* Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser

746 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

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YouTube morphs into TV-wannabe with a splat of social goo

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Meh

That's all: Meh.

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Google machine-guns unpopular social products

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Heyyyy Google - Can we have Google Notes back, please?

Like it sez.

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Got a few minutes to help LOHAN suck?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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And if one fridge compressor doesn't suck hard enough

Just cascade two of 'em.

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Upcoming EU data law will make Europe tricky for Facebook

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Facepalm

Suck on that one NHS Choices.

Like it sez ^^^^

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Zimbabwean claims prostitute turned into donkey

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Coat

Eeeee Awwwwtn't have done it.

Mines the one with the mashed oats in the pocket.

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Man builds smartphone dock into arm

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Just a bit of armless fun

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Digital UK names date for end of analogue TV era

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It's not as if the original Teletext was actually any good

Like it sez ^^^^^

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Win 8 haters are just scared of change, say MS bosses

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Are you allowed to talk about toying with gnomes, in polite company?

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Look who's talking ... about your Facebook Page

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Don't you mean

Antisocial Ads?

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UK punters happy to pay £3 to top up e-wallets

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Yeah Right.

On the basis that anyone signing up will get stuffed with yet more junk marketing; I'd readily agree to paying three quid a pop to top up, but only if I can bill my time for reading (or otherwise) any marketing drivel I receive from them of people they've sold my name to and dealing with it as I, in my sole opinion, see fit, for five quid a pop.

Pucking Farasites.

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How the Yahoo! homepage predicts your clicks

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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IE users: Click On ALL The Malware Links!

Double malware points for users infected with the Yahoo toolber

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Tokyo trains get lightsabre handrails

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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The 8:15 to Tatooine

Delayed will be.

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LOHAN to suck mighty thruster as it goes off, in a shed

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Theres only one wat to find out:

Suck it and see

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Yahoo! 'f**ked me over'! says! Carol! Bartz!

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Nice to see malware punters getting stiffed.

As someone who has removed God knows how many instances of the fscking Yahoo fscking Toolbar I think I can safely say it serves you bloody right.

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Twitter reaches 100 million active users

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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100 million regular tweeters < Yes! Its a title!

That's like 100 MegaTwats of power.

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Orange Monte Carlo budget Android smartphone

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Facepalm

Please tell me

Orange have not borked yet another ohone by making their crapware non-removeable - EVEN THE SODDING GAMES TRIALS!!!

i just don't get these guys.

Anyone from Orange care to comment?

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BOFH: Beer, shinies, death by fire, rats IN THAT ORDER

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Classic.

"When was that?"

"This afternoon."

"I ... You mean Friday ..."

"What, and lose the element of surprise?"

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Oxford adds woot! to dictionary

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Facepalm

Tell me............Please

That "leverage" has not been recognised as a verb

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Gerard Depardieu takes piss on plane, gets tossed off

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Title

I asume you're taking the piss then, sirrah.

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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You can take your title and shove it. Sideways

"I definitely recommend against any beverage container that isn't transparent or whose original contents resembles the new one. DAMHIKT"

That's why Lager is the colour it is. Looks (and tastes) the same before and after.

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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"Urinating" is an incorrect tag

In these times of enforced commonality with our continental chums, the word you should have used is "Euronating"

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German tap-to-pay telco allies don't need no stinkin' banks

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Actually; no!

Most of the checkout folk at my local supermarket seem to be a quite personable bunch of (non arts/humanities) students and older womenfolk, most of whom seem capable of smiling and generally being pleasant and they appear to be meaning it.

Now I've said that, I'm sure to have the one checkout staffed by Mrs Rotweiller whose disposition is akin to the Emperor Dalek in a particularly psychotic frame of mind, but without the nice cuddly bits

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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FAIL

Yeah right ^2

" "[Q]ueues at the supermarket will soon be a thing of the past," says Deutsche Telekom's ebullient Director of Marketing, espousing the benefits of pay-by-tap."

I'm due to pick up Mrs. Inventor of the Marmite Laser tonight, after her stint trolleybashing.

I sincerely doubt I'll see any change from the norm: People happy to queue for a manned checkout till whilst self-service checkouts stand idle.

Hate bloody self service checkouts: Slow, baulky, irritating and they don't smile.

