* Posts by Crisp

2611 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

Developer’s code worked, but not in the right century

Crisp
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"What did you break by getting little details like dates wrong?"

To be fair to Lars, it wasn't his fault the previous developer decided to roll their own date type.

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Universal Credit has never delivered bang for buck, but now there's no turning back – watchdog

Crisp
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Re: Funny how they didn't mention...

This might be a large contributing factor to why crime has gone up so much lately.

Hungry people with no support will find someway to feed themselves and pay the electric bill, even it it means mugging someone.

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Crisp
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We're spending more on administering this than we are on actual welfare

Maybe it's time to simplify the rules so that my tax money actually goes to people that really need it.

Rather than government contractors, civil servants and DWP employees.

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The eyes have it: 'DeepFakes' bogus AI-meddled videos outed by unblinking gaze

Crisp
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Mushroom

Re: Imagine a fuzzy video of naked Donald Trump

NO!

Oh gods! Now I can't think of anything else!

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The only way is ethics: UK.gov emphasises moral compass amid deluge of data plans

Crisp
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The government promoting ethics?

Talk about the blind leading the blind.

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Geoboffins baffled as Ceres is crawling with carbon organics

Crisp
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Can we not send a robot with a shovel and a drill?

We got really good results from Mars doing that.

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Tech firms, come to Blighty! Everything is brill! Brexit schmexit, Galileo schmalileo

Crisp
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Even with the current skills shortage in our industry

It's nice to see the government being courageously optimistic!

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Da rude sand storm seizes the Opportunity, threatens to KO rover

Crisp
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God speed little robot

Here's hoping for a good blast of wind to blow the dust off your solar panels.

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Dixons Carphone 'fesses to mega-breach: Probes 'attempt to compromise' 5.9m payment cards

Crisp
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Re: Ha Jokes on Them

Get a wallet with a chain on it.

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Crisp
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Information was accessed but hasn't left their systems?

If it's been accessed, then that's how it left your system.

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The hits keep coming for Facebook: Web giant made 14m people's private posts public

Crisp
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I'm sure the ICO are all over it

And will issue a stiff letter telling them not to do it again.

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British egg producers saddened by Google salad emoji update

Crisp
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Re: inclusion and diversity

We shell not crack!

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Stop us if you've heard this one: Adobe Flash gets emergency patch for zero-day exploit

Crisp
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A buffer overflow bug?

I'm sure I read this exact same story back in 2003.

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Fingered: Pants-down 'poo jogger' alleged to be corp exec

Crisp
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That Exec could obviously see which way the wind was blowing

Looks like he's up some kind of creek now...

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NASA makes the James Webb Telescope a looker with a heart of gold

Crisp
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Slitless Spectrograph

Does that sound like a good name for a band or what?

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Uh oh! Here's yet more AI that creates creepy fake talking heads

Crisp
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Boffins invent an astounding new technology

And what does the internet do with it? Use it for porn.

Thanks humanity.

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Fake NIPS slip site scandalizes AI world

Crisp
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Hopefully...

They will be able to keep delegates abreast of any developments.

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UK judge appears in dock over Computer Misuse Act allegations

Crisp
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Re: The Romans they go into the house?

Who's watching what exactly?

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Storm in a teapot: Anger brews over npm's jokey proxy error messages

Crisp
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Get rid of the error message.

Well implemented tea pots should be able to brew coffee. (Assuming some kind of strainer is available.)

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BCC is hard, OK? Quite a lot of orgs blurted your email addresses in GDPR mailouts

Crisp
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Re: "a shower of pillocks"

Shower does work well as a collective noun for pillocks. I wonder if there are other collective nouns for other designations?

Like a pantload of arses?

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Ex-staffer of UK.gov dept bags payout after boss blabbed medical info to colleagues

Crisp
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Ah the DWP

Those same people that are trying to use debt collection agencies to recover Universal Credit payments from Job Seekers that have managed to find work.

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Softbank's 'Pepper' robot is a security joke

Crisp
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What could go wrong?

# SET KillAllHumans = 1

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EmDrive? More like BS drive: Physics-defying space engine flunks out

Crisp
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Does the EmDrive produce enough thrust to rock it?

The experiment might go better if they planet.

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Kids and the web latest: 'Won't somebody please think of the children!' US Congresscritters plead

Crisp
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Re: We can protect them from those evil advertisers.

It's probably "too soon" to start talking about protecting kids from bullets.

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Advanced VPNFilter malware menacing routers worldwide

Crisp
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Re: remind me who the bad guy is

It's usually our own government.

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TalkTalk plans to sell family B2B jewel to Daisy Group for £175m

Crisp
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Ah Good old Daisy!

