* Posts by ukgnome

2006 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Virgin Galactic test flight reaches space for the first time, lugging NASA cargo in place of tourists

ukgnome Silver badge

Now all we have to do is send the bearded prick up, setting the controls for the heart of the sun.

Doom at 25: The FPS that wowed players, gummed up servers, and enraged admins

ukgnome Silver badge

My Fave level is...

Well it's actually Grimsby Towns old precinct shopping centre. You see one of my mates was handy with all that fiddly programming malarky.

He painstakingly created our town centre shopping area to such a detail that you could tell which shop was Wimpy, which one was Boots. Truly inspiring.

Dine crime: Chippy sells deep fried Xmas dinner

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The chippy on Norwich Market sells battered sprouts - apparently it's an improvement.

Canuck couple returns home after night on tiles to gaggle of randomers hanging out in their flat

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Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

Calm down Jake, no one is coming to take your pencils.

Although I couldn't find any mortality statistics on pencils, but it does seem that guns kill quite a lot of people.

See how silly you're being now?

ukgnome Silver badge

Sounds like a nightmAir BnB

Technical foul: Amazon suffers data snafu days before Black Friday, emails world+dog

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Ooh what a bitter cynic, can't you just let me have my joy for once?

ukgnome Silver badge

For once I haven't been included in a breach.


Court doc typo 'reveals' Julian Assange may have been charged in US

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Fingers crossed we can get shot of this pound shop bond villain wannabe

Trump in Spaaaaaaace: Washington DC battles over who gets to decide the rules of trillion-dollar new industry

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In space nobody hears you parp

But boy does trump linger

My hoard of obsolete hardware might be useful… one day

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Might be?

No Sir, it will be.

Stairway to edam: Swiss bloke blasts roquefort his cheese, thinks Led Zep might make it tastier

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Has no one mentioned - Sailing on a Sea of Cheese by Primus?

UK computer dealer Aria PC loses £750k VAT fraud appeal attempt in THAT case

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Hope he pays the restocking fee when he returns them.

Assange catgate hearing halted as Ecuador hunts around for someone who speaks Australian

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Re: Sympathy

Woo Woo

Haunted disk-drive? This story will give you the chills...

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Defo Spooky

Condensation is ghost water

From dank memes to Krispy Kremes: British uni eggheads claim viral lol pics make kids fat

ukgnome Silver badge

I don't know about memes but I do know crisps are nice.

Hey kids, stop looking at memes - eat crisps

(if you can imagine this typed over a crisp packet it would help)

UK.gov to press ahead with online smut checks (but expects £10m in legals in year 1)

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Anyone else think this will be a cockup?

To continue viewing the cockup please verify your age

Take my advice: The only safe ID is a fake ID

ukgnome Silver badge

It's all in a name

I have recently be using my real name but hiding R's in it.

So far i have managed 4 extra R in a name that usually has 2. That's 6 R when really 1 would do it.

Of course if the Indian sounding gentleman from HMRC calls me then I become either Phil McRackin or Rusty Starpoker

Bloke gets six months for fixing up Russia's US election trolls with bank accounts, fake identities

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Re: Presidential Pardon...

Chances are the anti-Trump posts have been posted by the Russian trolls to make it look balanced.

Man cuffed for testing fruit with bum cheek pre-purchase

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Put your tin-foil hats on! Wi-Fi can be used to guesstimate number of people hidden in a room

ukgnome Silver badge

Judging by the awesome performance of the WiFi at work I reckon the office has nearly 1 billion people in it.

Trump shouldn't criticise the news media, says Amazon's Jeff Bezos

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I don't think you understand what the term "fake news" means.

We're doomed: Defra's having a cow over its Brexit IT preparations

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You are all a bunch of chumps if you don't want hard Brexit

This liberal woolliness simply wont do

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Hard Brexit NOW

it's the only way

Look at me! Phone industry contracts nasty case of 5g-itis

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Steve Wright says no G

If you really think this will be Fast, reliable and available - Hahahaha

it's funny because the USA has such shoddy terms of service, and appalling network coverage.

Vodafone pinches mobe network nerd metrics from the mighty EE

ukgnome Silver badge


All over my keyboard.....guess voda had to win something eventually

Although they are the only network that you can use in my village....but still

UK Home Office sheds 70 staff on delayed 4G upgrade to Emergency Services Network

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Switching from radio to EE 4G

Let's hope an Ambulance doesn't need to contact anyone anywhere

USB-C for Surface owners arrives in form of a massive dongle

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Features are not mandatory but if you have them then make sure they work.

If this feature can be easily fooled then what else is amiss?

Well where to start:





to name a few.

ukgnome Silver badge

We received a surface pro at work - ooh look face to unlock we noted.

And then we unlocked it with a photo.

After 5 mins we put it away and it hasn't seen the light of day since.

An example of a good idea poorly executed.

BOFH: Is everybody ready for the meeting? Grab a crayon – let's get technical

ukgnome Silver badge

it's often a dilute blend of lager and line cleaner

No, it's really not.

