* Posts by ukgnome

1978 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

BOFH: Is everybody ready for the meeting? Grab a crayon – let's get technical

ukgnome
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it's often a dilute blend of lager and line cleaner

No, it's really not.

I used to be a licensee and the process is :-

1. Undo all the grundy heads and attach to the line.

2. Fill up the right mix of line cleaner and water into the huge bottle

3. Draw the liquid through the beer taps until you feel the mixture of cleaner and water - it should feel soapy.

4. Leave for 30 mins

5. Empty the huge bottle of the line clean mix - it makes a great cleaner for cellar floors.

6. Connect hose up to the water line.

7. Draw the liquid through the beer taps until it doesn't feel soapy.

8. Reconnect the grundy head to the keg

9. Draw through the water until it magically turns to beer.

A good landlord knows how long his lines are and how much cleaning solution they take. If you get diluted beer that tastes of line cleaner then the landlord is a feckless tool.Find another pub.

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UK.gov online dating tips: Do get consent, don't make false claims or fake profiles

ukgnome
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explicit adult content

Others complained that they had signed up for sites featuring explicit adult content without realising what was on offer.

Presumably this means pictures of fags and beer, when all they actually wanted was prolapse and scat.

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ukgnome
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Re: RE: Shadmeister

Is there a particular Richard that gets them hot?

I am not having much look - So far I have tried Hammond and Herring - both had been met with disgust.

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Facebook tells users to report crappy customer service from advertisers

ukgnome
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But that would mean taking notice of the adverts

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NASA finds more stuff suggesting Mars could have hosted life, maybe

ukgnome
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Alien

Re: And the remnants had fled to Earth.

Ulla

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ukgnome
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Alien

Re: The chances of anything coming from Mars

Ulla

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ukgnome
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Alien

Re: The fact that I keep getting modded down for stating facts...

Ulla

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PETA calls for fish friendly Swedish street signage

ukgnome
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@handleoclast

I think you need to look up the word 'Fun'

Also whilst you are at it I found a couple of your 'Facts' also dubious

I believe you should of called these 'Boring Opinions'

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Hear that? Of course it's Indiegogo's deadline for a Vega+ whooshing by

ukgnome
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Re: F****d.

Are you saying fucked or faked?

As it is OK to type fucked.

I have fucking typed a fuck load worse than fuck.

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John McAfee plans 2020 presidential tilt

ukgnome
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I totally adore this clown

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Experts build AI joke machine that's about as funny as an Adam Sandler movie (that bad)

ukgnome
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Now I want someone to create the Adam Sandler Neural Network

And I am betting it would do a better job than Sandler

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ZTE can't buy chips from America – but can still get sued for patent infringement in the US

ukgnome
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U S NAY

I am surprised that anyone wants to do business with an isolationist country.

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Beardy Branson: Wacky hyperloop tube maglev cheaper than railways

ukgnome
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It is always nice to hear the opinion of a bearded tax dodging wanker!

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Blood spilled from another US high school shooting has yet to dry – and video games are already being blamed

ukgnome
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Yet again we come to learn that America is morally bankrupt.

Seems that nothing can be done, absolutely nothing.

Well except try and ban video games because sometime fantasy can cross over into reality and that's when it all goes shit.

I personally remember the terror of the joust, all those folk stealing emu and then riding them, trying to bash the other people off. And let's not forget the time that plumber came round and ate mushrooms.It took ages to clear up that mess.

Let's not hide behind the bullshit - this has everything to do with weapons that are easy to get hold of. Everything to do with weapons and ammo stored together in an easy to get to place. This isn't about video games.

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ukgnome
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Re: Early information

Fine - keep your guns. No really - I don't care about them.

For for the love of cod and chips lock up your ammo.

You see if the guns don't have ammo then they are really crap bats.

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NASA fix for Curiosity rovers's damaged drill: hitting it, repeatedly

ukgnome
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It is nice to see that even NASA use a brummy screwdriver on the odd occasion.

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Trump’s new ZTE tweets trump old ZTE tweets

ukgnome
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Uncle Woo Woo has the thinest grip on reality.

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Brit IT contractor wins appeal against HMRC to pay £26k in back taxes

ukgnome
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Hearing this has made me warm and fuzzy

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Off with e's head: E-cig explosion causes first vaping death

ukgnome
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Re: Vaping is NOT smoking...

You assume that all who vape still use nicotine.

I haven't had any nicotine in my juice for months, I started on massive amounts and gradually reduced that to zero. The addiction isn't always an active substance, sometimes the act itself can be.

As for upping the power - more power equals bigger clouds.

Who doesn't want big clouds of sweet smelling vapour. nincompoops that's who.

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ukgnome
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Re: Vaping is NOT smoking...

Sweet yummy flavours aimed at kids?

Do me a lemon, and then mix in a small amount of biscuit and cream and finish it off with a crumble topping. Mmmmmmm that tastes nice. I am 44 and I can tell you it's not aimed at kids, it's aimed at people that don't want to smell like a toilet.

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UK age-checking smut overlord won't be able to handle the pressure – critics

ukgnome
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I actually don't - can you help a guy out and just pop yours here?

I promise I won't do anything other than porn sites with them.

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BOFH: Guys? Guys? We need blockchain... can you install blockchain?

ukgnome
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Published at 08:36

It's far too early for such shenanigans - I've had to go on a break until pub o'clock.

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RIP: Sinclair ZX Spectrum designer Rick Dickinson reaches STOP

ukgnome
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Wherever you're uploaded to

May your loading screens be colourful and your tape heads forever clean.

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Brit MPs brand Facebook a 'great vampire squid' out for cash

ukgnome
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Not one to big up our Members of parliament

But they sure know how to deliver when it comes to things like this.

