* Posts by ukgnome

1735 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Chana masala

ukgnome

In the hope my woman reads this, can I have these for my tea?

0
0

Dream job: Sysadmin/F1 pit crew member with Red Bull racing

ukgnome

I think I will pass on that.

1 second SLA is far too tight. I'm more the hope the customer isn't in within 3 rings kinda guy.

0
0

RIP Sir Terry Pratchett: Discworld author finally gets to meet DEATH

ukgnome

His embuggerance caught up with him.

RIP Sir Terry

2
0

I see what you've done, there, twiiter.com: Tweet troops tackle tech twin

ukgnome

You asked the company?

What a waste of time, you needed to twat them.

0
0

UK spaceport, phase two: Now where do we PUT the bleeding thing?

ukgnome

you would think Norfolk would be good, or isle of man.

But nope, somewhere close to Glasgow is on the list. Like WTF

0
0

Ford to save you from BIKE FITNESS HORROR

ukgnome

That thing on the back of it though?

Do you HAVE TO deliver pizza?

0
0

'Fry-OS 8' iPhone BLEW UP MY PANTS wails roasted Johnson

ukgnome
Trollface

cool story bro.

I suspect your phone pocket was all moist because of the armfuls of comics.

4
1

He can't give it away FAST ENOUGH: Bill Gates richest man in world again

ukgnome
Childcatcher

Dear Bill

I am currently facing redundancy and could do with a few quid.

0
0

Snowden 'ready to return to US', claims lawyer

ukgnome
Thumb Up

Best phone endemol

Seriously, this has game show written all over it.

It can all finish with a worldwide phone vote that will either see him wearing an orange jumpsuit and getting whisked off to god knows where. Or, if he is super lucky then he could win the star prize as the face of ford or something similar.

Fingers on buzzards!

0
0

RIP Leonard Nimoy: He lived long and prospered

ukgnome

Re: @Callous AC: I don't want to sound callous, but thank fuck for that!

Oh, I was going for an anagram of CNUT

1
0

Is light a wave or a particle? Beaming boffins prove it's BOTH

ukgnome

woah

I have no idea what this could mean for humanity, but I do rather like it.

1
0

The BBC wants to slap a TAX on EVERYONE in BLIGHTY

ukgnome

Personally I think the BBC is already an expensive pay-per-subscription service. It doesn't listen to its customers and is a bit old hat.

Having said that, I like the BBC - I just think it's an expensive dinosaur. It tries to be everything to everyone and sadly it fails. I don't care for homes under the bargain in my attic type of shows, but I do like Doctor Who.

Maybe go the way of netflix, but premium content online and kill a few digital channels.

aagghhh i just don't know what's best for the old girl.

4
0

El Reg regains atomic keyring capability

ukgnome

£4 postage - you money grabbing so and so's

5
0

Laughing gas and rubber: A recipe for suborbital flight?

ukgnome

yes yes it's all jolly nice that they get to launch their rocket and all that. But what we all insist on knowing is the LOHAN when.

3
0

BOFH in mugnificent return to Cash'n'Carrion

ukgnome

It's a step in the right direction I suppose, but like everyone else I want tee shirts please and thank you.

1
0

Ads watchdog: Er, what does woman in her undies have to do with ‘slim’ phone?

ukgnome

Re: Cillit Bang...

You wore it and got diddled? Lucky bugger.

All i got was ridiculed.

13
0

BT fixes home hub drop-out glitch ONE YEAR after denying flaw existed

ukgnome

This sort of router issue also occurs on the 3 and the 4 but try telling that to BT

1
0

Post-pub nosh neckfiller: El Reg eggs Benedict

ukgnome

dammit that looks good

that is all

0
0

Your hard drives were RIDDLED with NSA SPYWARE for YEARS

ukgnome

those pesky blighters

0
0

Game of Moans: Sky coughs to BORKED set top box BALLS-UP

ukgnome

Unsurprisingly, after hearing from The Register on Monday, Sky promised to release a new update today.

Dear Reg - Please can you contact Greater Anglia about it's appalling service to IT commuters?

Also, please fire off a few emails to the twunts that control the wifi service called the cloud as I don't want a dumb post office advert auto-playing at every bloody station.

3
1

Reg hacks (and rest of 'Frisco) in LinkedIn measles contagion scare

ukgnome

What, no Mitch Ben link?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YCGMqp6kBE

1
0

TITANIC: Nuclear SUBMARINE cruising 'Sea of KRAKENS' may be FOUND ON icy MOON

ukgnome

erm

it looks a bit penisy

2
0

So long, Cyanogen! OnePlus says its future belongs to OxygenOS

ukgnome

You don't know much about the modding community then?

Of course people will flash an alternative ROM on their new devices, just not everyone.

11
0

FOCUS! 7680 x 4320 notebook and fondleslab screens are coming

ukgnome

Awesome News!

Now my facebook feed will still look exactly the same!

0
0

Gullible Apple users targeted by bogus order cancellation scam

ukgnome
Trollface

WOW

Not one single fandroid message about iSheeple.

This place has changed

0
2

Free WiFi coming to UK trains ... in two years

ukgnome

Currently the trains that offer extortionate Wi-Fi use a satellite system. It is slow and expensive.

Just what is the government offering? And why?

1
0

Boy, 16, cuffed after posting selfie with body of kid he allegedly killed

ukgnome

Re: Oh well

No, but the kid with a hole in his face might of been.

