* Posts by ukgnome

1719 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

BT scoops £100m network provision deal from the BBC

ukgnome
Silver badge

Re: Couldn't be worse

Ahh that's a simple mistake to make, you thought it was BT that was providing the service but in fact it turned out to be BT, if they hadn't of succeeded then in all likelihood it would of been BT but not that BT the other BT. As it turned out it was BT that got the job.

2
2

'Printer Ready'. Er… you actually want to print? What, right now?

ukgnome
Silver badge

Are they still called printers if they don't print?

7
0

Major Hollywood studio eyes Paint Drying sequel

ukgnome
Silver badge

NO! I was running through puns, but for the sake of forum entries NO!

1
0

Feds slap Rentboy.com boss with further charges

ukgnome
Silver badge

Re: Slight error in article...

+1 sir, as you beat me to it!

1
0

Virginia man charged in intriguing 'suspicious bacon' case

ukgnome
Silver badge

Re: Injected with Water?

Speaking as a vegetarian

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU EATING?

Like everyone else has mentioned - you must be eating the cheapest crappiest bacon ever.

If a vege can point this out, then you have issues dude!

7
0
ukgnome
Silver badge

Re: possession of bacon covered in an unknown substance

'Merkins discombobulated by Brown Sauce perhaps?

Oh heck no, you can buy the glorious HP in the hallowed walmartian stores

0
0

Afraid of getting your iThing pwned? Get yourself iOS 9.2.1

ukgnome
Silver badge

Re: Apple Updates

Which is why I have made a note to re-read this article next week and thus maintain the status quo

2
0

LOHAN takes the stage at Oz Linux shindig

ukgnome
Silver badge

Does it have to be those rocket motors?

Surely you can adapt, it's been quite a long while now.

Some of us invested in the kickstarter have lost enthusiasm.

If this was my workplace the project would of been scrapped.

3
3

Trump's new thought bubble: Make Apple manufacture in the USA

ukgnome
Silver badge
Joke

Does this mean we can get Trump out of Scotland?

Shouldn't be difficult, them neeps get me windy

2
0

Spoilsport scientists unstick Spider-Man

ukgnome
Silver badge

Wellllll

For a start he doesn't use gecko sticky pads - rather a type of barbed hair follicle and a form of electromagnetism. This is why Elektro could disrupt the wall crawling ability. Although, if Spider-Man ever stood next to Donald J Trump then can you imagine how much he would frizz that piss coloured foppish hair?

Also, super heroes often exert powers that are difficult to replicate because.....fiction!

3
0

You've heard of Rollercoaster Tycoon – but we can't wait for Server Tycoon

ukgnome
Silver badge
Childcatcher

Because

The kids aren't angry enough

0
0

Comet halo theory for flickering 'alien megastructure' star fails

ukgnome
Silver badge

It is just as likely

That the shimmer is a result on the JMC mining ship passing past

AKA the small rouge one

0
0

El Reg mulls entering Robot Wars arena

ukgnome
Silver badge

Drone on

What about aerial bot's?

0
0

Russian Pastafarian wins right to bear colander

ukgnome
Silver badge

Re: That's not a collander, it's just a hat.

I happen to know from other news sauces that he does have a yellow colander that he wears as his normal head gear. But it's cold in Russia so he has a hat for his hat.

15
0

Watchdog says yes to BT's EE takeover deal. Shrugs. No 'significant' harm in it

ukgnome
Silver badge

Seems that customer service

Just got worse

11
0

Optimus Prime goes under the hammer

ukgnome
Silver badge

That is not Optimus Prime!

2
0

Brit cuffed for Kyrgyz 'horse penis' sausage quip

ukgnome
Silver badge

To be certain this isn't racism I would need to see a horses penis.

3
0

The Register's entirely serious New Year's resolutions for 2016

ukgnome
Silver badge

Dear El Reg - adolescence should not be muted.

26
0

Free Wi-Fi for the NHS, promises health secretary Jeremy Hunt

ukgnome
Silver badge
Big Brother

This is how they start the thought control experiments.

0
0
ukgnome
Silver badge

Re: Your just a complainer who jumps to their keyboard

Oh dear dear patrick_bateman where or where to begin with your diatribe.

I feel a few people may judge you harshly, and I am indeed one of them. You come across as 'one of those complainers that jumps to their keyboard' ready to spew forth your crap.

You are a keyboard warrior that whilst seemingly presenting facts has managed not only to contradict themselves but also has become the person you wanted to have a go at. A free service is seldom free, and I am sure that you feel you have a valid point. But your analogy is at least as dumb as a shed full hammers. Any system that asks you to register, even with fake info is doing it for a reason. The paranoid among us will decry this is so they can track us.

Clearly you are not technically minded, but that's OK because in these times you can simply turn to the fifteen year old sat next to you in A&E who happens to be watching porn and he will explain this all to you in a series of grunts that only a true ID ten T could understand.

10
0

EE recalls all 'Power Bar' USB batteries due to 'fire safety risk'

ukgnome
Silver badge

Shocking

1
1

EE Power Bar recall: Telco will waive £5 fee for laggards

ukgnome
Silver badge

The EE power bar was one of the worst tasting nutrition supplements I have ever had.

19
0

Donald Trump wants Bill Gates to 'close the Internet', Jeff Bezos to pay tax

ukgnome
Silver badge

The scary thing

Is that a very large swathe of people buy into the Trump Extremism. As that is what he is, an extremist, a terrorist, he orchestrates chaos.

This man is dangerous, people listen to him because he lauds his extreme views with immunity to prosecution. his vitriolic hate diatribes paint a dangerous picture for the future.

9
1
ukgnome
Silver badge

Re: Is this the guy ...

