* Posts by wolfetone

3250 posts • joined 6 Aug 2011

'Please store the internet on this floppy disk'

wolfetone Silver badge

Yeah, I'm sure it was "Andre", not you Mr.Graham Linehan. And I'm sure the user in question wasn't called Jen.

Yes, your old iPhone is slowing down: iOS hits brakes on CPUs as batteries wear out

wolfetone Silver badge

What I'd like to know is, does changing the battery on the phone remedy the situation? I have an iPhone 5S which is 3 years old and the battery is absolutely knackered to the point the "battery case" I have for it needs charging twice a day.

wolfetone Silver badge

Re: This

"I imagine their thinking is

- Safety. People setting fire to their houses or their body with their phones does happen occasionally, but is far more likely with knock-off batteries. Not good publicity when that happens."

Well colour me suprised, I never knew those Samsung Note users had changed the battery on their phones before they exploded.

"- Design. A phone that is easily dismantled involves design compromises. Phones that creak in your hand or burst open when you drop them aren’t good publicity."

The Nokia 3310 had a fantastic reputation, even though sometimes the shell would pop off. The problem comes if the shell doesn't go back on. Besides, the iPhone only has to look at some concrete and the screen cracks.

"- Support. Apple isn’t a charity. When your phone or apps go bad due to a knock-off battery or dodgy flash card, why should you be able to walk into an Apple Store and waste their time on a problem not of their own making. Also, long queues of people waiting for repairs not good publicity."

But charging nearly £200 to fix a battery on a year old phone is amazing publicity?

"Don’t like it? Don’t buy an iPhone."

Ok Dad.

"What I would definitely support would be a requirement for manufacturers or authorised agents to replace batteries on demand for a reasonable cost well beyond the time when a company arbitrarily decides to declare a product ‘obsolete’. If I have a working iPhone in 10 years’ time that needs a new battery, I should be able to get one."

But Apple aren't a charity? So why would they want to support you for 10 years when you could've had 5 new shiny iPhones from them in that time?

wolfetone Silver badge

But if the battery in my car goes bad, one morning it won't start up. Either I use jump leads with a helpful stranger's car or I call the RAC, but I'm up and running again and the performance of the vehicle is unaffected. Obviously it becomes a lottery for it to start, but a quick trip to the local motor factors, £40 for a battery, 5 minute job, the car will now start as soon as I look at it.

What Apple are doing is essentially like Ford making their cars lose horsepower, slowing down the speed of the air conditioning, slowing down the speed of the electric windows, giving the driver a 3 second pause after they use the indicator to then start the indicators. And then Ford telling the customer the brand new Ford car doesn't have any of these problems because it's new.

CSS and Javascript on GOV.UK page take early Christmas holiday

wolfetone Silver badge

I wonder if their web developer will be availing of legal aid shortly?

Cloud-building alien space rays altered Earth's climate – boffins

wolfetone Silver badge
Pint

Re: Science is awesome...

It'll be an icy cold day in hell before I ever refer to the bourbon Jack Daniels & co a "whiskey".

Although, granted, I used whiskey in reference to whisky made in Scotland, it should be noted that the "e" in whiskey identifies it as Irish.

Merry *hic* Christmas

*hic*

wolfetone Silver badge

Re: Science is awesome...

Not so fast, the beer needs to be put on ice for a moment.

I would like the scientists to tell me whether or not the space rays are more polluting to the atmosphere than my Corolla. If they are, then I'll give them a bottle of whiskey of their choice (as long as it's not Bells or Teachers, because they're shite).

UK, US govt and pals on WannaCry culprit: It woz the Norks wot done it

wolfetone Silver badge

Re: Twaddle!

"You are making this announcement because you *know* Trump is going to blab it. Full stop. End of story."

Or the story is far more scary than what they used when Saddam had his weapons of mass destruction and we were all 45 minutes away from death.

That turned out to be bollocks too.

SCOLD WAR: Kaspersky drags Uncle Sam into court to battle AV ban

wolfetone Silver badge

"The red iceberg."

Can I still use the red cabbage for Christmas?

