* Posts by Sir Barry

279 posts • joined 20 Apr 2011

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2016: Snapchat loses $515m... 2017: Snapchat rips veil off $3bn IPO

Sir Barry

Congrats!

I would like to offer my congratulations to Snapchat. they have managed to create a business model where investors will throw a lot of money at them and then not complain when there are no profits.

Pure Genius

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Gamers warned to swerve phish-hooks after forum breach

Sir Barry

Don't Care

"While this site is mostly used to distribute pirated copies of games, DVDs and Blu-rays"

Tough shit then.

3
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Oracle sues its own star sales rep after she wins back $200k in pay fight

Sir Barry

Nifty, how do I apply for a job?

I'm used to being screwed.

6
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Unite: CSC UK set for 'jobs massacre' as 1,101 heads put on chopping block

Sir Barry

Re: Job Cuts?

A bit of clarification on apprentices...

Apprentices and redundancy

You can’t usually make an apprentice redundant simply because you can’t afford to pay them, (for example, if your company runs out of work).

You should get legal advice if you think you might have to make an apprentice redundant or want to end the apprenticeship early for another reason.

https://www.gov.uk/take-on-an-apprentice/pay-and-conditions-for-apprentices

Mentioning graduates and apprentices are safe is just PR spin.

2
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Sir Barry

Job Cuts?

"indicated a “massive failure” on the part of senior management"

Will there be any job cuts in middle and senior management or is it just the poor sods on the ground doing the real work?

8
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TV anchor says live on-air 'Alexa, order me a dollhouse' – guess what happens next

Sir Barry

Speak?

I got a computer so I wouldn't have to speak.

*sigh*

6
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Yorkshire council hit with prolonged web outage

Sir Barry

and so it begins.....

"we had nowt but pen and paper and no bins."

LUXURY!

2
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Capita is STILL the BIGGEST tech services supplier to UK.gov

Sir Barry

Que?

How the f*ck are these people staying in business??

The way they are going maybe the top bods should be running the UK....

0
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What’s that Sooty? You want a girlfriend?

Sir Barry

Male = Boar

Female = Sow

Baby = Cub

3
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Sinclair fans rejoice: ZX Spectrum Vega+ to launch October 20

Sir Barry

Retro Computers used to be called Sinclair Computers Limited and Companies House has Sinclair Research Limited listed in the Directors section.

0
0

It's Pablo Pic-arsehole: Turner Prize wannabe hits rock bottom

Sir Barry

Next year

I'll be entering finger paintings by my 3 year old niece.

£40,000 will come in handy....

4
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Three outsources staff to Capita

Sir Barry

Has Three done their due diligence, looking at the track record of Capita's 'service' and the treatment of TUPEd staff?

"Andy Parker, chief exec of Capita, said: “This partnership is a demonstration of Capita’s continuing commitment to delivering outstanding customer management for our clients across a wide range of sectors."

Should read:

"Andy Parker, chief exec of Capita, said: “This partnership is a demonstration of Capita’s continuing commitment to delivering outstanding COST SAVINGS for our clients across a wide range of sectors."

0
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Naked, drunken Swede assaults chicken shed after 60th birthday

Sir Barry

Sigh

Colonel Sanders has really let himself go...

7
0

CSC straps another 100 jobs to redundo cannon, lights fuse, walks off

Sir Barry

New stories coming soon

This redundancy malarky has become so common I'm expecting to see news stories with headlines such as:

CSC Capita IBM (delete as appropriate) has not made any redundancies for a week!

0
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Electrical box fault blamed for GS2 data centre outage

Sir Barry

At least

they didn't claim "only a small number of customers were affected"

0
0

HP Inc's rinky-dink ink stink: Unofficial cartridges, official refills spurned by printer DRM

Sir Barry

Our printing equipment

The printers, photocopiers and multi-functional devices we manufacture and sell will accept third party/refilled toners.

The only difference is the quality of the print due to the cheap toner they use. Our own toner is biomass based and has a 30% lower melting point compared to 'normal' toner.

The ink business model of the mainstream consumer faced printer manufacturers is a poor one and I have not had a printer at home for around4 years.

