* Posts by joeW

432 posts • joined 9 Mar 2012


BOFH: State of a job, eh? Roll the Endless Requests for Further Information protocol


Re: "Woah there Simon! don't give away all of the helldesk secrets!"

Being let in on certain tricks of the trade is a sure sign that this boss is rapidly approaching his natural expiration date.

Millennials 'horrify' their neighbours with knob-shaped lights display


"It's deeply offensive" says 53 year old man

Hang on, I thought it was the middle-aged men who were supposed to complain about rainbow-haired Millennial snowflakes being too easily bloody offended these days?

Euro consumer groups: We think Android tracking is illegal


What version are you running? Maps has access to neither body sensors nor contacts on my phone and works fine.

AI snaps business titan jaywalking


Re: I think I need to follow Ethan Hunt's example

Good idea. Although cameras can recognise your general build and body-shape too, you some kind of loose flowing cover for your entire body is in order. Maybe add a little mesh panel at the top for you to see out of.

Wait a second...

Pasta-covered cat leads to kid night operator taking apart the mainframe


Re: RE: Dried Pasta & Stubborn, Unmoving Cats...

You can't train a cat, all you can do is make it more sneaky about doing whatever it wants to do.

Top AI conference NIPS won't change its name amid growing protest over 'bad taste' acronym


Re: Objections by those who contribute nothing, as ever

"Anima Anandkumar, director of research at Nvidia and a professor at the computer and mathematical sciences department at the California Institute of Technology, began circulating the #ProtestNIPS hashtag on Twitter"

Yeah, definitely sounds like a disinterested commie to me. Just as well your contributions to the machine learning field dwarf hers, or you'd look a bit silly right now.

All through the house, not a creature was stirring... especially Samsung smartwatches: Batteries empty at 3AM


In the same way that no battle plan survives first contact with the enemy, no QA test plan can adequately cover the stupidity of the general public when they start using your code.

Cabinet Office: Forget about Verify – look at our 3,000 designers (and 56 meetups)


"which now has over 3,000 designers"

Sounds a lot like bragging that one's kitchen has over 3000 cooks.

Take my advice: The only safe ID is a fake ID


Re: Silly first name.

"It was a term used by the Highland clans about anybody"

Be that as it may, the root of the word is from the gaelic for "Saxon" and it means "English".

Which has lead to one of the more amusing new Irish words in recent years, "Sasamach" (Brexit) - which sounds almost identical to "Sasanach" (English) but is also portmanteau of "Sasana" (England) and "Amach" (out).


Re: Silly first name.

"So-called gaelic spellings = affectation"

Spoken like a true sassanach!

Don't get THAT personal, says personalised cards firm Moonpig. Dick pics. They mean dick pics


Marketing gimmick?

The "Don't do this" tweet will get a lot of people thinking of creative ways to skirt around the prohibition, and of course they'll then proudly tweet about the resulting cards. Fantastic campaign, give the marketing-droid a raise.

Salesforce dogged by protests, leaked emails, and guerrilla blimps on first day of Dreamforce


Re: El Reg now politically biased....you're outta here!

You're either new here, or this is the first time El Reg's political bias has run contrary to your own.

Danish submariner sent down for life for murder of journalist Kim Wall


Never mind that animal

The important question is, what will happen to the sub?

We already give up our privacy to use phones, why not with cars too?


best "to buy a really old car that isn't super-connected"

Car companies are actively trying to retro-fit this stuff into older models too. I took my 2010 Volkswagen in for a dealer service a few weeks ago, and when I went to collect it I was told "We've also given you a free* upgrade called 'VW Connect'"

Basically a VW-branded OBD bluetooth dongle that would pair with a free* VW smartphone app. One of the features apparently was that it would sent engine diagnostic info to my nearest VW dealer in the event of a fault and other "wait....what?" items. I took the dongle back off and it's sitting in the glove box for when I eventually go to sell the car.

* You know the saying at this point I'm sure

Viagra's Irish plant STILL giving local men and dogs stiffies (not really)



Also home to a business called "Chubb Ireland" - https://goo.gl/maps/zUqUKxEbyFT2

Incidentally I just moved to a nearby location myself. Must start leaving the windows open more.

