* Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser

727 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

EU clears UK to give £50m to SABRE space launcher engine

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: <Even bigger cynic^2>

But they won't be anywhere near as good but the makers will sue the bollocks off anyone who says so

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BOFH: Why, I LOVE work courses. Please tell me more, o wise one!

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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I have a feeling this will not end well

"I am fairly certain that about the time my Munich flight departs, the PFY will be setting his scrotum on fire and reaching for a size 10 Nike"

I rest my case

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Budget UHD TVs arrive – but were the 4Kasts worth listening to?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Interesting headline

"Budget UHD TVs arrive – but were the 4Kasts worth listening to?"

If all the fuss is about 4k pictures, shirley the question is: "but were the 4Kasts worth WATCHING?"

To which, looking at almost all broadcast TV, the answer is a resounding no.

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BLADE-WIELDING BOTS conquer humans in RADIO DEATHMATCH

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Ah, America

Home of the Vested Interest**

**If not actualy vested, at least in possession of a nice cardigan

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Cop shops mock cop for cop stop flop: He'll cop it for copping it up - top cop

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Who read that bit....

....The Star-Beacon.

as

The Star-Bacon.

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Be quick or be silent: Social media as a business tool

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Speaking of brickbats

That IS the Special Level of Hell: Facebook and nothing else

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Windows 10: Buy cheap, buy twice, right? Buy FREE ... buy FOREVER

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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WIll the next iteration

Be Windows Free point One?

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Nah

Get enough punters on there, take away any route back to the previous OS they bought and then hit 'em that it has become a subscription package.

If you think you have discovered a gold mine, just be careful of the shaft.

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Kudos for the 1970's music reference

What've you got against your grandbrat? Ours quite likes Nanny & Grandpa's music (Mostly Classic FM)

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Florida cops cuff open-carry, balls-out pirate packing 'operational' flintlocks

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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YAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!

Just because

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Microsoft in Blighty reveals its 78 THOUSAND POUND Surface 3 slabloid

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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77p

My final offer

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Zionists stole my SHOE, claims Muslim campaigner

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Looks like

Evil deeds are afoot

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Using leather in 'leccy cars is 'unTesla', rages vegan shareholder

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Would she

Take quinine to kill Malaria parasites? Nice little sentientywenty things. How about a sweet little rat infestation in her basement? Ask them nicely to leave?

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Recycling

Footage: No, it's a MOOOOOVIE

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Life in plastic, it's fantastic: Playmobil supremo dies at 81

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Playmobil

Or it didn't happen

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Power your temperature sensor with this BONKERS router hack

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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There's always

RADIO ONE!

Its has to be good for SOMETHING. thais may be it

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Oh, shoppin’ HELL: I’m in the supermarket of the DAMNED

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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No humans on tills

Then no sale. I normally dump my stuff and walk out.

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LG G4: Be careful while fingering this leather-clad smartie pants

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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The leather cow-hide clad one

Does it play moovies and moosic?

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Stranded Brussels airport passengers told to check Facebook

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Arrrrrgh! Zuck has bought the rights to Belgium?

OK, looks like we have the founding members of the "I Don't Give a Rats Arse About Faecebook or Twatter" club.

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Blocking mobile adverts just became that little bit easier

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Pint

Re: "toxic wastelands such as Facebook"

Liked that

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Ricoh rolls out electrifyingly exciting RUBBER!

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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sparks will fly

with the Dildo Dynamo(tm) and the Arsehole Alternator(tm)

Actually, "Arsehole Alternator" sounds exactly like someone I worked for a while back.

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Starbucks denies mobile app hack, blames careless customers

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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You could always use - ahem

Cash

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Self-STOPPING cars are A Good Thing, say motor safety bods

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Never seen a cow with automatic brakes. Dunno how that would work.