Still I guess it's OK to be flippant as it didn't happen to you or yours right.

prick

3
5

What time do you call this, BT? Late, state-funded broadband rollout plods on

ukgnome

Dear BT

Please can you at least service the kit in our sub-exchange. Just a little maybe?

I shouldn't be ungrateful as the 6.5 down and .3 up is better than some rural communities. It's just that it's been a year, and I thought you might of at least assessed it.

2
3

We'll ask GCHQ to DELETE records of 'MILLIONS' of people – Privacy International

ukgnome

Re: Does it really matter ?

They do? Are you sure?

I know they don't think highly of wiki-twonks but I thought Snowden (the man not the mountain) and the grauniad may be to blame on this one.

3
0

Robot vacuum cleaner EATS WOMAN

ukgnome

Our robot overlords suck

3
0
ukgnome

Mark Stay was right

This is the beginning

0
0

Post-pub nosh neckfiller: The Red Dwarf chilli chutney egg sarnie

ukgnome

I remember trying this as soon as the episode aired and I can contest that this indeed is a winner, although I would lightly fry the bread to stop the collapse.

Also if you find yourself without chutney or chilli then you I would also say using raspberry jam and English mustard also works a treat.

0
0

Wanted: Brit Facebook and Twitter trolls for counter-jihad psyops

ukgnome

At last

A British regiment that I can join!

Sign me up sir!

0
0

Parts for Brit proto-mainframe EDSAC show up in USA

ukgnome
Trollface

Hmm

Where other news sources have a picture of the 'shelf' I note that it is apparently missing from this article.

1
0

Web daddy Tim Berners-Lee calls for net neutrality in Europe

ukgnome
Coat

net neutrality

Tell that to the Spanish fleet.

Oh my bad, wrong kind of net.

1
0

Zimmermann slams Cameron’s ‘absurd’ plans for crypto ban

ukgnome

Re: They aren't banning encryption

You need at least 3 trigger words and you have only used one

1
0
ukgnome
Joke

OK everyone

From now on we will use this -

A1 B2 C3 D4 E5 F6 G7 H8 I9 J10 K11 L12 M13 N14 O15 P16 Q17 R18 S19 T20 U21 V22 W23 X24 Y25 Z26

3181311 208120 251521 621311518

0
0

Breaking news: BBC FINALLY spots millions of mugshots on cop database

ukgnome

hur hur

The Reg is having a swipe at the beeb for slow reporting....

Hey Kettle - This is pot

3
0

Crackdown on eBay sellers 'failing to display' VAT numbers

ukgnome

Re: That will not work

The seller ratings can be fudged just as easily if you think about it.

But I agree that a few tweaks could be made, but that's not in the interest of ebay who strangely has its offices in Ireland.

4
0
ukgnome
Meh

Of course the way around this would be to act as a private seller rather than a business seller. Then all you would need to do is sell privately until you're just under the threshold and then close your account. Then free to pop up as a different user.

The ebay model is there for fraudulent transactions. heck I wouldn't be surprised if it was used for spying - in much the same way that the classified ads used to be (apparently)

5
0

Facebook kills pic of Mohammed weeks after Zuck's Je suis Charlie!

ukgnome

Did Zuck actually say that it was a free speech zone?

Hahahahahahahahaha

The Douchebook network doesn't allow a picture of proud parents breastfeeding, yet gorges itself with scams, click bait, scams, annoying paid for adverts, scams and pages specialising in bigotry and hatred.

I think my sides have split and I have fallen off my chair.

Free Speech.....hahahahahahahahaha

1
0

Google Translate MEAT GRINDER turns gay into 'faggot', 'poof', 'queen'

ukgnome
Joke

Re: Does it turn

Which is why I now have to change the ethnic toners on the xerox

6
0
ukgnome

Fact Hunt!

there is no translation for lesbian from English to Icelandic

2
0

Virtual Vulture 2 swoops into Spaceport America

ukgnome

Would it help if we all sent a nice email and some donuts to the FAA?

0
0

HMRC fails to plan for £10.4bn contract exit... because it's 'too risky'

ukgnome
Thumb Up

Isn't this near identical to the botched EDS contract of ten or so years ago.

Hmm, that ended well didn't it.

The fact is the only way to do this properly in my opinion is a brand new system designed from the ground up, tested and tested and tested and then run parallel and then rolled out to all locations in one hit. Of course this is close to impossible, highly impractical and doomed to fail.

0
0

Cash'n'Carrion January sale: Get in there while you can

ukgnome

nope, you don't have any BOFH stuff so nope

0
0

Oi, Aussie sports fans! Take that selfie stick and stick it

ukgnome
Facepalm

Humans are dumb.

Oh I wish I could post photo's.

While visiting Stonehenge in December I noticed a German gentleman taking a picture of himself with such a device. His wife \ partner stood by and watched. Humans are dumb.

0
0

YOU. Your women are mine. Give them to me. I want to sell them

ukgnome

Wonky? More like wanky

When it comes down to proof it should be the person making the claim that has to prove it. It's no good saying that's ours without prooving it.

By letting "wonky" bots do the work we are failing as humans.

2
0

Panicked teen hanged himself after receiving ransomware scam email

ukgnome
Big Brother

This is tragic

in no way is this meant callous, but all the demands for the police to do more should stop and think.

Maybe if there was some sort of charter that monitors internet activity and was able to assist police better in catching these bastards.

0
3

Dot-com is dead. Long live dot-com

ukgnome

Damn you

and your click bait!

I was hoping the rotund Kim had demised

1
1

Forums

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2017