Posts by FredScummer

Time stops

I don't claim to be an expert with this stuff (Prof Hawking won't move over....), but I read someplace that on the event horizon time stops. So that cloud might have a while to go before it no longer exists.

My theory is that the universe is an everlasting black hole, where we are sitting on the edge of an event horizon where time has stopped. However I haven't been able to secure funding for providing my theory of everything so I will stick to my other theory involving Paris and black holes.

Free Seats

No problem with this new aircraft and so on, but could we please give free seats to LibDem MP's and other retards who think that having a closer marriage with the EU is a good thing. One way tickets that is, we don't want them coming back.

If I Were An Argentinian

I would be rubbing my hands with glee in respect of the UK government dissolving the UK's ability to ward off invaders from the Falkland Islands.

Back in 1982 there was a big defence review taking place and we were damn lucky to have enough resources to take the job on, but now I reckon the UK would be hard pushed to man a rowing boat armed with a couple of peashooters.

I believe our aircraft carrier requirements are going to be met by France lending us one as the need arises. And I can just see how friendly the French are going to be given our position with the ongoing Euro crisis.

It's a damn pity we didn't put orders into the UK shipyards for new battleships etc, because that would have kept lots of people employed. Instead of which we are hacking away the UK's defences and having to pay a social security budget which keeps these people off the streets.

We might as well put the Falkland Islands on ebay and see what we can get in a firesale. If the argies flex their muscles again they can just walk right in, and we'll be left whingeing to the UN about loss of sovereign territory.

Where's Baldrick When You Need Him?

The question I always ask myself when presented with evidence which has been derived by brainpower alone is - what planet are they from to figure this stuff out?

Us mere mortals aren't able to fathom out these arguments, so it can only be down to some higher level of intelligence which we know nothing about.

Or, perhaps Baldrick was the star player and it isn't the overwhelming intelligence angle which solves the problem - but the lack of intelligence which allows them to see the bleeding obvious that escapes the gaze of the rest of us.

Paris and lack of intelligence go together.

Thoughts

I don't suppose these mega-brains could be persuaded to spend 5 minutes of their time figuring out a solution to the worldwide debt crisis?

Tablet Size

I have to admit that I wasn't fired up about the current version of Kindle Fire, primarily because of its screen size. So if the 2nd version is going to be bigger then that might placate my concerns enough to consider one.

However I still have a concern about being forced to use Amazon's proxy servers to connect to the Internet. It's not so much my objecting to records being kept of my online activity (who would be interested in me visiting the fatslags.com and plumpywhores.biz web site anyway?), it's more to do with concerns about my password activity to log into secure sites being channelled thru one portal.

Paris because I mentioned being channelled thru one portal.

Something Is Missing

I haven't been able to spot where the Clangers hang out. Could someone help me please?

Paris because I reckon she's a Clanger (or is that Banger?).

Eh?

I thought it was Baldrick that had relationships with swedes?

Paris because she can pretend to be a swede with me anytime.

C'mon UK!

Iran will be looking for a supply of new tin hats to protect against these bunker busters, so here's our chance to get a few bob out of Iran.

Paris because it might be sensible to wear a certain type of hat when trying to damage her bunker, though tin might not be the best material for that job.

Werrity

There wasn't a bloke called Werrity involved with this deal was there? If so then this deal probably hasn't been put to bed yet.

His special advisor status probably had a lot to do with vectored thrusting of things which go up and down, if you know what I mean.

I Imagine.....

....that reporting into A&E in Southampton Hospital could have been an embarassing experience for the guy.

Receptionist: What is the problem?

Patient: I've got my todger stuck in a ring.

Other Waiting Patients : Fall about laughing.

Paris because if he'd have been thinking about her then there never would have been any danger of getting it in the ring in the first place.

'ello, 'ello, 'ello.....

It smells like you have been drinking and driving Sir. Would you please give me a breath sample by blowing into this....?

Thank Goodness!

It's a good job we put the clocks back last weekend otherwise this space rock would have hit the earth plumb center.

I'm using Paris-onian theory to make this claim.

So True

Although we pride ourselves on being whiter than white there is always going to be an element of trusting people/organisations that you assume to be completely legit. It only takes one snake in the process to open pandora's box.

However, thank goodness we can rely upon El Reg to look after our interests.

Thank Goodness!

I'm pleased that HP has made a decent decision. Them getting out of hardware would never have been a good thing.

Keep it up Meg!

Have given Paris a vote as I haven't given her one recently.

Blimey!

Reading all the responses relating to these naughty neutrinos which won't be guided by a fibre optic cable and I realise that I've obviously entered the wrong club. I didn't see a sign indicating that only Albert Einstein's could enter. Very sorry, will exit and see if I can find the room I want.

Paris because I hope she'll be in the room I'm looking for, as I want to practice being a neutrino.