* Posts by ukgnome

1993 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Haunted disk-drive? This story will give you the chills...

ukgnome
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Defo Spooky

Condensation is ghost water

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From dank memes to Krispy Kremes: British uni eggheads claim viral lol pics make kids fat

ukgnome
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I don't know about memes but I do know crisps are nice.

Hey kids, stop looking at memes - eat crisps

(if you can imagine this typed over a crisp packet it would help)

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UK.gov to press ahead with online smut checks (but expects £10m in legals in year 1)

ukgnome
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Anyone else think this will be a cockup?

To continue viewing the cockup please verify your age

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Take my advice: The only safe ID is a fake ID

ukgnome
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It's all in a name

I have recently be using my real name but hiding R's in it.

So far i have managed 4 extra R in a name that usually has 2. That's 6 R when really 1 would do it.

Of course if the Indian sounding gentleman from HMRC calls me then I become either Phil McRackin or Rusty Starpoker

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Bloke gets six months for fixing up Russia's US election trolls with bank accounts, fake identities

ukgnome
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Re: Presidential Pardon...

Chances are the anti-Trump posts have been posted by the Russian trolls to make it look balanced.

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Man cuffed for testing fruit with bum cheek pre-purchase

ukgnome
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Cheeky

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Put your tin-foil hats on! Wi-Fi can be used to guesstimate number of people hidden in a room

ukgnome
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Meh

Judging by the awesome performance of the WiFi at work I reckon the office has nearly 1 billion people in it.

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Trump shouldn't criticise the news media, says Amazon's Jeff Bezos

ukgnome
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I don't think you understand what the term "fake news" means.

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We're doomed: Defra's having a cow over its Brexit IT preparations

ukgnome
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You are all a bunch of chumps if you don't want hard Brexit

This liberal woolliness simply wont do

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ukgnome
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Hard Brexit NOW

it's the only way

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Look at me! Phone industry contracts nasty case of 5g-itis

ukgnome
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Steve Wright says no G

If you really think this will be Fast, reliable and available - Hahahaha

it's funny because the USA has such shoddy terms of service, and appalling network coverage.

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Vodafone pinches mobe network nerd metrics from the mighty EE

ukgnome
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Coffee/keyboard

Splutter

All over my keyboard.....guess voda had to win something eventually

Although they are the only network that you can use in my village....but still

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UK Home Office sheds 70 staff on delayed 4G upgrade to Emergency Services Network

ukgnome
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Switching from radio to EE 4G

Let's hope an Ambulance doesn't need to contact anyone anywhere

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USB-C for Surface owners arrives in form of a massive dongle

ukgnome
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@Anon

Features are not mandatory but if you have them then make sure they work.

If this feature can be easily fooled then what else is amiss?

Well where to start:

Usability

Connectivity

Upgradability

Repairability

to name a few.

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ukgnome
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We received a surface pro at work - ooh look face to unlock we noted.

And then we unlocked it with a photo.

After 5 mins we put it away and it hasn't seen the light of day since.

An example of a good idea poorly executed.

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BOFH: Is everybody ready for the meeting? Grab a crayon – let's get technical

ukgnome
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it's often a dilute blend of lager and line cleaner

No, it's really not.

I used to be a licensee and the process is :-

1. Undo all the grundy heads and attach to the line.

2. Fill up the right mix of line cleaner and water into the huge bottle

3. Draw the liquid through the beer taps until you feel the mixture of cleaner and water - it should feel soapy.

4. Leave for 30 mins

5. Empty the huge bottle of the line clean mix - it makes a great cleaner for cellar floors.

6. Connect hose up to the water line.

7. Draw the liquid through the beer taps until it doesn't feel soapy.

8. Reconnect the grundy head to the keg

9. Draw through the water until it magically turns to beer.

A good landlord knows how long his lines are and how much cleaning solution they take. If you get diluted beer that tastes of line cleaner then the landlord is a feckless tool.Find another pub.

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UK.gov online dating tips: Do get consent, don't make false claims or fake profiles

ukgnome
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explicit adult content

Others complained that they had signed up for sites featuring explicit adult content without realising what was on offer.

Presumably this means pictures of fags and beer, when all they actually wanted was prolapse and scat.

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ukgnome
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Re: RE: Shadmeister

Is there a particular Richard that gets them hot?

I am not having much look - So far I have tried Hammond and Herring - both had been met with disgust.

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Facebook tells users to report crappy customer service from advertisers

ukgnome
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But that would mean taking notice of the adverts

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NASA finds more stuff suggesting Mars could have hosted life, maybe

ukgnome
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Alien

Re: And the remnants had fled to Earth.

Ulla

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ukgnome
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Alien

Re: The chances of anything coming from Mars

Ulla

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ukgnome
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Alien

Re: The fact that I keep getting modded down for stating facts...

Ulla

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PETA calls for fish friendly Swedish street signage

ukgnome
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@handleoclast

I think you need to look up the word 'Fun'

Also whilst you are at it I found a couple of your 'Facts' also dubious

I believe you should of called these 'Boring Opinions'

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Hear that? Of course it's Indiegogo's deadline for a Vega+ whooshing by

ukgnome
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Re: F****d.

Are you saying fucked or faked?

As it is OK to type fucked.

I have fucking typed a fuck load worse than fuck.

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John McAfee plans 2020 presidential tilt

ukgnome
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I totally adore this clown

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Experts build AI joke machine that's about as funny as an Adam Sandler movie (that bad)

ukgnome
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Now I want someone to create the Adam Sandler Neural Network

And I am betting it would do a better job than Sandler

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ZTE can't buy chips from America – but can still get sued for patent infringement in the US

ukgnome
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U S NAY

I am surprised that anyone wants to do business with an isolationist country.

