* Posts by jukejoint

107 posts • joined 25 Apr 2011

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Trump backs off idea for joint US/Russian 'impenetrable Cyber Security unit'

jukejoint

He can bite off chicken heads --- maybe.

He is not qualified to be a dog catcher. Maybe circus geek, but jury is still undecided about that.

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jukejoint

Re: bonobos

Cladistically speaking, then, man-bear-pig might be real (lordy!) or man-monkey-fish anyway.

Thanks, that was fascinating!

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jukejoint

Re: WTF

omg my first downvote - I am thrilled, and hope you accept this downvote on behalf of fuck off.

Excuse me for descending to the low level. I meant to go high. Next time!

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CompSci boffins find Reddit is ideal source for sarcasm database

jukejoint

Will no one think of the Children? Or the Demented?

Since I'm from the GCITW, it behooves me to remind those faithful readers (not the unfaithful ones they can go to hell) who have forgotten - or never knew - sarcasm is a higher mental function than can be detected reliably by children, those suffering from certain brain disorders, or right-wing nut jobs.

Though the alleged "president" of the GCITW was not a direct catalyst for the development of the notation '/s', we light orange candles every day in thanks for its invention, so that all may reach the same understanding and reap opportunities for chortling happily over these enjoyable rejoinders. Also it has allowed us to accurately diagnose the underlying illness of the aforesaid personage. Apparently there's a whole bunch out there just like him.

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Bacon is not my vodka friend

jukejoint

So proud of my country I could weep!

"You're doing fine Oklahoma!

Oklahoma, OK!!!"

(When will the tears stop? Crying as I type...)

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Apple man found dead at Cupertino HQ, gun discovered nearby

jukejoint
Black Helicopters

Re: hmmm

Someone's already Shalmaneser'd this thread!

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PayPal freezes 400-job expansion in North Carolina over bonkers religious freedom law

jukejoint

Re: _Real_ Doctors and scientists have yet to determine what makes someone gay

and earrings...and caftans...

OK never mind. Time to proceed with my day and move gaily forward.

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jukejoint

Re: It's all about the "equipment", stoopid

Oh Homer, no you can't...not my hometown. Even Detroit doesn't deserve that, to be overrun by Christian extremists. They need to be Tali-banned.

As a point of information, Detroit IS already populated even though its population has declined. So there's that. Its citizens would be none too happy about such a development. They've got enough on their plate as it is.

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Iron Mountain stars in total Recall: Watchdog probes rival biz gobble

jukejoint

Those cute little boxes

I just hope Iron Mountain continues the Recall tradition of miniature cardboard storage boxes as giveaways. Those cute little boxes are so darn CUTE! Sadly, I gave mine away.

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Anyone seen my DVD? Ohio loses disc holding 50,000 citizens' records

jukejoint

I worked managing records security for law enforcement. The records in question are commonly referred to as "evidence" which means there is to be an unbroken traceable chain of its storage complete with signatures, etc., comporting with the law.

Our accounting manager, who oversaw IT, wanted to give his IT employees more office space. He wished to eliminate our office space (we could do our jobs "anywhere") as half of the second floor and the entire first floor wasn't enough space.

Many records had a window of expiration; some did not and were to be preserved until the cows all came home after Armageddon. He made plans to move the records into the janitors' closet in the hallway, with its secure 'locked door' opening onto the hallway by the entrance to the restrooms. The records' closet, however, was behind its own locked door inside a locked office with access granted to 3 people. Exits and entries were also recorded electronically.

His plan to move the records into the janitors' closet came to naught when it was pointed out to him, via the building's blueprints, that the record closet in the record office was especially constructed so as to make it fire- and disaster-proof (i.e., encased in heavy metal behind the walls, ceilings, and floor). The janitor's closet, was not, although it had the advantage of being much smaller!

Long story to say: preservation of critical records was maintained. I, however, was reassigned. (Not to the hallway closet, thankfully.) I then realized that taking security seriously was something that only pesky troublemakers did.

I know Ohio. I have my suspicions that the secure facility was whatever the last beancounter said it was. Perhaps something along the lines of "U-STOR-IT" with easy freeway access.

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Preserve the concinnity of English, caterwauls American university

jukejoint

Jimmy Hoffa - contemporary usage

Anyone that uses 'off of' is hornswoggled about proper usage.

We use "offa".

"Jimmy Hoffa disappeared offa the face of the earth."

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jukejoint

Re: Circumoculate

I might be the only one here that knows Michigan's state motto.

The motto could describe San Francisco as well... I salute you!

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jukejoint

Re: Wayne State University?

! Don't say nothing bad about my uni ! It's in Detroit, and a good school. That is a fact. It's even a true fact.