HMS Queen Elizabeth has sprung a leak and everyone's all a-tizzy

wolfetone Silver badge

It'd probably sink if an F-35 ever managed to land on it.

This considers the scenario of such a plane ever being built to fly in the first place.

Kent woman to season festive dinner with her mother's ashes

wolfetone Silver badge

Re: Poor woman

My thoughts exactly. I'm not sure who would go to the newspapers and say they do that unless they're attention seeking or seeking help.

Google asks browser rival Vivaldi to post uninstall instructions

wolfetone Silver badge

Re: Increased my interest in Vivaldi

Google's Chrome and Vivaldi are both based on the Chromium project. It's an open source project started by Google.

UK reaches peak Bitcoin as bin firm accepts cryptocurrency

wolfetone Silver badge
Coat

The puns littered through the article are rubbish.

'I knew the company was doomed after managers brawled in a biker bar'

wolfetone Silver badge

Re: RE Gearbox

"AC for obvious reasons..."

Makes sense, I don't know anyone who'd willingly admit they owned a Corsa.

wolfetone Silver badge
Facepalm

"On-Call will run every day this week."

Unlike the cronjob that I set up last week to run every day.

Brit film board proposed as overlord of online pr0nz age checks

wolfetone Silver badge

"Are you 18?"

"Yes"

"Here you go".

Engineer named Jason told to re-write the calendar

wolfetone Silver badge

That wouldn't have happened in Turkmenistan or North Korea.

Former ZX Spectrum reboot project man departs

wolfetone Silver badge

"One of the leaked documents shows it was actually Lady Sinclair who was the director. The plot thickens!"

Who has since stepped down as director of Sinclair Research.

I twist my oiled moustache at the plot.

wolfetone Silver badge

"The entire Retro Computers Limited story is a stain on the legacy of Sir Clive Sinclair and the joy that his computer products brought to millions over the years. "

Funnily enough, if you look on Companies House, Sinclair Research Limited are a director of RCL. Yes, the Sinclair Research Limited. So, in a round about way, Sir Clive is damaging his own company's legacy.

You could not write this saga as a film script. It's just so bewildering.

At Christmas, do you give peas a chance? Go cold turkey? What is the perfect festive feast?

wolfetone Silver badge

Re: Absent family

I remember buying an All Day Breakfast frozen meal from Tesco a few years ago out of curiosity. As I stood by the microwave watching it get nuked, I noted that it said the sausages were 14%. But I couldn't work out whether that meant they had 14% pork content or were 14% of the meal.

Over the next month I went back and forth to Tesco over email asking about this, and literally no one at Tesco could tell me what the 14% referred to.

wolfetone Silver badge

Re: The Rampart Household

"I'm not an alcoholic either. I've got 8 bottles of whisky in my bar, vodka, gins and rums (various), tequila and triple sec (for margaritas), and then a few cases of wine and port in the spare room.

If I was an alcoholic I'd have drunk them all already.

Having a bar doesn't make me an alcoholic does it?"

I've the same collection as you (bar the tequila and triple sec) and the wife accuses me of being an alcholic. I, too, pointed out that if I was an alcoholic the 1 litre bottle of Penderyn whisky I bought over a year ago would've been gone by now, but I've most of it left.

She wasn't happy with that retort! Especially as I said cheers to her as I started drinking my pint of Malibu and Pineapple.

wolfetone Silver badge

"Erm, why not walk around the block rather than drive? Much more healthy and a smaller CO2 footprint. Cars use more fuel in the cold too."

I'm sure with everyone cooking their Turkey's in gas ovens on Christmas Day my car is going to tip the CO2 footprint over the edge!

Besides, Christmas CO2 doesn't count. Same with Calories.

wolfetone Silver badge

"Betcha listened to your namesake - the Wolfe Tones. Often used to come across them in the CD shops when looking for Scottish Highlands band Wolfstone :)

And, yes, I do know who Wolfe Tone was..."

You got me! Started off with a tape of a live recording they did, upgraded it to a CD version of them later on when he got a new car that didn't have a tape deck. It's been upgraded even further now through iPod's and iPhone's etc.

wolfetone Silver badge

Re: Starter for Ten...

