* Posts by ukgnome

1793 posts • joined 16 Jun 2011

Kebab and pizza shop owner jailed for hiding £179k from the taxman

ukgnome
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I am genuinely surprised that the HMRC found this out.

they don't seem the sort could find both arse cheeks with their own hands.

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Equifax fooled again! Blundering credit biz directs hack attack victims to parody site

ukgnome
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Equifucked

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Quebec takes mature approach to 'grilled cheese' ban

ukgnome
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Mild Punning for a Mature audience

Someone at the register should be given the bishops finger.

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Pirate Bay digs itself a new hole: Mining alt-coin in slurper browsers

ukgnome
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SETI never found aliens

CRUK never found a cure for cancer

I wonder if the pirates will find gold?

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Behold, says robo-mall-cop maker: Our crime-busting dune buggy packed with spy gear

ukgnome
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@frank ly

O.K. so two scary robots - but there can't be anymore than that right?

Unless you include the Richard Herring toaster sex robot from AIOTM

three scary robots! no more

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ukgnome
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The vision of the future is white goods. There is nothing so scary as a fridge with a blue LED chasing you.

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Itching to stuff iOS 11 on your iPhone? You may want to hold off for a bit

ukgnome
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The install went well

Just a few apps that need to update the screen overlay as the alignment with battery and mobile signal is a little out. It makes a mess of the top line.

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BoJo, don't misuse stats then blurt disclaimers when you get rumbled

ukgnome
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It wasn't a misquote - it was an amalgamation based on the fact that this is purely about statistics, Lies and damned lies never came into it.

Also it's about BoJo, so what I probably should of written is this

Ah Ah Ah well huff puff waffle snarf snarf damned statistics wot wot fuzzy wuzzy statistics bah

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ukgnome
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Damn Statistics

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Programming in the Middle Ages: Docker makes a lovely pair of trousers

ukgnome
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When they start saying Bless after talking to you then you are old.

Until then you are <insert appropriate youth talk>

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Boffin wins (Ig) Nobel prize asking if cats can be liquid

ukgnome
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Babypod?

It has short term use, or is that mid-term use.

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Facebook let advertisers target 'Jew-haters'

ukgnome
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yes, this is what target advertising looks like.

They can also go after kitten haters, but I don't think many are present on facebook if my feed is anything to go by.

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MPs accuse Amazon and eBay of profiteering from VAT fraudsters

ukgnome
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I was banned from eBay once because of box shipping.

The only reason I was allowed back on is because at the time I had my small business as was VAT registered and was able to prove that my box shipments were legal and above board. The person who reported me however wasn't, they just didn't like that I was selling at a reduced rate compared to them. Apparently they did receive a stern letter from HMRC. Enforcement does occur, but usually the backward system goes after the legitimate sellers first.

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Scientists produce a map marking water hotspots on the Moon

ukgnome
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Pint

One small step for man....

to get the water for a micro brewery

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Facebook posts put Pharma Bro Martin Shkreli in prison as a danger to society

ukgnome
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Poor sad little wanker - wonder if he gets to pick up soap.

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Apple's 'shoddy' Beats headphones get slammed in lawsuit

ukgnome
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$200 to damage your hearing - WOW

Silver lining though, you only need a couple of pairs before your hearing becomes obsolete.

what's that you say downvoters? can't hear you, do speak up.

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Giant frikkin' British laser turret to start zapping stuff next year

ukgnome
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Pah

This will be useless when Cthulhu rises from his slumber.

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This article has been deleted

ukgnome
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You certainly wouldn't get that in Rotherham

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El Reg is hiring an intern. Here's the lowdown...

ukgnome
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WTF

You pay your interns actually money.

You let them drink actual water and occasional beer.

Cheese and biscuits.

With this pyramid of chocolate balls you are spoiling them.

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Monkey selfie case settles for a quarter of future royalties

ukgnome
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I didn't realise it was that old - it popped up on my Facebook feed and naturally assumed they were on tilt again. They really boil my piss.

Although they do provide some gems, like asking Games Workshop to change the war orc (or whatever) as it had a pelt collar. FFS

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ukgnome
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The thing about ethical treatment is that it has to be everyones ethics and not just PETA.

Judging on some of their campaigns I doubt they fall under ethical, and are possibly not even people.

Their latest BS of Dairy products causes autism is offensive.

These unscientific idiots should piss off!

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Scottish pensioners rage at Virgin cabinet blocking their view

ukgnome
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NIMBY

I was all ready to scorn these old gits and then I looked at the picture. Good Grief, what in the name of your least favourite deity was Virgin thinking?

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Another day, another drone upstart skips the consumer market

ukgnome
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Re: Payload of 9kg...

That's 1.0345 Adult badger - quite a vicious payload.

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Sub plot subplot thickens: Madsen claims hatch fumble killed Swede journo Kim Wall

ukgnome
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+2 - as i can't add another - but glad you got the reference.

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ukgnome
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Holmes

Mr Jolly is all at sea.

Clearly this was an unfortunate series of events that could happen to anyone. Who here hasn't accidentally killed someone eh? That's what I thought.

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Argentina eyes up laser death cannon testbed warship

ukgnome
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You must be new here.

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Thousands of hornets swarm over innocent fire service drone

ukgnome
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When I was a mere lad I used to play on the waste land. That was until a boy got stung so many times he died. Hornets are evil and should be drowned, preferably in molten iron.

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Chinese smartphone cable-maker chucks sueball at Apple

ukgnome
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erm

why not apply for the certification?