No, he said that "Isn’t it interesting that the tragedy in Paris took place in one of the toughest gun control countries in the world?"

But this was about the Hebdo shootings.

It is important to differentiate between the attacks, misquoting him is as bad as him misquoting.

0
0

BOFH: Taking a spin in a decommissioned racer? On your own grill cam be it

ukgnome
Silver badge

Re: Lotus

I still lust after a MK2 Lotus Cortina

1
0

EE plans to block annoying ads on mobile network

ukgnome
Silver badge

Does this also include annoying texts, because EE are particularly great at them.

13
0

Irish electricity company threatens to cut off graveyard

ukgnome
Silver badge

Graveyard receives leccy bill

Shocking!

4
0

Terrorists seek to commit deadly 'cyber attacks' in UK, says Chancellor Osborne

ukgnome
Silver badge

Re: Chancellor Osborne?

And you can say what you like about Palpatine, but he was not a Tory, but he was a damn fine trade negotiator.

3
0
ukgnome
Silver badge

So George Osborne is now a terrorist then?

In its broadest sense, terrorism is any act designed to cause terror, so by suggesting that IS is planning an attack is in a narrower sense, terrorism. Especially as it can be understood to feature a political objective.

This constant scaremongering is pretty pathetic, I doubt that enough zealots have the ability to hack the UK. And surely if they went down the road of hiring skilled attackers then they would presumably have to put themselves to death immediately for paying for this foreign workforce. It should also be worth pointing out that when it comes to terrorism and the UK it is not very effective. During the London bombings on 7/7 there was a range of emotions, but the resounding emotion was akin to mild ambivalence. And that will never do!

9
0

Commentard achieves bronze badge, goes directly to jail

ukgnome
Silver badge

Well prison and IT departments are quite similar

7
0

Judge bins Apple Store end-of-shift shakedown lawsuit

ukgnome
Silver badge

Re: I wouldn't work at a place...

Back in the 90's I would search my staff at the pub I managed.

Not because I thought they had stolen anything, but because a few of them were well fit.

4
14

Faked NatWest, Halifax bank sites score REAL security certs

ukgnome
Silver badge
Trollface

All fake sites can be found by visiting the serch engine www.groogle.com

3
1

Facebook's UK wing paid just £4k in corporation tax last year

ukgnome
Silver badge

Has anyone set up a just giving site - I feel the need to help out this ailing company.

1
0

LOHAN chews the fat with US TV station over Spaceport's FAA-ilure

ukgnome
Silver badge

FAA

Fuck All Avionics

5
0

BT to shoot 'up to 330Mbps' G.fast into 2,000 Gosforth homes

ukgnome
Silver badge

Conducted in Norfolk earlier this year, and then forgotten about.

Just like the fibre in my village.

0
0

Playmobil cops broadside for 'racist' pirate slave

ukgnome
Silver badge
Childcatcher

Won't somebody think of the children....

When I was one, I sucked my thumb, the day I went to sea

I climbed aboard a pirate ship and the captain said to me

I’m going this way that way, forwards and backwards, over the Irish Sea

A bottle of rum to fill my tum, now that’s the life for me.

2
0

Vodafone joins calls to pry Openreach from BT's hands

ukgnome
Silver badge

Sky doesn't want to add LLU to my village exchange

Vodafone don't want to pay back tax

Both companies have sour grapes because they are charged as open reach customers.

Both companies are slimier than a tupperware box full of eels.

9
1

So, what's happening with LOHAN? Sweet FAA, that's what

ukgnome
Silver badge

I don't wish to be mean Lester, as a backer I just wan't to be sure that my money is well spent. At the moment it doesn't feel that way.

1
4
ukgnome
Silver badge
FAIL

Failed like so many kickstarters.

1
12

All in all, it's just another hit in the stalls: Roger Waters The Wall

ukgnome
Silver badge

Re: "The Wall" was never the best Floyd IMHO

I think that Dave G was right to stop touring when he did.

Except he's currently touring....

3
0

As McAfee runs for US President – we ask a crucial question: Will Reg readers back him?

ukgnome
Silver badge

Tony Stark has let himself go a bit.

4
0

BOFH: Power corrupts, uninterrupted power corrupts absolutely

ukgnome
Silver badge

Re: This rings too true...

The only way you can get your fizzy lager from a cellar is with a pump. The ale should go up hill nicely, but anything that requires a hit of nitro or CO2 needs a pump assist.

0
1

Squawk, squawk: Today is Vulture Awareness Day

ukgnome
Silver badge

Thank you for not mercilessly mocking me when I sent the news item in before checking El reg.

0
0

The most tragic thing about the Ashley Madison hack? It was really 1% actual women

ukgnome
Silver badge

Re: Rule 29

Meow

1
0

Parrot drone pwned (and possibly killed) with Wi-Fi log-in

ukgnome
Silver badge

Beautiful plumage

0
0

Has anyone lost 37 dope plants, Bolton cops nonchalantly ask on Facebook

ukgnome
Silver badge

Re: Does plod know?

@cornz 1

Is this the monsanto strain?

2
0

More UK broadband for bumpkins, but have-nots still ain’t happy

ukgnome
Silver badge

The main problem with rural broadband is that a lot of houses in villages connect directly to the exchange.

2
1

BAD things happen to GOOD robots in America: hitchBot DECAPITATED

ukgnome
Silver badge
Terminator

Didn't this happen to Brian?

*who says advertising doesn't work!

2
0

BOFH: My diary is MINE and mine alone, you petty HR gimps

ukgnome
Silver badge

It the dark distant past a Director after hearing the names we slung at each other if we had a name for him. Aww bless, he wanted to be one of us. The look on his face when one of the Data Control lads called him a cnut is a picture that lives with me.

0
0

Forums