* Posts by Anonymous Noel Coward

111 posts • joined 21 Dec 2011

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Release the KRACKen patches: The good, the bad, and the ugly on this WPA2 Wi-Fi drama

Anonymous Noel Coward
Boffin

Seeing as the router is in my bedroom, and I'm the only one in the house who uses the Internet, couldn't I just cover my walls in tinfoil and be done with it?

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New coding language Fetlang's syntax designed to read like 'poorly written erotica'

Anonymous Noel Coward
Coat

I tried using this

But all my fetishes kept resulting in illegal errors...

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Home Sec Amber Rudd: Yeah, I don't understand encryption. So what?

Anonymous Noel Coward
Black Helicopters

*sigh*

I'm guessing this end result of a failed abortion home secretary won't be facing any kind of punishment for contempt of court then?

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UK's new Data Protection Bill will be 'liberal' not 'libertarian', says digi minister

Anonymous Noel Coward
Boffin

>Hancock said the forthcoming data protection regime will bring the internet into “the twenty-first century [...]

I'm guessing that'll be about three centuries from now, given the UKs track record with implementing technology.

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Indian call centre scammers are targeting BT customers

Anonymous Noel Coward
Trollface

As a TalkTalk customer, I got these calls quite a lot.

Whilst they know the householder details, address and stuff accurately... they've never once been able to get my account number right whenever I ask them for it as a "security verification."

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UK.gov to treat online abuse as seriously as IRL hate crime

Anonymous Noel Coward

https://www.cps.gov.uk/publications/docs/hate_crime_leaflet_support.pdf

"There is no legal definition of hostility so the CPS uses the everyday understanding of the word which includes ill-will, spite, contempt, prejudice, unfriendliness, antagonism, resentment and dislike."

Unfriendliness, resentment and dislike?

Oh yes, this idea is bullet proof...

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Voyager antenna operator: 'I was the first human to see images from Neptune'

Anonymous Noel Coward
Trollface

I pity the first human to see images from Uranus...

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A sarcasm detector bot? That sounds absolutely brilliant. Definitely

Anonymous Noel Coward
Boffin

Ooh, a sarcasm detector. That's a real *useful* invention...

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Openreach pegs full fibre overhaul anywhere between £3bn and £6bn

Anonymous Noel Coward
Flame

Oh, neat...

Now I too can have the luxury of paying £28/month for three quarters of a Megabit down.

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Universal Service Oh... forget the Obligation. BT offers to stump up £600m for 10Mbps

Anonymous Noel Coward
Pint

I'm not holding my breath.

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UK.gov snaps on rubber gloves, prepares for mandatory porn checks

Anonymous Noel Coward
Big Brother

So anyone who has a bad credit rating is shit out of luck, then.

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Anonymous Noel Coward
Boffin

Is it limited to credit cards, or would a debit card suffice?

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UK.gov tips £400m into digital investment pot

Anonymous Noel Coward
Unhappy

Won't happen.

Hell, I only live about a mile from the exchange, but I can only get about 765 kbps (70 kB/s) down and 360 kbps (30 kB/s) up at the moment (which is a step down from my usual 3900 kbps and 900 kbps respectively), and have done for the last month.

You ever tried downloading an 8.5GB PS4 patch at that speed? It isn't fun...

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Men charged with theft of free newspapers

Anonymous Noel Coward
Black Helicopters

Seven years for "stealing" free newspaper(s)?

I hope the jury laughs this one out of court.

22
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Research suggests UK consumers find 'fibre' advertising misleading

Anonymous Noel Coward
Coat

Fauxbre Optics.

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Conservative manifesto disappears offline – then mysteriously reappears

Anonymous Noel Coward
Trollface

They've replaced it with a new one just in case Theresa May calls another snap election...

7
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Police anti-ransomware warning is hotlinked to 'ransomware.pdf'

Anonymous Noel Coward
Black Helicopters

Are they really that incompetent?

It's the Police...

32
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Lib Dems pledge to end 'Orwellian' snooping powers in manifesto

Anonymous Noel Coward
Boffin

...companies would be legally required to introduce a backdoor to their systems so authorities can read all correspondence...

Or distribute some sort of Ransomware.

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Anonymous Noel Coward
Big Brother

Wow...

Legalizing Cannabis, overthrowing the snooping bill...

...just a shame the people will stupidly vote Tory.

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Prisoners built two PCs from parts, hid them in ceiling, connected to the state's network and did cybershenanigans

Anonymous Noel Coward
Coat

The hard part was fitting the parts into the condoms...

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Landmark EU ruling: Legality of UK's Investigatory Powers Act challenged

Anonymous Noel Coward
Big Brother

Won't matter.

The UK doesn't like listening to what "Johnny Foreigner" has to tell them.

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Sony kills off secret backdoor in 80 internet-connected CCTV models

Anonymous Noel Coward
Headmaster

>himitu

Sorry to be picky, but the つ in himitsu is read as tsu, not tu.

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Hackers actively stealing Wi-Fi keys from vulnerable routers

Anonymous Noel Coward
Boffin

Joke's on them.

I set my WiFi password to the last 40 digits of Pi.

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Citizens Advice slams 'unfair' broadband compensation scheme

Anonymous Noel Coward
Devil

"Companies are paid every time a broadband or landline repair or installation is delayed. But customers who bear the brunt of these problems have to fight for compensation from their broadband company – and may not get any."

The group is calling for this disparity to be addressed in The Digital Economy Bill, currently passing through the House of Lords.

MP: "What's next?"