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Sony remembers it once made a great little phone

ukgnome
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If it has a vanilla OS version it might be OK

Although all the Sony phones I have owned have been utter crap.

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Couple fires sueball at Amazon over faulty solar eclipse-viewing goggles

ukgnome
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Re: Not wishing to stick up for Amazon

Wow - your car analogy makes no sense - if a car is recalled and you don't check then YES you are the arse.

Amazon informed its customers - they did the right thing.

I live in the UK and I was well aware of the issue with eclipse glasses purchased on Amazon.

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ukgnome
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FAIL

Not wishing to stick up for Amazon

But anyone that bought a set of suspect glasses were emailed rather swiftly, the product was recalled (told to destroy) and all users reimbursed.

You cannot expect Amazon to call each and every person detailing this.

The recall was in the news around the world, all over facebook and twitter.

If you didn't see the media advice on this then the onus is on you.

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Belarus declares war on imaginary country within borders of Belarus that is better than Belarus

ukgnome
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Facepalm

What if......

Belarus loses?

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Stephen King's scary movie reboot provokes tears from 'legit clowns'

ukgnome
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IT Angle

I am ashamed of this but.....

What's the IT angle

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ukgnome
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Childcatcher

Nuclear War - nope

A.I. - nope

Guns - nope

Bombs - nope

Knives - nope

Sluts - nope

Clowns - agghhhh run away, ugh they are horrible and want to possibly kill you maybe.......

Won't somebody think of the children

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Two million customer records pillaged in IT souk CeX hack attack

ukgnome
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so is this an online cex scandal?

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Terry Pratchett's unfinished works flattened by steamroller

ukgnome
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What impressed me most of all is that they used a proper steam roller and not a road roller.

This attention to detail pleases me quite a bit.

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Japanese sat tech sinks Sea Shepherd anti-whaling activists' hopes

ukgnome
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Trollface

Fake News

If I were an ocean going hippy fleet then this is the sort of press release I would issue. I mean look at the way the press has picked it up.

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Boffin rediscovers 1960s attempt to write fiction with computers

ukgnome
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I used to play around a lot with MegaHal - (kids, look it up)

The best line ever received was - You are the moments that you drink tea

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San Franciscans unite to smite alt-right with minefield of doggy shite

ukgnome
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Re: Nice

Let's get back to topic - this white sands place, is it near the beach? You could take a little dieppe to cool off from when finished scooping.

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Vodafone won't pay employee expenses for cups of coffee

ukgnome
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Trollface

Which is why

I am a contractor

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British broadband is confusing and speeds are crap, says survey

ukgnome
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Cabinet

Well my property which is EO is a mere 44M away from the exchange. I could kick a ball and hit it (I never said how many times I would kick the ball)

One of the proposals is a cabinet just outside the exchange - that was proposed 3 years ago now. The real reason it has moved so slowly isn't red tape. The reason is priority.

Why plumb in a new cabinet when only a small minority will use it.

We are talking about a small exchange that has no LLU operators present. And it only caters for 511 residential properties and 27 non-residential.

The annoying thing is that the FTTC status is showing as available in some areas. However upon closer inspection it seems that no cabinets connect to this exchange. So available in some areas is quite misleading.

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ukgnome
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STILL waiting for BT nosuchReach to work out how to provide FTC when all houses in the village connect direct to exchange.

As for up to 17Mbps - If you only get 7Mbps and at peak they throttle you to 1.5Mbps then what is your actual speed? I googled the answer and will let you know as soon as the page loads.

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Kill animals and destroy property before hurting humans, Germany tells future self-driving cars

ukgnome
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Who Cares

As long as they sound like KITT

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Paris nightclub red-faced after booze-for-boobs offer exposed

ukgnome
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FAIL

snapped by a Polaroid camera

What is the world coming to when a 3rd rate camera is used.

Surely someone can suggest a cheap photo printer.

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Daily Stormer booted off internet again, this time by Namecheap

ukgnome
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Thumb Down

raise your right hand

if you don't like nazi - oh dear.....

It's almost like most people actually don't like nazi. weird right?

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PayPal, accused of facilitating neo-Nazi rally, promises to deny hate groups service

ukgnome
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I wonder when all the companies that have profited from slavery are going to issue a statement.

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Vaping ads flout EU rules, even if to promote healthier lifestyles

ukgnome
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Re: Nicotine is not Tobacco

Indeed AC I suggest that you require some further reading. Vape products have gone quite a lot of testing.

There are sponsored testing like you will find on sites like Wicked, as well as cancer research UK. Granted the results usually look like - Vaping isn't that bad when you compare it to smoking.

http://scienceblog.cancerresearchuk.org/2017/02/06/new-study-comes-the-closest-yet-to-proving-that-e-cigarettes-arent-as-dangerous-as-smoking/

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Internet addict sent to an anti-addiction boot camp is no longer an addict. Because he's dead

ukgnome
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Damn the lego group

Of course everyone is free to comply with these corporate demands, but the Lego Group has no authority over the English language to regulate it in this way. So if you want to feel guilty about using “Legos”, understand that the only thing you are guilty of is not obeying the demands of a Danish corporation, not for violating the rules of English grammar.

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US prosecutors demand data to unmask every visitor to anti-Trump protest website

ukgnome
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Awkward

I've just visited twice - Hmm I wonder what my new employer would say.

I can't actually tell you who that is because reasons.

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Antarctica declared world's most volcanic region as 91 new cones found beneath ice

ukgnome
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If Jules Verne has taught us anything

these so called volcano will be full of dinosaurs

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