* Posts by Bob Vistakin

1502 posts • joined 24 Dec 2011

IBM swings axe through staff, humming contently about cloud and AI

Bob Vistakin
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Megaphone

Re: The American Dream

IBM was a strange beast. Its products and services were no different to any others apart from the typically 10x higher prices they charged. How did they stay in business? Well, it was always the top corporates executives and governments they cozied up to. Very,very cozily indeed, if you get my drift. Lots of 2 week conferences in Bermuda, where the execs families were invited too for the half day spent watching powerpoints, that sort of thing. Not a sustainable business at all - once rumbled, never repeated..

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Making us pay tax will DESTROY EUROPE, roars Apple's Tim Cook

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

You're taxing us wrong

Someone had to say it.

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Facebook replaces human editors with McChicken romping, Fox News faking AI bots

Bob Vistakin
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Joke

David Cameron:

Wow, she's hot, I wouldn't mind a piece of that.

I suppose those who never went to Eton would find the girl pretty, too.

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UK.gov depts in post-Mad Frankie Maude landgrab over IT spending controls

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Nice pic El Reg, I get the jerrycan reference

What a star. Doubly so.

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Chocolate Factory exudes Nougat as Android 7 begins rollout

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

Re: Bullshit, Nexus 5 can't run Android 7..

CM13 will almost certainly do it. I have a Nexus 5 so am hoping so.

I'm running Marshmallow on a Nexus 7 2012 (first gen) via CM12 and Jelly Bean on a Nexus One via CM7. Both are perfect and both were claimed never to be up to the job.

I even flashed a Moto E 2014 1st gen I got 6 months ago when a Tesco I was in were offloading them for £59 to CM12 the same day. I still don't know if that officially has Marshmallow yet - for the price that was criminal.

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Microsoft promises free terrible coffee every month you use Edge

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

I've run out of ways to take the piss any more - it's no longer needed.

They are now beyond even the most extreme fucking parody of themselves you could possibly imagine.

They pissed away phones, pissed away all credibility in their desktop OS's since windows 7, pissed away their IE browser share market lead even though it was bundled by default with the OS everyone was using, and now want to pay people to use their new browser instead.

Like I've always said, when people have a choice, they choose not to use microsoft. Their entire history is based on the premise they could do what they wanted because their users had no choice.

Now they do. Bye.

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Oracle campaigns for third Android Java infringement trial

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: The never ending Story

Did whoever was bankrolling SCO ever fully come to light, I innocently ask?

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Google hopes to sniff out OS X badware

Bob Vistakin
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Devil

Santa has an interesting anagram

Just sayin...

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Microsoft’s stealth scripting engine arrives on Android

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Hmm, stealthy sneakware from Microsoft, eh?

Gosh, it's almost as if they are trying to embrace, extend then extinguish something.

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Big Red alert: Oracle's MICROS payment terminal biz hacked

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Yup, and these assholes can't be that much of an Oracle if they couldn't even see this coming.

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Breaking 350 million: What's next for Windows 10?

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

What's next for Windows 10?

Ads, ads ads ads and some more ads. Ads on your login screen, Ads on your logout screen. Ads on your ads. Then more ads. Ads on your start menu. Ads in every help screen. Ads on your home page. Then more ads.

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Linux 4.8 rc1 lands, with Surface 3 support promised!

Bob Vistakin
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Linux

Re: Keep on hacking

Video.

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BlackBerry: Forget phones, Lawsuits In Motion is back – and it's firing off patent claims

Bob Vistakin
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Gimp

Re: The sign of a dying company

@bazza If they're just gonna make Androids from now on they've already been acquired.

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Bob Vistakin
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Thumb Down

Re: The sign of a dying company

#boycottblackberry

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UK's 'Sir King Cash' card fraudster ordered to cough up £560,000

Bob Vistakin
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IT Angle

Define "victims"

I'm no expert, but I keep hearing about the card owners being reimbursed immediately if the card issuer detects fraud - it's one of the major selling point after all. So aren't we really talking about the banks chasing this money, not Joe Public?

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Seagate in 10TB drive brand brainstorm

Bob Vistakin
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Unhappy

Re: Trademark infringement impending?

I fucking do. The only drives over the last 10 years to consistently go fubar on me were *all* barracuda. Its at the point now if I even see one in a server I advise it get swapped. OK, OK, I know the tech today *must* be better - right? But even seeing the name makes me shudder.

