* Posts by earl grey

1079 posts • joined 28 Sep 2011

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Life is... pushing all the right buttons on the wrong remote control

earl grey
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Trollface

rather watch Benny Hill reruns

Now, get that theme music out of your head.

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earl grey
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Pint

Re: Finding and identifying the correct AC to DC power blob

I find that a silver Sharpie is ideal for writing on wall warts what device they claim to power as well as highlighting the micro-print the arseholes use to detail output information.

Ninja'd by Mage.

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AI-powered dynamic pricing turns its gaze to the fuel pumps

earl grey
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WTF?

The company says it isn't ripping off anyone.

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha

ahhhhh

bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

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'Odour' from AnalTech ramming leads to hazmat team callout

earl grey
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Coat

Re: I need closure

that was no stink bomb.

getting my coat; think i need to leave now.

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Emissions cheating detection shines light on black box code

earl grey
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Trollface

" make areas where 90% of humans live at present uninhabitable."

Well, we could do with a bit smaller population on mother earth...

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PayPal peed off about Pandora's 'P' being mistaken for its 'PP'

earl grey
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FAIL

paypal - avoid at all costs

pandora = simply don't care about

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Wonky whitelist update blamed for AT&T's nationwide 911 blackout

earl grey
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Flame

"whether or not cross border responses take place"

Unlikely now that the "i'm so scared" babies require passports to go whiz. Used to be no big deal going back and forth across the border (seriously, no big deal), but any more...ugh.

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Faking incontinence and other ways to scare off tech support scammers

earl grey
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Facepalm

Hello, I'm from MS support

Yeah, i have a call on my other line...hold on.

You're from MS support...too? I already have someone from MS support on the other line.

You want to talk with them to get the problem fixed. Hold on, i'll transfer you.

Hang up.

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You'll get a kick out of this: Qualcomm patents the 'Internet of Shoes'

earl grey
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Joke

what's next? computers in your shorts?

You should have gone to the loo back there... ewwww

Change me now!

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Man sues date for cinema texting fiasco, demands $17.31

earl grey
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Joke

At least call me a cab

*poof*, you're a cab.

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IBM's pension fund sells most of its IBM shares

earl grey
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Facepalm

Fiduciary responsibilities and all

Yes, the fund managers have responsibility to the pensioners to keep the value and returns up there and keep the payout levels if they can. You sure don't want another Enron.

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What augmented reality was created for: An ugly drink with a balloon

earl grey
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Facepalm

That's Mr. Pillock to you

Oh, wait....

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BOFH: This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back

earl grey
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Pint

A dull thud

Nicely played. Nicely played. Have a few.

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European Court of Justice lays down the law on Kodipocalypse

earl grey
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Facepalm

Oh, thank the googly one

They've surely stopped piracy dead in its tracks.

/s

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Yeah, keep buying those SSDs, grins Seagate: Your data will be on our disks eventually, muaha

earl grey
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Paris Hilton

mmmmm - muffins

what? you know what i mean

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What is dead may never die – how to get a post-BlackBerry BlackBerry

earl grey
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Devil

What is dead may never die

Thank Cthulhu for that.

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Web celeb product whores told to put on the red light – or else

earl grey
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Trollface

"then cake is a lie, too"

Wait, wait...the cake is a lie?

Shite!

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Will the MOAB (Mother Of all AdBlockers) finally kill advertising?

earl grey
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Mushroom

"People don't hate adverts"

I call bullshit on that. Reg have been showing me ads all morning for Expedia (which i don't never use and zero plans on using) and yesterday it were dresses (and i'm a bloke - well, last time i looked i was); and i don't wear dresses (and don't count kilts). Since i don't have an adblocker at work, it makes it painful to view and honestly often hangs the browser besides putting those sites on my "don't ever do business with" list.

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'Tech troll' sues EFF to silence 'Stupid Patent of the Month' blog. Now the EFF sues back

earl grey
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Headmaster

Re: EFF Lawyers are EFF'n Stupid

"The United States Post Office is very much to blame."

Think you mean US Patent Office.

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Microsoft raises pistol, pulls the trigger on Windows 7, 8 updates for new Intel, AMD chips

earl grey
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FAIL

" fewer headaches for its programmers"

Well, boo hoo Microsoft. Should we call the WAHmbulance for you now or later?

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Law Commission pulls back on official secrets laws plans after Reg exposes flawed report

earl grey
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Pint

Thank you

Have one (or more, as appropriate).

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Homes raided in North West over data thefts from car body repair shops

earl grey
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Devil

i always invite them to my home

Of course, they end up in a carpet in the lime pit, but really now, what did they expect?

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Intel's buggy Puma 6 chipset earns Arris a gigabit-modem lawsuit

earl grey
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Facepalm

lawyer: I just made a bazillion bucks

And here's a fiver toward your new modem.

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WD unveils grown-up USB stick in My Passport slab form

earl grey
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Pint

Re: g force 1500 ?

I doubt the contents would survive a drop table.

Nicely played. Have one.

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earl grey
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Happy

Re: Sigh....

still did backups onto floppy disks

Erm, did them on tape. Travan 4 if i recall. Even back then.