Alibaba beats Google for IaaS market share, with IBM out of sight


Re: The next big thing

Which conference was this?

Asking for a friend....

Stealth, lightweight Android breaks cover


Re: Apps are more of a problem

There's an official "Facebook Lite" app that uses a hell of a lot less resources and doesn't hog your battery and data or auto-play videos by default or any of that nonsense. It's only available in the Play store if you're from somewhere like India or anywhere cheaper low-powered smartphones are the norm, but you can side-load the apk no problem. I keep it onboard for the rare occasion I might need to use Facebook - and the integrated Messenger function still works, no seperate app needed.

It's happening! Official retro Thinkpad lappy spotted in the wild


Re: "Fn button on the bottom left where Ctrl ought to be"

Incredibly frustrating indeed. A work laptop I was issued some years ago suffered from this design flaw and I ended up popping the "Fn" key off entirely. I use "Ctrl" quite a lot and the "Fn" key maybe once or twice a day - the absense of a key helped me to retrain my left pinky quite quickly, and on the few occasions I needed the "Fn" I'd just poke down the little switch thing with the end of a pen.

Daily Stormer booted off internet again, this time by Namecheap


Re: Vileness in public

To the best of my knowledge, ISIS have yet to take personal details of the innocents who were killed in terrorist ram-raid attacks and smear them on the Internet. Perhaps there's a good slogan in that - "The Daily Stormer - Literally Less Classy Than ISIS"

May the excessive force be with you: Chap cuffed after Star Trek v Star Wars row turns bloody


Re: Mission

"Sisko's on a mission

To go no bloody place

He loiters on a space station

Above Bajoran space

The wormhole's opened up and now

They come from near and far

We'll keep the booze but please send back

The fucking Jem-hadar!"


That apple.com link you clicked on? Yeah, it's actually Russian


Vivaldi 1.8 on Win 7 here - both addresses showing correctly. Quite surprising since its using the Chromium engine, and yet my current version of Chrome is getting bamboozled.

Burger King's 'OK Google' sad ad saga somehow gets worse


Re: Android Auto - 50 shades of shit.

Fair enough, I'm OK with Google Maps but I'm not a heavy SatNav user - I know it has limitations for those who are.

This might interest you in the near future - http://www.androidauthority.com/beta-invite-waze-android-auto-761632/

Waze for AA is currently in Beta. Once that's in place, you might find it more useful.


Re: Burger King

Their burgers aren't bad as such things go. Possibly even contain some actual beef.


Re: that said, here's a challenge to Google - I *dare* you !!!!!!

Just say "Cancel" if that happens. Assuming you're using the Android Auto app while driving that is.

Microsoft raises pistol, pulls the trigger on Windows 7, 8 updates for new Intel, AMD chips


Re: This should help Apple and Linux

I'm not a huge Microsoft hater. I've eventually gotten to like most of their products, and while I've dabbled a bit in Linux it's never really grabbed me.

Thing is, I've been using Windows 10 for over a year on one of my machines (a laptop for college stuff), and I still absolutely hate it. My main desktop at home, my media PC, and my work desktop are all still on 7 - when that reaches EOL, I really won't have any choice but to learn to love Linux.

Irish! data! police! are! preparing! to! whack! Yahoo! over! that! hack!


It isn't like Yahoo don't get the Apple treatment on Irish taxes too though. A few years ago they reported over €300 million in revenue here, posted a €3 million profit from that, and paid just a few hundred K of corporation tax as a result.

Y'know CSS was to kill off HTML table layout? Well, second time's a charm: Meet CSS Grid


Re: Finally!

"tables are still a fundamental part of the structure of nine out of ten webpages."


Decapitating Rockall: How a 1970s Navy expedition blasted the top off the Atlantic islet


A Register Rockall article?

Interesting read, but tinged with a little sadness. Still miss the great Lester Haines.

Lap(top) of luxury: Porsche Design revs up 2-in-1 Windows 10 slab


I'd be less worried about it picking up pocket fluff and more concerned about it pinching the skin off my fingers when I forget there's a set of moving metal teeth hidden around the back of the lid while opening it.