We make little stuffing balls and wrap them in streaky bacon.

We call them "Leprichauns in Blankets", just because the Leprichauns on Live & Kicking were called Sage and Onion.

wolfetone Silver badge

Re: Goose

I've never heard of yorkshire puddings for christmas dinner. Doesn't it make it just a normal roast dinner doing that?

wolfetone Silver badge

I'm cooking christmas dinner for the in laws this year and the mother in laws house. The other week the wife asked (in front of the mother) "What are we having for starters?". I immediately said "Prawn cocktail". Imagine my shock when I see the faces of both of them crunch up in disgust. "PRAWN COCKTAIL!? NO! We're having pate". Cook your own bloody dinner then.

One tradition which I used to do with my old man would be to go for a drive around for an hour while my mom cooked the dinner. It was nice really, he would drive around (then I would when I passed my test) and just listening to old Irish songs on the CD player. They're unique memories really as I don't know anyone else who does that. I still do it now, albeit on my own.

If you're looking for something new to do christmas day, then I can highly recommend doing that with your own choice of music.

How fast is a piece of string? Boffin shoots ADSL signal down twine

wolfetone Silver badge

Dont you mean the haberdashery?

Brrr! It's a snow day and someone has pwned the chuffin' school heating

wolfetone Silver badge

Re: lax installers who have disregarded installation advice

"The manufacturers can put in the most secure defaults possible, but if an installer changes them or the systems staff give the control systems publicly accessible IPs, then you have a security problem."

But if the installer doesn't change the default settings, wouldn't it be easy for someone to just use the default settings on that system to gain access to it?

Y'know, a lot like how "admin" is both the username and password out of the box for most routers?

Millions of moaners vindicated: Man flu is 'a thing', says researcher, and big TVs are cure

wolfetone Silver badge
Pint

Balanced Report

A man has conducted research in to man flu, found out it was a thing. Automatically you would think that he's obviously biased.

But no! His surname is a girls name. Ergo umbongo, balanced.

Netflix silent about ridicule as it discusses punters' viewing habits

wolfetone Silver badge

"adam sandler films are fantastic."

I didn't know Adam Sandler read The Register.

Trump to NASA: Fly me (or some other guys) to the Moon

wolfetone Silver badge

Re: Nomenclature

You're all wrong. It'll be called Moonbase Freedom 'cause 'murica.

Games-mart Steam halts Bitcoin payments

wolfetone Silver badge

Re: $20 per transaction fee

You're quite right. Right now it's in a bubble and because it's passed a specific value speculators have jumped on board which are increasing the prices yet further.

The issue with Bitcoin is that it's no longer suitable for small transactions. This can be remidied by adding a few zeros at the end but even then, if the price rises that high and crashes so low in a short space of time it's still not suitable for small transactions.

A better cryptocurrency would be Litecoin, as that's fairly stable and doesn't suffer from huge fluctuations like Bitcoin does. However even the value of LTC is linked to Bitcoin and has soared in value over the last 6 months.

Facebook Messenger ... for who now? Zuck points his digital crack at ever younger kids

wolfetone Silver badge

"90% of parents don't really understand it"

90% of parents don't want to understand it. It's really not difficult to understand how it works. But if they understood the problem, and they didn't deal with the problem, then when something goes wrong it can be argued as their fault. But if they're ignorant to it, and something happens, then they can always blame the companies for allowing it to happen.

wolfetone Silver badge

"Year 6 children, or 10-year-olds, routinely use WhatsApp groups, parents tell me. If you do not use the class's WhatsApp group, you're ostracised. Your child is the weird one, whose parents didn't buy them an iPhone."

Who knew such a day would dawn when a parent whose child doesn't use a electronic device as a pseudo-nanny/babysitter would be classed as "weird".

Spy-on-your-home Y-Cam cameras removes free cloud storage bit

wolfetone Silver badge

Was told the other day that Dr.Martens offer a lifetime guarantee on specific boots that are £200, after I said ones I bought 2 years ago for £100 had basically fallen apart. The person telling me got offended when I said companies can go back on these promises if it costs them too much, all they need is a good enough lawyer to make it happen. He said they couldn't.

