* Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser

752 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Foot-long £1 sausage roll arrives

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

I'll see your sausage and

raise you to one haggis

This surf-and-turf robot swims using ribbon-like fins. And it's floated for US Navy approval

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: I for one, welcome our new undulating overlords.

<waves>

DJI drones: 'Cyber vulnerabilities' prompt blanket US Army ban

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

As opposed to "making America grate"

words, words, random letters

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

We’ll be reaching out to the US Army

What's wrong with just: " We’ll be ASKING the US Army" - unless you are an HR consultancy reject.

'Would you like fries with that?' The cloud wants to know

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Coat

@Frank ly

For some reason that quite made me chuckle and I can't understand why

Thank you

I'm off out

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
WTF?

One has to wonder

How do you know about Arabian Stallions or their dildos?

How do you know about strawberry flavoured lubricant and that it comes in tubs?

Sorry, psycho bosses, it's not OK to keylog your employees

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: EPO not beholden to national laws

Whhhooo, goodie! Can I get a job and not pay national income tax "given its status as an international organization"

BOFH: Oh go on. Strap me to your Hell Desk, PFY

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

This

Will not End Well

UK ministers' Broadband '2.0' report confuses superfast with 10Mbps

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Gummint clueless about IT

Who'd a thunk it

Moneysupermarket fined £80,000 for spamming seven million customers

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Personally speaking,

Never attribute to malice that which can be perfectly well explained by stupidity

2017: The FBI alerts parents to dangers of Internet of Sh*t toys

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Lets get Social

@ Mage - Meaning a full 39% or parents are not sane

Juicy fine for Bradford firm after it blurts one million spam texts

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

About time fines were set as percentage of annual turnover

Like it sez, really. And no, 100% isnt an upper limit

User left unable to type passwords after 'tropical island stress therapy'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Nailed it in one

Me too - on an old fashioned typewriter, to boot. And, boy, could she type!

Microsoft drops Office 365 for biz. Now it's just Microsoft 365. Word

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Have you read the blurb on their blog?

Whadya mean "Buzzword Bingo" The word "leverage" wasn't used ONCE in any context, let alone as a verb. The announcement was obviously writtem by a rank amateur.

Google ships WannaCrypt for Android, disguised as Samba app

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

"both leveraged insecure SMBv1 shares"

Please, can we stop the reject HR consultant buzz-speak? Whats wrong with "both used insecure SMBv1 shares"?

China pollutes ocean with bloody big rocket

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: How do you say "Oh, CRAP" in Mandarin?

聖潔的廢話

Fresh cotton underpants fix series of mysterious mainframe crashes

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Fanfold paper hurts

Ah yes, long time sinceupon I worked on high speed line printers. One was test run but without the tinsel thingy on the paper exit. Picked up a wedge of printout with one hand, went to flick the perforations with the other to get the tear off started and got one hell of a belt. Data 100 that was, in Hemel Hempstead. Part of CDC, if I recall correctly. <waves at any old lags>

French general accused of nicking fast jet for weekend trips to the Sun

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

P.S. Helicopter icon ... because there isn't an aircraft one.

That's plane to see

BOFH: Putting the commitment into committee

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

@ Sir Runcible Spoon

Have you tried "Fences"? If you can find an older version, that's free. Install and persuade it not to update, you're home and dry.

Ad 'urgently' seeks company to build national e-ID system

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Joke

Capita

Icon says it all

BOFH: Halon is not a rad new vape flavour

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

You just need this

https://www.reddit.com/r/sysadmin/comments/4gla0x/extension_666_hell_we_are_sick_of_cold_sales/?st=j445z687&sh=5cdead7c

Google's news algorithm serves up penis pills

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Is that you, Willie?

I fought Ohm's Law and the law won: Drone crash takes out power to Silicon Valley homes

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Police went on to say they have shot 4 black male suspects.

Senator blows a fuse as US spies continue lying over spying program

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

The USA - same as any other third world nation

Just with more money

HPE ignored SAN failure warnings at Australian Taxation Office, had no recovery plan

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Cloud is no panacea

As has been pointed out before: the cloud is where lies Cuckoo Land

Hotel guest goes broke after booking software gremlin makes her pay for strangers' rooms

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

"when we reached out to her"

Have you started employing out of work HR consultancy rejects? Whats wrong with "when we asked her"?