Now, to the subject at hand, tell me where England is on a map. I've heard of it, that it's 'across the pond' but it sounds swampy --- which continent, exactly?

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jukejoint

must of not bin so brite or I woodah non this

Twenty years ago: My daughter asks me to read over her homework for middle school. I tell her, look here, this word is not spelled correctly, and she says, "Just read it Mom, the teacher says spelling doesn't matter." I told her it does matter, and she's not to turn in misspelled work, etc.

I was sure to follow up with her teacher at the next conference. The teacher didn't want the students to "be afraid of writing" or tamper with the "free expression of their thoughts."

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jukejoint

Re: funny

This is something up with which I will not put.

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jukejoint

Re: There... completed the assignment and used them all.

I used to teach incoming employees about many things including company policies in customer service.

One of the rules was "Use of pejoratives when speaking with clients is absolutely forbidden."

This, sadly, baffled most of the young things who furthermore usually could not spell properly so their chances of finding the meaning out on their own were somewhat diminished.

Come to think of it, once, in relating a situation to the fable "about the 6 blind men encountering an elephant" they asked me to tell them the story which none of them had heard.

Perhaps gaming does not instruct? I really don't know what to make of it, other than I must be an old Philistine. The non-racist kind.

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jukejoint

Re: What's "Dumfounded"?

Yes, the exact same. Or to put it more succinctly, yes, 'zactly.

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So - you thought you knew all about the INSTANT COFFEE DUNES of TITAN?

jukejoint

sing to us

Of the sirens. I bet the music of the spheres gets a bit loud 'round there...bet it turns into a juke joint!

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Banksy puts down spray can, goes corporate in banksy.com cybersquat brouhaha

jukejoint

"Generally speaking, an artist is a professional who needs a public (someone who paints/writes/composes for himself is not an artist, talented as he may be, but a hobbyist)."

hahaha! I get it! Just add $$$! - bang, you are a true artist.

With this mindset I imagine you have a line forming near your home or office, or possibly you scout for the best human investments. What a mensch!

Anyone who believes your statement wants some clarification about the nature of art. All of us need enough to get by. Some of us are content with 'enough'. Because enough is all one needs to continue what one must do, whether or not one is in love with the marketplace, however attractive its subjectivity and irrationality seem to those who would like to cordon off their financial interests from the aforementioned hobbyists. A hobbyist is obviously a term of derogation and means: I can't ramp up revenues from this unpredictable curiosity.

Well, 'generally speaking' (your caveat, as is the statement about "monks") we can see that imagination and deep thinking are in short supply. Viva la whatever symbol of exchange you worship.

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City hidden beneath England's Stonehenge had HUMAN ABATTOIR. And a pub

jukejoint
Terminator

After reading . . .

...let me just say that I am very glad the researchers think it's a pub and butcher shop.

On first glance of the headline my thought was, it was a Druid orphanage.

What a relief!

Forgive the icon. It simply appeared.

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Drone-assisted Swiss construct virtual 3D castle

jukejoint

Disappointed. Was hoping to catch a glimpse of the Prisoner. I didn't get inside though, and rumor has it he's not keen to leave anymore.

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Yahooligans! cower! as! COO! was! reportedly! SACKED! by! Mayer!

jukejoint

Re: Marissa Meyer == The New Carly Fiorina

There are blondes with brains or did you not get that memo?

Sorry to burst your bubble, Mr. A. Coward-McBitter, however if you have ever lived in California, you would realize that most of the bimbos here are male.

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US cops blew more than $26m buying 1.1m cell phone files from telcos

jukejoint
Alien

From the inside ---

in my previous incarnation working with police I've requested data from these carriers before, when there was no other way to get location information for callers talking suicide, callers unable to speak due to the stroke they just had, etc. Not everything is nefarious. Of course, not everything is innocent either, though I didn't see that. I do remember having to justify everything to the telcos - perhaps they are the real rulers of the world. Real rulers or not, they seriously need to upgrade their record keeping. They required us to fill out forms for every request, signed and of course noting the reason & particulars, except they never seemed to actually ask for them....they would pile up and eventually be taken away by our telco liaison...never any feedback on whether they were completed thoroughly enough, or whether any were missing...I would not call them gatekeepers at all. Each telco had their own precious form of course.

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New MacBook Pro: What's actually new, here?

jukejoint

My macbook pro trackpad is silent, always has been. I rarely shut down, just let it sleep, restart occasionally when changing settings. I have an earlier version (2008). I seem to be writing you from 2008, too. Oh the stuff I do on the computer, would make you all plotz.

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Oracle defends Larry Ellison's whopping package

jukejoint

He needs ALL of it.

His other package is tiny.

