Posts by Alan Ferris

One can just hope...

...that she didn't get the sack, as well

Valves!

If you go to BP and do the tour, you will hear that the valves were acquired every time a BT exchange was upgraded .... BT would tell them and they'd go and pillage the exchange. I believe that Bletchley Park have enough in stock for a number of decades

BUT....

Do Playmobil make bees?

Paris, 'cos no-one has mentioned her 36 bees yet

How to confuse a Daily Mail reader....

I'm reminded of the old joke:

Q: How do you confuse a Daily Mail reader?

A: Tell him that the immigrants kill the paedophiles

Been there and got the....?

http://www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts/baaaaaa-means-nooooo/

Sorry, couldn't resist

I'm sorry, this is outrageous...

... where's the Playmobil?

Come on...

Where's the Playmobil re-enactment of this deed?

It had to be said...

Shame on Ewe!

I'll get my coat

Can you make it bigger, please

The font is much too small

Paris, I bet she knows how to deal with that problem

There is a story ...

...that a GP once had to persuade Mr & Mrs Janus not to call their son Hugh.

Who cares if it's true, it's such a nice story

The one big drawback so far ....

The really big drawback so far is that it isn't compatible with Roboform, which is probably the most useful piece of software that I've bout in the last 5 years

Enormous savings to be made now

Now I have no need to buy a shredder.

Why bother shredding sensitive data when the banks give it away!

Paris, 'cos I'm told she gives it away too

Another case for ID cards...

Anyone can see that this squirrel wasn't carrying one

Burglary outbreak ?

Presumably only useful to burglars desperate to steal used nappies, anyway.

Does this count as softwear theft ?

Not lost!

Just see http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/08/10/invisibilty_will_soon_be_within_our_grasp/ for the clue.

Great names

In medical folklore, there is a story about the G.P. who persuaded Mr & Mrs Janus that they didn't want to call their son Hugh.

I've no proof on that one...

Nine Sixteenths of a second !

How do you make it last that long ?

So that Is what is meant by....

.... table dancing.

I've often wondered how to get one to dance. We live a very sheltered life around here.

Translate there and back

Surely the best way to test the translation is to translate from English in Foreign and then back again.

The only time I tried Google translation was for "Fish and chips" which became ( in Italian) "Pesci e Circuiti integrati , but today I found that the italian for "Fish and chips" is apparently "Fish and chips" so perhaps those foreigners have seen the light.

Stating the bleeding obvious?

"the Medical Council of Thailand... is concerned at the possible health risks to young patients, including adverse affects on physical development ..."

I can think a DEFINITE risk to one (or actually two) bits of their physical development. Happy to go out and advise the Medical Council about this, will they pay my travel costs?

Mine's the one with "Trained Observer" on the back

It's NOT a mistake

It's essential for the job, because the output from Connecting for Health is a complete load of crap.

Oh bugger!

I'm self employed... this is costing ME money

Just remind me...

If it's a £5000 fine for a doctor who loses a single patient's records on a laptop stolen from a car, how much is the fine for the boss ( who is responsible, that's why he's the boss) at HMRC ?

Who knows their 24,000,000 times table?

Sauce for the Goose?

So this means that Patsy will pay for leaking doctors private details through the MTAS website, does it?

And this means that the minister responsible for the FCO will cough up for leaking thousands of details of Visa applicants through their website, does it?

Or does the word "responsible" have a different meaning when it's the government involved? I wonder if I can find out under the Freedom of Information Act... What do you mean that FOI doesn't apply?

We are all doomed