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Microsoft Azure doubles up to $800m a quarter – and is wiped out by dying phone sales

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Nokia 2.0

These numbers are peanuts compared to the $26bn they are about to buy Linked In with, trash, then give away in a firesale in a few years time.

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Windows 10 a failure by Microsoft's own metric – it won't hit one billion devices by mid-2018

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Google says thanks

The extra time polishing Android Desktop will be really handy.

Oh, and good luck with that 2020 date once its out.

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Windows Phone users beg Pokémon Go creators for attention

Bob Vistakin
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Windows

Re: Age old problem

Same happened to Skype.

It's happening to Linked In right now, too.

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Samsung deals out microSD-crushing faster fingernail flash cards

Bob Vistakin
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Headmaster

"Sony Ericsson"?

Gosh, it's also a time machine.

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Prominent Brit law firm instructed to block Brexit Article 50 trigger

Bob Vistakin
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Headmaster

This "Parliament" you speak of

Since we're talking about ignoring the democratic will of the people, we must apply this new rule to the last general election, in which case none of them are MP's any more.

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Microsoft's Windows 10 nagware goes FULL SCREEN in final push

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: A final throw of the dice before

@tony72

They could start introducing new features that you only get if you subscribe.

Like removing the ads the free users will be bombarded with at OS level, like even before you log in etc.

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Bob Vistakin
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Devil

Re: Blue Screen of Despair

I'd go for BSE - Blue Screen of Extortion.

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Bob Vistakin
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Windows

Re: A final throw of the dice before

"You can choose to upgrade directly from the notification, dismiss the notification permanently, or choose to be reminded later."

"...Or sue us. Go on, we won't fight back - we know we fucked up. It's easy now in the small claims court because precedent has been set. You'll get $10k, which will easily sort you out with a much better Linux based system or a Mac, and then we'll be out of your face forever."

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Jury awards US$3 BEEELION to HPE in Oracle/Itanium lawsuit

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

@AC A sentiment felt by many.

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What Brexit means for you as a motorist

Bob Vistakin
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WTF?

the longer-term effects of Brexit remain to be seen

I've cut 'n' pasted that for you one more time here, so it'll be easier to find for next time.

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This local council paid HOW MUCH for an SD card?!

Bob Vistakin
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Gimp

I thought I was the only one that applied to - cheers!

On the other hand, if you work for one of these councils the pay is so crap your time is effectively worthless, so whatever bungs you can get really do count.

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'I urge everyone to fight back' – woman wins $10k from Microsoft over Windows 10 misery

Bob Vistakin
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Meh

Re: Let the lawsuits begin

Now you mention it, there was a weather forecast a while back which I'm sure some convoluted reason could be concocted for a business to rely on, which was royally screwed by exactly the same thing.

Straight face icon in case this actually turns out to happen.

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IT consultant gets 4 years' porridge for tax fraud

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: I'm not condoning his actions....

Yet the punishment for fiddling your porn and stealing £100k+ if you're an MP is just to pretend to apologise, being allowed to keep the loot of course.

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Thunder struck: Apple kills off display line

Bob Vistakin
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Pint

"Cupertino idiot tax racket"

How do you upvote an entire article?

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PM resigns as Britain votes to leave EU

Bob Vistakin
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Windows

Didn't confound me, Andrew

Although 42 Microsoft apologists disagreed.

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Microsoft cancels Remain speech after death of Labour MP

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: That's settled then

Told you so.

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Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

That's settled then

If microsoft vote for it, you know its a shit idea.

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Let's Encrypt in trademark drama

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Let's boycott

Comodo.

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Germany: If Brits vote to Remain, we'll admit Hurst's 1966 goal was a goal

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: See what can happen when you work together?

Turns out he's such a wanker someone on the actual boat he told the struggling fishermen to fuck off from has changed from voting in to out! Way to go asshole, why couldn't you have been more prominent from the start?

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: So now Scotland suddenly swings to vote leave

Inspired by the commitment of the luvvies.

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Bob Vistakin
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FAIL

Re: See what can happen when you work together?

The Ethiopeans certainly love Geldof.

I asked Bob Keating, a superb young investigative reporter who had just started working with us, to look into this for a story. The assignment was simple — all this money had been raised, where was it going, was it actually doing good?

He discovered it was not doing good, but, horrifically, unimaginably, the exact opposite. The Ethiopian dictator, Mengistu, until then deadlocked in the war, was using the money the west gave him to buy sophisticated weapons from the Russians, and was now able to efficiently and viciously crush the opposition. Ethiopia, then the third poorest country in the world, suddenly had the largest, best equipped army on the African continent.