I used to be a licensee and the process is :-

1. Undo all the grundy heads and attach to the line.

2. Fill up the right mix of line cleaner and water into the huge bottle

3. Draw the liquid through the beer taps until you feel the mixture of cleaner and water - it should feel soapy.

4. Leave for 30 mins

5. Empty the huge bottle of the line clean mix - it makes a great cleaner for cellar floors.

6. Connect hose up to the water line.

7. Draw the liquid through the beer taps until it doesn't feel soapy.

8. Reconnect the grundy head to the keg

9. Draw through the water until it magically turns to beer.

A good landlord knows how long his lines are and how much cleaning solution they take. If you get diluted beer that tastes of line cleaner then the landlord is a feckless tool.Find another pub.

UK.gov online dating tips: Do get consent, don't make false claims or fake profiles

ukgnome Silver badge

explicit adult content

Others complained that they had signed up for sites featuring explicit adult content without realising what was on offer.

Presumably this means pictures of fags and beer, when all they actually wanted was prolapse and scat.

ukgnome Silver badge

Re: RE: Shadmeister

Is there a particular Richard that gets them hot?

I am not having much look - So far I have tried Hammond and Herring - both had been met with disgust.

Facebook tells users to report crappy customer service from advertisers

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But that would mean taking notice of the adverts

NASA finds more stuff suggesting Mars could have hosted life, maybe

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Re: And the remnants had fled to Earth.


ukgnome Silver badge

Re: The chances of anything coming from Mars


ukgnome Silver badge

Re: The fact that I keep getting modded down for stating facts...


PETA calls for fish friendly Swedish street signage

ukgnome Silver badge


I think you need to look up the word 'Fun'

Also whilst you are at it I found a couple of your 'Facts' also dubious

I believe you should of called these 'Boring Opinions'

Hear that? Of course it's Indiegogo's deadline for a Vega+ whooshing by

ukgnome Silver badge

Re: F****d.

Are you saying fucked or faked?

As it is OK to type fucked.

I have fucking typed a fuck load worse than fuck.

John McAfee plans 2020 presidential tilt

ukgnome Silver badge

I totally adore this clown

Experts build AI joke machine that's about as funny as an Adam Sandler movie (that bad)

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Now I want someone to create the Adam Sandler Neural Network

And I am betting it would do a better job than Sandler

ZTE can't buy chips from America – but can still get sued for patent infringement in the US

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I am surprised that anyone wants to do business with an isolationist country.

Beardy Branson: Wacky hyperloop tube maglev cheaper than railways

ukgnome Silver badge

It is always nice to hear the opinion of a bearded tax dodging wanker!

Blood spilled from another US high school shooting has yet to dry – and video games are already being blamed

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Yet again we come to learn that America is morally bankrupt.

Seems that nothing can be done, absolutely nothing.

Well except try and ban video games because sometime fantasy can cross over into reality and that's when it all goes shit.

I personally remember the terror of the joust, all those folk stealing emu and then riding them, trying to bash the other people off. And let's not forget the time that plumber came round and ate mushrooms.It took ages to clear up that mess.

Let's not hide behind the bullshit - this has everything to do with weapons that are easy to get hold of. Everything to do with weapons and ammo stored together in an easy to get to place. This isn't about video games.

ukgnome Silver badge

Re: Early information

Fine - keep your guns. No really - I don't care about them.

For for the love of cod and chips lock up your ammo.

You see if the guns don't have ammo then they are really crap bats.

NASA fix for Curiosity rovers's damaged drill: hitting it, repeatedly

ukgnome Silver badge

It is nice to see that even NASA use a brummy screwdriver on the odd occasion.

Trump’s new ZTE tweets trump old ZTE tweets

ukgnome Silver badge

Uncle Woo Woo has the thinest grip on reality.

Brit IT contractor wins appeal against HMRC to pay £26k in back taxes

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Hearing this has made me warm and fuzzy

Off with e's head: E-cig explosion causes first vaping death

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Re: Vaping is NOT smoking...

You assume that all who vape still use nicotine.

I haven't had any nicotine in my juice for months, I started on massive amounts and gradually reduced that to zero. The addiction isn't always an active substance, sometimes the act itself can be.

As for upping the power - more power equals bigger clouds.

Who doesn't want big clouds of sweet smelling vapour. nincompoops that's who.

ukgnome Silver badge

Re: Vaping is NOT smoking...

Sweet yummy flavours aimed at kids?

Do me a lemon, and then mix in a small amount of biscuit and cream and finish it off with a crumble topping. Mmmmmmm that tastes nice. I am 44 and I can tell you it's not aimed at kids, it's aimed at people that don't want to smell like a toilet.

UK age-checking smut overlord won't be able to handle the pressure – critics

ukgnome Silver badge

I actually don't - can you help a guy out and just pop yours here?

I promise I won't do anything other than porn sites with them.

BOFH: Guys? Guys? We need blockchain... can you install blockchain?

ukgnome Silver badge

Published at 08:36

It's far too early for such shenanigans - I've had to go on a break until pub o'clock.

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