Mag publisher Future stored your FileSilo passwords in plaintext. Then hackers hit


Re: Future Publishing

I think "Amstrad Action" was one of theirs too.

Vivaldi and me: Just browsing? Nah, I'm sold


Re: Developer Tools

It uses the Chromium engine, so the dev tools are pretty much identical to Chrome's. It can also install quite a few add-ons from the Chrome "store", if that takes your fancy.

Former Mozilla dev joins chorus roasting antivirus, says 'It's poison!'


Re: Problem with Anti-Virus

Reminds me of an Internet Café (god, remember those?) I worked at about 15 years back. We tried AV to keep the fleet clean but with an endless parade of clueless fuckwits clicking on every flashing banner that moved it just didn't work.

In the end we went with no AV on the customer PCs, restoring them to a clean image with Norton Ghost every night after closing, and keeping the payment terminals, etc, on a seperate subnet. Saved time, money and headaches.

'Celebgate' nudes thief gets just nine months of porridge


Re: fappening

Don't be that guy. Nobody likes that guy.

Stanford boffins find 'correlation between caffeine consumption and longevity'



Peace-sign selfie fools menaced by fingerprint-harvesting tech


Re: For the 1,000th time

It was Motorola who started the bloody stupid fad, about two years before Apple and the rest lemming'd merrily after them.


Spotty battery life costs Apple's MacBook Pro its gold-star rating


Re: Fanboi review

"Just put them in a magnetic containment field"

Great, ANOTHER after-market dongle I have to purchase from Cook & Co...

Meet the Internet of big, lethal Things


Seems to be an argument for security through obscurity. "We can't release the details of how these control boxes work, because then the bad guys might figure out how to hack them".

Trump meets Google – exclusive transcript



This would be some of that "fake news" I've been hearing about then?

Brexflation: Lenovo, HPE and Walkers crisps all set for double-digit hike


Re: Cause and effect?

"UK goods are now more attractive to overseas buyers"

A good thing indeed. For as long as the UK has open access to overseas markets at least.

BlackBerry DTEK60: An elegant flagship for grown-ups


Re: hardware keyboards

> Having autocorrect on your password prompt would be a _huge_ security problem

Just as well that no touch keyboard enables autocorrect on password prompts so.

Accountant falls for sexy Nigerian email scammer, gives her £150k he cheated out of pal


Detective Constable Geoffrey Kirya said on Monday: "...I am pleased with the outcome which serves as a warning that crime does not pay..."

Unless you're a Nigerian scammer of course, in which case the outcome serves as an example of crime paying pretty fucking well actually.

Microsoft kinda did OK this quarter – but whatever, Wall Street loves Satya Nadella


Can we not have one comment section that doesn't devolve into Merkin politics?

Microsoft disbands Band band – and there'll be no version 3


"We're putting the Band back together"

"Are you with the police?"

"No ma'am. We're developers."

Dublin shopkeeper catches forecourt fouler with his pants down


Re: Horse did it?

Pound for pound horse shite smells a lot less foul than that of humans, but what they lack in quality they make up for in quantity.

Source - grew up on a horse farm and moved away as soon as humanly possible.

Here's how to see Tim Cook or SatNad strut their starkers stuff


Re: Narcissistic Onanism

Tried it at the weekend. Third match was the fucking head off me, I was a bit freaked out.


Narcissistic Onanism

I'm going to upload a pic of myself.

Radar missile decoys will draw enemy missiles away from RAF jets


Re: Security by melting?

Given the height they're going to free-fall from I think their self destruct mechanism is known as "the ground".

Evernote dumps its own bit barn, boards Google's cloud


Re: Evernote no more

You're somehow unaware that Evernote has always been a cloud app?

Ireland's govt IT: Recession and job cuts forced us to adapt


Re: Bill McCluggage

No, he's the fool who thought Microsoft were bluffing about XP's end of support.


Ireland looks like it's outpacing Britain in the superfast broadband rollout stakes


Actually we'd rather the border wasn't there at all, but you lads do seem to insist on it...


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