* Posts by Captain DaFt

3548 posts • joined 16 Jun 2007

HMS Frigatey Mcfrigateface given her official name

Captain DaFt
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Re: Type numbers?

I'm looking forwards to the launch of the Type 36DD. HMS Maidenform, HMS Silhouette and HMS Kiss Me Deadly being the first three down the slipway.

Don't forget HMS Plus Size, although it'll take more than three tugs to get her out of the slip. ☺

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Watson AI panned, 5¼ years of sales decline ... Does IBM now stand for Inferior Biz Model?

Captain DaFt
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Re: Other than failing, what do the following have in common

Plenty of men crash and burn IT as well.

In fact, here's Stephen_Elop's record, one man who's record is worse than all the women above, combined!

Oh, and let's not forget Irving Gould at Commodore.

Took a company that had 60% of the home computer market and downsized it to the point that in 1990 his $1.75 million salary was larger than Commodore's $1.5 million profit.

And there's way too many more for me to depress myself with. It's a nice day outside.

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Nutanix CEO smacks down VMware exec over claim it's a new Enron

Captain DaFt
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Ah, nostalgia!

It's heartening to see two modern companies remembering the classics.

Both company's got their names out in front, and even got Acropolis hypervisor, vsphere, XC series appliances, and even EVO Rail mentioned, just for the price of a couple of tweets.

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Now your boss can tear you a new Glasshole: Google's techno-specs reborn as biz gear

Captain DaFt
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Re: It's OK, I'm a doctor...

Also:

"this whole audio-visual discussion about your rectal polyps and history of bipolar disorder will be securely uploaded into Googles Cloud, where Google promises it will only slurp 'anonymised data' for itself and sponsored associates in the medical and insurance industries.

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Vendors rush to call everything AI even if it isn't, or doesn't help

Captain DaFt
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Re: Wow

An analyst who actually understands what is going on. Kudos!

And a Gartner analyst, no less! I'm agog!

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Dell and Intel see off IBM and POWER to win new Australian super

Captain DaFt
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Hey dude G'day mate, you're getting a Dell!

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Jesus walks away after 7,000lb pipe van incident

Captain DaFt
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Pray tell what is the technical IT angle to this miracle?

The pipe was part of an upgrade to ex-senator Ted Stevens "Series of tubes" internet? ☺

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Google unleashes 20m lab-created blood-thirsty freaks on a city. And this is a good thing, it says

Captain DaFt
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Re: Who stuffed the headline then?

"Google unleashes 20m lab-created blood-thirsty freaks on a city."

I was expecting 20-meter blood-thirsty freaks!

Imagine the flyswatter you'd need!

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Funnily enough, charging ££££s for trashy bling-phones wasn't a great idea

Captain DaFt
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Re: Not Ugly Enough

Well the BBC article states:

"One technology analyst said Vertu would have faced competition from companies offering to customise other smartphones with precious materials."

Which strikes as spot on. Anyone who has the money will want something tailor made for them by a boutique, rather than mere pricey commercial goods.

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Luxembourg passes first EU space mining law. One can possess the Spice

Captain DaFt
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Re: Dodgy Picture

so this image is from the Asian knockoff "Doon".

Silly pedant time:

Actually, Doon was the National Lampoon parody.

(The sprinkles must flow!) ☺

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Ofcom creates watchdog specifically to make sure Openreach is behaving

Captain DaFt
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Huh?

But the regulator warned: "Should it become clear the new Openreach was not working, or BT was failing to comply with its commitments, Ofcom would revisit the model and consider new measures to address any concerns."

Is it just me, or does that parse as:

"If we catch you misbehaving, we'll sit on the naughty step and think about what you've done!"

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Brickbat unwraps in lap of crap Snapchat yap app technocrat brats after stock splat mishap

Captain DaFt
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I bet you can't say the title of the article 10 times really fast without making a mistake!

You're on!

The title of the article

The title of the article

The title of the article

The title of the article

The tartle of the eyeticle...

Aw fudge!

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The life and times of Surface, Microsoft's odds-defying fondleslab

Captain DaFt
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Re: Lovely hardware...

(It normally is whatever the hardware, to be fair.... New toaster? Yeah, nice toast, but can I blat it and put a PROPER linux on there?)

Pfft, Linux on my toaster? Not likely mate!

NetBSD only!

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Captain DaFt
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Re: Settings and Control panel

I don't need to change the settings every 2 minutes,

No real reason to anyway, since MS will just reset them back to what they want with the next update.

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If at first you don't succeed, you're Microsoft pushing its magical white space broadband

Captain DaFt
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MS has a weird type of OCD

It seems to increase exponentially when confronted by negative feedback.

I believe the medical term is "mule-headed contrariness". ☺

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Got a Windows Phone 8 mobe? It's now officially obsolete. Here's why...

Captain DaFt
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Refreshingly honest comment from MS

" ...can upgrade from Windows Phone 8.1 to Windows 10 Mobile, which Microsoft has assured us will not be going away anywhere any time soon."