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When Capita job ads go BAD

Bob Vistakin
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Re: Hertfordshite?!?

I didn't make it up! Galaxy S7, Google Maps, sat nav mode, default female voice, US locale. Clearly pronounced as the two separate words. Around Christmas thinking about it.

It's just so good I wish I was smart enough to make that one up.

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Bob Vistakin
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Happy

Re: Hertfordshite?!?

Driving through Lancashire recently the Sat Nav merrily proclaimed in an American accent to head for Clit Hero. Gosh, that place sounds fun - shame I'm a bloke and couldn't find it. My mate reckons its somewhere near the middle of Scunthorpe, but he's no expert either.

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Tor torpedoed! Tesco Bank app won't run with privacy tool installed

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

Re: Security risk?

This is but one small step away from the Tesco App not running unless you have a Tesco SIM in your handset.

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Lester Haines: RIP

Bob Vistakin
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Unhappy

Part of the furniture

RIP man - you made a huge difference.

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Cats understand the laws of physics, researchers claim

Bob Vistakin
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Holmes

Re: I "proved" this back in 1974

What's the difference between "understanding" and "instinctively reacting due to evolutionary survival mutations"?

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Man dies after UK police Taser shooting

Bob Vistakin
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Black Helicopters

Re: Moderator comment

Yes, facts please. Like the fact the IPCC found that the police officer who tasered a blind pensioner in the back whilst walking away from him was NOT incompetent, and can now distinguish such individuals from young maniacs with Samurai swords.

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Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

Re: Although Tasers were introduced as non-lethal weapons.....

Was he blind?

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Outsourcery to perform ULTIMATE outsource as it enters administration

Bob Vistakin
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Facepalm

The empty chair

It's 2013. A silence descends. The door at the far end of the bare bones-empty warehouse opens. The four figures in their equidistant chairs remain perfectly still as a figure enters through. It is a man. An outsourcery man. He stops a few feet in front of them - a crazy mismatched assortment comprising of a grizzled Scottish pensioner with dyed hair and a permanent scowl, a ten foot toff with his nose skywards and a couple more wannabees. Pointedly, an empty chair is directly in front of him, in line with the others seated.

He begins.

(Nervous cough) "Hello Dragons. My name is Piers, and I'm here today to offer 0% return on a £20m investment. My plan is to fill that chair there by conning you and the TV producers into thinking I have some credibility. My USP is that I'll choose the latest thing in tech which none of you know anything about, but is getting super hyped so you'll appear to be cool and down with the kids by association. The beauty is you and the TV people don't need to know anything technical because I've been practicing my straight face routine with Vodafone for years - I know I can surely pull it off in front of the cameras. Ratings will soar because the audience will see how progressive you are in keeping up with the times - all the old money like hotels from Jock here brings was looking a bit dated. Just jump on the bandwaggon with Piers, and it'll all work out right in the end."

(Fill in the rest yourselves...)

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Java API judge tells Oracle to suck it up, quit whining about the jury

Bob Vistakin
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Joke

Re: @Bob Vistaken

@Tin99 Yeah! I'm quite proud of the fall '93 Yggdrasil CD I can see on a shelf as I write this. Last time I popped it in for a shufties it had the pre 1.0 Linux alpha binaries on.

I remember when I got it at the time thinking '94 will be the year of Linux on the desktop.

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Bob Vistakin
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Headmaster

Alright, for the nit pickers, s/Linux/Obvious Unix derivative Apple gave their usual rounded corners treatment to

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Bob Vistakin
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Pint

The entire mobile market has slipped through their fingers in front of their eyes.

It was within their power to do exactly what Google did - revamp a java UI layer on top of a Linux kernel. They didn't even need any hardware. The difference was, they had a massive head start with JavaME - all it needed was a modern makeover and they are done. Had the done this, ownership of java as well would have killed Android, in the form it took, stone dead. Boy, they must be pissed at this. Even the iPhone is basically just a custom UI layer on Linux, although there's no java involved. Trying to salvage something after the horse has bolted via the courts is just pathetic, and the whole industry can see this.

The fact the judge is having none of their whining is just causing them more pain. See icon.

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PC market sinking even faster than first thought, thanks to Windows 10

Bob Vistakin
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Happy

"... stable volume in 2018"

When Android Desktop will be in full flow.

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Bin Apple's $500m patent judgment, US DoJ tells Supreme Court

Bob Vistakin
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Big Brother

Re: What am I missing?

My first thoughts exactly. Plus Google hedging their bets.

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