* Posts by Crisp

2528 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

The Great Bulgarian Streaming Scam may well have been scummy, but Spotify got paid

Crisp

Payola

Streamed over and over.

5
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A dog DNA database? You must be barking

Crisp

These criminal mutts are going to be hounded by the police.

3
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Australia joins the 'decrypt it or we'll legislate' club

Crisp

There needs to be a measure of transparency here

If a service I'm using has its encryption compromised, then as a consumer I have a right to know.

2
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This job Win-blows! Microsoft made me pull '75-hour weeks' in a shopping mall kiosk

Crisp

Wait... What?

"By law, workers classified as managers and other professional salaried staff are exempt from mandatory overtime pay and breaks"

Is there a reason why this is?

Personally, I'd never work for a for-profit company for free. It's unethical.

14
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Capita data centres hit by buttload of outages

Crisp

Re: Data centres...

Oh gods! Water load of puns!

0
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Ayyy-EYE! Google code 'predicts heart disease' by eyeballing retinas

Crisp

Re: 'The level of accuracy is similar to drawing blood to measure cholesterol levels.'

I read that as "Eat all the bacon you like."

9
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Reinforcement learning woes, robot doggos, Amazon's homegrown AI chips, and more

Crisp

I've seen that Black Mirror documentary

It does not end well for the humans.

1
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Yorkshire cops have begun using on-the-spot fingerprint scanners

Crisp

Prints "are automatically deleted from the device once they have been checked"

I'm not falling for that lie twice!

3
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Game of Thrones showrunners to make Star Wars flicks

Crisp

The possibility of successfully navigating a field of this hype is approximately 3,720 to 1.

9
1

It took us less than 30 seconds to find banned 'deepfake' AI smut on the internet

Crisp

The Running Man is now reality.

A click here, and a click there... And it looks like Ben Richards is dead.

6
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Is that you, T-1000? No, just a lil robot that can mimic humans on sight

Crisp

They new models...

They move like us now...

4
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Can't wait to get to Mars on a SpaceX ship? It's a cold, dead rock – boffins

Crisp

We really ought to be sending probes to Europa.

It can't be that difficult to get through the ice. All we need is a lander with a submarine, and an orbital satellite with a magnifying glass attached.

1
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MY GOD, IT'S FULL OF CARS: SpaceX parks a Tesla in orbit (just don't mention the barge)

Crisp

Get your cars to Mars

Is this going to be the very first Johnny Cab?

30
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South Wales cops crow about facial recognition arrests on social media

Crisp

The police have form for this

Keeping DNA samples and fingerprints even after a suspect is found innocent.

10
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New click-to-hack tool: One script to exploit them all and in the darkness TCP bind them

Crisp

Script kiddies will use it

And they will get caught.

And then we'll have another teen fighting an extradition to Gitmo.

6
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NASA finds satellite, realises it has lost the software and kit that talk to it

Crisp

I will lmfao if it turns out to be a smegging garbage pod.

See Title.

2
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Here we go again... UK Prime Minister urges nerds to come up with magic crypto backdoors

Crisp

There's no magic encryption tree

Where does she expect her hairbrained idea of encryption to come from?

59
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VTech fondleslabs for kids 'still vulnerable' despite sanctions

Crisp

Updated security policy

The security policy has been updated to define any security problem as the users fault.

4
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'No evidence' UK.gov has done much to break up IT outsourcing

Crisp

Re: Endless

Waiting for the endless commentards going "why does a government billion pound deal always got to the usual three letter companies?"

Let me guess. It's because a party MP is on the board as an executive director and all his mates have shares?

12
2

Causes of software development woes

Crisp

Can you do us a sort of dashboard thingy with graphs and pie charts and stuff?

Me: Sure, what kind of statistics do you want those graphs to display?

PHB: I don't know... Make something up.

8 hours later...

PHB: Oh no, that's not what I wanted at all. What do any of these numbers mean?

Me: Nothing, you told me to make them up.

17
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Microsoft wants to patent mind control

Crisp
Coat

You might use this to control a radio

But you'd have to sit very still to continue listening to the same channel.

(With apologies to Douglas Adams.)

7
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Crisp

Isn't any control interface ultimately a brain control interface?

This post was dictated, but not read.

9
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Facebook settles landmark revenge porn case with UK teen for undisclosed sum

Crisp

Re: As she is 14 years old

Somebody posted that image. And it's not like Facebook can't find out who.

Why are they protecting a pedophile?

24
2

Heathrow Airport's local council prohibits drone flights from open spaces

Crisp

What about a rocket?

With a camera payload.

1
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Dark matter on the desktop: Dark Energy Survey publishes data

Crisp

That DES footprint

Looks rather like a tank...

9
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Astroboffins say our Solar System is a dark, violent, cosmic weirdo

Crisp

Why did we get Jupiter and Saturn?

Early anniversary present?