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Eric S. Raymond says you probably fit one of eight tech archetypes

earl grey
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Angel

Anyway, the answer to your problem

Is on page 25, middle of the page, paragraph 3.

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earl grey
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Trollface

Re: Attempting to pigeonhole people has a major issue.

quick wash with a pressure hose

i think you mean quick wash with a pressure hose and bleach...

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Customer satisfaction is our highest priority… OK, maybe second-highest… or third...

earl grey
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Pint

is that oil base, or water base varnish?

And no, we don't want to see it in action.

Have one for the weekend.

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BOFH: Defenestration, a solution to Solutions To Problems We Don't Have

earl grey
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Pint

great way to start out the weekend

And that includes a power out at work location!

Have one to get started (and then have another!).

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Baidu teaches AI 'baby' bots English by ordering them around a maze

earl grey
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Trollface

what a learning curve

Does your animal have four legs?

no

Does your animal have two legs?

no

Is your animal slimy and squirms around?

yes

Is your animal a worm?

no

Does your animal have a brain?

no

Is your animal a politician?

yes

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Half a million 'de-identified' patients records to be shared in Bradford

earl grey
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Devil

i'm surprised no one has said

What can possibly go wrong?

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Startup remotely 'bricks' grumpy bloke's IoT car garage door – then hits reverse gear

earl grey
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Trollface

Re: re Why do you need the intermediate server, which is just another thing to go wrong?

"But my housemate wanted to be able to control the central heating from her smartphone"

Pick up phone.

walk over to the heating control

use corner of phone to poke the up/down arrow on the control

mission accomplished

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FCC saves Charter from threat of having to compete for customers

earl grey
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Facepalm

more pants on fire

Yes, the head dingo eats babies (as if we didn't already know this).

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BOFH: The Boss, the floppy and the work 'experience'

earl grey
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Angel

Loved that picture of the control board

We used to use similar boards on IBM collator (085) and interpreters (557) and on Univac 1004/1005 units. They usually had a hard cover affixed to keep fingers out. I don't even want think about how many cards I put through those machines.

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New plastic banknote plans now upsetting environmental campaigners

earl grey
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Trollface

grounds for euthanasia.

So, that's somewhere south and east of the EU?

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Alabama joins anti-web-smut crusade with mandatory opt-out filters

earl grey
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Trollface

Re: Not the only moronic ban in Alabama

"using other objects "

Shovels and rakes are not replacement for hoes.

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earl grey
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Paris Hilton

masturbating is genocide

I'll get the swallow right on it.

She knows.

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Racist Tesla staff drilled my buttocks, claims employee in lawsuit

earl grey
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Flame

well, at least the lawyer will make out ok

How many millions go to the lawyer? Pull my other one.

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RIP: Antivirus veteran Raimund Genes, 54

earl grey
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Unhappy

Sad loss

Condolences to friends and family. The tribute is worth a read.

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How Ford has slammed the door on Silicon Valley's autonomous vehicles drive

earl grey
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Mushroom

"potentially lowers your premiums"

Will that be just before; or right after hell freezes over?

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Squirrel sinks teeth into SAN cabling, drives Netadmin nuts

earl grey
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Unhappy

mice love to chew

I've had them chew up gas line on the lawn tractor and chew though the high voltage cable coming off the coil on the old van. Had to have it towed to the garage as i had no way of getting beneath the thing to check it out.

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Good news, everyone! Two pints a day keep heart problems at bay

earl grey
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Happy

Re: Joyous news!

Beer and Bacon.

You can't go wrong.

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Nokia blasts 250 Gbps across Atlantic in optical test for Facebook

earl grey
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Holmes

Looks like a good step

So Nokia scooping up Alcatel wasn't a total waste of time and money.

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Can you ethically suggest a woman pursue a career in tech?

earl grey
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Pint

Well, you sure got the jackasses upset.

Have a beer and celebrate.

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earl grey
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Trollface

Re: The portrayal of nerds in the media....

"see nothing higher than base desires"

Name one.

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earl grey
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Re: Woman live longer on average...

dressing female babies in blue and males in pink?

It used to be this way into the mid-50's and large corporations changed it all around. When we had our first daughter and brought her home all wrapped in blue, the elderly ladies in our apartment knew she was a girl with only the face exposed...nothing else visible...

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This is where UK's Navy will park its 75,000-ton aircraft carriers

earl grey
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Paris Hilton

auto-tensioning bollocks

Did i mis-read that? I'll have to ask her...

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Road accident nuisance callers fined £270,000 for being absolute sh*tbags

earl grey
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Devil

you've all missed the obvious case for enforcement

Put all the execs in a soundproof room and play their recordings non-stop all the way up to 11. Seriously.

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Watt the f... Dim smart meters caught simply making up readings

earl grey
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Trollface

Re: There's more to it that that...

Thought? Whoa now. Let's not be insulting them.

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Q: How many IBMers need to volunteer for corporate guillotine?

earl grey
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Facepalm

It's the stop and the end

So, does it matter if they shove them off the roof or force them to jump?

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