* Posts by ukgnome

1933 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Crunch time: Maplin in talks to sell the business

ukgnome
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The secret to Cat5 at maplins is have the cable taken from the spool and get a couple of terminals - then pass to the man in the components booth - he will crimp your ends for a fraction of the prepackaged price.

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UK mobile customers face inflation-busting price hike

ukgnome
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yeah it sucks - but compared to the USA providers it's not that bad

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BOFH: Turn your server rack hotspot to a server rack notspot

ukgnome
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You have to go through a few pubs before you reach pub g, no wonder PFY got beaten so easily.

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Arrrgh! Put down the crisps! 'Ultra-processed' foods linked to cancer!

ukgnome
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Dear Science

the 1980's called and wants its research back.

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Robot cars will kill London jobs – but only from 2030, say politicans

ukgnome
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2 birds one autonomous stone

Simple - if all cars have a man sat in them then there is someone to blame when it crashes into a queue of nuns waiting for a bus. Until that happens the man has a rather easy job.

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Roses are red, Kaspersky is blue: 'That ban's unconstitutional!' Boo hoo hoo

ukgnome
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@fluffybunnyuk

Somebody needs a cuddle

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IBM declares it's the 'backbone of the world's economy'

ukgnome
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What do IBM actually do these days? Well aside from laying off swathes of 'proud' staff?

Anyone?

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Yes, Assange, we'll still nick you for skipping bail, rules court

ukgnome
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No - dropping off a USB stick to him does though.

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ukgnome
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maybe his mate Farage could assist?

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World+dog ignores Rubin's Wonderdroid

ukgnome
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Re: Model number PH-1 suggests 'a wider home automation ecosystem'?

Maybe it's just an acid test

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Vodafone boasts 200Mbps with 4G mini mast in Cornish trial

ukgnome
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Re: Easier solution

What absolute tosh Craigie

I live in a rural area, a picturesque norfolk broads village and Vodafone is the only provider that gets anything close to a good signal.

There are many factors at play when it comes to mobile phone masts. If we all took your advice then the farms and forests would be a lot quieter.

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EE unveils shoebox-sized router to boost Brit bumpkin broadband

ukgnome
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Post Code Lottery

I am sure this is fine if you live in cumbria and the local mast is up to it.

But if you live in one of the many picturesque norfolk broads villages then you can forget it - I get better coverage on Vodafone in an NR13 area than any other provider - VODAFONE FFS

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Peers approve Brit film board as pr0n overlords despite concerns

ukgnome
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All that is going to come of this is shared content on apps like snapchat and whatsapp, or multiple copies of files on USB.

If you create a barrier under the guise of protection what you will actually get is the reverse.

The only difference between today's teenage rites of passage and mine is that porn will be saved on USB sticks before hiding them in bushes.

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Accused Brit hacker Lauri Love will NOT be extradited to America

ukgnome
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This is why we have one of the worlds finest legal systems.

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Cox blocked! ISP may avoid $25m legal bill for letting punters pirate music online

ukgnome
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go for OJ

Well if the glove fits..... wait what

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Morrisons launches bizarre Yorkshire Pudding pizza thing

ukgnome
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Wazzock!

A true hipster would serve this fusion delicacy on a dutch hoe with a plant pot of gravy as a chaser.

I am not a hipster, instead I would take this foul affront to northern cuisine and post it to their head office, however before I do I would crap in a piping bag and write a bespoke message that would simply say - Wazzock!

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Borked bog forces flight carrying 83 plumbers to bug out back to base

ukgnome
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to the airline

Slow hand crap

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UK's iconic Jodrell Bank Observatory nominated as World Heritage Site

ukgnome
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Re: This place has ****ing had its day

the Register and its commentards as I believe they are called, are just a bunch of dicks

Ha loser - My name isn't Richard!

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ukgnome
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World Heritage Site?

How disappointing - Sure this should be a galaxy heritage site.

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Dodgy parking firms to be denied access to Brit driver database

ukgnome
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Re: Petty Speeding

Yes yes that's all well and good, but what has this got to do with dodgy parking firms?

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ukgnome
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Depends on the type of ticket dear fellow.

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ukgnome
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With these heavy handed idiots you just have to ignore the PCN. Or better still send then a completed template from one of the many sites such as

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/reclaim/private-parking-tickets

Never pay these arse clowns

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Well done, UK.gov. You hit superfast broadband target (by handing almost the entire project to BT)

ukgnome
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Re: Exchange-only lines?

Not strictly true - My house is XO as I live in a quiet norfolk broads village. Our sub-exchange looks after about 500 homes and businesses. For the last three years we have been on the basic copper line that manages on a good day about 8mbs.

Then after xmas something incredible happened - I was looking to jump supplier and BT claimed it could get me fibre - Now it has to be said that they failed (or rather openreach) the first go live day, but a week later my router went blue and all independent speed checks show the line running at between 50-52Mbs

BT dreams do come true

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Julian Assange to UK court: Put an end to my unwarranted Ecuadorean couch-surf

ukgnome
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bail dodger scum

Turn yourself in - let the UK process you then fuck off.

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Camels disqualified from Saudi beauty contest for Botox-enhanced pouts

ukgnome
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Well at least....

it was only pout enhancing and not their toes.

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Murdoch to Zuckerberg: Cough up cash, nerd

ukgnome
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It's like he forgets about his advertising revenue when people click on this despicable mans links.