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Former Microsoftie in AUTOMATIC BEER MAKER funding plea

jukejoint

I don't drink beer but I am An Authority

First off, that GTA V Pi$wasser commercial, Pi$$ed me off. It violates the old rule of 'only you (a family member) - can call your brother fat' - for others the statement is a thrown gauntlet. On the other hand, it goes nicely along with our motto of 'America - F*ck Yeah!'

Secondly, I don't drink beer yet my other half does, and has been home-brewing at our home with a partner for almost 3 years, first started with 5 US gallons now brewing 10 US gallons at a time. (I looked it up - approx 8.3 UK imperial gallons). The process of brewing takes almost a workday and they usually barbecue many delicious items for lunch while they're waiting, and sample a bottle of two of their former brews for readiness, if recently brewed and fermented; and for joy, as they sample their older brews. Each gets about 48 bottles or pints to himself after every time. They ferment for about 2 weeks, then test, and bottle/label the beers and let them rest another 6 weeks.

Their setup is made up of rubber hoses, thingamajigs, heating kettle, carboys, all kinds of stuff which they sterilize and use over and over. They will laugh themselves silly over this article and the description of its brewing and price. I think their biggest expense was the large kettle with taps/connectors, whatever they are, and it was around 100 US.

They have a tasting party every year and a number of people come to sip samples in a blind tasting and choose their favorites as the guys make all kinds - IPAs, and lagers, and red ales or whatever the heck they all are, dark and light. They always brew from grains/hops and create their own recipes and labels. The winner of the tasting for the year is brewed in November for their 'Anniversay' brew.

Also - they cart their equipment outside to brew because our lovely home is very space-limited with a big yard. Then all inside to sterilize stuff, bottle & cap when ready, and label. Our downstairs bathroom is a bit spacious & so kept temp-controlled and is the 'fermentation room'. (It used to be the darkroom).

Since my beverage of choice is wine or liquor when I indulge, ours is a marriage made in heaven. The guys give it away to their friends and bring it to parties and celebrations. The only time one of their brews failed came after a year of brewing and they made an additonal brew for a wedding - it turned out flat, we use it for a marinade. The couple received another gift instead (weren't told in case they were superstitious).

Aside from that, I detest crowdfunding appeals from people who are financially fine. Unbelievable that they have raised that amount of money. Especially for stupid-a$$ consumer crap that makes its own crap.

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David Attenborough warns that humans have stopped evolving

jukejoint

through use of chemical hair colouring, natural blondes are becoming an endangered species

either that, or a species being preserved as the natural blondes resort to its use to stay that way.

'Blindingly Blonde' and "Faaaaaaaabulous"!

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jukejoint

Re: @skelband

you must have a different version:

"I care for nothing, all shall go" in mine ...

thanks for the Tennyson!

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Microsoft cans three 'pinnacle' certifications, sparking user fury

jukejoint

I'm fairly certain Don Jefe appreciates what one must go through to be a proper Domestic Engineer, even though the standards fluctuate from one situation to the next & the engineers themselves are not given much credit.

Re locomotive engineers, they are now being replaced with remote-control boxes worn by the yard crews. At least here in the US. Perhaps MS could retool some of them.

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Call centers under attack in targeted cyber-blackmail scheme

jukejoint

it's been going on for at least the last 5 years or so ---

and yes it's a pain and becoming more so.

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MIT boffin teases space-station probe's DARK MATTER DISCOVERY

jukejoint
WTF?

Whose ring do I kiss?

"But as for string theory - it cannot be proved or disproved, that's the issue with it."

I now comprehend. It is a religion then?

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Higgs data shows alternate reality will SWALLOW UNIVERSE

jukejoint

Robert Burns foresaw this already!

Ye Pow'rs wha mak auld space your care,

And dish out frights as bill o 'fare,

Auld Earth wants nae skinking ware

That jaups in wiggies;

But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer,

Gie her a Higgis!

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jukejoint
Childcatcher

@ frumious bandersnatch

the magic and wonder of math is all I have left ... switching math 'methods' on schoolchildren who had already studied it for a few years (mid-elementary school) tossed a lot of us to the curb. One Friday we went home loving math. Monday we were to continue on using a new method - completely baffling - and at the same time efficiently giving us a round sense of failure.

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Don't Menshn the snore: Chick-lit queen's jabber site killed in its sleep

jukejoint
Big Brother

get away from me!

We don't need another right-wing numbtit in the US. In fact, we're trying to figure out what to do with the home-grown ones we already have.

Did no one tell this gladhander that we are a DANGEROUS country in which to raise a family? Huh? Huh?

We have guns. Guns, do you hear me?

(The right-wing numbtit is a common bird indeed.)

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Computers are 'electronic cocaine' that make you MANIC

jukejoint
Coat

RE Re-Verse Your Poetry @Noons

I've written a ghazalion of those.

