* Posts by A Nonny Moose

54 posts • joined 10 Jan 2012

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Kent bloke incurs the anchor of local council after fly-tipping boat

A Nonny Moose

Some of these boat puns are just oarful

Two Arkansas dipsticks nicked after allegedly taking turns to shoot each other while wearing bulletproof vests

A Nonny Moose

Re: It's hard to think of anything more boneheadedly stupid...

My favourite is the guy who got his wife to shoot him with a Desert Eagle, while he held an encyclopedia.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-43410816

Sadly, he doesn't qualify for a Darwin on account of having already bred.

McAfee – the completely sane guy, not the biz – told to fork out $25m over 'torture, murder' of his Belize neighbor

A Nonny Moose

Re: A New Career for Former Anti-Virus Guy

He did have a go last time, but I think he was deemed too sane and trustworthy

UK tech has a month left to bare gender pay gaps, but less than a fifth of firms have ponied up

A Nonny Moose

Re: Sewage Disposal

There are plenty of women working as nurses, health care assistants, carers and the like that deal with shit every day

Long phone is loooong: Sony swipes at flagship fatigue with 21:9 tall boy

A Nonny Moose

Re: 21:9 ratio, you say

Try putting it in your trousers instead

Hungover this morning? Thought 'beer before wine and you'll be fine'? Boffins prove old adage just isn't true

A Nonny Moose

Re: white wine and lager beer

I think the Ethics committee might have something to say about deliberately trying to see off your volunteers

Clever girl: SpaceX's Mars-bound Raptor engine looks like it works just fine

A Nonny Moose
WTF?

Blue Origin first?

"Blue Origin beat SpaceX to the fiery-end-down-landing-first crown"

Are you sure about that El Reg? Weren't SpaceX doing fiery-end-down-landings with Grasshopper long before Bezos launched his rocket-powered dildo?

Look out, kids. Your Tinder account is about to be swamped by old people... probably

A Nonny Moose

"The actual cost to Tinder-owner Match is only going to be $25 multiplied by the number of old folk who bother to apply for it. It could reach $5.75m if all estimated 230,000 users that are entitled to the payment apply, but on average only five per cent of class action users actually hear about or bother, so it will likely cost the biz less than $300,000."

Gee, if only there was some way to disseminate such useful information, like say by some kind of online tech news outlet. Nah, crazy idea.

Seriously though, I'm over 30, I'm on Tinder, how do I get my 25 buck-a-roos?

The Iceman cometh, his smartwatch told the cops: Hitman jailed after gizmo links him to Brit gangland slayings

A Nonny Moose

Re: A lesson

Guns for show, knifes for a pro

£10k offer to leave firm ASAP is not blackmail, Capita told by judge

A Nonny Moose

Hey, where's my £10k?

I left Crapita several months ago (best thing I ever did), for free! If I'd have known that they would have paid me ten grand to leave I would have done it a lot sooner!

GTA gamer cuffed, charged after PS4 live mic allegedly overheard him raping teen girl

A Nonny Moose

I think Amazon, Microsoft, and Google would much rather you didn't think about it.

Great Scott! Is nothing sacred? US movie-goers vote Back To The Future as most-wanted reboot

A Nonny Moose

Re: Do it in style

"I for one am looking forward to the reboot, mostly for the rebooted sequel, so that I can get a super accurate preview of what 2050 will look like!"

It's already been done, it was called "Idiocracy"

Brit smart meter biz blamed Apple's iPhone 7 launch for its late taxes

A Nonny Moose

Rules for thee, but not for me

"He described VAT paid to the company by its suppliers but not yet due to HMRC as "an interest-free loan" from the taxman"

I could say the same thing about my student loan payments, that HMRC are happy to hang on to for a year, earning interest for them and costing it for me, before passing on to the SLC.

Boffins get fish drunk to prove what any bouncer already knows

A Nonny Moose

Re: University of Portsmouth?

I'm surprised they resorted to using fish for this study, a night in Guildhall Square would have given them more than enough data with many willing volunteers

It's a phone with a peel, but you'll have to wait a bit more for retro Nokia

A Nonny Moose
Devil

Hmm, this gives me an idea

I'm going to make a fake version of this that does nothing but plays Banana Phone, over and over and over again.

Facebook insists it has 'no plans' to exploit your personal banking info for ads – just as we have 'no plans' to trust it

A Nonny Moose
Alert

We're not saying don't connect your bank account to Facebook

No? Well I am.

DON'T CONNECT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT TO FACEBOOK!

If you store your data, I tell you I'm your man: You flash some, lose some, all arrays to me

A Nonny Moose
Pint

Bravo headline writer

I don't usually read these storage round-ups because I have no interest in them (although I'm sure they're excellent if you do), but I just had to come and say bravo for that headline. Have one of these for Lemmy ->

Lauri Love's US extradition appeal judges reserve decision

A Nonny Moose

United States of Cardassia

In cases like this, the US "Justice" System reminds me a lot of the Cardassian system.