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Beardy Branson: Wacky hyperloop tube maglev cheaper than railways

ukgnome
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It is always nice to hear the opinion of a bearded tax dodging wanker!

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Blood spilled from another US high school shooting has yet to dry – and video games are already being blamed

ukgnome
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Yet again we come to learn that America is morally bankrupt.

Seems that nothing can be done, absolutely nothing.

Well except try and ban video games because sometime fantasy can cross over into reality and that's when it all goes shit.

I personally remember the terror of the joust, all those folk stealing emu and then riding them, trying to bash the other people off. And let's not forget the time that plumber came round and ate mushrooms.It took ages to clear up that mess.

Let's not hide behind the bullshit - this has everything to do with weapons that are easy to get hold of. Everything to do with weapons and ammo stored together in an easy to get to place. This isn't about video games.

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ukgnome
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Re: Early information

Fine - keep your guns. No really - I don't care about them.

For for the love of cod and chips lock up your ammo.

You see if the guns don't have ammo then they are really crap bats.

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NASA fix for Curiosity rovers's damaged drill: hitting it, repeatedly

ukgnome
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It is nice to see that even NASA use a brummy screwdriver on the odd occasion.

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Trump’s new ZTE tweets trump old ZTE tweets

ukgnome
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Uncle Woo Woo has the thinest grip on reality.

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Brit IT contractor wins appeal against HMRC to pay £26k in back taxes

ukgnome
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Hearing this has made me warm and fuzzy

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Off with e's head: E-cig explosion causes first vaping death

ukgnome
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Re: Vaping is NOT smoking...

You assume that all who vape still use nicotine.

I haven't had any nicotine in my juice for months, I started on massive amounts and gradually reduced that to zero. The addiction isn't always an active substance, sometimes the act itself can be.

As for upping the power - more power equals bigger clouds.

Who doesn't want big clouds of sweet smelling vapour. nincompoops that's who.

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ukgnome
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Re: Vaping is NOT smoking...

Sweet yummy flavours aimed at kids?

Do me a lemon, and then mix in a small amount of biscuit and cream and finish it off with a crumble topping. Mmmmmmm that tastes nice. I am 44 and I can tell you it's not aimed at kids, it's aimed at people that don't want to smell like a toilet.

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UK age-checking smut overlord won't be able to handle the pressure – critics

ukgnome
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I actually don't - can you help a guy out and just pop yours here?

I promise I won't do anything other than porn sites with them.

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BOFH: Guys? Guys? We need blockchain... can you install blockchain?

ukgnome
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Published at 08:36

It's far too early for such shenanigans - I've had to go on a break until pub o'clock.

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RIP: Sinclair ZX Spectrum designer Rick Dickinson reaches STOP

ukgnome
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Wherever you're uploaded to

May your loading screens be colourful and your tape heads forever clean.

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Brit MPs brand Facebook a 'great vampire squid' out for cash

ukgnome
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Not one to big up our Members of parliament

But they sure know how to deliver when it comes to things like this.

Compared to the yanks our politico boys and girls are full on angry but erudite bears.

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Danish submariner sent down for life for murder of journalist Kim Wall

ukgnome
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I can't believe they was able to pin this on him. He had a sound and concrete circumstance. Really this unfortunate set of events could of happened to anyone.

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Motorola Z2 Force: This one's for the butterfingered Android lovers

ukgnome
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@Lee D

Your maths don't add up.

£30 quid for data and £8.33 for a phone (over two years)

That's just £2 shy of what I am paying - iPhone8 with 18GB data.

Seems to me that you have't shopped around or engaged the correct mode when dealing with the phone drones at your local supplier.

New phones are well within your price range

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The first rule of maths class: Don't start a fight club

ukgnome
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Re: Norwich

Ahhh but we have to train the young uns up so that they can safely drink down Prince of Wales road.

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Donkey Wrong: Arcade legend Billy Mitchell booted from record books amid MAME row

ukgnome
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This Billy Chap

What an giant gorillas ass!

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Penis pothole protester: Cambridge's 'Wanksy' art shows feted

ukgnome
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Re: Why penises?

They are much harder to draw though.

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Snubbed R Us: Microsoft eschews Vulture Consultants in Playmobil tech research

ukgnome
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Pint

A pint for Lester's memory

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'Every little helps'... unless you want email: Tesco to kill free service

ukgnome
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But why though

but why use a stock photo of a Sainsbury shopping trolley

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What's silent but violent and costs $250m? Yes, it's Lockheed Martin's super-quiet, supersonic X-plane for NASA

ukgnome
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Devil

@ChrisC

I have upvoted you because you have made it sound rather splendid - however this doesn't mean I don't think you are an utter bastard.

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We put Huawei's P20 triple-lens snapper through its paces

ukgnome
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Thumb Down

Those bananas look terrible!

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Danish Navy expert finds no trace of exhaust gas in private submarine

ukgnome
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Worse things happen at....no wait....erm...I got nothing.

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Furious gunwoman opens fire at YouTube HQ, three people shot

ukgnome
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Re: Of all places

Of all places??? what a dumb statement.

Cali has quite a lot of guns and quite a lot of gun ranges. Getting a handgun is quite simple, anyone says it isn't obviously hasn't visited. Heck when I was over a couple of years ago I was sihned in as a guest to a club so that I could play - technically that wasn't allowed but it never seemed to worry the club.

So many folk mentioning the AR - and rightly so, but this wasn't a shooting with an AR this was with a hand gun. This person could of been licensed for years before deciding to shoot up youtube.

I know it's an emotive debate amongst some people - the bottom line is guns are fun, they go bang loudly and you don't need to be skilled to operate them. that doesn't make them OK

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