Windows 10 Mobile not going anywhere any time soon?

Yah, your Phones past history kind of made that clear already!

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May the excessive force be with you: Chap cuffed after Star Trek v Star Wars row turns bloody

Captain DaFt
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Re: No contest

> "My vote for best goes to Bab5."

> And mine goes to Battlestar Galactica.

Pfft! Firefly was best.

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BOFH: That's right. Turn it off. Turn it on

Captain DaFt
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Re: "it doesn't work"

"And no funky working lightsabers. Sometimes, reality sucks."

It's not an issued item.

To become a full fledged Sith (or Jedi) you're supposed to build your own lightsaber from scratch.

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Google ships WannaCrypt for Android, disguised as Samba app

Captain DaFt
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Sigh

Too accustomed to this type of tech fuck-up by companies that ought to know better to even muster the energy for a face palm.

One day, we'll look back on this type of thing and laugh.

It'll be the kind of laugh that rises in pitch and intensity until someone rushes in with a hypo of tranquilizer, but it'll be a laugh.

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Microsoft boasted it had rebuilt Skype 'from the ground up'. Instead, it should have buried it

Captain DaFt
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I see what happened

"El Reg reached out to Microsoft for comment. No word so far."

You tried using Skype, didn't you? ☺

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Brit teen accused of running malware factory and helpdesk for crims

Captain DaFt
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@ Sanctimonious Prick

Pro tip:

Refrain from eating and drinking while reading El Reg comments.

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Samsung stalls Bixby launch because it am English not so good

Captain DaFt
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- "make insert pci correct" was my favourite.-

Mine was: "Warning! Low battery may cause errotic(sic) function"

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Captain DaFt
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Re: Hilp!

"My buttery is goating too hot. It mite catch fur!"

Eye sea watch ewe dither. ☺

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One thought equivalent to less than a single proton in mass

Captain DaFt
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Re: Confused units

"Perhaps someone in this thread has had their mind twisted enough to tell me why a raven is like a writing desk?"

Oh, that's simple: The notes that they're normally noted for are not musical notes.

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Extreme trainspotting on Britain's highest (and windiest) railway

Captain DaFt
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Re: post from someone from Texas

"highest point in Texas"

Some would argue (mostly from Arkansas) That the highest point in Texas is the sign that says, "You are now leaving Texas".

FWIW, I've been to Texas, and still can't understand how someplace so far south can get so freakin' cold in the winter!

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Constant work makes the kilo walk the Planck

Captain DaFt
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Re: Confused

"and if NASA's various mishaps are anything to go by, they still seem a bit schizophrenic about it."

Well, the Kasson Act officially adopted the metric system into the US in 1866, but I'm afraid they've been a bit of a negligent parent.

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Captain DaFt
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Re: Confused

"If this is inappropriate, then a new base unit should be declared that equals 1,000 grams "

Why not do it like they did the ton?

1 ton = 2000 pounds, a very convenient measure for shipping.

So 1 Tonne = 1000 kilograms was adopted, near enough to fit in the average intellect.

So why not Pounde* = 500 grams?

*Poundde just looks silly. ☺

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Fresh cotton underpants fix series of mysterious mainframe crashes

Captain DaFt
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Re: Don't give me no static ...

Wintergreen lifesavers are best. The wintergreen oil in them really lights up!

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NASA tells Curiosity: Quit showing off, no 'wheelies' please

Captain DaFt
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Re: Maybe we don't need too many humans in space yet...

"and then we did nothing much ever since"

Every time I contemplate that humans are currently limited to Earth (ISS at a mere 400Km high still counts as 'on Earth' to me), but (semi)intelligent machines are exploring every nook of the solar system, and beyond, the X-files theme starts playing in my head.

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Captain DaFt
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Curiosity: "No wheelies? No spin outs? Poo! I never get to have any fun!"

*Calculates, aims, and fires laser at Houston*

NASA: "And stop doing that!"

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Azure blues: Active Directory Connect has password reset vuln

Captain DaFt
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Gesundheit!

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America throws down gauntlet: Accept extra security checks or don't carry laptops on flights

Captain DaFt
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Re: Last I read...

"In addition, at what point do you say that, to all intents and purposes, the feckers have won?"

October 26, 2001, when the USA PATRIOT Act of Congress was signed into law by President George W. Bush.

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Hot news! Combustible Galaxy Note 7 to return as 'Galaxy Note FE'

Captain DaFt
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I'll be nice for once ☺

It obviously stands for 'Flame Extinguished'!

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The 'DUP' joins El Reg’s illustrious online standards converter

Captain DaFt
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Re: Welll . . .

If you're a British taxpayer, looks like you've just been!

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What? What? Which? Former broadband minister Ed Vaizey dismisses report

Captain DaFt
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Re: Believing BT bollocks

"These figures result in population densities of about 17,000 per sq mile and 52 per sq mile respectively.

At which location is it (a) easier, and (b) economic, to provide high - speed broadband to individual customers?"

Depends. Which one is the company being reluctant to do?