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El Reg mulls commentard icon portfolio shake-up

jukejoint

Scissors snipping the head off ...

...for things that reek of male privilege rolling in its own smegmess.

And what about something for the blues: some type of idiot icon we can attach to whatever's getting everyone down, perhaps a mashup of the Israeli & Palestinian flags.

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Fart-buster underpants selling well among Japanese salarymen

jukejoint
Childcatcher

Well at last, a sensible solution for [gas] cloud storage - if you can access your output later - but count me out, I don't want to be around when you restore your viles.

On another note, I certainly did not know so many - er, men, right men? - were anally offensive and proud of it. Yes you are real pieces of work. Tell me again how fabulous you are? OOH you made a stinky smell. What the hell.

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EARTH was a BAKING LIFELESS DESERT for 5 MILLION years

jukejoint

I confess. I am Permian.

My family and I have been waiting for the right time to reveal ourselves. The only thing we haven't been able to figure out is how to hack a Yahoo group which the admins refuse to grant us permission. Other than that, this has been a great vacation and we've been enjoying great weather. You all are awesome.

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Facebook won't pull unmarked police plates page

jukejoint

Re: Also...plate sweeping

"Ultimately, it is a vicious, circular game"

You are so right. Game it is, and not pleasant. I quit.

[Go Giants]

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jukejoint
Childcatcher

Re: Also...plate sweeping

"Ultimately, it is a vicious, circular game"

You are so right. Game it is, and not pleasant. I quit.

[Go Giants]

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Brighton marathon munchers banned from all-you-can-eat diner

jukejoint
Boffin

Just in time for the holidays: El Reg article reveals ALL!

Now, myself, I have to stand up twice to cast a shadow...

but what has been revealed here is that overeaters & gluttons exist who are NOT American...!!!

Looks like I'm readin' somethin' I ain't never read befo'.

Commentards who rip on Americans for piggish greed can kiss my go-to-hell.

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Red Hat launches community contest to rename JBoss

jukejoint
Paris Hilton

wow - firstly...

to the one yclept 'Ben Holmes' : How sucketh must it to be thee, verily. Hie thee off this forum! Or stay according to thy will, sire.

Secondly, why not call it Babel, as in, Tower of? So many folks with buying power loves that old time religion.

or

Babel Away Dollars Application Server System (BADASS). Gives it a bit of edge.

Unbelievable that people spend the only life trying to chase more more more. How empty inside is Larry Ellison by the way? Empty as Paris? Emptier.

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Shuttle Endeavour buzzes the Golden Gate Bridge

jukejoint

oh thank you

for yet another gorgeous photo of my Golden, Golden Gate. It's painted in 'International Orange'. To have the Endeavour make a pass over San Francisco Bay is apt and fitting. Most of us have also "slipped the surly bonds of earth" as well, thank god.

I down-voted those still on earth who felt it necessary to insinuate Republican dirt into their posts. Still grounded you are. What made the space program was imagination and education and the will to excel. Science is golden.

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Reagan slams webmail providers for liberal bias

jukejoint
Windows

Oh That Guy

A relative of mine dated him briefly in highschool, as she confided to me years ago. She said he was a jerk.

Apparently he's still running true to form.

Sherlock, since this is a Captain Obvious-type comment.

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Hipster craft site bans sales of blood and skulls

jukejoint

What's wrong with a second website for these items?

Step 1 Gather blood, skulls, bodily fluids, other detritus as desired

Step 2 Launch 'Ewwwwwtsy'

Step 3 $$$!

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Airline leaves customer on hold for 15 hours

jukejoint
Coat

Re: The really don't "get it"

"Christ zipping 'round a velodrome" !

Thank you! Phrase collection is my specialty, and I applaud the above as an alluring alternative to "Jesus jumped-up Christ" & "Christ on a cracker".

A little known fact: after Jesus jumped up, he jumped down, turned around, picked a bale of cotton.

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What happens when Facebook follows MySpace?

jukejoint
Alert

please wake up

"Time will tell, but I still would pay for a service now that helped me to keep track of everything and had some assurance of outliving me."

Living in a dream world, then, are we?

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Kim Dotcom mounts freedom campaign

jukejoint
Angel

So that's where my invisible hand went.

I've been missing It. I shall smite him.

-God

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Watch out for the GIGANTIC ALIEN JELLYFISH, warns space boffin

jukejoint

I've never seen her speak...

...I imagine the interviewer replied "OK, L. Ron, whatevs"

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Stratfor settles class-action over Anon megahack with freebies

jukejoint
WTF?

@Harmony

perhaps you should post under another moniker when you name-call and sarcastigate.

How about, "Stratforever"?

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