I'm just happy to know that after reading this article my distrust of offers and promises from corporations isn't misplaced.

Car rental firms told: Tell your customers about in-car data slurps

wolfetone Silver badge

What about those who use the bluetooth to answer calls hands free? You know, using a mobile phone behind the wheel legally?

Viagra's Irish plant STILL giving local men and dogs stiffies (not really)

wolfetone Silver badge

Re: Aren't The Proclaimers Scottish

"I'm sure you could get Westlife and prick together in a sentence."

Westlife have 5 pricks, so where would the other 4 go?

wolfetone Silver badge

I bet mass is fun.

From the graaaaaave! WileyFox's Windows 10 phone delayed again

wolfetone Silver badge

Re: Only but if you like shit customer service.

Never dealt with customer support, but I had a Spark X for 6 months until it completely died. Up until then it was crashing every few hours, becoming unresponsive. The final straw was when it decided it would ring when a call was coming in, but it wouldn't show me the controls or anything on the screen for me to accept the call. Not ideal when you're getting married and trying to organise suppliers and guests etc.

Threw it in to the river the day after the wedding, and I'm slumming it with a 4 year old iPhone 5S.

Escrow you, Apple! Ireland expects Cupertino to cough up to €13bn

wolfetone Silver badge

Re: Clever Irish

"Err, you do realise the Ireland isn't leaving the EU. If you think it's part of the UK I'm sure any Irish commentards can explain why it isn't."

I would, but I'll wait until he finds out Rhodesia isn't a thing anymore first.

Brit MP Dorries: I gave my staff the, um, green light to use my login

wolfetone Silver badge

How many would-be terrorists are looking at what she's said and using it as part of their defence?

"It was a home computer, we all shared the one login, you can't prove I looked at the material because people used my account."

WW2 Enigma machine to be seized from shamed pharma bro Shkreli

wolfetone Silver badge

""It’s like owning a gas chamber.. but it’s a constant reminder that we should use knowledge for good, even if the process is ugly.""

Says the man who increased the costs of AIDs/HIV drugs by over 700%.

I hope Big John has an extra special welcome for him in prison.

Royal Bank of Scotland culls 1 in 4 branches, blames the interwebz

wolfetone Silver badge
Holmes

So if most of their customers have shifted to online banking, how many of their customers are shifting away from the bank because of their online banking?

Foil snack food bags make a decent Faraday cage, judge finds

wolfetone Silver badge

Monday Tuesday Faraday's

Wednesday Thursday Faraday's

Friday Saturday Faraday's

The weekend comes, I didn't work

Because I was too busy playing Golf

These Faraday's are yours and miiiiiiiiiiiiiine

Those Happy Faraday's

User dialled his PC into a permanent state of 'Brown Alert'

This post has been deleted by a moderator

UK.gov admits Investigatory Powers Act illegal under EU law

wolfetone Silver badge

Re: No longer laughing

I know, I could cry. I had my mother cry to me worrying that she's going to be deported (she's from Ireland) after the vote.

But I'm optimistic that it won't happen. Optimistic to the end. And if you're crying you should be laughing and getting drunk. It eases the pain.

wolfetone Silver badge
Joke

So basically we just wait for another year and a bit and the UK cops can do it legally?

I don't know what everyone's so upset about with Brexit. This is good news!

Unfit to plead before a US court? You may face 'indefinite detention'

wolfetone Silver badge

Re: Judges with sense

"But I can assure you that in my mind being held indefinitely awaiting trial would almost certainly lead to his suicide."

Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Want a new HDMI cable? No? Bad luck. You'll need one for HDMI 2.1

wolfetone Silver badge

"Sure the cables they stock are somewhat overpriced,"

Somewhat overpriced? Well to you they may be, if you like to bathe in that Creed aftershave or Bolinger. But to us mere peasants they're bloody well overpriced!

Jingle bells, IBM tells more staff it is D-day ♫

wolfetone Silver badge

Re: walking dead

I wouldn't say they'll be gone in 5 years, but I definately don't think they'll be an American owned company.

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2018