"DUKAT: How barbaric. On Cardassia, the verdict is always known before the trial begins. And it's always the same.

SISKO: In that case, why bother with a trial at all?

DUKAT: Because the people demand it. They enjoy watching justice triumph over evil every time. They find it comforting."

You mean Google updated its smartwatch OS and nobody noticed?

A Nonny Moose

Another lover of the SW3 here. The transflective display is definitely the best thing about it, and the micro USB port means I can charge it at my desk if it needs a top up. I use mine to track my lunchtime walks with Google Fit, set reminders for my sieve of a brain, see my shopping list while shopping, get Google Authenticator and Steam Guard codes, and set timers for various things.

The battery seems to be giving out though, so I might need a replacement soon, but it would really have to have:

Android Wear

Non flat tyre, Transflective display

Standard charging port (micro USB, or I guess USB C)

Ideally, heart rate monitor and sufficiently waterproof to be used while swimming, but could live without those.

Shiver me timbers! 67cm Playmobil pirate ship sets sail for Caribbean

A Nonny Moose

To paraphrase slightly

"Or, as my son puts it, plastic gives way to steel, especially very large steel that could crush you and not leave a trace."

"Mr Dent. Have you any idea how much damage this container ship would suffer if I just let it sail over your yatch?"

"No, how much?"

"None at all"

Giza geezers' muon-geyser visor reveals Great Pyramid's hidden void surpriser

A Nonny Moose
Pint

Headline Award

I hope you guys get awards for the best headlines, because this would be a winner for sure.

VPN logs helped unmask alleged 'net stalker, say feds

A Nonny Moose
Big Brother

Goodbye PureVPN

Welp, time to ditch my PureVPN account then, since they can't provide the service they've advertised (no logs). NordVPN any good?

Sole Equifax security worker at fault for failed patch, says former CEO

A Nonny Moose

He's right y'know

He's right, this whole mess is entirely the fault of one individual, and that individual is:

Rick Smith

Spotify just can't wash those songwriters out of its hair

A Nonny Moose

"Why is this so F’ing hard?"

Yes, why is this so F'ing hard? Shirley it should be that Spotify pays the record label/artist and then the record label/artist pays the songwriter and whoever else they have to. But then that's far too simple a solution and doesn't involve enough lawyers skimming off the top.

Web crash and pricing errors hit Argos

A Nonny Moose

"It's actually the laminated book of dreams. To catch the tears of joy.

But they get a chocolate coin for trying."

Only a chocolate coin? Not an Egg of Numbing Inevitability?

China crackdown: VPN vendor gets prison

A Nonny Moose
Big Brother

Coming Soon™ to a Britain near you!

So, Nokia. What makes you think the world wants your phones?

A Nonny Moose

Please Please Please

Add a removable battery and waterproofing and you can replace my Galaxy S5. Please.

London cops urged to scrap use of 'biased' facial recognition at Notting Hill Carnival

A Nonny Moose

"So now they're trying to improve it's 'teaching' against non-white/non-males and you think this is a bad thing?"

Yes, when they're "teaching" it against a non-consenting public with the consequence of the removal of liberty, I would say that that is a Bad Thing™. If they really want to teach it, get some volunteers, don't use the general public as your guinea pigs.

She's arrived! HMS Queen Lizzie enters Portsmouth Naval Base

A Nonny Moose
Thumb Up

Doing Gods Work

Good on El Reg for giving us Liz's vital stats in units we can all easily understand. I was most disappointed when the Beeb failed to report how many double-decker buses long she is, but am most satisfied to read that she's a nice round 2000 linguine.

Ofcom fines Three £1.9m over vulnerability in emergency call handling

A Nonny Moose

"Though the doctor could give advice that might be able to help in situations such as a heart attack."

Yes, it's "Dial 999 and get to a bloody hospital"

Uber sued after digging up medical records of woman raped by driver

A Nonny Moose

Travis 2.0

Hopefully it involves a complete rewrite, and not just a series of patches on the buggy base code

This is where UK's Navy will park its 65,000-tonne aircraft carriers

A Nonny Moose

Nice Jetty you've got there

Just don't let Sub-Lieutenant Phillips anywhere near it.

Stop us if you've heard this one before: Seamen spread over California

A Nonny Moose
Headmaster

"The Perdix drones, 6- by 12-inch propeller-powered unmanned aerial vehicles (UAVs), were fired out of the flare dispensers of the aircraft"

Are you sure about that El Reg? Because from the video it looked to me more like they were dropped from a special purpose pod mounted on a weapon hardpoint.

Also, that noise they make is terrifying.

