* Posts by Crisp

2664 posts • joined 16 Jan 2012

Criminals a bit less interested in nicking Brits' identities this year

Crisp
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Surely this is just market saturation

Identity fraud has dropped because all the good ones have been taken.

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When's a backdoor not a backdoor? When the Oz government says it isn't

Crisp
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This sounds like a really well thought out piece of legislation

Unfortunately it isn't. And it is predicated on a massive misunderstanding around how encrypted services on the internet works.

If Alice sends an encrypted message to Bob, then the only point the message should be unencrypted when it's displayed on screen.

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Top Euro court: No, you can't steal images from other websites (too bad a school had to be sued to confirm this little fact)

Crisp
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Re: "Truly an impressive feat of high level magic."

I honestly thought that was what you ought to do!

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Crisp
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Re: how exactly were the school to know of the copyright in the first place?

How exactly am I supposed to know this wallet I found on the floor actually belongs to anybody? Surely I should be allowed to keep it, rather than do the decent thing and turn it into the nearest police station.

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US voting systems: Full of holes, loaded with pop music, and 'hacked' by an 11-year-old

Crisp
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Re: Obligatory

Also, always wear a condom while teaching...

Another XKCD Comic

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The off-brand 'military-grade' x86 processors, in the library, with the root-granting 'backdoor'

Crisp
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For those who happen to know where a cash machine running a 15-year-old C3 might be found

This knowledge might be used for endless entertainment purposes.

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Hi-de-Hack! Redcoats red-faced as Butlin's holiday camp admits data breach hit 34,000

Crisp
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Payment card details might not be at risk

But someone somewhere has a list of addresses and knows when the houses will be vacant.

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Devon County Council techies: WE KNOW IT WASN'T YOU!

Crisp
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Boffin

Obviously a printer installation error.

It was installed in the office of someone that couldn't use a spellchecker.

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Clap, damn you, clap! Samsung's Bixby 2.0 AI reveal is met with apathy

Crisp
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Is received wisdom like perceived wisdom?

Enquiring minds need to know!

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Bank on it: It's either legal to port-scan someone without consent or it's not, fumes researcher

Crisp
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Re: Where does it end?

So who's on port 7?

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Crisp
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Re: Where does it end?

Oh I knew it was somewhere in the 20's!

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Crisp
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Where does it end?

If it's ok to scan for security purposes, that sounds pretty benign doesn't it?

Oh look! Port 23 is open. Surely there's no harm in looking at the banner? Just to make sure that particular implementation of FTP hasn't got any known security vulnerabilities.

Those login attempts? We were just scanning for common known passwords, just to check that your machine is really secure.

Those downloads? We're just collecting document meta data. No human has actually read your invoices, statements and holiday photos. Though we strongly discourage using $RIVALBANK$'s services. They aren't nearly as secure as we are.

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Almost 1 in 3 Brits think they lack computer skills to do their jobs well

Crisp
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Only 1 in 3?

If my career is anything to go by that's a very conservative estimate.

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Oi, clickbait cop bot, jam this in your neural net: Hot new AI threatens to DESTROY web journos

Crisp
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This hot industry journalist has just finished banging out a headline

And you wont believe what they do next!

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OpenAI bots thrash team of Dota 2 semi-pros, set eyes on mega-tourney

Crisp
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Re: How about

Teaching the bot to rant on mic when they lose. That's the real challenge for AI here.

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Crisp
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Re: How about

Not just text and audio, but text and audio that's human readable in real time.

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Baby supernova spotted, just three hours old and a real cutie

Crisp
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Re: Good news for starships

"Do you know how fast you were going past the inertial reference frame of that last solar system sir?"

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UK comms revenues reach all-time low of £54.7bn, as internet kills the TV star

Crisp
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Re: Please always qualify what superfast is supposed to mean

Anything over 9600 baud apparently.

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Alaskan borough dusts off the typewriters after ransomware crims pwn entire network

Crisp
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Because no one has ever stolen records from a filing cabinet before.

Although to upgrade security they could always hang a sign on it saying "Beware of the Leopard" or something.

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Porn parking, livid lockers and botched blenders: The nightmare IoT world come true

Crisp
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WTF?

Why would someone try and send me low res porn?

What kind of monster doesn't send high def?

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Facebook deletes 17 accounts, dusts off hands, beams: We've saved the 2018 elections

Crisp
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Nice to know that Facebook has gotten rid of all the bad actors.

Now I have to go. Sophie Dee has contacted me on Messenger and is asking me to buy her a an Amazon gift card.

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Dixons Carphone: Yeah, so, about that hack we said hit 1.2m records? Multiply that by 8.3

Crisp
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There is no evidence that any fraud has resulted

Yet.

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Capita still squats on top of the UK's software and IT services heap

Crisp
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How do you get a job with these people?

I imagine writing software is a lot easier if it doesn't actually have to work.

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This is the contract you've been looking for: Pentagon releases JEDI bids

Crisp
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Didn't DARPA already do this?

