* Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser

542 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

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2017: The FBI alerts parents to dangers of Internet of Sh*t toys

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Lets get Social

@ Mage - Meaning a full 39% or parents are not sane

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Juicy fine for Bradford firm after it blurts one million spam texts

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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About time fines were set as percentage of annual turnover

Like it sez, really. And no, 100% isnt an upper limit

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User left unable to type passwords after 'tropical island stress therapy'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Nailed it in one

Me too - on an old fashioned typewriter, to boot. And, boy, could she type!

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Microsoft drops Office 365 for biz. Now it's just Microsoft 365. Word

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Have you read the blurb on their blog?

Whadya mean "Buzzword Bingo" The word "leverage" wasn't used ONCE in any context, let alone as a verb. The announcement was obviously writtem by a rank amateur.

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Google ships WannaCrypt for Android, disguised as Samba app

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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"both leveraged insecure SMBv1 shares"

Please, can we stop the reject HR consultant buzz-speak? Whats wrong with "both used insecure SMBv1 shares"?

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China pollutes ocean with bloody big rocket

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: How do you say "Oh, CRAP" in Mandarin?

聖潔的廢話

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Fresh cotton underpants fix series of mysterious mainframe crashes

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Fanfold paper hurts

Ah yes, long time sinceupon I worked on high speed line printers. One was test run but without the tinsel thingy on the paper exit. Picked up a wedge of printout with one hand, went to flick the perforations with the other to get the tear off started and got one hell of a belt. Data 100 that was, in Hemel Hempstead. Part of CDC, if I recall correctly. <waves at any old lags>

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French general accused of nicking fast jet for weekend trips to the Sun

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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P.S. Helicopter icon ... because there isn't an aircraft one.

That's plane to see

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BOFH: Putting the commitment into committee

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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@ Sir Runcible Spoon

Have you tried "Fences"? If you can find an older version, that's free. Install and persuade it not to update, you're home and dry.

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Ad 'urgently' seeks company to build national e-ID system

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Joke

Capita

Icon says it all

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BOFH: Halon is not a rad new vape flavour

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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You just need this

https://www.reddit.com/r/sysadmin/comments/4gla0x/extension_666_hell_we_are_sick_of_cold_sales/?st=j445z687&sh=5cdead7c

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Google's news algorithm serves up penis pills

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Is that you, Willie?

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I fought Ohm's Law and the law won: Drone crash takes out power to Silicon Valley homes

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Police went on to say they have shot 4 black male suspects.

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Senator blows a fuse as US spies continue lying over spying program

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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The USA - same as any other third world nation

Just with more money

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HPE ignored SAN failure warnings at Australian Taxation Office, had no recovery plan

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Cloud is no panacea

As has been pointed out before: the cloud is where lies Cuckoo Land

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Hotel guest goes broke after booking software gremlin makes her pay for strangers' rooms

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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"when we reached out to her"

Have you started employing out of work HR consultancy rejects? Whats wrong with "when we asked her"?

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'Major incident' at Capita data centre: Multiple services still knackered

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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looking at a bit of paper -

that and using LinkedIn

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Faking incontinence and other ways to scare off tech support scammers

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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All you need is here

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2016/04/29/it_helpdesk_creates_oh_hold_hell/

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Azure users told they're not WannaCrypt-proof

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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The Cloud

Where Cuckoo Land is

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Try not to scream: Ads are coming to Amazon's Alexa – and VR goggles

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Just when I was beginning to contemplate thinking about getting one

Now: just piss off.

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Microsoft touts next Windows 10 Creators Update: It's set for a Fall

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Got as far as "Cortana"

No thanks

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Another AI assistant... It's getting crowded in here, isn't it, Siri?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Given that

the best Google and the morons at Amazon can do so far is to offer me more of what I have just bought or just looked at. That's IT.

They then top it off by telling me what other people looked at (as if I should give a rats arse), what's "trending" (Why should I even give a shit, let alone a rat's alimentary canal?) and what other people bought as well (WTF?)

Look, Google and Amazon, et al: piss off for a bit and get advertising right in the first place. Tell me what I want BEFORE I have found it and please understand tat I don't give a flying fuck what other people looked at/bought, what else other people bought or what is "trending".

Get that right and serve inconspicuous, non-animated ads that don't distract from what I am trying to read, don't chew swathes of bandwidth and don't slow my PC to a crawl and I may begin to consider that you are offing me a worthwhile assistant that can work with me, rather than shoving down my throat a dirty creep in a greasy raincoat hell-bent on following me around.

Until then please; just piss off

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Need the toilet? Wanna watch a video ad about erectile dysfunction?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Curved Air

Amen to tyhat - and they are still performing! Found a concert a week or two back so going to see them in November

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Prisoners built two PCs from parts, hid them in ceiling, connected to the state's network and did cybershenanigans

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Time doing bird

Or Penguin?