'Major incident' at Capita data centre: Multiple services still knackered

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

looking at a bit of paper -

that and using LinkedIn

Faking incontinence and other ways to scare off tech support scammers

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

All you need is here

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2016/04/29/it_helpdesk_creates_oh_hold_hell/

Azure users told they're not WannaCrypt-proof

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

The Cloud

Where Cuckoo Land is

Try not to scream: Ads are coming to Amazon's Alexa – and VR goggles

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Just when I was beginning to contemplate thinking about getting one

Now: just piss off.

Microsoft touts next Windows 10 Creators Update: It's set for a Fall

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Got as far as "Cortana"

No thanks

Another AI assistant... It's getting crowded in here, isn't it, Siri?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Given that

the best Google and the morons at Amazon can do so far is to offer me more of what I have just bought or just looked at. That's IT.

They then top it off by telling me what other people looked at (as if I should give a rats arse), what's "trending" (Why should I even give a shit, let alone a rat's alimentary canal?) and what other people bought as well (WTF?)

Look, Google and Amazon, et al: piss off for a bit and get advertising right in the first place. Tell me what I want BEFORE I have found it and please understand tat I don't give a flying fuck what other people looked at/bought, what else other people bought or what is "trending".

Get that right and serve inconspicuous, non-animated ads that don't distract from what I am trying to read, don't chew swathes of bandwidth and don't slow my PC to a crawl and I may begin to consider that you are offing me a worthwhile assistant that can work with me, rather than shoving down my throat a dirty creep in a greasy raincoat hell-bent on following me around.

Until then please; just piss off

Need the toilet? Wanna watch a video ad about erectile dysfunction?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Curved Air

Amen to tyhat - and they are still performing! Found a concert a week or two back so going to see them in November

Prisoners built two PCs from parts, hid them in ceiling, connected to the state's network and did cybershenanigans

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Time doing bird

Or Penguin?

As you stare at the dead British Airways website, remember the hundreds of tech staff it laid off

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Penny Wise

Good thing they aren't doing anything critical - like running an airline. Oh, hang on a mo............

Ex-IBMer sues Google for $10bn – after his web ad for 'divine honey cancer cure' was pulled

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Amid all this:

"The Register also reached out to IBM"

What? Have you just employed an out of work HR consultant?

What's wrong with "The Register also asked IBM"

Boffins give 'D.TRUMP' an AI injection

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: New meme?

Twitter

As ad boycott picks up pace, Google knows it doesn't have to worry

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Who watches adverts?

It's not just your belief:

http://adcontrarian.blogspot.com/?_sm_au_=isVSvSzNNj0JnwMR

Fire brigade called to free man's bits from titanium ring's grip

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Please tell us

His name was "Dick"

or, at the very least, "Willie"

Brit ISP TalkTalk blocks control tool TeamViewer

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Another morning wasted

You mean you are STILL with them?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Seriously...

BT have an awful lot of previous phorm and vermin media aren't that pleasant

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

fundamentally and institutionally s**t

There is no way of Gods earth they have improved THAT much

User lubed PC with butter, because pressing a button didn't work

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: abuse Excel especially creatively

Back in the late '80s I was working at a place which had embraced IT in the form of an Alphamicro mainframe with a bunch of dumb terminals (big diskpacks stuff - all of 30meg a time).

One of the sales guys was regularly producing ALL his stuff using the spreadsheet tool:letters, quotes, the lot. Was most surprised when I showed him the text editor.

Anti-TV Licensing petition gets May date for Parliament debate

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

How much does commercial TV turn over. How much is that per household and from where does that money ultimately come? Remember, you may not buy a specific good or service but you are sure to be feeding the overall figure, either directly or indirectly even if separated by many steps (and their profit margins on cost)

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

bring back Angus Deayton

Yes, but only occasionally. The idea of each show having a guest host was inspired and has given rise to some excellent exchanges.

I live in high hopes of continued excellence in the next series

You're Donald Trump's sysadmin. You've got data leaks coming out the *ss. What to do

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: seriously Trevor

"How about I write an article about palace cyber security and put this picture as the article picture: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/fe/12/25/fe12252bf350776779ac9808976c7554.jpg"

MUMMY!

Jun-OH-NO! NASA's Jupiter probe in busted helium-valve drama

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: My God

@Jake: Reference is from 2001: A space Odyssey

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

My God

Its full of stars

BOFH: Password HELL. For you, mate, not for me

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

@Phuzz

Just think: GitLab may NEVER HAVE HAPPENED if the BOFH had been published earlier in the year

Careless Licking gets a nasty infection: County stiffed by ransomware

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

unable to process checks.

CHEQUES, please

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