* Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser

778 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

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Los Alamos fires BLOODY BIG MAGNET

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Blimey

Sod your bleeding pen. Where's my fillings?

Users: 'Personalized internet? Fuggedaboutit!'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Adverts?!?

Even more to the point: who in their right mind ever clicks on one?

Android Market morphs into 'Google Play'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Sucks

Having seen the clunky user interface, all I can say is thanks but no, thanks.

Half the page swamped by big, friendly crayonings that is another dose of web2.0rhea

It's a big fail.

BBC iPlayer boss: smart TVs not sufficiently simple

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Complicated

"Oh, and if you think the content delivered on most 'smart' tv's is valuable, you're too stupid to have one."

Absobloodylutely

Warner Bros boss moots 'disc-to-digital' scheme

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

No, seriously, it's OK about the unskippable, embedded adverts

I don't particularly relish the thought of being shoved mindless advertising for irrelevant crap in which I'm not interested. Neither do I relish the prospect of being shoves ads for relevant crap which I have already satisfied my need, but which it is supposed I am still interested because behavioural monitoring doesn't actually work properly.

They obviously recognise that, so it must be reeaonable to expect they will be paying you the going rate, for the time you spend doing a job for them.

After all, they ARE asking you to perform a service, aren't they. They are asking you to take time out to review some material that they have pushed at you but which you don't actually want. I'd class that as asking me to do work.

Now, my consultancy fees for reviewing material are currently £50 per hour (I'm a cheap whore, really), with a minimum of 2 hours consultancy.

I think I can put up with that. Anything less and they can shove it.

Sideways

Squirrelled away: seeds survive 30,000-year winter

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: effing fantastic - if true

"fecking huge wooly rhinos"

You've met the mother-in-law, then?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Thirty Thousand year old seeds?

That's just nuts

LOHAN's flying truss: One orb or two?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Well if ya gotta have just one big orb

It'll need an appropriate name. I offer

M - onolithic

O - perational

N - avigation

O - bject for

T - ransit

I - gnition and

T - akeoff

T - elemetry

I - nstrumentation and

E - lectronics

Attention tweeters: Your chance to win undying GLORY

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Twitter

Its embarrassing. Like admitting to driving a BMW.

Ten... Valentine's Day gifts for her

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

She's getting a new ironing board and she'll have to like it

Google pushes your buttons in its top strip bar - AGAIN

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

So long Google

It was nice, while you had to be good so you could grow.

Trouble is, you're getting more like those things from which, at first, you distanced yourselves.

TalkTalk loses 43,000 customers, chunk o' revenue in Q3

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

You will live to regret the day you uttered those remarks

Believe me. I have experience of TalkTalk too.

To call it absolute shit would be talking it up far, far too much.

Starship Voyager dumped into skip

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

May 2007

http://www.lifeinthefastlane.ca/star-trek-apartment-sold-on-ebay/offbeat-news

Online ad body: Let's slather 'opt out' icons everywhere

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Abou the same as a PCWorld staffer following you round the store, lookng the whole time over your shoulder.

That's what

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Devil

A quid a time?

You're offering consultancy here. Should ne nearer £50 a pop

Cheapskate

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Just who gets opted out?

Is it the person or just the PC? If Mrs Wigglebaum opts out at work, will she be opted out when she goes on line at home?

As far as Mrs Wigglebaum knows, she has opted out once and would quite reasonably be expected not to be further bothered.

Maybe the Advertising Standards Authority could comment?

Plus is king now: Google shutters more products

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

I know what Social Network sites are and where to find them

And if I want to use one I will a) find one and b) get psychiatric help.

Until then, just sod off

New stealthy botnet Trojan holds Facebook users hostage

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

What has Facebook got to do with friendship?

McDonald's punters offered sex in exchange for Chicken McNuggets

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

How about

Hamburger Harlot Hawks Humping

Etailer punts steamy lace-up 24-port switch

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Inches?

BULGARIAN FUNBAGS, please!

Google merging more personal data into search results

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Ive never really understood

Why I should be even passingly interested in "sharing stuff on the web". I can understand dropping someone a quick email if I've seen something that may be relevant,.

Just to post "Hey everyone, lookit this" for everyone who claims (or is claimed by Farcebook et al, to be an acuaintance) strikes me as utterly inane.

Why should I believe that world+dog (or at least my retinue of friends, acquaintances and people I've noddded to) has even the remotest interest in my every move.

Can we have untainted, unskewed serach results, please, that don't change depending whether I'm logged in or not, on whether I'm using someone elses' PC, whether I've just been looking at any soecific products.