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As you stare at the dead British Airways website, remember the hundreds of tech staff it laid off

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Penny Wise

Good thing they aren't doing anything critical - like running an airline. Oh, hang on a mo............

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Ex-IBMer sues Google for $10bn – after his web ad for 'divine honey cancer cure' was pulled

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Amid all this:

"The Register also reached out to IBM"

What? Have you just employed an out of work HR consultant?

What's wrong with "The Register also asked IBM"

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Boffins give 'D.TRUMP' an AI injection

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: New meme?

Twitter

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As ad boycott picks up pace, Google knows it doesn't have to worry

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Who watches adverts?

It's not just your belief:

http://adcontrarian.blogspot.com/?_sm_au_=isVSvSzNNj0JnwMR

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Fire brigade called to free man's bits from titanium ring's grip

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Please tell us

His name was "Dick"

or, at the very least, "Willie"

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Brit ISP TalkTalk blocks control tool TeamViewer

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Another morning wasted

You mean you are STILL with them?

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Seriously...

BT have an awful lot of previous phorm and vermin media aren't that pleasant

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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fundamentally and institutionally s**t

There is no way of Gods earth they have improved THAT much

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User lubed PC with butter, because pressing a button didn't work

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: abuse Excel especially creatively

Back in the late '80s I was working at a place which had embraced IT in the form of an Alphamicro mainframe with a bunch of dumb terminals (big diskpacks stuff - all of 30meg a time).

One of the sales guys was regularly producing ALL his stuff using the spreadsheet tool:letters, quotes, the lot. Was most surprised when I showed him the text editor.

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Anti-TV Licensing petition gets May date for Parliament debate

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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How much does commercial TV turn over. How much is that per household and from where does that money ultimately come? Remember, you may not buy a specific good or service but you are sure to be feeding the overall figure, either directly or indirectly even if separated by many steps (and their profit margins on cost)

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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bring back Angus Deayton

Yes, but only occasionally. The idea of each show having a guest host was inspired and has given rise to some excellent exchanges.

I live in high hopes of continued excellence in the next series

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You're Donald Trump's sysadmin. You've got data leaks coming out the *ss. What to do

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: seriously Trevor

"How about I write an article about palace cyber security and put this picture as the article picture: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/fe/12/25/fe12252bf350776779ac9808976c7554.jpg"

MUMMY!

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Jun-OH-NO! NASA's Jupiter probe in busted helium-valve drama

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: My God

@Jake: Reference is from 2001: A space Odyssey

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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My God

Its full of stars

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BOFH: Password HELL. For you, mate, not for me

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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@Phuzz

Just think: GitLab may NEVER HAVE HAPPENED if the BOFH had been published earlier in the year

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Careless Licking gets a nasty infection: County stiffed by ransomware

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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unable to process checks.

CHEQUES, please

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New measurement alerts! Badgers, great white sharks and the Lindisfarne Gospel

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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NO!

And that is the whole point

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LG's $1,300 5K monitor foiled by Wi-Fi: Screens go blank near hotspots

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Covered already:

Garb-age

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Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: "LG's space-age monitors..."

Garb-age

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Dido queen of carnage steps down from TalkTalk

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Nowt

What? You mean it 'll IMPROVE?

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Parliamentary Trump-off? Pro-Donald petition passes 100k signatures

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Classic Trump supporters?

@Stumpy: Or worse. A Daily Mail "jernalest"

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Shocked, I tell you. BT to write off £530m over 'improper' Italian accounts practices

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Being naughty?

Its not as if BT have previous phorm. is it?

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What's the biggest danger to the power grid? Hackers? Terrorists? Er, squirrels

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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That's just nuts

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You know how online shops love to keep tabs on you? Now it's coming to the offline world

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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So lets get this straight: this is another creepy bloke in a dirty mac following me around

He is supposed to give me "highly efficient and personalized shopping" - would that be the same as the bollocks with which I am currently presented online: I buy an $Article and am almost immediately presented with ads for more $Articles. Hullo creepy, I am all $Articled out.

At customers'r'us, we believe that increasingly retailers will be separated by those who treat us like human beings and those who slurp data and use it to grow and optimise (or optimize) the shopping experience. TFTFY

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BT installs phone 'spam filter', says it'll strain out mass cold-callers

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Ring ring

me: "Hullo. Microsoft security. How may I direct your call"

Does seem to work quite well

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Smart guns are a neat idea on paper. They'll never survive reality

Inventor of the Marmite Laser
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Re: Comming between an american and his gun

Maybe make gun ownership only possible for those willing to adhere to the Second Amendment and who are prepared to actually be be part of, quote: "A well regulated Militia" and not a ragtag of individuals who want to wave guns around

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