* Posts by Inventor of the Marmite Laser

917 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

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Runaway Latvian drone found meditating in tree after shutting down nation's skies

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

There was no word as to whether a Playmobil figure was at the drone's controls.

Is this - GASP! - the return of Playmobil to El Reg?

Das reboot: That's the only thing to do when the screenshot, er, freezes

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Black and white

A little off topic but you've reminded me of an observation from my oldest grand kiddie.

He was 8 when we'd taken him to the Amberley Museum. We had reached the exhibit about television and radio history. There were loads of elderly CRT sets, wheezing their last, entertaining the punters with generated historical test cards and sundry content. Some if it was in colour but an awful lot of sets were, naturally, monochrome.

Laddie looked thoughtful as we came away. Eventually he asked "When did they invent colour?"

We were some way from the exhibit by then, so his question was a bit out of context. We gently probed to work out what he was really asking.

It turns out he'd seen the monochrome TVs and understood that the pictures were old. He had put two and two together and come to the conclusion that the "Real World" (TM) had once all been monochrome.

Gentle explanation followed. Sweet kid.

The Great British anti-5G fruitcake Bakeoff: Group hugs, no guns, and David Icke

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Income

As one illustrious commentard on these hallowed pages recently opined, such drivel is:

clickbait bullshit designed to get eyeballs for their advertisers, and axe grinding opinion pieces with statistics so abused that if the stats were kids the police would raid the premises immediately

Which rather neatly sums it up.

As Brit cyber-spies drop 'whitelist' and 'blacklist', tech boss says: If you’re thinking about getting in touch saying this is political correctness gone mad, don’t bother

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

So long as I'm still allowed to order black tea.

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

So will THAT book be republished with a new name, something like " Fifty shades of an indeterminate monochrome colour"

Resistance is futile: Some Cisco security appliances are ticking time bombs of fail thanks to faulty resistors

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Resistance is not futile

It started out Siemens so simple

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Resistance is not futile

Volt on earth amp you going ohm about?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Have a euphemism on us.

Now you're taking the piss

The ultimate 4-wheel-drive: How ESA's keeping XMM-Newton alive after 20 years and beyond

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Pint

Cheers to all the guys. A richly deserved Beerday glass or three.

Florida man might just stick it to HP for injecting sneaky DRM update into his printers that rejected non-HP ink

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

HP never appears on my list of printers for exactly that kind of shenanigans

From attacked engineers to a crypto-loving preacher with a questionable CV: Yep, it's still very much 5G silly season

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

There's also the story doing the rounds that Cannabis is due for "convenient" legalisation as soon as the gene edited stuff that makes the plant produce a mind-altering "obedience drug" as well as the high and that some countries are already pushing it through high volume dealers.

Spyware maker NSO can't claim immunity, Facebook lawyers insist – it's time to face the music

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

To misquote a Mad Magazine feature:

Spyware vs. Spyware

Want to put a satellite into orbit for US comms? Whoa, says Uncle Sam: Where's your space crash risk assessment?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Commentards are right onto this one.

He'll never get there. Pai is a number without end, after all.

We're in a timeline where Dettol maker has to beg folks not to inject cleaning fluid into their veins. Thanks, Trump

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Cortana, why are you still here? Microsoft makes the long-suffering assistant chattier for more countries with new Windows 10 build

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Did you ask it "how can I remove Cortana?"

Baby, I swear it's déjà vu: TalkTalk customers unable to opt out of ISP's ad-jacking DNS – just like six years ago

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Based on previous experience of the incompetent customer indifference halfwits* at WankWank, they will tell you they can't help over the problem with your email service. After a pause if about 6 months you will get a call from some nebulous twat "following up" about your "problem with email" and asking how WankWank did.

*Sorry, but I am bigging WankWank up to an unreasonable degree with that choice of words however a proper expression of my real contempt would damage your screen.

From Brit telly presenter Eamonn Holmes to burning 5G towers in the Netherlands: Stupid week turns into stupid fortnight for radio standard

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Thumb Up

Lovely turn of phrase

" clickbait bullshit designed to get eyeballs for their advertisers, and axe grinding opinion pieces with statistics so abused that if the stats were kids the police would raid the premises immediately"

You can wipe those smiley faces off: Unicode technical website is going to be out for 'a couple of weeks'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

We need a PROPER comedian

Someone like Glyph Rhys Jones

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Hieroglyphics

Hier today and hone tomorrow

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Hieroglyphics

I! don't! have! anything! to! do! with! Yahoo!

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Hieroglyphics

They're quite capable of blowing their own horn

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Joke

Re: Hieroglyphics

Yes, I for one would be happy with Loweroglyphics

Astroboffins suspect twin-star smash may be the culprit for most biggest and brightest supernova yet spotted

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Pulsational Pair

Fnaaar fnaaar

Hi, Google Duplex here, trying to book a haircut for a socially inept human. Sorry, 'COVID-19'?... DOES NOT COMPUTE

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/04/11/cab_innit/

NASA mulls restoring Saturn V to service as SLS delays and costs mount

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

"We live in strange times, when actual reality (TM) is riddled with absurdity"

You mean Trump might ACTUALLY be a real US president?