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Dob in suspect blingy neighbours on Facebook, say cops

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Don't be an informer

Let 'em get away with fucking up innocent people's lives.

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Neighbours cop an earful from screaming Swedish w*nker

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Oh

You bastard!

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Kinect space saver on its way

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Shirley, looking thru binolulars the wrong way

Means it ought to be called the Nyko Mooz.

Will it track me getting my coat?

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PCTV NanoStick T2 USB TV tuner

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Minimum System Requirements

■Microsoft® Windows 7® or Windows Vista with latest Service Pack, 1 GB RAM

■Or Windows XP (32 bit) with latest Service Pack, 512 MB RAM

■Intel® Pentium® 4 2.0 GHz, Pentium M 1.3 GHz or equivalent AMD® Athlon® XP

■For HDTV: 2,6 GHz multi core processor

■Hard disk with min. 1 GB free capacity (20 GB free capacity recommended)

■Sound and graphics with support for DirectX® 9 or higher

■USB 2.0 port

■CD/DVD drive for software installation

■Recommended: Internet connection for software updates and activations

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Adobe outs un-Flash web animation tool

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Oh Joy. An other Enriched Experience

Isn't an Enriched Experience the kind of thing you get after 14 pints of Guinness and a vindaloo chaser?

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Improving service monitoring with Watermelon metrics

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Are you.............

.............taking the pith

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HTC Salsa Android smartphone

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Almost OK

Just get rid of the Fartbook button and it's a winner for real people

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Beeb to fund ad-mungous Local TV for local people

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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low-budget amateur programs

Oooo oooo oooo. I feel an Internet solution coming on.

Let's put up a site where you could upload sad/log budget amateur programs for absolutely anyone to ignore at their fullest convenience.

You could call it something like, say, You Tube.

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Romanian NASA hacker fights 'inflated' damage assessment

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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It's one thing

For the hacker to claim he's only posted rubbish to drawer attention to lax security but why should anyone take him at his word.

Shirley the cost has to be a complete audit of all systems to make sure he has not done anything for which he's not claiming credit

Same as if you fould a note on your dinig room table from someone who'd got in, saying you'd left the front door open; you'd be round the house checking everything was still where you'd left it.

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Half of Virgin Media broadband ads are wrong, says ASA

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Simple, really

Just make it obligatory for ISPs charges to be on the same "up to" basis.

50% speed = 50% charge.

Failure to respond to complaints/support requests in a timely manner another 50% discount per month outstanding.

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Canuck ultralight pilot drops in on strip club

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Best I can do at short notice

http://regmedia.co.uk/2011/07/06/anonymoussideteaser.jpg

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Strip? Landing?

Landing strip, obvious, innit.

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Hitchhiking snails scoffed, pooped out alive by birds

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Wildlife parallels the human world again.

I'm a RyanAir survivor

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Portuguese hackers strike back at Moody's downgrade

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Bond and not bound

You have the kind of banking fun *YOU* want. I'll have the kind of manking fun *I* want.

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Schmidt preaches 'deep integration' desire with Facebook, Twitter

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happy-clappy Web2.0 crowd.

Ah yes. Give them somewhere to play and they'll be out of the way of real people.

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Zuck brushes aside dull 750m Facebook sign-ups metric

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Pretentious little twit

That's all folks.

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Pissed-off elves bombard Icelandic town with rocks

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Voted up

It would've been efish not to.

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Panasonic TX-P65VT30 65in plasma 3D TV

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And for how long will one have to wait

For enough content worth watching to warrant buying the thing in the frst place?

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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importance that the company places on the user experience

If I recall an earlier post on El Reg, a User Experience is something one gets from fourteen pints of Guinness and a Vindaloo

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Brainscan breakthrough: Working robot limbs come closer

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Puts new meaning to the phrase:

"Premature ejaculation"

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Fridge-sized war raygun for US bombers gets $40m

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Frikkin' Lasers

Yaaaaaay

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Oz alkie gets hammered on hospital hand sanitiser

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Ahh Fosters.

One of those drinks that actually tastes better second time round.

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Rogue software consultant's vast stash of DIY explosives

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Why no "Controlled Explosion"

Not that there's any such thing.

Explosions are NOT controlled.

Ask anyone who has tried to stop one halfway through.

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