11
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FBI says it can't unlock 8,000 encrypted devices, demands backdoors for America's 'public safety'

Crisp

If he can come up with a way of doing it safely and securely

Then I will quite happily implement it for him as long as I get half of the nobel prize.

4
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Parliamentary 'puters made 30k tries to procure pr0nz last year

Crisp

Obviously they need some kind of monitoring system

They could keep all of parliaments internet connection records and make them public so that the people that elect these officials into office can vote out all the lazy MP's that are watching porn all day. (at least I hope that's all they are doing at work...)

0
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SpaceX delivers classified 'Zuma' payload into orbit

Crisp
Coat

Zumba In Space!

I like the idea of astronauts doing aerobic dance in zero gravity.

1
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Multiple-guess quiz will make Brit fliers safer, hopes drone-maker DJI

Crisp

Drone-zapping gizmo

What else will it work on?

I can totally see it being used to mess with people playing on wireless xbox controllers.

0
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Social network smacks back: Accusers say it helps recruiters target age-groups in job ads

Crisp

Re: Why should the kids get away with no adverts

Because their brains haven't fully developed and they are less likely to have the kind of bullshit filter you'd expect in a reasonable adult.

3
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How fast is a piece of string? Boffin shoots ADSL signal down twine

Crisp
Coat

ASDL On a shoestring?

I'm going...

13
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Boffins show off speedy quantum CNOT gate - in silicon

Crisp

Am I going to need to learn quantum mechanics to write code in the future?

If I start learning tensor calculus about ten years ago I might be ready in time for the next computing revolution.

4
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Elon Musk finally admits Tesla is building its own custom AI chips

Crisp

Re: Intelligence doesn't exist in a money dominated world let lone AI!

You go 30 Mph past schools? It's 20 Mph for a very good reason.

I'm starting to think I'd be better off with the AI driving.

6
1

UK border at risk of exposure post Brexit, warn MPs

Crisp

Maybe instead of giving smiley face badges to people that are allowed

We can give the ones that aren't allowed a nice pretty yellow star to wear. There's no way that could go wrong could it?

21
2

NHS England told to get a grip on patient records after £6.6m blunder

Crisp

Nice to see senior management blamed

I'd like to see a prosecution for this kind of mishap. Nothing more than a slap on the wrist, but something that will come up in any CRB check for a job involving other peoples sensitive data.

7
1

Uber says 2.7 MEEELLION(ish) UK users affected by hack

Crisp

Is it too late to buy shares in Lyft?

Just asking...

0
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You're such a goober, Uber: UK regulators blast hushed breach

Crisp

Will Uber Go Under?

I can't imagine their customers will support them after this.

6
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Japan finds long, deep tunnel on the Moon

Crisp
Boffin

Re: But what are they going to _do_ up there?

Science!

6
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Survey: Tech workers are terrified they will be sacked for being too old

Crisp

Re: And in other news ...

Start with those annoying recruiters that can't tell the difference between Java and JavaScript.

8
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Google adds planets and moons to Maps, but puts bits in the wrong places

Crisp

Google can now automatically sort photos of animals from pics of people

But can it sort my pron collection?

1
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What is the probability of being drunk at work and also being tested? Let's find out! Correctly

Crisp
Pint

If we accept this article as true, then how does the BOFH still have a job?

See title.

0
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Brit broke anti-terror law by refusing to cough up passwords to cops

Crisp

Re: Since when has "you have the right to remain silent" = "you are a terrorist"

"You do not have to say anything. But it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence." - Criminal Justice and Public Order Act

You haven't had the right to silence since 1994. You don't have to speak, but you'll be considered guilty if you don't.

37
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LHC finds a new and very charming particle: the Xicc++ baryon

Crisp

1.7 femtobarns?

That's a pretty small barn.

11
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Pokemon NO! Hospital demands ban on virtual creatures after addicts invade private wards

Crisp
Boffin

Re: pokemon

I thought the pokenurse was called Joy.

0
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Add 'fattism' and hacker stereotyping to the list of Donald Trump's list of non-PC positions

Crisp

Re: Trump Taxes

"Trump later argued that he will release more tax records when Clinton releases the 33,000 emails deleted from her private server."

Shouldn't he be releasing his tax returns the same way every presidential candidate has for the last 100 years? Why is he trying to make it contingent on something that's probably never going to happen?

17
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Forgive me, father, for I have used an ad-blocker on news websites...

Crisp

Advertising is frequently a vector for malware.

I feel about as guilty running an adblocker as I do about running an antivirus program.

18
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Zombie Moore's Law shows hardware is eating software

Crisp

Re: Nothing wrong with the chips.

All a "proper dev" needs is a magnetized needle and a steady hand.

(XKCD 378)

4
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Wow, RIP hackers ... It's Cyber-Lord Blunkett to the rescue for UK big biz

Crisp

Ah, it's the same guy that gave us Job Centre Plus

And our short sighted "anti-terror" legislation. And he authorised MI5 to collect bulk telephone data.

Is he really in any position to be advising businesses on security?

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