car audio observation. Bar stewards.

IBM gives Services staff until 2019 to get agile

The Boojum

Re: agility

No.

US broadband is scarce, slow and expensive. 'Great!' says the FCC

The Boojum

Fake news!

So even on a scale of how great a country is, the US can only come seventh! But The Donald has been in office for a year. Surely it must be higher.

Hang on a minute though. Isn't seven the number most selected when people are asked to choose a number between one and ten?

Shopper f-bombed PC shop staff, so they mocked her with too-polite tech tutorial

The Boojum

Re: Rule One...

That deserves far more than the measly one upvote I can give. I know exactly what you mean.

IT 'heroes' saved Maersk from NotPetya with ten-day reinstallation blitz

The Boojum

Re: 20% drop going to manual

I suspect that the loss would be an exponential function of time. Another 10 days? Major crisis. 10 more? No company.

Apple sprays down bug-ridden iOS 11 with more fixes

The Boojum

Re: Can you please...

The bugs or the fixes?

Yahoo! Groups! Go! TITSUP! for! Days!

The Boojum

Re: Yahoo Mail is TITSUP too

Good. That should put a dent in hacking statistics for a little while.

Don't shame idiots about their idiotically weak passwords

The Boojum

It was Ubisoft.

Why were you surprised?

Big Cable's pillow talk with FCC to forbid US states from writing own net neutrality rules

The Boojum

Re: Corporate vs Government

In other words, you choose the option of "I know I'll get screwed" as opposed to "I might get screwed."

Thousand-dollar iPhone X's Face ID wrecked by '$150 3D-printed mask'

The Boojum

Re: You can see the headlines now...

Thanks. Made me chuckle. No mean achievement at this time in the morning

ATM fees shake-up may push Britain towards cashless society

The Boojum

Re: Also, in an increasing surveilance society

You're missing the point. I would have thought that, as a Reg reader, you could quote the entire works of the Lord Douglas Adams from memory.

Equifax couldn't find or patch vulnerable Struts implementations

The Boojum

"while the company searches for a replacement willing to take on the task of extracting it from a deep, dark, hole."

complicated by the candidates needing to calculate exactly how much they can extract from the company themselves without bringing it down.

Why Uber isn't the poster child for capitalism you wanted

The Boojum

Re: Uber and London

Maybe the Beeb sees Uber as a way of cutting its massive taxi bill whilst making the same number of journeys?

British broadband is confusing and speeds are crap, says survey

The Boojum

The quote should have been "up to 90% of British households..."

ICO fines 11 big charities over dirty data donor-squeezing deeds

The Boojum

Re: Pleas for extra

They are if they're in Canary Wharf.

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