I'm sure I remember them developing some sort of interconnected system of computers designed to withstand a nuclear war or something.

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Nah, it won't install: The return of the ad-blocker-blocker

Crisp
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I'm seriously thinking about charging Coca Cola rent.

There are far too many neurons in my brain that do nothing except store advertising jingles and it's high time advertisers were held responsible.

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Brit spending watchdog brands GP Primary Support Care a 'complete mess'

Crisp
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For its part, Capita has apologised

Oh that's all right then. Because whenever I can't get the medical care that I need an apology is always just as good.

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UK.gov commits to rip-and-replacing Blighty's wheezing internet pipes

Crisp
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In 15 years we should be getting the broadband speeds we should have had 10 years ago.

And I'd be willing to bet that even in 2033 we'll still be lagging behind our friends on the continent.

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Sorry, Neil Armstrong. Boffins say you may not have been first life-form to set foot on the Moon

Crisp
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Make Luna Green Again

Give us a couple of years and we could have a self sustaining water mining operation with domes for producing fuel to power the rockets to send Moon grown vegetables to Earth.

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Either my name, my password or my soul is invalid – but which?

Crisp
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Hey Jude

Don't get hacked.

Pick a bad password, and make it better.

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Fukushima reactors lend exotic nuclear finish to California's wines

Crisp
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Boffin

How much wine would you need to drink to get superpowers?

My own research suggests that the onset of superpowers starts after around a bottle and a half.

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Brits whinging less? About ISPs, networks and TV? It's gotta be a glitch in the Matrix

Crisp
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Regulator Ofcom has reported a decline in complaints

Due to complaints changing absolutely nothing.

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AI can untangle the jumble of neurons packed in brain scans

Crisp
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Alert

So they're using a neural net..

To figure out a neural net.

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Tech team trapped in data centre as hypoxic gas flooded in. Again

Crisp
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Re: Never do this

I don't know about you guys, but I've definitely learned something new today!

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Crisp
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If something looks like it's about to catch fire...

Then surely pulling the halon switch is the right thing to do?

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'Fibre broadband' should mean glass wires poking into your router, reckons Brit survey

Crisp
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My internet was sold to me as Fibre to the Premises

Surely that has to be breaking some kind of law when that is blatantly not what I've got.

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Microsoft's TextWorld gives AI a Zork-like challenge

Crisp
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Go

It is dark

You are likely to be eaten by a Grue.

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Heatwave shmeatwave: Brit IT departments cool their racks – explicit pics

Crisp
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Re: I always like when people put flammable materials...

The fools! They should use inflammable materials.

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Thomas Cook website spills personal info – and it's fine with that

Crisp
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"After being alerted to this unauthorised access"

Except it wasn't an unauthorised access. The system was doing exactly what it was designed to do.

What they have there is an unauthorised disclosure. They had a duty of care regarding that data and they left it on a window sill where anyone could take a gander.

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UK privacy watchdog to fine Facebook 18 mins of profit (£500,000) for Cambridge Analytica

Crisp
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I didn't know my government was selling democracy so cheaply

Just like everything else they've privatised.

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Google offers to leave robocallers hanging on the telephone

Crisp
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Unknown callers currently go to /dev/null

All this does is automate the process.

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An $18m supercomputer to simulate brains of mice in the land of Swiss cheese. How apt, HPE

Crisp
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White mice or brown mice?

They're mice. What else is there to ask really?

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Hurry up and make a deal on post-Brexit data flows, would you? Think of UK business – MPs

Crisp
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It's starting to look like if they want this Brexit done on time and working...

Then they probably should have started working on it five years ago.

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Dear Samsung mobe owners: It may leak your private pics to randoms

Crisp
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Unsolicited Leaky Dick Pic As A Service

I honestly had no idea my phone had that as a feature.

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Boffins want to stop Network Time Protocol's time-travelling exploits

Crisp
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Re: Simply fit all computers with sundials.

@BlartVersenwaldIII

A good plan with one flaw. If a pendulum needs winding twice a day....

How are you going to know when to wind the pendulum?

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Crisp
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Simply fit all computers with sundials.

Then to calibrate the internal clock, simply let your pc sit in the sun for an hour or two to track the sun across the sky and provide absolute precision.

No new protocol needed.

I really think these so-called "boffins" tend to over think these things.

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HMRC told AGAIN to toughen up on VAT-dodging online traders

Crisp
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They'd get a bigger return on investment if they just got multinationals to pay their taxes

Why spend so much money recovering pennies when they could spend much less recovering pounds?

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SD cards add PCIe and NVMe, hit 985 MB/sec and 128TB

Crisp
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Cool! Just like on Star Trek

Except these are smaller than isolinear chips and probably hold more data.

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UK taxman warned it's running out of time to deliver working customs IT system by Brexit

Crisp
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"As is common with IT systems, even after testing issues may also emerge in the live environment."

Ok, maybe I should rephrase that.

When I write stuff, people generally get what they asked for. (Software developer accepts no liability for people asking for daft stuff.)

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