1
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'Smart belt' loosens purses

Sir Barry

Still

This has the practical application of being used as a belt as well as the fitness stuff.

I won't be buying though.

0
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Hacker takes down CEO wire transfer scammers, sends their Win 10 creds to the cops

Sir Barry

Make a phone call

We received an attempt a few weeks ago, our Financial Director received an email purporting to be from our European CEO instructing to wire funds urgently.

One phone call uncovered it as a scam....

22
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Swedish Pokemon teens terrorised by laser-wielding 'sex pigs'

Sir Barry

???

Would this be classed as bestiality?

0
0

Brisbane council loses $500k to scammers

Sir Barry

It's a ripper!

See title....

1
0

300 million pelicans? Pah. What 6 billion plastic bags really weigh

Sir Barry

Re: long life bags

"emergency sick bags for children on long car journeys."

Eew

You let your kids play with bags of vomit in the car?!

8
0

Happy Sysadmin Day!

Sir Barry
Pint

Calculation

Using my Casio FX-29 calculator 17 X 0 comes out at -

00000000000000000

Sysadmin Day AND Friday, nearly beer o'clock

1
0

MPs reiterate risks of mega £10bn Aspire contract overhaul

Sir Barry

Oh dear

You just know how this is going to turn out.

6
0

How's this for irony? US Navy hit with $600m software piracy claim

Sir Barry

Just had a thought

When their fleet is at sea and they run out of supplies do they go to The Pirate Bay?

3
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Sir Barry

Argh

thar be pirates...

Time to send in the Ninjas

7
0

Trustmarque has been sold yet again – this time to Capita for £57m

Sir Barry

Synergies

Who wants to bet how long before redundancies are announced?

0
0

Marauding monkey blacks out Kenya

Sir Barry

Bananas

Losing electricity must have sent people bananas with that monkey aping around.

1
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Bearded Baron Shugs hired by Gov.uk to get down with the kids

Sir Barry

It isn't all bad

We have an apprenticeship scheme, mainly office based. So far 6 apprentices are now employed full time with us and one young lady secured a job she really wanted elsewhere due to the skills she gained such as presenting and networking with people.

I agree there are going to be firms out there who are just taking advantage of cheap labour, but there is some good work happening as well.

1
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Jokes of no more than 2 lines

Sir Barry

Said by...

At times it is very important whether a sentence was said by a man or a woman.

A good example: “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie last night!”

5
0
Sir Barry

Prescription

My doctor gave me a prescription for daily sex, but my girlfriend insists it is for dyslexia.

4
0
Sir Barry

My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard and earned an online college degree.

3
0
Sir Barry

Give a man a fish and he will Instagram it; teach a man to fish and he will still Instagram it.

3
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Sir Barry

History

Isn't it great to live in the 21st century?

Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

4
0
Sir Barry

Study

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

6
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Sir Barry

Perspective

Life is all about perspective.

The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

5
0
Sir Barry

Donation

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.

I gave him a glass of water.

5
0

BBC's Britflix likely dead before the ink has even dried on the news

Sir Barry

Re: OTT TV

In broadcasting, over-the-top content (OTT) is the delivery of audio, video, and other media over the Internet (according to Wikipedia)

2
1

Hewlett Packard Enterprise hiring temps to cover for redundancies - sources

Sir Barry

New Hire Needed

It looks like HPE management need an Arse & Elbow Officer to sort them out.

11
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TalkTalk customers decide to StayStay after £3m in free upgrades

Sir Barry

Re: providing free upgrades to customers.

"Anyone here a TalkTalk customer who can give some examples of the "upgrades" offered?"

I'm not a Talk Talk customer, but I found the list:

1) TV channels – open to existing TV customers only

Only those who currently have TalkTalk TV can opt for this one for free. You can choose from one of the following TV boost packages – films, kids, entertainment or Sky Sports, which will be free for three months.

This upgrade would normally cost between £5/month and £30/month depending on the channels.