Expect line speeds to plummet. Along with customer satisfaction.

I'm not sure what's worse. Their glassdoor reviews or their isp reviews.

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Through many dangers, toils and snares.... SpaceX to send amazing GRACE to spaaaaace

Crisp
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How many LOHANs could this get into orbit?

For that matter, what's that in PARIS's?

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Undocumented alien caught stealing orbits in our Solar System

Crisp
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Boffin

Re : Reaching an object in retrograde orbit

Could you not jackknife around a small moon to obtain some sort of gravity boost or something?

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Router admin? Bored? Let's play Battleships using BGP!

Crisp
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Would you like to play a game?

How about a nice game of chess?

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'Facebook takes data from my phone – but I don't have an account!'

Crisp
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Re: Once again, it's NOT YOUR PHONE

If it's their phone then they can pay the bloody bill!

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Astronaut took camera on spacewalk, but forgot SD memory card

Crisp
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Houston, We have a problem.

We forgot the SD card. It looks like we're going to have to fake all this footage or we'll have nothing for NASA TV!

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You know me, I don't know you: Hospital reportedly raps staff for peeking at Ed Sheeran data

Crisp
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Makes me wonder how much of this goes on at police stations

There must be a lot of temptation there.

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Astroboffins find most distant source of oxygen in the universe

Crisp
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Re: At least nobody is getting undeservedly rich off the gravitational field.

What about slide manufacturers?

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Privacy group asks UK politicos to pinky swear not to use personal data for electioneering

Crisp
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Re: Drown all the fucking politicians at birth!

If we knew who the politicians were at birth, there would be no politicians.

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Crisp
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So essentially we're relying on politicians being ethical and doing the right thing...

That's always worked out so well before and I see no reason why there should be any problems this time.

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Boffins build a 2D 'quantum walk' that's not a computer, but could still blow them away

Crisp
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Re: How does a quantum computer compare all possible outcomes and collapse to the "best" one?

In much the same way as computing the ground state of an atom.

In this instance with the tankers, you're computing all possible solutions and picking the lowest energy solution. For that is the best solution.

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Crisp
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What sort of problem *is* this machine designed to solve?

Optimisation of fuel tankers. A machine like this would be able to simulate the movement of all tankers over all routes between depots and find the lowest cost solution in terms of either time or fuel consumed.

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Shining lasers at planes in the UK could now get you up to 5 years in jail

Crisp
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Re: Why not simply fit all aircraft with shielding

Jokes are always much funnier when they are explained.

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Crisp
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Boffin

Why not simply fit all aircraft with shielding

A cockpit window filter screening out all wave lengths between 400 and 600 nm should do the trick...

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Microsoft reckons devs would like an AI Clippy to help them write code

Crisp
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Coat

It was a joke!

When I sent that request to the Microsoft Customer Improvement Program I was just trying to make a joke!

I never expected them to take me seriously.

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AI crisis: Sony reports shortage of cute robot puppies!

Crisp
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Re: Academic research

Surely they just put it on paws?

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Fork it! Microsoft adds .NET Core 3.0 including Windows Desktop apps

Crisp
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Re: Dollar sign for an 'S' in Windows.

Ke$ha would be proud.

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UK age-checking smut overlord won't be able to handle the pressure – critics

Crisp
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Just enter your credit card number

We'll only use it to verify your age, honest.

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The Sun will blow up into a huge, glowing bubble of gas during its death

Crisp
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40,000 Kelvin

So shorts and tshirt weather?

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Zombie Cambridge Analytica told 'death' can't save it from the law

Crisp
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Innocent men don't run from the police

And it looks very suspicious to a jury.

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We just wanna torque: Spinning transfer boffins say torque memory near

Crisp
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Re: You mean like Dead or Alive?

You spin me right round baby, right round.

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UK Parliament roars: Oi! Zuck! Get in here for a grilling – or you'll get a Tower of London tour

Crisp
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"no matter how much money you have, you are still bound by each country's laws"

[Citation Needed]

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Mannequin Skywalker takes high ground on Bezos-backed rocket

Crisp
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Colonel, you better have a look at this radar

I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant...

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‘I broke The Pentagon’s secure messaging system – and won an award for it!’

Crisp
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The Left Switch.

I feel like the three sounds I heard could be explained by an initial erroneous flipping of a switch on the right followed by a hasty, corrective flipping of the requested switch.

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TSB boss: We know everything's working, you just can't see that

Crisp
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Who'd've thought cash doesn't behave quite like electrons?

First, let us consider the scenario where we have a perfectly spherical ball of cash in a vacuum...

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