* Posts by Semtex451

517 posts • joined 21 Mar 2012

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Brain brainiacs figure out what turns folks into El Reg journos, readers

Semtex451
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Re: @Phil O'Sophical

Condensed- "It'll soon be Monday"

Most weekends I miss simply by blinking

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No, seriously, why are you holding your phone like that?

Semtex451
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you likely have something wrong with your tilt switches (accelerometer my ass), not your ears.

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Semtex451
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Re: The Dabsy

This thought occurred to me too, if they (France) win the world cup, the wind direction is currently unfavourable to us.

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'Plane Hacker' Roberts: I put a network sniffer on my truck to see what it was sharing. Holy crap!

Semtex451
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Re: What about the Toyotas that get sold to the Middle East ...

Yes, built in Sat-phones may not be popular amongst this customer-base. At least they wouldn't be for long.

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Giffgaff admits to billing faff, actually tells folk to turn it off and on again

Semtex451
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Oy

Without wishing to sound like the erstwhile 'Shill', lay off my mates at Giffgaff.

Dey is cool and down wid da kids innit.

(I'm a very old kid and IMHO they ought to be El Reg readers least detested cellular network)

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Apple fanbois ride to the aid of iGiant in patent spat with Qualcomm

Semtex451
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Facepalm

What a time to be a US patent lawyer, I always seem to be in the wrong game, at the wrong time.

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UK.gov is not being advised by Google. Repeat. It is not being advised by Google

Semtex451
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Re: Even the worst AI

Certainly it would appear that AI might actually happen before Brexit does.

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A volt out of the blue: Phone batteries reveal what you typed and read

Semtex451
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Headmaster

"difficult to corroborate"?

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USB-C for Surface owners arrives in form of a massive dongle

Semtex451
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Windows

?

MS think they're at least as good as Apple and can therefore charge an apple-like tax? Alas no one else thinks that. $7.99 shurley?

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Priceless: The cost to BT for bothering you with spam? 1.5 UK pence per email

Semtex451
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Mushroom

Another missed opportunity to kill off the BT leviathan. Fine should be the price of a hours call to the Oz speaking clock, per email.

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Google says Pixel 2's narcoleptic display is being fixed in June update

Semtex451
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Holmes

Remember you're not a customer, you're a data source. Google are unaccustomed to serving data sources.

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USA! USA! We're No.1! And we want to keep it that way – in spaaaace

Semtex451
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Re: Cake and eat it seems to be a thing now.

Richard this is the first article that I have consciously read by you and unlike JimmyPage I wish to congratulate you on a well written piece that deceives the reader into not realising that they have been clickbaited. I doff my hat Sir.

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Whoa, Gartner drops a truth bomb: Blockchain is overhyped and top IT bods don't want it

Semtex451
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Thumb Up

Re: "Almost as overhyped as Gartner"

Outstanding post Sir

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Semtex451
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Re: "Blockchain is overhyped..."

Almost as overhyped as Gartner

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45-day drone flights? You are like a little baby. How about a full YEAR?

Semtex451
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Windows

The important question is

How many buses is a 35m wingspan

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Eat your damn storage news, child! Look, we even chopped it up into little digestible chunks

Semtex451
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Paris Hilton

Racks and the weight issue (3,000 lbs/rack)?

Am I on the wrong website again?

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We wanted a camera, they gave us the eye of Gemini – and an eSIM

Semtex451
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Holmes

It is the twin of the Psion S5. So nothing <extent> quite like the Gemini

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Google Pixel 2 XL: Like paying Apple-tier prices then saying, hey, please help yourself to my data

Semtex451
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Holmes

Like a fine wine

Or some other cliche, you improve with age Andrew.

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29 MEEELLION iPhone Xs flogged... only to be end-of-life'd by summer?

Semtex451
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Facepalm

Re: Marketing genius.

So sad but so true. I feel a breakaway online republic coming on, one that rejects this idiocracy based version of society

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Apple: The exclusive sales channel for an, er, AI toothbrush

Semtex451
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Re: Cheaper to pay for a trip to the dental hytgenist

You seem to know a cheap dental hygenist

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'Repeal hate crime laws for free speech' petition passes 14k signatures

Semtex451
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Re: Robin Hood Airport

How would you tell?

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How's this for a stocking filler next year? El Reg catches up with Gemini

Semtex451
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Re: Resistance has finally gone

"money is pouring away" nice festive imagery and I'm pleased it isn't just me with that issue

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UK Foreign Sec Bojo to tell Kremlin: Stop your cyber shenanigans... or else!

Semtex451
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Talk about throwing fat on the fire

Can we send him to North Korea after this?

And leave him there?

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When neural nets do carols: 'Santa baby bore sweet Jesus Christ. Fa la la la la la, la la la la'

Semtex451
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Pint

12 Days of Regmas

Your 12 Days of Regmas cheered up this old scrooge and summed things up nicely too. Well done.

(but you forgot IoT)

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Weed wish you a merry Christmas: Pot-toting OAPs tell cops 30kg stash is for pressies

Semtex451
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No.

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Long Island Iced Tea Corp renamed itself to Long Blockchain – and its shares went bananas

Semtex451
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Re: Maybe El Reg should jump on this valuation

Only Climate Change and Stephen Fry.

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Bigmouth ex-coppers who fed media MP pr0nz story face privacy probe

Semtex451
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No one was ever going to come out of this smelling of roses, but whatever Mr.Greens failures were, it does not give policemen or former policemen the right to breach confidentiality.