If Urban: Negotiating right of ways and permissions is prohibitively expensive and time consuming. We should be nearing completion sometime in the next decade. It's far easier to install in the rural areas, where there is more public right of way and fewer permissions needed.

Ir Rural: It is cost prohibitive due to sparse population to reach every household in a timely manner. We should be nearing completion sometime in the next decade. This would be far easier in Urban areas, where population density is higher.

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Blighty's first aircraft carrier in six years is set to take to the seas

Captain DaFt
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Re: "although wikipedia states"

"IIRC you are not supposed to use Wikipedia as a source, but to go to the citations."

And it doesn't hurt to check that the citations don't just end up referencing Wikipedia!

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Captain DaFt
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-Definition of nm

1 nanometer

2 nautical mile

Source: Merriam-Webster-

So that was the mix-up that doomed that Mars mission!

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Researchers solve screen glare nightmare with 'moth-eye' antireflective film

Captain DaFt
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Yes, Jiun-Haw Lee has revealed that he is Captain Obvious!

He will soon find himself at the mercy of The Obfuscation Overlord!

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Despite high-profile hires, Apple's TV plans are doomed

Captain DaFt
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Re: "There's more premium original content than consumers can even watch."

"If it's always been the case, broadly speaking, that only 3% of TV was worth watching,"

From my perspective, you're being very, very generous.

For my entire lifetime, I can count the number of must see shows on one hand, and still have a finger left over*, and probably another dozen shows, at best, that were worth wasting time on.

*And those were animation, AKA cartoons.

It's funny how so called 'Children's shows' actually aim at a higher mental level than crime dramas, sit-coms, 'reality' shows,and and other so called 'Adult fare.**

**You were expecting a joke about which finger, weren't you?

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Microsoft recommends you ignore Microsoft-recommended update

Captain DaFt
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Re: A new meaning to

Really? Wile E. Coyote's only ever been a danger to himself.

I would have thought this Fustercluck more along the wiles of Larry, Moe, and Curly.

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BOFH: Putting the commitment into committee

Captain DaFt
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Re: A Question of style

"For some reason everyone lost interest after that."

Simple, easy and functional; anathema for a modern 'Usability Designer'! ☺

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Ex-NASA bod on Gwyneth Paltrow site's 'healing' stickers: 'Wow. What a load of BS'

Captain DaFt
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Re: Maybe if Gwyneth started selling carbon-fiber movie tickets...

Nah, the theatre would need to pass out copious amounts of "High level spirits" to have that effect.

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Florida Man to be fined $1.25 per robocall... all 96 million of them

Captain DaFt
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Re: Punishment

What did the sharks do to you that you'd want to punish them this way?

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Heaps of Windows 10 internal builds, private source code leak online

Captain DaFt
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So how'd they get it?

32 TB is a freakin' lot of data to down load, to say the least.

And nobody at MS saw a thing? Really?

So, stored "securely" on an Azure cloud?

Internal git left open to world + dog?

Somebody hung at the favorite MS watering hole with a crate of harddrives going "Psst, buddy, wanna make some big bucks quick?"

Mind boggled that someone pulled this off!

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Cheeky IT rival parks 'we're hiring' van outside 'vote Tory' firm Storm Technologies

Captain DaFt
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Re: How would Storm know?

"they could always try asking me :D"

Well, stateside, there's a reason there's not many exit polls:

"According to our latest exit poll numbers, Fuckoff has a 27% lead over Pissoff, with Gotohell trailing."

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Walmart tells developers to stay away from AWS

Captain DaFt
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Re: There are alternatives

"You have alternatives and your choices are getting richer every day."

Is that another dig at Oracle's pricing? And you work for them? Brave!

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Google, Mozilla both say they sped up the web today. One by blocking ads. One with ads

Captain DaFt
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Re: Hmm

"Looking even further ahead, build some kind of ad server into the phone, which downloads targetted ads in advance when plugged into the mains and using wifi, and delivers them effortlessly during the day when you are on battery and a mobile connection."

There's a word for that.

If I discover any device in my possession doing that, it will immediately become very tiny bits of ex-device!

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Microsoft admits to disabling third-party antivirus code if Win 10 doesn't like it

Captain DaFt
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Re: Sod it

"time to dust off my old Amiga"

Ugh, if you think Microsoft is a pain to deal with, try dealing with the half dozen or so* competing companies that allegedly support Amiga Software/hardware these days. It's enough to drive you to doing computing on clay tablets with cuneiform!

*The number is always changing due to lawsuits, bankruptcies, buy outs, and just plain disappearing with with your money.

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Captain DaFt
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Re: Microsoft: from vindictive to cack-handed...

"The Ballmer era gave us Windows XP and Windows 7"

Plus Windows ME and Vista, Linux FUD and the Business Software Alliance goon squad.

Buuuut, we were always at war with Oceania, right? ☺

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Captain DaFt
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Re: "It is amazing that companies still use Windows,"

"But Amber Rudd said there isn't a magic money tree?"

If you had one, would you admit it?

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