Yorkshire council hit with prolonged web outage

A Nonny Moose

Sub-head correction

"When's't bin man coming?"

How-to terror manuals still being sold by Apple, Amazon, Waterstones

A Nonny Moose

Books schmooks

They're showing re-runs of MacGyver on the telly, that's teaching me how to make explosives out of pretty much anything!

NASA sets fire to stuff in SPAAACE. On purpose. Because science

A Nonny Moose

Sample 9 – plexiglass at window-thickness

Hmm, if your space windows are on fire, you're having a bad day. But at least the fire won't be your problem for very long.

Microsoft deletes Windows 10 nagware from Windows 7 and 8

A Nonny Moose
Thumb Down

Too late

I can no longer trust any of the updates coming from Windows Update after this debacle.

I haven't installed any of the monthly rollup updates as I don't trust them to not have all of the telemetry crap.

I now only install the security related updates and only if I feel they're absolutely necessary after reading the KB page. If I didn't use my PC for gaming I'd probably be on Mint or something else by now.

Quantum comms succeed over metro-scale fibre networks

A Nonny Moose

Beam me up, Scotty

Yes, well, this is all very nice, but let's get to the really important question:

How much closer are we to getting Star Trek style Transporters?

International Space Station astros prepare to rejoin us Earthlings

A Nonny Moose

Re: Honkin big engines

Wouldn't you then have a problem that all of your gravity was at the back, until you start braking and then it's suddenly at the front?

Well, unless you flip the ship around to do the braking. Still, you'd have to design your interior to be like a skyscraper and not like a submarine.

Samsung Note 7: Probably the best phone in the world. Yeah – you heard right

A Nonny Moose

Re: Available in the UK

Indeed, I happened to see it advertised on the EE and O2 sites yesterday.

I didn't dare look at the prices though. I suspect I'll be hanging onto my S5+ come October

UK.gov refuses to give surveillance commish enforcement powers

A Nonny Moose

MINISTER: "Have you finished reading that report yet?"

LACKEY: "Yes Minister"

MINISTER: "Well sum it up in one sentence for me, I'm a busy man. These expense claims won't file themselves y'know"

LACKEY: "He says he hasn't got any powers, Minister"

MINISTER: "Ruddy cheek! Write him a letter and tell him he bloody well can't have any!"

Sick burn, brah: SpaceX test fires rockets for SES bird launch this week

A Nonny Moose
Mushroom

Win-Win?

Either SpaceX will finally get one of their rockets to land on water, or we get another nice big firework show.

Personally, I don't see any downsides.

Tech goliaths stand firm against demands for weaker encryption after Paris terror attacks

A Nonny Moose
Devil

Re: But... but...

"- it will let the politicos know who's competing against them"

FTFY

Good news: Adobe bangs out Flash patch fast. Bad news: Google's defenses were useless

A Nonny Moose
Mushroom

Flash must Die

At home I have Flash disabled and I don't miss it, except when I want to use iPlayer (which is most often used on the telly). Even the usual pron sites still function (erm... so I am told).

Unfortunately at work I still need it enabled (click to activate though) for the Spotify Web Player, as I'm not allowed to install the client. The sooner Flash dies, the better. Even Adobe must see this, all these critical patches cost them money and bad PR

WD unleashes bigger, badder, Black and revved, rapido Red Pro

A Nonny Moose

Advertorial?

Shouldn't these types of articles have an Advertorial indication, since that's basically what this is?

Government embarks on futile mission to censor teen music vid viewing

A Nonny Moose
Devil

"this probably shows that 40 per cent of modern teenagers are just a bit soft."

Or, more likely, this probably shows that 40 per cent of modern teenagers parents couldn't give two shits about what their bastard hell-spawn are up to

Cloudflare hiccup nudges Stack Overflow and others offline

A Nonny Moose

Can't say I noticed

Must have been during the rare 15 minutes that I was actually doing some work

Safe as houses: CCTV for the masses

A Nonny Moose

Hmm, that Netatmo one seems to be missing something

http://a.tgcdn.net/images/products/zoom/f398_portal2_turret_statue.jpg

"Are you still there?"

People seem to be getting far too comfortable with the idea of cameras everywhere, watching everything. Everyday getting closer to Orwell's vision, especially with the current breed of Commons Critter. I'm especially uncomfortable with the idea of a Cloud (AKA Somebody Else's Computer) connected system.

Audi RS3: Keep running up that hill, with no problems

A Nonny Moose
Facepalm

Re: Dear ElReg...

Absolutely this. If you're going to insist on using these horribly compressed images in the articles, at least provide a link to the full-sized, uncompressed version so we can actually SEE what it is you want us to look at

Susan Sheridan, voice of Hitchhiker's Trillian, dies aged 68

A Nonny Moose

Shine on you hoopy frood

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