I'm almost always on the side of the fuzz but only when they play with a straight bat.

@down-voters - remember this moment when they breach your confidentiality.

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BlackBerry grabs trolley for spot of tech shopping

Semtex451
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IIRC it was India and their portfolio of patents that kept the wolves from the door. I have a severe mince pie & port deficiency to address, so I may be remembering that wrongly.

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Oh good. Transport for London gives Capita £80m for WAN, LAN and Wi-Fi

Semtex451
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Re: 'TfL reckons it will save £33m'

£33M saving over 5 years, so £6.6M/year divide that by TfL's Annual passenger journey figure allegedly 1.37B

So we get 1/2p discount per journey. No that's not right, is it?

Nevermind, the world has obviously gone completely mad.

Pass the mince pies.

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Semtex451
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Re: Seriously?

Yea probably only Crapita and Magic Leap are on the approved vendor list.

One does everything badly, the other does nothing, but very well.

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Facebook folds fake news flag: We're not disputing that

Semtex451
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Sorry I must be living in a cave

People ....want to get news...... from Facebook?

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How much will Britain's next F-35s cost? Not telling, says MoD

Semtex451
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Re: Quality vs quantity

I'd ask a Russian which is better.

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This week in 'Bungles in the AWS S3 Privacy Jungles', we present Alteryx – and 123 million households exposed

Semtex451
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Re: Oh for fsck sake

On the upside, anyone believing Experian data will think that I’m a modern Robin f’ing Hood

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Danger! High voltage: German customs bods burn half-tonne of weed in power station

Semtex451
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You’re right. It’s not many doubledecker buses worth

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Semtex451
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Re: What a waste ?

Exactly. "Nobody got high in Olching."

Only the weed got wasted that day.

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Yes, your old iPhone is slowing down: iOS hits brakes on CPUs as batteries wear out

Semtex451
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Re: It's never YOUR phone

Apple - ‘All your core are belong to us’

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Semtex451
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Re: Apple acknowledged the situation in an email to The Register

And so it is written...The sky turns to blood, the seas boil away, el reg builds a relationship with Apple, the rivers run dry, someone says something significant on Twatter or Facepalm, the beast with two backs is on the telly, shortly after low did the mighty FSM End this race of humanity

Or something like that

PS- Andrew O please explain to your colleague that it is not possible to use the word Apple and the word transparency in the same sentence

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Comms-slurping public bodies in UK need crash course in copy 'n' paste

Semtex451
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Re: Nigel who?

Rebecca making a clever point about typos (I hope)

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Semtex451
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Megaphone

Re: Buttle/Tuttle

We knew that. Didn't we?

"People have been arrested for crimes relating to child sexual exploitation. Their children have been taken into care, and they have had to tell their employers."

This simply cannot go on.

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Cloud-building alien space rays altered Earth's climate – boffins

Semtex451
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Windows

Meh

If Interstellar particles alter Earth's climate, by extension so must our planets magnetic field, as it variably influences said particles reaching our atmosphere. As my compatriot Wolfetone points this out as miniscule 'Corolla Data', it presumably may, at some point be useful in modifying/improving climate models affecting distant points in time. But I even bore myself.

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How Google's black box Knowledge Graph can kill you

Semtex451
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Pint

People unfortunately aren't diligent fact checkers

Precisely.

The problem is always 'People unfortunately (insert failing)' and so long as this is the case we can only hope to educate these People both not to trust, and not to upload crap.

Good luck to anyone attempting to hold back that internet tide of human excrement.

Icon: A toast to Terry Pratchett

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Semtex451
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Facepalm

What's new?

The gullible will believe what they are told without question, just as they have since the dawn of time.

This issue is not new, formerly if it was printed in black and white it was fact, when it wasn't always and still isn't. The 'fact' that the information contained in the internet is less reliable, even than the printed word, ought to be abundantly obvious to everyone using it.

Of course everyone should act like a typical El Reg reader and trust nothing, ever. (citation needed)

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UK, US govt and pals on WannaCry culprit: It woz the Norks wot done it

Semtex451
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Facepalm

Highly Likely

"National Cyber Security Centre assesses it is highly likely that North Korean actors...."

Perhaps they would have inspired more confidence by saying "very highly likely" or "quite probably"?

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Virgin Hyperloop pulls up the biggest chair for Branson, bags $50m, new speed record

Semtex451
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Linux

IIRC Mr. Bransons face was modelled on the Star Wars character Salacious Crumb, a Kowakian monkey-lizard that used to hang around with Jabba the Hutt.

Well it may have been the other way around.

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PHWOAR, those noughty inks: '0.1%' named Stat of The Year

Semtex451
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Re: From the linked site:

Exactly they established that just 0.1 per cent of the UK is designated "continuous urban fabric" and that 0.2% is airports, and there's nothing artificial about those surfaces, or sport and leisure facilities 1.15%? Hummmm.

Pnar phar, flibble.

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Irony's lost on old Pope Francis: Pontiff decrees fake news a 'serious sin'

Semtex451
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Windows

The FSM agrees with the Pope on this (it told me so)

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Kent woman to season festive dinner with her mother's ashes

This post has been deleted by a moderator

Auto auto fleets to dodge British potholes in future

Semtex451
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Re: Reporting != Reparing

I'd be digging holes and lying in wait, so I could harvest the repairbots for spares to use in my housekeepingbot.

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