* Posts by John Donovan

16 posts • joined 14 Jun 2007

Tesco store bans shopping in pyjamas

John Donovan

Daytime nightwear

The fashion for scallies/chavs/neds to wear special "going out" pyjamas is still going strong in Merseyside.

It warms the cockles of my heart to see girls dressed in pyjama bottoms that have soaked up all the dirt from the pavements, as they head off to the tanning salon to change their skin colour from diarrohoea brown to Oompa-loompa orange.

Pirate Bay back online and back on Google

John Donovan


Microsoft's marketing department won't be pleased to hear you say that...

Darth Vader tops movie misquote poll

John Donovan


"Badgers...? We don't need no steeekin' badgers!" - Raul from UHF.

Grid computer recreates ancient Greek lute

John Donovan


The epigonion is more of a harp than a lute. Luts have a fretboard like a guitar, but the epigonion is only capable of just one tone per string (barring harmonics).

Mine's the one with the zither in the pocket.

Bloke crams 13 into Volvo S70

John Donovan

"serious dramatic overloading"

Sounds like a Ken Brannagh treatment of Richard III.

Mine's the one with the fake hunchback.

Lunar mini-mole missile probes tested against Welsh target

John Donovan

Dark side?

C'mon Mr. Page, everybody should know that there is no dark side of the moon, even Pink Floyd's eponymous album ackowledges as much in the sleeve notes. There's a _far_ side, but it gets as much light as any other part of the moon.

Ms. Sherriff wouldn't have made that mistake.

Japanese customs dish out free dope

John Donovan
Paris Hilton

Training for wrong target II

Didn't the Russians train dogs to recognise tanks, and send them in with explosives strapped to them? The plan backfired when they realised they had trained them with Russian tanks...

Paris, because she could sniff out 142g without being in the airport.

Dutch boffin, astronaut in space-sickness breakthrough

John Donovan
Paris Hilton


The RAF have a treatment programme for pilots who become "stomach aware" during flying.

It consists of spinning them around in all manner of nauseating ways until they're just on the threshold of producing the technicolor yawn. Then they let them recover slightly, and repeat the process again and again until they no longer feel sick. This can take several weeks... It must be the worst weeks in a pilot's life.

Paris because she would never get sick in space, and would make the best ambassador to our alien overlords.

Cornish lingo gets standard written form

John Donovan

Language by comittee

My god, it'll be like esperanto. As others have said, Cornish as we know it now is an almost entirely made up language. Let's loose the chains and let Cornwall float off into the Atlantic if they want independence. They can keep that bloody awful Land's End theme park too.

@Saucerhead: on a matter of pedantry, modern English is Engish (language) as well as English (belonging to the English people), but it's origins are more of a Heinz 57. You have to define a country's language as that spoken by the plebs at any given period. So Chaucer's English was English when Chaucer was writing in it.

Mine's the one with the English Language degree certificate from an online "university" in the pocket.

Dope-crazed Canadians sledgehammer iPhone

John Donovan


Bugger me! You're right! Although I can't imagine the Brothers spending good cash on an iPhone, when they could score some gear with the money...


Dead wife contacts Lancs man via SMS

John Donovan

@M Brown

What's wrong with being buried with your mobile phone? People have been buried with their prized posessions for thousands of years. It's an act of respect by the living to the dead to put in the grave that which they feel represents the deceased.

I for one would like to be buried with my 10th century reenactment gear, just to confuse future archaeologists.

Japanese malware author admits guilt

John Donovan

Quick programmer

"Nakatsuji admitted writing the malware during the first day of his trial on Tuesday"

That's not bad going, but I'm surprised they let him have his laptop and an internet connection in the dock.

Mine's the one with the get out of jail free card in the pocket.

Forth Bridge painters to down brushes in 2012

John Donovan

Tom Stoppard

The powers that be should listen to Tom Stoppard's "Albert's Bridge" before embarking on such a strategy. It will avert disaster I tells ya.

Enraged vegan spitroasts Reg hack

John Donovan

What's in a name?

"As for the rest of the rant, we'll let it pass, except to say that it's a bit rich for someone with the surname "Astill-Dunseith" to have a pop about someone's else's moniker. 'Nuff said."

Indeed! There's a pot/kettle thing going on for sure!

I also note that her iron and lard deficency has lead onto punctuation deficiency. With bearely a comma or apostrophe in the piece, I was struggling for breath.

And on a matter of pedantry, the proposition "black is white" is perfectly valid. It's the argument you use to prove it that has to be deemed valid or invalid.

I'm off to eat another rather nice meat and potato pie.

Boffins issue speeding ticket for FTL photons

John Donovan

Does this mean...

...I can now get from Bethnel Green to Maida Vale in one move while playing Mornington Crescent?

Space boffins fire up plasma engine

John Donovan

I wonder if?

It's a well known fact to those that know it well, you'd need to attach an interossitor to control the transperambulation of pseudocosmic antimatter. Or something.

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