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The Reg visits London Met Police's digital and electronics forensics labs

ukgnome
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Re: Extra-terrestrial help

That is clearly not the Doctors TARDIS - the windows are wrong.

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Two things will survive a nuclear holocaust: Cockroaches and crafty URLs like ғасеьоок.com

ukgnome
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Trollface

Re: Fix it in-browser

(b) anything that doesn't have a standard TLD

But how will i know i am getting the good porn if xxx is blocked.

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Private submarine builder charged with murder of journalist

ukgnome
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Nah - I still think he's innocent.

Just a few unfortunate events, could happen to anyone really.

Except the stabbing thing as a sexual thrill maybe, but only because I have never tried it.

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Amount of pixels needed to make VR less crap may set your PC on fire

ukgnome
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Surely you want VR to look a bit off

Other wise eXistenZ becomes real.

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UK taxman has domain typo-squatter stripped of HMRC web addresses

ukgnome
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As AC stated - the difference is these squatter sites work. It's funny because it's true.

Maybe HMRC / government should advise that if it isn't .gov.uk then it isn't them.

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Ecuador tried to make Julian Assange a diplomat

ukgnome
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But we are paying for it. In 2015 the policing had already ran into ten million quid.

While the little twerp is in the embassy building he is still actively involved in his grubby little leaking. Kick the bond baddy wannabe out.

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ukgnome
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This joke has run on for far too long.

Just pop in the embassy (which they can do)

March his arse out and arrest the bail skipper.

Fine and imprison him and then put him on a plane to Ecuador.

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BOFH: Buttock And Departmental Defence ... As A Service

ukgnome
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I "might" of snotted up my keyboard - thanks

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Q: How do you get YouTube to stop funneling ads to your vids? A: Make jokes next to a dead body

ukgnome
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I wonder

Just how much money did YouTube make out of that video and have they donated the money to a charity that helps vulnerable people?

If they haven't they are shit!

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Your connection is not Brexit... we mean private: UK Tory party lets security cert expire

ukgnome
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Trollface

This wouldn't happen if Mensch was still on the team, although I would of thought Shapps would advise. Or does he only edit the wiki.

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Parliamentary 'puters made 30k tries to procure pr0nz last year

ukgnome
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It isn't all that serious

If you allow personal devices on the network then occasionally you are going to get a few hits on porn hub, all it takes is someone not closing their browsing tab.

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Wannabe W1 DOW-er faked car crash to track down reg plate's owner

ukgnome
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he will have to make do with PR 1CK

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Captain Morgan told off for Snapchat lens: That grog be aimed at kiddies

ukgnome
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I have never made my alcohol choices based on what a filter can make me look like.

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EEk! Mobe network's customer services down for more than 24 hours

ukgnome
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<Smug Mode Activated>

I never thought i'd say this, but since I switched from EE to Vodafone I have had no problems whatsoever.

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Meet R2-DILDO: 'Star Wars' sex toys? This is where the fun begins

ukgnome
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so many Star Wars quotes

"sorry about the mess"

"you came in that thing?, You're braver than I thought"

"And I thought they smelled bad on the outside"

"Theres an awful lot of moisture in here"

"Rise my friend"

"into the garbage shoot fly boy"

"you're all clear kid, now let's blow this thing and go home"

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Danger! High voltage: Kraut customs bods burn half-tonne of weed in power station

ukgnome
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Re: "Kraut" ? really ? in the 21st century ? after 70 years ?

I agree and disagree....

The europeans have always had a way of describing each other using a food based item that is native to that country. We tend to only use if for France and Germany, and maybe a little bit towards Scotland, Wales and Ireland. It doesn't make it right but its not like they don't do it back to ourselves in England.

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UK.gov pushes ahead with legal right to 10Mbps

ukgnome
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@ Oddlegs

You don't seem to understand how the rail network is strung together. The rail network has nothing to do with passengers and everything to do with freight.

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SCOLD WAR: Kaspersky drags Uncle Sam into court to battle AV ban

ukgnome
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it's its not it's

ugh - can I downvote myself for spelling!

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ukgnome
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Gimp

As soon as Apple pay it's taxes and moves production to the US there will be no need for any AV

*you know i'm joking right?

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Irony's lost on old Pope Francis: Pontiff decrees fake news a 'serious sin'

ukgnome
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Dear Alanis Morrisette - this is what irony looks like.

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Russia could chop vital undersea web cables, warns Brit military chief

ukgnome
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Coat

Flying Submarines? I don't think so!

I thought it was all in the clouds these days.

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Argy-bargy Argies barge into Starbucks Wi-Fi with alt-coin discharges

ukgnome
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Re: Mining is purely a process?

You have just reminded me of the game we used to play back in the day when I was an operator.

Have PWRDWNSYS typed and ready to go and leave it. Then have a game of overtime cricket. Using a printer ribbon cartridge as a bat you would bat until a stray ball hit the return key. Hilarity ensues

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At Christmas, do you give peas a chance? Go cold turkey? What is the perfect festive feast?

ukgnome
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Re: Bring me a cheese from every town!

Well since you're offering :-)

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ukgnome
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Bring me a cheese from every town!

My household is vegetarian so we basically roast one sprout.

Then we throw it away because sprouts

Then we cook up a buffet and eat throughout the day all kinds of tapas snacks.

However the one thing that I think we can all agree on is Christmas isn't Christmas without the largest amount of cheese ever!

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