* Posts by ukgnome

2034 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Pokemon No! Good news: You can now ban the virtual pests, er, pets to stop nerds wandering around your property

ukgnome Silver badge

Re: Muppet

Which well organised militia do you belong to?

Visited the Grand Canyon since 2000? You'll have great photos – and maybe a teensy bit of unwanted radiation

ukgnome Silver badge

is it only me?

Is it only me that read that and thought - I wonder what the ore tastes of?

'Occult' text from Buffy The Vampire Slayer ep actually just story about new bus lane in Dublin

ukgnome Silver badge

Whilst Dublin is one of the friendliest places to have a traffic incident it is also one of the places in which your cursed uttering will raise a demon, such is the language that you will use.

US man and Brit teen convict indicted over school bomb threat spree

ukgnome Silver badge

Why do they always give themselves such kitsch names

If I was to form a collective of internet mischief makers i would call it

The Bastard Squad


Team WankForce

National Enquirer's big Pecker tried to shaft me – but I wouldn't give him an inch, says Jeff Bezos after dick pic leak threat

ukgnome Silver badge

I wonder which service hosts the national enquirer.......oh

*courtesy of @ryanhuber

Trolling in the Reg's forums... we mean, er, 'working' on the train still rubbish thanks to patchy data coverage

ukgnome Silver badge


Who Us?

We wouldn't dream of it?

Ca-caw-caw: Pigeon poops on tot's face as tempers fray at siege of Lincoln flats

ukgnome Silver badge

When we hard brexit we will be issued with pellet guns.

Vermin control was never so tasty.

ukgnome Silver badge

How did you get a silver badge without understanding bootnotes?

iPhone price cuts are coming, teases Apple CEO. *Bring-bring* Hello, Apple UK? It's El Reg. You free to chat?

ukgnome Silver badge

I haven't read the article yet, but I just felt the need to applaud the Reg for the correct onomatopoeia

Why do people think phones ring?

Q. China just landed on its far side, the US woz there 50 years ago – now Europe wants to mine it? A. It's the Moon

ukgnome Silver badge

Something small hit the moon

How do you like them space apples

Struggling with GDPR compliance? Don't waste money on legal advice: Buy a shredder

ukgnome Silver badge

Psssst hey you - yes you

wanna buy some GDPR compliant notebooks?

The same as am ordinary note book but they have their own envelope.

Starship bloopers: In touching tribute to Tesla shares, Musk proto-craft tumbles – as Bezos' Blue Origin rocket lifts off

ukgnome Silver badge

Meh - play thing for the rich.

*I wish I was rich

'Nun' drops goat head on pavement outside Cheltenham 'Spoons

ukgnome Silver badge

Now that's taking veganuary to a whole new level.

Happy new year, readers. Yes, we have threaded comments, an image-lite mode, and more...

ukgnome Silver badge

Re: Pulled the plug...

"Most read" and the like are just aping the print red-tops.

I have checked the very top of this website and it appears to be a red top - are you new here?

ukgnome Silver badge

Re: security ?

"Securing your towel, not so much."

You've never been to Great Yarmouth have you.

ukgnome Silver badge

holograraphic love dungeon layout

It glitches like a bugger, can you get the devs to oil it?

More nodding dogs green-light terrible UK.gov pr0n age verification plans

ukgnome Silver badge

All you need is......

Just one youth with borrowed access and a printer.

Soon the hedgerows will be alive again with naked ladies and men, although video is a bit harder.

ukgnome Silver badge

Re: Credit cards for those under 18

Pre-Pay cards would not work - you need to look a bit closer at sites that already ask for verification.

So problem not solved - sorry :-(

Can't unlock an Android phone? No problem, just take a Skype call: App allows passcode bypass

ukgnome Silver badge

insecure or unsecure

surely not - I guess this is what happens when the 2 best tech companies work together.

Pewdiepie fanboi printer, Chromecast haxxx0r retreats, says they're 'afraid of being caught'

ukgnome Silver badge

So what you are saying is it's actually 3 wazzocks in this story - got it!

Um, I'm not that Gary, American man tells Ryanair after being sent other Gary's flight itinerary

ukgnome Silver badge

If not follow through.

How will shitting his pants help?

Found yet another plastic nostalgia knock-off under the tree? You, sir, need an emulator

ukgnome Silver badge

only ever needed 2 games

C64 - Last ninja - apparently they are remaking it for modern consoles.....

Am - Nuclear War

The Great British Curry: Put down the takeaway, you're cooking tonight

ukgnome Silver badge

That is pretty much a standard recipe in my house.

We always have jars of some such paste.

I prefer cooking this in a wok rather than a large fry pan, I find you can fix it together better.

An upset tummy and a sphincter-loosening blackout: Lunar spaceflight is all glamour

ukgnome Silver badge

Awe inspiring

Even after a sticky end they continued

Dutch boyband hopes to reverse Brexit through the power of music

ukgnome Silver badge

The very hardest Brexit NOW!

