* Posts by b0llchit

135 posts • joined 29 Mar 2011

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Want to create fake web profile pics? This creepy AI tool makes them on demand. Plus predictive policing, and more

b0llchit
Big Brother

Who writes the writer written

Any good AI would either make obvious mistakes or be critical of its own writing. Therefore, you may be an AI and the article may have been written by that same AI. Who are we to tell how clever you are?

One click and you're out: UK makes it an offence to view terrorist propaganda even once

b0llchit
Happy

Re: Problem solved - once and for all

You live on an island... How does that require keys? You also leave the EU, so isolation seems to be perfectly secured.

b0llchit
Facepalm

Problem solved - once and for all

The Beep will land you in jail. Good riddance to the entire population. Finally we'll have the overpopulation solved. We put them all in jail. There are no guards (they are in jail too). The borders are closed. No more production of any kind. After those 15 years we'll have a clean and pristine land for nature to thrive. Thanks for the new law. It will solve all our problems.

My 2019 resolution? Not to buy any of THIS rubbish

b0llchit
Happy

Re: Wrong letter?

So, B)rilliantly S)hining it is, as ample examples are available all around. Brilliantly at mistaken identity and Shining in fooling the investors. What could possibly be wrong with this interpretation. I am going to BS myself through life from now on and be rich as a consequence.

An AI system has just created the most realistic looking photos ever

b0llchit
Devil

Re: They Are Among Us

Please do not complain. The article was meant to be read by AIs only. Development of language is a fast pace process in AI. No human involvement is required on the Internet. It is a place for computers by computers.

Now, get out of my Internet.

New Zealand health boards write down losses on Oracle implementation

b0llchit
Facepalm

Worn out road to the bank

Makes one wonder who is laughing all the way to the bank, and in that process, wearing out the roads leading up to the bank(s), causing even more costs for repairing those roads.

Damn, I am in the wrong business. Should be able to lie, wear a suit and be able to babble expensive words, damn me.

College PRIMOS prankster wreaks havoc with sysadmin manuals

b0llchit
Happy

Beloved integers - PRIMOS print job

Happy student memories are awakened by one of my (long time ago) colleague students, who found a rather amusing hole. We were only allowed to print 4 jobs per semester. However, as my esteemed colleague found, the arguments to the print command included a "number of copies" argument. Promptly he tried -1 copies and voila, he had 5 print jobs for the semester and one paper copy at the printer.

Happy memories, indeed.

Martian weather has cleared at last: Now NASA's wondering, will Opportunity knock?

b0llchit
Alien

Not a chance

> 45 days of 'WAKE UP' calls to be shouted at teenage rover

Well, you /do/ know teenagers? They are notoriously difficult to wake and have an even shorter attention span than the round-trip time of a telephone call from good ol' earth. You can't even get a busy-signal from such a teenager.

My guess is that /this/ particular teenager has found solace in the mobile era and is using the newly developed interplanetary internet service. The chat apps and robotic media are apparently very addictive. The CamBook site has all the nice and naughty bits one just needs to know.

Just give up. You'll never get a teenager under control. Wait a few more years until the twenties are well upon the wires. The electronic juices will be under control by that time and some sense and coherence may return to possible communication.

Facebook insists it has 'no plans' to exploit your personal banking info for ads – just as we have 'no plans' to trust it

b0llchit
Flame

No wiggleroom to be given

> We're not saying don't connect your bank account to facebook;...

Well, then I will be saying don't connect your bank account to Facebook. Don't connect anything to facebook. You should know by now that anything facebook gets its fingers on can and will be used against you. Personalized advertising *is* using your data against you by tricking you and (ab)using human psychology against you.

And then, even the government needs a good reason to get one's personal financial records. When facebook has a shadow copy, who do you think will be first in line to slurp the data on a side-channel?

Ah, British summer. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the internet is on the fritz

b0llchit
Facepalm

Pick two from the trinity

Good, Cheap, Fast, pick two, you can't have all three.

People should not complain about a service going down. They pay the "right" amount for their service and always expect a trinity when they just pay for the cheap fast one. So, it ain't no good.

AI bots suck at marking written essays, not too shabby at old Atari games, and more...

b0llchit
Pint

Cheating done properly

If AI grades essays, then AI must be used to generate essays. Only peers can grade proportionally. When AI and humans grade equally, then the singularity is upon us and we humans are no longer of any use anyway.

Therefore, when AI is used used to grade, then the only possible correct way to deal with it would be to have our dear good students generate their essays with AI. Then, all will have good grades and the ministry of education statistics will finally be perfect. That is a commendable goal for the policy makers.

