* Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser

767 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Microsoft patched more Malware Protection Engine bugs last week

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

How long

Before there's a megapatch and they call it Windows11?

BOFH: Buttock And Departmental Defence ... As A Service

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Re: And nobody checked

Will we ever get to the bottom of it? - Just arseking

Butcher breaks out of own freezer using black pudding

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Re: Tastes like chicken...

Stop hamming it up

UK.gov puts Suffolk 7-year-old's submarine design into production

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Subby McSubface

If Australian animals don't poison you or eat you, they'll BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSE

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Pint

Re: Fascinating

@noodle: "slap ...... with a clue bat" - nice. I may quote you once or thrice.

EEk! Mobe network's customer services down for more than 24 hours

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: <Smug Mode Activated>

@DJV. I can offer a fully supported pair of bean cans and a length of string

Kernel-memory-leaking Intel processor design flaw forces Linux, Windows redesign

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Dear Intel

You owe me five laptops and one desktop.

Please.

'Twas the night before Y2K and a grinch stole the IT department's overtime payout

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Merry Christmas everyone

And an utterly preposterous* New Year

Cheers

*like "propserous" but a lot funnier

PS - WHERE WAS THE BOFH final episode?

Google Chrome ad-blocking to begin in February – but what is it going to block?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Management twat-speak.

Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the data centre temp's delightful

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

@Alan Brown

I think its a fair bit more than that. If I recall my school days correctly, it was 1 calorie to raise 1 gram of water by 1 degree C; 336 calories to melt 1 gram of ice at 0deg C and 540 calories to turn 1g of water at 100 deg C into steam at 100 deg C

Hey, we've toned down the 'destroying society' shtick, Facebook insists

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Just goes to show

You can't polish a Faece

BOFH: The trouble with, er, windows installs

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Friday

Dump in-tray in bin

BOFH

Shutdown (Forcibly: plug out)

Pub

What on God's Earth could be better.

Level 5 driverless cars by 2021 can be done, say Brit industry folk

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

"....people have voiced concerns over the thought of Level 5 automation (completely self-driving cars with no human intervention at all) being deployed on Britain’s roads"

What about:

"a lot of people have concerns over the thought of a human with limited resistance to distraction, a huge capacity for mistakes, limited intelligence, patience, sobriety, ability etc., and downright stupidity, driving a car on Britain’s roads"

The sooner we get rid of the knobheads the better.

iPhone X: Bargain! You've just bagged yourself a cheap AR device

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Augmented Reality

Where your wallet being reamed really FEELS like a wallet being reamed

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Nah

Still way overpriced tat for worshippers at the shrine of shiny shiny.

It's artificial! It's intelligent! It's in my home! And it's gone bonkers!

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

And birds, what about robot birds?

And when a couple escape and replicate, what then? Robo shitters in the trees waiting to crap wingnuts on the next autonomous car than parks underneath

BOFH: But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

@ George Glass

You're not related to Patti O'Doors, are you?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Happy Friday everyone!

User asked help desk to debug a Post-it Note that survived a reboot

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Oh my oh my

Just did exactly the same to my boss THIS WEEK. Departmental meeting in Boss office.

Boss apologises can't bring up workload on big tele as tele has bust and we have to rely on laptop.

I look across her desk, straight at side of said tele, straight at teensy rocker switch, firmly in "off" position.

I say "they work a lot better with power", lean forward and turn on.

It was a much lighter meeting than usual.

Kwality

Want to provision a new VM on Azure? Get in line

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

The Cloud...

Wherein lies Cuckoo Land

Guess who's now automating small-biz IT jobs? Yes, it's Microsoft

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Clippy is now a Zombie

What will it take to kill it?

Facebook, Amazon fund new trans-Pacific submarine cable

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Cable Management?

I wonder if they can knit a Fair Isle pattern.

Or even just plaid

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

How about

We now start shoving endless ads at Amazon for subsea cables and all manner of glass fibre products? After all, according to Amazon's inane advertising philosophy, since they've ordered one they'll obviously want a load more.

Won't they?