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Speed limit reduction

Obviously a graduate from the BOFH school of how to deal with Volvo salesmen

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So tablets, if you want to get anything done travelling get a ... yes, a laptop

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Oh come on

Seriously, I thought everyone realised tablets were shiny toys for the burbles who liked to feel important and oh so digitized, whilst the rest of us get on doing work. A laptop is just about OK, I suppose, if you are a road warior but for getting real work done nothing, but nothing beats at least 2 decent monitors and either a desktop dock or simply a desktop computer. The only decent use I have ever seen for an iPad is as a glorified remote control for the burbles video conferencing suite. And they can keep that.

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Building the world's biggest telescope array - with machines that don't yet exist

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Lets give the project three cheers

Array!

Array!

Array!

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Facebook serves up shaved, pierced, tattooed 'butterfly' as CAPTCHA

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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All that fannying about

Its obviously the work of a Consultant in the Use of New Technology

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Google pulls plug on YouTube for older iPads, iPhones, smart TVs

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Y'know what?

I just found my old library ticket. Been buried in books ever since. Its great. Anyone want an old TV (Without poo tube)?

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Quite happy wth my TAS* TV

*TAS = Thick As Shit

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Ex-cop: Holborn fireball comms outage cover for £200m bling heist gang

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Transatlantic twonk

@ gazthejourno: In some ways that's even worse

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ISIS: You bomb us, we’ll interrupt your TV transmissions

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Pint

Re: Use the lips, trotters and arseholes....

Have a pint o fthe very best on me sir!

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Sony to PlayStation 4 gamer: 'You got hacked, not our fault. Now give us £50'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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You caught a rootkit?

Your fault, not $ony's

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Big Blue to give car insurers IoT peeking powers

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IoT

Like Web 2.0 rhea, but worse.

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Hey, Microsoft, we can call Windows 10 apps anything we like – you're NOT OUR REAL MOM

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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What do you call it when a marketing drone is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand

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UK call centre linked to ‘millions’ of nuisance robo-calls raided by ICO

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Kickstarter project?

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Proper punishment

They don't have 'em

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'If someone in Australia says lick my toad, it's not a euphemism'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Marmite?

Forget the toad. Lick my Marmite!

That could be a ephemism. It just depends on your stance about being 20 something, gorgeous and with a penchant for filthy old men.

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Top smut site Flashes visitors, leaves behind nasty virus

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Re: "campaign leveraging the recent Adobe Flash zero day vulnerability "

Never claimed it was incorrect or in appropriate. Just pretentious.

Do keep up.

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: "campaign leveraging the recent Adobe Flash zero day vulnerability "

Being in the dictionary doesn't make it sound any less pretentious.

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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"campaign leveraging the recent Adobe Flash zero day vulnerability "

"leveraging"? Don't you mean "using"

I won't say "pretentious twat"

But I'll think it bloody loudly

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BOT AN ABOMINATION: Mechanical DRONE VAMPIRE spreads wings

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Meh...

Details, schmetails

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Meh...

AND a frikkin' LASER!

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SECRETS of the LOST SCROLLS unlocked by key to HEALTHY BOOBS

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Obligatory Frankie Howerd reference

"SECRETS of the LOST SCROLLS unlocked by BREAST SCAN tech" - Titter ye not!

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Microsoft flings Office apps for Android slabs at world+dog

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"a screen size between 7 and 10.1 inches "

Only because of the bloody ribbon toolbar!

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Alien Earths are out there: Our home is not 'unique'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: The final step

Lunatic idea

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Boffins spy I in your little eye

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: CSI?

Yeah, just yell "Enhance!" at it

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Marriott: The TRUTH about personal Wi-Fi hotel jam bid

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Ah, America. Land of the free

And home of the vested interest.

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Dear Marriot

What? Like Google?

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Zuckerberg asks the public to tell him where to go in 2015

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Hate him.

What the hell have Syria or the Ukraine done to you for you to suggest that?

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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I was going to say "Shove his head up his arse and sneeze"

But I''ll have to say "bottom" instead.

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