Compared to the yanks our politico boys and girls are full on angry but erudite bears.

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Danish submariner sent down for life for murder of journalist Kim Wall

ukgnome
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I can't believe they was able to pin this on him. He had a sound and concrete circumstance. Really this unfortunate set of events could of happened to anyone.

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Motorola Z2 Force: This one's for the butterfingered Android lovers

ukgnome
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@Lee D

Your maths don't add up.

£30 quid for data and £8.33 for a phone (over two years)

That's just £2 shy of what I am paying - iPhone8 with 18GB data.

Seems to me that you have't shopped around or engaged the correct mode when dealing with the phone drones at your local supplier.

New phones are well within your price range

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The first rule of maths class: Don't start a fight club

ukgnome
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Re: Norwich

Ahhh but we have to train the young uns up so that they can safely drink down Prince of Wales road.

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Donkey Wrong: Arcade legend Billy Mitchell booted from record books amid MAME row

ukgnome
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This Billy Chap

What an giant gorillas ass!

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Penis pothole protester: Cambridge's 'Wanksy' art shows feted

ukgnome
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Re: Why penises?

They are much harder to draw though.

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Snubbed R Us: Microsoft eschews Vulture Consultants in Playmobil tech research

ukgnome
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Pint

A pint for Lester's memory

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'Every little helps'... unless you want email: Tesco to kill free service

ukgnome
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But why though

but why use a stock photo of a Sainsbury shopping trolley

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What's silent but violent and costs $250m? Yes, it's Lockheed Martin's super-quiet, supersonic X-plane for NASA

ukgnome
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Devil

@ChrisC

I have upvoted you because you have made it sound rather splendid - however this doesn't mean I don't think you are an utter bastard.

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We put Huawei's P20 triple-lens snapper through its paces

ukgnome
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Thumb Down

Those bananas look terrible!

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Danish Navy expert finds no trace of exhaust gas in private submarine

ukgnome
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Worse things happen at....no wait....erm...I got nothing.

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Furious gunwoman opens fire at YouTube HQ, three people shot

ukgnome
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Re: Of all places

Of all places??? what a dumb statement.

Cali has quite a lot of guns and quite a lot of gun ranges. Getting a handgun is quite simple, anyone says it isn't obviously hasn't visited. Heck when I was over a couple of years ago I was sihned in as a guest to a club so that I could play - technically that wasn't allowed but it never seemed to worry the club.

So many folk mentioning the AR - and rightly so, but this wasn't a shooting with an AR this was with a hand gun. This person could of been licensed for years before deciding to shoot up youtube.

I know it's an emotive debate amongst some people - the bottom line is guns are fun, they go bang loudly and you don't need to be skilled to operate them. that doesn't make them OK

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What the @#$%&!? Microsoft bans nudity, swearing in Skype, emails, Office 365 docs

ukgnome
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Microshite cuntburgers!

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Brit retailer Currys PC World says sorry for Know How scam

ukgnome
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Trollface

Wow such value for money

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Office junior had one job: Tearing perforated bits off tractor-feed dot matrix printer paper

ukgnome
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Office junior had one job: Tearing perforated bits off tractor-feed dot matrix printer paper

Huh? Hadn't they heard of a trimmer and burster.

**ahh happy memories of the data control boys Gypo and Duncs

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Cyborg fined for riding train without valid ticket

ukgnome
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@TRT

thanks a lot!

You have no idea how scared I still am of that bloody robot.

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ukgnome
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Re: Logans (Transit) Run

And now I have the fear in mine.

I'm that old I skipped carousel and now I am living in an office full of cats.

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ukgnome
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@AC

I have to agree with you - mainly from the great unbadged.

Yes we have to start commentarding somewhere, and yes El Reg is quite a good (cruel) training ground. But I have to say that some comments of late seem to lack even the basics.

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After repeated warnings Facebook bans Britain First for 'inciting hatred'

ukgnome
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@cornz 1

"A group of Christians shouting "Allah is a twat" would be enough to have them beheaded by members of the local Mosque."

No, no it wouldn't. The vast majority of Muslims would think you have said something idiotic and offensive. But not idiotic and offensive enough to incite beheading.

Just like saying Jesus Christ is a cum sucking slut would be enough to make most christians think it was something idiotic and offensive.

The fact is a minority of muslims and christians and jews, a swathe of buddhists and a smattering of people that worship the old one and a chap called Simon all rise up when they hear something they disagree with and start getting a bit stabby.

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ukgnome
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but but but

Where will I go to dip my toe in the cesspool of humanity now?

Oh the daily mail is still there.....erm yippee

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Stephen Hawking dies, aged 76

ukgnome
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Pint

RIP

Rest In Particles

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British clockwork radio boffin Trevor Baylis terminally winds down

ukgnome
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Pint

By all accounts a top gent and a genuine boffin.

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Crunch time: Maplin in talks to sell the business

ukgnome
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The secret to Cat5 at maplins is have the cable taken from the spool and get a couple of terminals - then pass to the man in the components booth - he will crimp your ends for a fraction of the prepackaged price.

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UK mobile customers face inflation-busting price hike

ukgnome
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yeah it sucks - but compared to the USA providers it's not that bad

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BOFH: Turn your server rack hotspot to a server rack notspot

ukgnome
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You have to go through a few pubs before you reach pub g, no wonder PFY got beaten so easily.

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Arrrgh! Put down the crisps! 'Ultra-processed' foods linked to cancer!

ukgnome
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Dear Science

the 1980's called and wants its research back.

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Robot cars will kill London jobs – but only from 2030, say politicans

ukgnome
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2 birds one autonomous stone

Simple - if all cars have a man sat in them then there is someone to blame when it crashes into a queue of nuns waiting for a bus. Until that happens the man has a rather easy job.

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