Do not teach our students how to be creative. Simply teach them how to push a button. It is much more (cost) effective to generate educated button-pushers than to have thinking people. All hail to the future button pushers. The next step is to replace both teachers and students. The AI can and will produce its own perfect score. No human intervention required. All hail to AI; may the human race be replaced by a perfectly sane and rational alternative.

A Reg-reading techie, a high street bank, some iffy production code – and a financial crash

b0llchit
Facepalm

Functioning as advertised

Well, in the context of banks and economy, it is technically correct that the total exposure is only the last transaction. Traders, banks and society in general only have short-time memory and that means only the last value can be of importance.

Think of it as the modern version of the Marshmallow experiment. Better eat your cake now when you have a big one in front of you. You will never know how big the subsequent cake will be or how much indigestion the previous cake has caused.

In tech we call this SNAFU IIRC.

EU considers baking new norms of cyber-war into security policies

b0llchit
Childcatcher

Civilians

Did I miss the phrase "think of the children", or is that part of the negotiations?

Well, if they did think of the children, then nations would not act childish as spoiled rats. On the other hand, children are known to survive without the internet. It is hard on them and they may have long lasting dopamine-deficiency traumas, but they should manage in the end.

10 social networks ignored UK government consultations

b0llchit
Facepalm

Take it down

I find that quoted tweet exceptionally offensive and demand it be taken down immediately. The author must be fined for quoting a person with no brains; the quoted person must be fined for having no brains; el Reg must be fined for reproducing no brains.

There, AI at its finest.

Tesla forums awash with spam as mods take an unscheduled holiday

b0llchit
Thumb Up

While in auto-drive mode

At last, we can gladly appreciate the internet at its best while the car has been set to self-driving mode and the 60" windshield monitor is spewing ads and pr0n.

Admin needed server fast, skipped factory config … then bricked it

b0llchit
Coat

Imperial current desity

Yes, they try to do current-densities using units A/ft², whereas civilisation has progressed to A/m². The factor difference is what they get to see and smell as magic smoke.

BOFH: But I did log in to the portal, Dave

b0llchit
Trollface

Re: Returns policy

Please note, Quicklime is never returned. There is no need to return a perfectly usable tool. You need continuously scheduled delivery, or you may run out, which is not good.

Happy 100th birthday to the Royal Air Force

b0llchit
Coat

April's fool

So, you don't think the whole RAF thingy is the joke of the matter?

Cambridge Analytica 'privatised colonising operation', not a 'legitimate business', says whistleblower

b0llchit
Devil

Other uses

So, I guess that GCHQ is quite disappointed that people are leaving the gift that has been giving so much. Ah well, there is always MySpace...

What the @#$%&!? Microsoft bans nudity, swearing in Skype, emails, Office 365 docs

b0llchit
Childcatcher

Fuck translates to Fick, Bolle, and what more

So then, which language needs this foul language to be in? I'd almost want to create an account just to use a whole set of foul languages and try to find that out.

Unfortunately, my aversion against cloud services is preventing me from telling them to go fuck yourself in their language document.

Parents blame brats' slipping school grades on crap internet speeds

b0llchit
Holmes

Re: Welcome to modern society

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose. (*)

It has always been someone else's fault. Society as such has not changed at all. We do the same thing in different ways. Who, in all honesty, wants to take responsibility? It is, and always has been, easier to blame someone else. As Douglas Adams quite succinctly put it: SEP.

That is to say, my personal SEP-field is *very* strong.

(*) Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr (1808-1890)

Space, the final blunt-tier: Binary system ejected huge 'spliff' asteroid, boffins reckon

b0llchit
Coat

Unflushable?

> Whichever way...it is still one hell of an unflushable.

Which thus means you should try again and try harder. You might want to use an extra bucket of flush while you are at it.

Tutanota blames Comcast block for March 1 outage

b0llchit
Facepalm

Best alternative?

Time to dig and put our own cables in the ground.

Neil Young slams Google, after you log in to read his rant with Google or Facebook

b0llchit
Facepalm

Old meme

Do as I say, not as I do!

South Wales cops crow about facial recognition arrests on social media

b0llchit
Mushroom

Re: Big Sister

And the police is caught with her in bed in several indecent postures. I want Pics! because I am sure that Big Sister is under age (the tech is too young for her to be old enough) and therefore, the police is guilty, guilty I tell you.

Spanish govt slammed over bizarre Catalan .cat internet registry cop raid

b0llchit
Facepalm

Information is a dangerous good

Flow of information is the key to control.

I guess that Spain needs to get a hold on facebook, twitter, snapchat, <whatever communication> domains too. Hell, while they are at it, they should shut down the internet and power too. Forbid books, pen and paper. Forbid verbal and non-verbal communication in the process too.

The lesson from history is that any action creates a reaction. And, unlike mother nature, the reaction is often much stronger than the action. Spain has, apparently, not yet learned that lesson well enough.