2) A 12mth mobile Sim – open to all customers

Any current TalkTalk customer can choose this option – a 12-month mobile Sim. It's very much a value option though, with a monthly allowance of 100 minutes, 250 texts and 200MB of 3G data.

If you go close to your allowance, it'll send you a text message. If you go over, you'll be charged out-of-bundle fees, which are 40p/minute to call landlines and mobiles, 15p per text message and 15p per MB of data. TalkTalk Mobile piggybacks on the Vodafone network.

Normally this Sim costs £5/month.

3) Unlimited UK landline or mobile calls – open to broadband and home phone customers

For those who already have a TalkTalk landline and broadband, it's offering calls to mobiles or 01, 02 and 03 numbers (excludes 084/087/09 as well as 118 numbers) free for 12 months.

While it's 'unlimited', TalkTalk does operate a 'fair use policy' of 1,800 minutes per month (30 hours). Calls are free for the first 60 minutes only, so if you pick this option, make sure you hang-up and redial within the first 60 minutes or you'll be charged the standard rate of 11.5p/minute for landlines and mobiles. Some non-inclusive calls may be subject to a connection charge of 17p too.

This calls package normally costs £7.50/month.

4) A broadband and Wi-Fi health check – open to broadband customers

If you already have TalkTalk broadband, you can arrange for an engineer to visit your property to check your broadband and Wi-Fi and improve their performance for free. The engineers operate between Monday and Friday 7am-8pm and on Saturdays between 7am-6pm.

If an issue is found, the engineer will attempt to fix it there and then. However TalkTalk says that if there's a problem with the line, it'll need to refer the issue to BT Openreach. We asked whether engineers would attempt to up-sell to customers and TalkTalk's confirmed they won't.

The broadband and Wi-Fi check usually costs £65 for a visit.

4
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French duck-crushing device sells for €40k

Sir Barry

Re: 40K????

The buyer must be quackers!

1
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Ding-dong, reality calling: iPhone slump is not Apple's doom

Sir Barry

Revenues

Their quarterly revenues were "only" $50.6bn.

So their share price gets punished.

I'd be happy if the company I work for had that kind of revenue for an entire year.

14
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Redback sinks fangs into Oz builder's todger

Sir Barry

Suck

I wouldn't want to have to suck the venom out like you do with snakes...

1
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Tokyo rebrands 2020 Olympics

Sir Barry

Re: The whalesong is deafening where I work...

Oh dear

All I want to know is am I on the right channel?

All this animation and OTT nonesense is a complete waste of time and money. Money that could be better spent on making decent programmes.

Plain text -

SKY ONE

That is all most people (I assume) need.

7
0

'Bring back xHamster', North Carolina smut watchers grumble

Sir Barry

They got it wrong

X Hamster should allow access to their content.

Just non-heterosexual content...

14
0

Truly crap exhibition dumped on Isle of Wight

Sir Barry

Hmmm

Now that really is a shit excursion...

0
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Computers shouldn't smoke. Cigarettes aren't healthy for anyone

Sir Barry
Pint

Bless my sister

Nothing to do with smoking, but many years ago my sisters PC was playing up so I took a look. I ran some diagnostic software and then rebooted telling her what I was doing. I can't remember what I did next, but had to wait a while so I flipped her keyboard upside down and started shaking the debris out.

She asked me if I was rebooting the PC.

Took her a few years to live that one down.

Beer 'coz it's sort of Friday

7
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Domino's trials trundling four-wheeled pizza delivery bot

Sir Barry
Alert

Re: What am I missing?

Are you saying I should go 'outside'???

Madness, that suggestion is madness,,,,,,

10
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Met Police cancels £90m 999 call command-and-control gig

Sir Barry

Dispute the right to terminate contract

Hang on, I go into work and don't do my job I get sacked.

They have not been doing their job so they have been sacked.

How can they dispute that?

7
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German lodges todger in 13 steel rings

Sir Barry
Coat

Hmmm

Will he now be known as Lord of The Ring(s)

7
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IBM staffer at risk of redundo? Capita will wipe away your tears

Sir Barry
Unhappy

Experience

At least Capita can claim extensive experience in this area.

1
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