Hunting for IT staff? Lost your job during the pandemic? Sysadmin vacancies – and a free job ads offer – inside

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Pint

Cheers m'dears.

What a load of bollards! Object of bloke's street furniture romp run over

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

I love this mag

Short of tech talent to deal with novel coronavirus surge? Let us help – with free job ads on The Register

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Gizzajob

Oh I dont know. Theres planty of banks running Win7 powered devices

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Yes, yes...

Oh come on! It has got to be Reg's List, innit?

The only even half viable alternative would be Verity Stobbs' List

Announcing the official Reg-approved measure of social distancing: The Osman

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Short and simple distance estimate:

OOK

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Shouldnt it be a Bargepole? As in: I wouldnt touch him wiv a Bargepole in case hes got a dose.

Tupperware-dot-com has a live credit card skimmer on its payment page, warns Malwarebytes

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: "the little HTTPS padlock shows up in the browser address bar"

At least they'll be able to keep it fresh

Not exactly the kind of housekeeping you want when it means the hotel's server uptime is scrubbed clean

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Who was really at fault?

Nd what has just come out of China.?

Rocket Lab wants to break free, hopes next mission is more 'A Kind Of Magic' than 'Another One Bites The Dust'

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Will they call the next test flight vehicle the B-Ark?

Australian privacy watchdog sues Facebook for *checks notes* up to £266bn

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Yaaay!

Go Oztralia, go, go, go!

Kickiminabollix

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: That could hurt

Feline better now?

Disk stuck in the drive? Don't dilly-Dali – get IT on the case!

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: a melting mystery

I remember an article in a kit car magazine many years back. It was the tale of someone who, on one of our days of Full English Weather (brilliant sun and sharp showers), came back to their car and found a dirty great scorch mark across a seat.

There had been a shower earlier, which had puddled on the clear panel the'd decided to have put in the roof part of the soft top. Think sunshine roof. Around the middle of the day the rain had stopped and the sun had come out to shine Down. The puddle of water on the sun roof had neatly focused the sunlight onto the seat.

You'll get your money – when this bank has upgraded Windows 7... or bought extended support

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

No Windosh at all?

'Unfixable' boot ROM security flaw in millions of Intel chips could spell 'utter chaos' for DRM, file encryption, etc

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: SDDS

Never ascribe to malice things which can be explained by stupidity

Vivo's APEX 2020 concept smartphone grabs life by the gimbals to shoot stable snaps

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Nice but, yet again, the thing will be spoilt by telecos installing their own take on what people will find irresistible (but, inevitably quite the opposite) and other sundry non-removeable bloatware.

Plain vanilla OS please, telecos, and a carefully curated store of all that stuff you're sure we will find irresistible. You probably won't even need a working server for that.

BOFH: Gosh, IPv5? Why didn't I think of that? Say, how do you like the new windows in here? Take a look. Closer...

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
Coffee/keyboard

Pneumatic suppository = new keyboard and fresh coffee.

Admins beware! Microsoft gives heads-up for 'disruptive' changes to authentication in Office 365 email service

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Orifice 365. This is a leap year. Will it have a day off?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

999

The Beast, upside down

Not a Genius move after all: Apple must cough up $$$ in back pay for store staff forced to wait for bag searches

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Apple? Cor!

Astroboffins agog after spotting the first repeating fast radio burst that pings every 16 days from another galaxy

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Aliens? Or something more prosaic? We're hoping for aliens

You want Playmobil Aliens? HERE

So come on : Playmobill or it never hapened. OK?

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: Aliens? Or something more prosaic? We're hoping for aliens

PLAYMOBIL or it never happened, please! We do have standards to maintain on El Reg!

Jeff Bezos: I will depose King Trump

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

meat the requirements.

Sausages!

Astroboffins may have raged at Elon's emissions staining the sky, but all those satellites will be more boon than bother

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

"democratise the cosmos"

As far as I can see, Musks Mess will be the only spaceborne mass-market Internet service. It will be run by a private company accountable only to its shareholders. Can some one please explain how this is any kind of democratisation?

Who's got the WD-40? Owners of Motorola's rebooted Razr whinge about creaky hinge

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Death of Rats

<SQUEAK>

Will Asimov fix my doorbell? There should be a law about this

Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

Re: 3 laws for AI

TRT. At least part of your musings seems related to the film Bicentennial Man (IIRC). A gentle and surprisingly good film starring Robin Williams, Sam Neill, Embeth Davidtz (in a dual role), Wendy Crewson, and Oliver Platt. It was based on the 1992 novel The Positronic Man by Isaac Asimov and Robert Silverberg (which is itself based on Asimov's original 1976 novelette "The Bicentennial Man"),

It says here.

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