MP: "The Serf want compensation every time their ISP fails in some technical manner."

MP: "All those in favour?"

[silence...]

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100k+ petition: MPs must consider debating Snoopers' Charter again

Anonymous Noel Coward
Big Brother

>MPs must consider debating Snoopers' Charter again

What do you believe this is? A democracy?

The petition will probably suffer a technical mishap, or something that doesn't stop our glorious leaders getting their way.

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What's that, Adobe? A Photoshop for faking voices?

Anonymous Noel Coward
Big Brother

At least it got easier for law enforcement to fake confessions...

7
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UK prison reform report wants hard-coded no-fly zones in drones to keep them out of jail

Anonymous Noel Coward
Boffin

What about, I don't know, setting up netting over open areas of the prison?

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Samsung patches Galaxy Note 7 to not explode as two-thirds of phones recalled

Anonymous Noel Coward
Coat

I remember seeing an advert on TV for the Galaxy Note 7 a week or so ago, where it says that it can be submerged in water for around 30m and still be usable.

And I remember thinking at the time "Wow, that's useful to know for when it randomly catches fire..."

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Digi minister Matt Hancock: Britain needs go full fibre. And we're not paying for it

Anonymous Noel Coward
Devil

I miss the term "Information Superhighway."

We need to bring it back.

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It's time for humanity to embrace SEX ROBOTS. For, uh, science, of course

Anonymous Noel Coward
Coat

When having sex with a gynoid, remember to use adequate protection, such as a firewall or some kind of anti-virus software. Otherwise, you could wind up with the pitter patter of tiny laptops.

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UK IT consultant subject to insane sex ban order mounts legal challenge

Anonymous Noel Coward
Big Brother

He lost, by the way.

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BBC detector vans are back to spy on your home Wi-Fi – if you can believe it

Anonymous Noel Coward
Boffin

Re: Spy on the screen and loudspeakers

I'm fairly sure Hancock and Kerr have better taste.

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Anonymous Noel Coward
Alien

Re: Is tv worth it anymore?

What was the Star Trek episode? The world needs to know!

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Torrent is a word, and you can't ban words, rules French court

Anonymous Noel Coward
Childcatcher

I don't see "child" on that list...

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Anonymous Noel Coward
Big Brother

Banning words, eh?

I wonder what people would do when they're subjected to a [this word has been banned] of abuse?

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Pokemon Go Directly To Jail if you hunt here, says Oz Justice Dept

Anonymous Noel Coward
Joke

Just out of interest, how deadly are the Pokémon in Australia?

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UK gov says new Home Sec will have powers to ban end-to-end encryption

Anonymous Noel Coward
Boffin

Re: Welcome to Britains' Open Prison.

Oh cool; can I be Snake Plisskin?

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Facebook ‘glitch’ that deleted the Philando Castile shooting vid: It was the police – sources

Anonymous Noel Coward
Boffin

Like that chap a few days ago who was shot in the back

Worst case of suicide the police had ever seen.

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Get ready for mandatory porn site age checks, Brits. You read that right

Anonymous Noel Coward
Coat

No sex please, we're British.

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'Just give me any old date and I'll make it work' ... said the VB script to the coder

Anonymous Noel Coward

Re: Effing 'Merikans

Japanese also do mm/dd/yyyy.

That being said, I do use American dates when naming files, as it helps order them better, rather than having the day order everything in an arbitrary way. E.g. 01.04.2016, 07.12.2016, 16.03.2016...

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French parliament votes to jail tech execs who refuse to decrypt data

Anonymous Noel Coward
Black Helicopters

Re: Seems like good news?

@BebopWeBop:

Yeah, but the British Justice system has this hard-on for abusing power. Either that or they have a quota of how many people they need to jail during the year.

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Microsoft herds biz users to Windows 10 by denying support for Win 7 and 8 on new CPUs

Anonymous Noel Coward
Boffin

I think I'll go back to OS/2.

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Investigatory Powers Bill: A force for good – if done right?

Anonymous Noel Coward

It's in mIRC script. I'm sure someone could do better, though.

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Anonymous Noel Coward

That's the idea, though.

By the end of the year, my ISP should have logged about 300,000 junky visits.

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Hello Barbie controversy re-ignited with insecurity claims

Anonymous Noel Coward
Boffin

Re: Hmm

Chii~

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Brit filmmaker plans 10hr+ Paint Drying epic

Anonymous Noel Coward

Re: porn?

You can thank the Americans and their "morality" for the mosics.

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Chaos at TalkTalk: Data was 'secure', not all encrypted, we took site down, were DDoSed

Anonymous Noel Coward
Facepalm

*sigh*

Don't know how TalkTalk expects me to change my password if they take down the fucking page where I can only change my password...

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'Cops and public bodies BUNGLE snooping powers by spying on 3,000 law-abiding Brits'

Anonymous Noel Coward

Re: But...

I did.

Who'd want to bring children into this authoritarian dictatorship?

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Imprisoned Norwegian mass murderer says PlayStation 2 is 'KILLING HIM'

Anonymous Noel Coward

I have a PlayStation 3, but I've been playing a lot of my PlayStation 2 lately.

Currently trying to do a low level challenge in Final Fantasy IX.

Old games are still the best.

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This tool demands access to YOUR ENTIRE DIGITAL LIFE. Is it from GCHQ? No - it's by IKEA

Anonymous Noel Coward
Trollface

I always knew IKEA (Information Kommunikation Elektronisk Agentur) was a name for a Swedish Governmental Agency.

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