I was a remainer until I heard that - now all I want is the hardest brexit ever

A few reasons why cops haven't immediately shot down London Gatwick airport drone menace

ukgnome Silver badge

Fricken Laser

Time to release the sharks.

Boffins don't give a sh!t, slap Trump's face on a turd in science journal

ukgnome Silver badge

Looks like Trump

Tastes like Trump

ugh why do i know what Trumps tastes like

No not THAT kind of Office Wizard! Roll a diplomacy check to win the election: Vote tie resolved by a D20

ukgnome Silver badge

I thought rolling the ol' D20 resulted in satanic worship.

Virgin Galactic test flight reaches space for the first time, lugging NASA cargo in place of tourists

ukgnome Silver badge

Now all we have to do is send the bearded prick up, setting the controls for the heart of the sun.

Doom at 25: The FPS that wowed players, gummed up servers, and enraged admins

ukgnome Silver badge

My Fave level is...

Well it's actually Grimsby Towns old precinct shopping centre. You see one of my mates was handy with all that fiddly programming malarky.

He painstakingly created our town centre shopping area to such a detail that you could tell which shop was Wimpy, which one was Boots. Truly inspiring.

Dine crime: Chippy sells deep fried Xmas dinner

ukgnome Silver badge

The chippy on Norwich Market sells battered sprouts - apparently it's an improvement.

Canuck couple returns home after night on tiles to gaggle of randomers hanging out in their flat

ukgnome Silver badge

Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

Calm down Jake, no one is coming to take your pencils.

Although I couldn't find any mortality statistics on pencils, but it does seem that guns kill quite a lot of people.

See how silly you're being now?

ukgnome Silver badge

Sounds like a nightmAir BnB

Technical foul: Amazon suffers data snafu days before Black Friday, emails world+dog

ukgnome Silver badge

Ooh what a bitter cynic, can't you just let me have my joy for once?

ukgnome Silver badge

For once I haven't been included in a breach.


Court doc typo 'reveals' Julian Assange may have been charged in US

ukgnome Silver badge

Fingers crossed we can get shot of this pound shop bond villain wannabe

Trump in Spaaaaaaace: Washington DC battles over who gets to decide the rules of trillion-dollar new industry

ukgnome Silver badge

In space nobody hears you parp

But boy does trump linger

My hoard of obsolete hardware might be useful… one day

ukgnome Silver badge

Might be?

No Sir, it will be.

Stairway to edam: Swiss bloke blasts roquefort his cheese, thinks Led Zep might make it tastier

ukgnome Silver badge


Has no one mentioned - Sailing on a Sea of Cheese by Primus?

UK computer dealer Aria PC loses £750k VAT fraud appeal attempt in THAT case

ukgnome Silver badge

Hope he pays the restocking fee when he returns them.

Assange catgate hearing halted as Ecuador hunts around for someone who speaks Australian

ukgnome Silver badge

Re: Sympathy

Woo Woo

Haunted disk-drive? This story will give you the chills...

ukgnome Silver badge

Defo Spooky

Condensation is ghost water

From dank memes to Krispy Kremes: British uni eggheads claim viral lol pics make kids fat

ukgnome Silver badge

I don't know about memes but I do know crisps are nice.

Hey kids, stop looking at memes - eat crisps

(if you can imagine this typed over a crisp packet it would help)

UK.gov to press ahead with online smut checks (but expects £10m in legals in year 1)

ukgnome Silver badge

Anyone else think this will be a cockup?

To continue viewing the cockup please verify your age

Take my advice: The only safe ID is a fake ID

ukgnome Silver badge

It's all in a name

I have recently be using my real name but hiding R's in it.

So far i have managed 4 extra R in a name that usually has 2. That's 6 R when really 1 would do it.

Of course if the Indian sounding gentleman from HMRC calls me then I become either Phil McRackin or Rusty Starpoker

Bloke gets six months for fixing up Russia's US election trolls with bank accounts, fake identities

ukgnome Silver badge

Re: Presidential Pardon...

Chances are the anti-Trump posts have been posted by the Russian trolls to make it look balanced.

Man cuffed for testing fruit with bum cheek pre-purchase

ukgnome Silver badge


Put your tin-foil hats on! Wi-Fi can be used to guesstimate number of people hidden in a room

ukgnome Silver badge

Judging by the awesome performance of the WiFi at work I reckon the office has nearly 1 billion people in it.

Trump shouldn't criticise the news media, says Amazon's Jeff Bezos

ukgnome Silver badge

I don't think you understand what the term "fake news" means.

We're doomed: Defra's having a cow over its Brexit IT preparations

ukgnome Silver badge

You are all a bunch of chumps if you don't want hard Brexit

This liberal woolliness simply wont do

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