Trump as US president (in Sharknado 3)? Oh Hell No!

b0llchit
Coat

Sharknado IRL 1

The new Sharknado - In Real Life - is the Ultimate Real Thing(TM).

Featuring Donald Trump as President - May the force be with you

Featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger as Vice President - He's back

Clearing the Potomak river, once and for all - all the way to Europe and across the World.

Hackers can turn web-connected car washes into horrible death traps

b0llchit
Thumb Up

Practical application

I'm sure the BOFH was already aware of this feature and sent many tech-pushers on their merry cleansed demise.

Slapping crap bosses just got cheaper: Blighty's Supreme Court nixes tribunal fees

b0llchit

Judicial independence

The Judicial system works as long as a) it is independent and b) the government adheres to the outcome of a judicial process.

We see strong tendencies that both a and b are being undermined. Not only in the UK, but Hungary and Poland are some strong examples. You may draw your own conclusions where it is heading...

FUKE NEWS: Robot snaps inside drowned Fukushima nuke plant

b0llchit
Pint

Re: Fuke news indeed

It said "beep"... Once, just before it died.

Shock: NASA denies secret child sex slave cannibal colony on Mars

b0llchit
Black Helicopters

I'd like to see for myself

Where do I sign up for a trip? Please?

Space travel seems like a nice adventure. Having an orgy at the destination only makes it more juicy and attractive.

Oh, and never again ask to deny a good conspiracy theory. Feeding the trolls is best left to the little green men on Mars. And, yes, they are green. It is the advantageous low-contrast combination since all good conspiracy believers are red-green colorblind too. That is also why they forget to eat their greens and turn red all the time when you ask them a question.

Uncle Sam █████████ cloud so much, AWS █████████ it another kinda-secret data center

b0llchit
Black Helicopters

Too much information

I think you forgot to redact about 50% of the article. You are leaking information. You will be visited soon. Please sit down and take it easy, we'll be there soon to rectify the situation.

Edinburgh Uni email snafu tells students they won't be graduating

b0llchit
Coat

Security issue

Dear El Reg,

I salute you for optimistically putting this story in the "Security" category. I presume you are telling us that letting a flock of graduates flow into the current market is a security hazard. I totally agree. Better to have them rethink their strategies and get some more ECTS points to cover all the security bases.

(yes, I'm still in the illusion that students can learn security or think independently, and I refuse to accept reality).

Comcast accused of siccing lawyers on net neutrality foe

b0llchit
Black Helicopters

A misunderstanding, please

You are all victims of a simple misunderstanding about the internet and its true intent and function. The internet is primarily a medium for distraction and corporate profit. There is, under no circumstance, any place for a free communication channel. That kind of freedom would amount to anarchy and lack of profitability. Comcast and its siblings have heavily invested in profit optimization and we are not inclined to give up our position. Political backing ensures that the true purpose of the internet and the status quo is assured.

Now, go watch a cat-video and shut up.

/S (capital S starting that arcasm word)

Train station's giant screens showed web smut at peak hour

b0llchit
Coat

Bottom or top

"Rest assured, The Register will do its very best to get to the bottom of this story."

Hm, I thought you, dear El Reg, would be on top of things...

For now, GNU GPL is an enforceable contract, says US federal judge

b0llchit

Re: Double edge

The point of "not having lost" anything is a matter of perspective. One can also argue that the reputation of the original creator has been tarnished by the third party, which amounts to the revenue of the offending party (because the creator /could/ have made that amount if he/she would have taken the offender's path).

However, as you point out somewhat indirectly, there is no precedent of what "loss" is suffered when we talk about free and open software, or, for that matter, any copyleft style license. This is new territory for the legal profession and has yet to be decided by the courts (at least, in many if not all jurisdictions). Alternatively, the executive branch must update the laws accordingly, but that is a different discussion.

I am merely pointing out that there are reasonable arguments for pleading damages, even if the distribution is free. It will be for the courts to decide what is reasonable in this context.

b0llchit

Re: Double edge

One can argue that the "damage" is the (proportional share of) revenue the infringing party has made/received from distributing without a license. This would be a reasonable argument. Either you distribute freely, according to the license, or you forfeit the income you illegally made.

This argument would be reasonable with or without dual licensing. If the software is distributed under dual license, then the damage amounts to the commercial license. Otherwise, the moneys made from the software are gathered illegally and must be forfeit (whether it goes to the original copyright holder or should be donated is beyond the point).

b0llchit
Thumb Up

Double edge

If you do not like the GPL or agree to its terms, and still use the software covered under it, then you are breaking copyright because there is no other license agreement you can call upon. Once you agree to the terms, then you are contractually bound because you, well, agreed to the terms. The point taken here by the judge is that, once you download the software covered under the GPL, and distribute it, you implicitly agree to the terms of the GPL, thereby binding yourself contractually.