Google got good being straightforward, simple and reliable.

i really hope they are not beginning to Clever themselves into uselessness.

Huawei uncloaks sleek, slim, sexy smartphones

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

WTF?

I get 3-4 days outa my SanFran

Orange touts tropical tablet

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Will Orange still fill it with crudware

Useless apps you can't remove, games and apps trials you can't remove, Orange stickers.

+1 on the SanFrancisco, by the way, but only once rooted and re-ROM'med

Apple patent stashes passwords in chargers

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Prezactly what I was thinking

Ad slingers - obeying EU snoop code is NOT GOOD ENOUGH

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
FAIL

Cookie based opt out: Does this opt ME out, or just the PC?

If I opt out at work, say, will I still be opted out if I use my PC at home? Or any other PC?

I suspect not.

Amazon quietly gobbles up 'social shopping' tech

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
FAIL

WTF? Seriously, WTF?

“message their visitors with unique calls-to-action which personalize the site experience.”

Sounds like a death-knell

BOFH: The Explosive Christmas Evacuation

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Sprinklers......

And all that diesel going spare once the generators sre sold............

Channel 5 snubs Freeview HD again

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
FAIL

Digital TV: Huge Choice...............

.................but nothing worth choosing

Facebook shoves your face into creepy 'sponsored stories' in 2012

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

They can have any pics of me

£5000 per impression

take it or leave it.

Paul Allen latest plan: Space rockets on MEGA PLANE

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Hah!

It's not worth a second look unless it's made of paper as well.

And called something interesting.

Bloody

Enormous

Expensive

Rocket

Yahoo! may! never! see! a! penny! of! $610m! anti-spam! win!

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Advanced Fee Fraud

How is Advanced Fee Fraud different from Basic Fee Fraud?

Or did you mean Advance Fee Fraud?

NASA confirms first Earth candidate in habitable zone

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

At last

A place without TalkTalk

YouTube morphs into TV-wannabe with a splat of social goo

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Meh

That's all: Meh.

Google machine-guns unpopular social products

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Heyyyy Google - Can we have Google Notes back, please?

Like it sez.

Got a few minutes to help LOHAN suck?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

And if one fridge compressor doesn't suck hard enough

Just cascade two of 'em.

Upcoming EU data law will make Europe tricky for Facebook

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Facepalm

Suck on that one NHS Choices.

Like it sez ^^^^

Zimbabwean claims prostitute turned into donkey

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Coat

Eeeee Awwwwtn't have done it.

Mines the one with the mashed oats in the pocket.

Man builds smartphone dock into arm

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Just a bit of armless fun

Digital UK names date for end of analogue TV era

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

It's not as if the original Teletext was actually any good

Like it sez ^^^^^

Win 8 haters are just scared of change, say MS bosses

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Are you allowed to talk about toying with gnomes, in polite company?

Look who's talking ... about your Facebook Page

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Don't you mean

Antisocial Ads?

UK punters happy to pay £3 to top up e-wallets

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Yeah Right.

On the basis that anyone signing up will get stuffed with yet more junk marketing; I'd readily agree to paying three quid a pop to top up, but only if I can bill my time for reading (or otherwise) any marketing drivel I receive from them of people they've sold my name to and dealing with it as I, in my sole opinion, see fit, for five quid a pop.

Pucking Farasites.

How the Yahoo! homepage predicts your clicks

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

IE users: Click On ALL The Malware Links!

Double malware points for users infected with the Yahoo toolber

Tokyo trains get lightsabre handrails

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

The 8:15 to Tatooine

Delayed will be.

LOHAN to suck mighty thruster as it goes off, in a shed

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Theres only one wat to find out:

Suck it and see

Yahoo! 'f**ked me over'! says! Carol! Bartz!

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Nice to see malware punters getting stiffed.

As someone who has removed God knows how many instances of the fscking Yahoo fscking Toolbar I think I can safely say it serves you bloody right.

Twitter reaches 100 million active users

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

100 million regular tweeters < Yes! Its a title!

That's like 100 MegaTwats of power.

Orange Monte Carlo budget Android smartphone

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Facepalm

Please tell me

Orange have not borked yet another ohone by making their crapware non-removeable - EVEN THE SODDING GAMES TRIALS!!!

i just don't get these guys.

Anyone from Orange care to comment?

BOFH: Beer, shinies, death by fire, rats IN THAT ORDER

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Classic.

"When was that?"

"This afternoon."

"I ... You mean Friday ..."

"What, and lose the element of surprise?"

Oxford adds woot! to dictionary

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Facepalm

Tell me............Please

That "leverage" has not been recognised as a verb

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