Google Drive ate our homework! Doc block blamed on code blunder

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

The Cloud

Where Cuckoo Land lies

IETF mulls adding geoblock info to 'Bradbury's code'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Pint

Raising a glass to Mr Bradbury

Thank you, sir, wherever you are though I do confess that I enjoyed The Illustrated Man and Something Wicked This Way Comes far more than Fahrenheit 451.

Tell the public how much our tram tickets cost? Are you mad?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Sorry; nothing else is currently passing through my mind than that.

Then why am I now thinking about crisps?

No, the FCC can't shut down TV stations just because Donald Trump is mad at the news

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Free country?

So long as you compliant with the wishes of all the vested interests

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Hyperbole

I thought Trump was his very own special interest

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

The film "Idiocracy"

Is coming true, here and now. Scary

Look, look, we've done a driverless AI hype paper thingy, says Mobileye

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

BMW

So no need for an indicators interface then

Ex-TalkTalk chief grilled by MPs on suitability to chair NHS Improvement

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Just

NO!

Look! Over there! Intel's cooked a 17-qubit chip quantum package

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: 0.02K?

Yeah, but would't looking screw up the result

Sniffing substations will solve 'leccy car charging woes, reckons upstart

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Access to the Open LV dataset...

Nothing could induce me to lower myself to this level - Although I can Siemens will crumbling from here. Just glad I have the capacity to resist.

BlackBerry's new Motion will move you neither to tears of joy nor sadness

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

"standard Android experience"

Knocking Samsung into a bloated, cocked hat.

German Firefox users to test recommendation engine 'a bit like thought-reading'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Lemme get this right

Mozilla will soon track what you look at today, yesterday and last week, in the vague hope that you will have forgotten what you were looking at and offer you more of the same, almost the same or a bit similar, in the vague expectation you will find it interesting.

So, pretty much similar to the banal crap one gets from mindlessly ad-tainted Google "intelligent" search results which are anything but intelligent (We saw you searching for such-and-such and here are some ads for things our marketing idiots tell us are a bit like it) plus Google's and Amazon's mindless advertising (look for a widget and get pursued round the web by idiots assuming you want more widgets and widget-ish things).

I thought Firefox was popular because you could nail on AdBlock, UBlock Origin, Ghostery, NoScript etc., specifically to prevent this kind of crap, crass presumption. It doesn't take a mindreader (Mozilla's or otherwise) to work that out, shirley.

What would a search for "coffin nail" now return?

Hey, IoT vendors. When a paediatric nurse tells you to fix security, you definitely screwed up

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: But then comes the big problem: the bill.

Other way round, please. Who's going to PAY for fixes when hospitals suffer attacks?

Patch your Android, peeps, it has up to 14 nasty flaws to flog

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Tip

+1 - it's also a wonderful thing to get away from Samsung's bloatware. Makes the S3 almost a pleasure to use.

BOFH: Come on, PFY, let's pick a Boss

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

I think all one needs to do is

just wait...............

Ex-sperm-inate! Sam the sex-droid 'heavily soiled' in randy nerd rampage

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

"and limited learning ability"

It IS blond, after all

Microsoft downplays alarm over Windows Defender 'flaw'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

There ARE PLENTY of users THAT stupid

Like it sez ^^^^

Quebec takes mature approach to 'grilled cheese' ban

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

You unutterable BASTARDS!

All of you!

I am now HUNGRY!!

You forgot that you hired me and now you're saying it's my fault?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Meeting rooms

Should have been Bully Fooked

Behold, says robo-mall-cop maker: Our crime-busting dune buggy packed with spy gear

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Where's the BOFH whan you really need him

This should be featuring ion Friday

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

The Pedestrian

by Ray Bradbury

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Why oh why

Can't it look like a proper DALEK!

Outlook.com looking more like an outage outbreak for Europe

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: "The Cloud" is SO overrated!

"The Cloud" - where cuckoo land lies

BOFH: We're only here because they said there would be biscuits

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Re: Biscuits?

Crumbs!

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Are you spying on us?

And us. We're rebranding - AND being all "digitised". Heck, we've got Orifice365, Shouty sorry, Yammer and intranet applications that are about as quick as a duck swimming through concrete after it has set and as comprehensible a an EU directive

'Don't Google Google, Googling Google is wrong', says Google

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What about "leverage" as a verb?

One rather hopes Google has stamped on that

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