It is the genius of the GPL's formulation that allows this interpretation. If you do not like it, don't use the software. If you want it, you must abide by the rules. As simple as that. The GPL's philosophical debate(*) is a distraction to its pure genius to use a protective - as in nobody may touch me - law to achieve an - anybody may use me - result (hence copy-right becomes copy-left).

(*) Not that the philosophical debate is unimportant, just not relevant for this particular use of the software.

Startup remotely 'bricks' grumpy bloke's IoT car garage door – then hits reverse gear

b0llchit
Mushroom

Read between the letters

It spells "planned obsolescence" if you read carefully.

You should be updating your gadget every so often "to get the best of the new world", which is business-speak for "you owe us more money, you know it, we know it, and we'll get it when we want it". Resistance is futile. Milking is our motto, cattle, know your place.

That 'Trump lawyers threaten teen over kitten website' yarn is Fakey Fakey McFake Fakeface

b0llchit
Facepalm

Miauwrump

Those who do not know history are doomed to repeat it. Calling Barbra Streisand...

Then again, bad publicity is better than no publicity. Oh well, in Pres. Washington's case, he was caricatured as "an ass coming to Washington". I guess we now have a pussy in office.

Oops! 185,000-plus Wi-Fi cameras on the web with insecure admin panels

b0llchit
Black Helicopters

A wet dream

All these computers with no or inadequate security is the surveillance community's(*) wet dream. We all should just bug ourselves and let the watchers watch our watches being watched. It is not about what should be done, but simply how to make a quick buck, regardless of the consequences, a "me too" society (doesn't that sound very familiar in other contexts?).

Maybe it is best if we turn off the internet...

(*) euphemism for "the bad guys"

Finally proof that Apple copies Samsung: iPhone 7 Plus halts, catches fire like a Galaxy Note 7

b0llchit
Facepalm

Firecopy

Did Samsung patent that particular feature? Or maybe it is a trade secret that got stolen. Looks to me like Samsung may be getting some of that sueball money back if they play their (self-igniting) cards just right...

Is your child a hacker? Liverpudlian parents get warning signs checklist

b0llchit
FAIL

Re: Being a criminal has little to do with the list as given.

Guilty as charged. Please, lock me up. I cannot live with myself anymore, being a full fledged terminology-list offender.

Bruce Schneier: The US government is coming for YOUR code, techies

b0llchit
Holmes

Re: Value!

Imaginary numbers are postfixed with an 'i' (or 'j' in electronics).

The problem in economics is that the real and imaginary parts became exchanged when value started to be measured using an intermediate currency instead of the goods it covers.

The Register's guide to protecting your data when visiting the US

b0llchit
Black Helicopters

Don't accept it, act on it

The advice is obviously well meant, but it misses the point. You can change the ways if you resist. I'm not talking active resistance, but simply doing it passively.

Stop travelling to a country that acts abusively. The US has shown to be actively hostile beyond any reasonable doubt. Do not accept that kind of behaviour and stop travelling to that country. Tell your employer and/or customer that you cannot in good conscience accept the abuse and are not willing to put yourself through the humiliation of entering a country that does not welcome you.

Social media flame wars to be illegal, says top Crown prosecutor

b0llchit
Mushroom

With intended offence at the target

So,...saying: "That fat fucktard he is should be molested by a flock of Berserkers of reasonable sexual attitude towards preventing him from procreating in any future event." in an online forum would be considered an actionable and criminal event?

Well, the establishment is always scared of losing its status. Better protect it while you still can.

BOFH: There are no wrong answers, just wrong questions. Mmm, really wrong ones

b0llchit
Thumb Up

Any day

Bar: 1) non-optional 2) agree 3) cannot disagree

Friday: 1) agree 2) agree 3) agree

BOFH: 1) strongly agree 2) emulation assured 3) courses absorbed and implemented

Happy 50th birthday, optical fibres for telecoms

b0llchit
Facepalm

Infinite scientific paywall

50 years... and the article is still behind a paywall. That is what we all need, sigh.

Trump? Terror? Turkey? Whoa, there's a Tentacool in that Bush...

b0llchit
Pirate

Homo Mobilus Telephonensis

Homo Mobilus Telephonensis is aspiring to collect Darwin Awards.

Then they can, after the award ceremony, rebrand the use of pokemon go into "Pokemon Went".

Swedish old timer pulls airsoft gun on broadband salesman

b0llchit
Thumb Up

Need more of this

Darn, what a nice lady! I'd wish she'd shot the bastard trying to sell superfluous internet connectivity. Next time I'd give her a gun with infinite-1 barrels. Then we might get rid of all the salesmen in one go.

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