* Posts by Woza

182 posts • joined 25 Mar 2011


How I got horizontal with a gimp and untangled his cables


Re: Bent coat-hanger and curtain wire

I have seen a vacuum cleaner being used to suck a line (for later cable pulling) through ducting. My flabber was truly gasted at the speed it achieved.

Tell NASA to grab the margarita mix – a sextillion-kg salty ring found floating in space


I'd take that report

With a grain of salt.

Oh cool, the Bluetooth 5.1 specification is out. Nice. *control-F* master-slave... 2,000 results


Use of the term 'partition' because it has colonialist connotations - disks will now be divided into 'spaces' (some of which might be safe)

Use of the term 'device driver' because it implies a lack of choice on the part of the device - the new term is 'device facilitator' which will enable dialogues on an equal basis between operating system and hardware device.

-- This post has been approved by the Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terminological Ontologies and their Rehabilitation Into Society.

Ca-caw-caw: Pigeon poops on tot's face as tempers fray at siege of Lincoln flats


Or, for the low, low price of $5*, the pigeon-finding hat. When it turns white, you've found a pigeon.

* Ok, $3, and that's cutting me own throat.

Icon: splat - one happy customer.

Straight outta Blighty: Readers, if you were a tech billionaire, what would you do?


Re: Harrumph

They cannot, and will not, destroy the British sausage!

-- Jim Hacker

Dozens of .gov HTTPS certs expire, webpages offline, FBI on ice, IT security slows... Yup, it's day 20 of Trump's govt shutdown


Re: Comparison

You can put the Brillo pad away - although I don't pay much attention to US politics, I think a more accurate translation would be a lunatic party making a campaign promise to build a $20bn wall funded by France, winning minority government, and then trying to get Parliament to approve a budget that includes $20bn for a wall. It's not what was originally promised.

Steamer closets, flying cars, robot boxers, smart-mock-cock ban hypocrisy – yes, it's the worst of CES this year


Re: Look out below!

Or perhaps passers-out?

Could you speak up a bit? I didn't catch your password


Speaking as an Aussie

who works for a company in the encryption space, sometimes all you can do is quote Spaceballs:

"Oh shit, there goes the planet."

Windows 10 can carry on slurping even when you're sure you yelled STOP!

Black Helicopters

To repurpose Tim Minchin's song about Google Streetview:

"It's just like 1984 - well,

Even the late Georgie Orwell,

Would surely think he was hearing a fiction

If you tried to describe how far this shit's gone -

Would presume you were taking the piss

Being happy with technology like this..."

Boffins build bugged bees bearing backpacks


Could they send one over the ocean?

A bee sea?

BOFH: State of a job, eh? Roll the Endless Requests for Further Information protocol


Re: This shows

I ran across those PFY stories years ago and haven't been able to find them since - thanks for the link!

'Say hello to my little vacuum cleaner!' US drug squad puts spycams in cleaner's kit


Project code name


NSW government finally released 'net vote system review, says everything's just fine


Fun though it is to jump on the bandwaggon

That "security by obscurity" phrase, although a red rag to an infosec bull, actually reads like a comment on the status quo rather than a desirable goal. All he's saying is that the software isn't widely used enough to attract much malevolent attention, which is quite probably true.

Great Scott! Is nothing sacred? US movie-goers vote Back To The Future as most-wanted reboot


Re: Top Gun in 2020...

Pi way to the danger zone?

Hortonworks faces sueball over Cloudera merger



Horton heard a sue?

Google logins make JavaScript mandatory, Huawei China spy shock, Mac malware, Iran gets new Stuxnet, and more


"Isn't that the sort of thing recent Aussie legislation is trying to make sure the Aussie government can do? You know, the legislation that world+dog is saying is a really bad idea."

Oh, don't worry, we don't have a communist government, so it's ok!

Erm... what did you say again, dear reader?


Thank you for


I shall try and use it around the office, as long as I can avoid Norman.

Icon for the wordsmith.

London flatmate (Julian Assange) sues landlord (government of Ecuador) in human rights spat


"steps foot"

No. Just no.

The phrase is "sets foot", shortened from "sets [his/her] foot". Alternatively, "takes a step".

Silent running: Computer sounds are so '90s


Many years ago

I used to have the Windows error sound mapped to Hilly from Red Dwarf: "It's a mistake any deranged, half-witted computer could have made."

Take my advice: The only safe ID is a fake ID


Re: A different name for every site?

On youtube, there's part of a Trevor Noah standup show about Zambia, which includes names like Profanity, Screwdriver, Detective Table, as well as the mechanic with two sons called Brake and Clutch.

(Not linking as it's mildly NSFW)

Microsoft deletes deleterious file deletion bug from Windows 10 October 2018 Update


Did someone store it in My Documents?

Rookie almost wipes customer's entire inventory – unbeknownst to sysadmin


Reminds me of the classic


Microsoft's Chinese chatbot inspired by images to write poetry


How many monkeys?

If an infinite number of monkeys on an infinite number of typewriters would eventually produce Shakespeare, what is the number of monkeys required to match this output? Methinks we need a new Reg unit for poetry.

Wondering what to do with that $2,300 burning a hole in your pocket?


But but

Where do they strap on the blockchain?!

Facebook insists it has 'no plans' to exploit your personal banking info for ads – just as we have 'no plans' to trust it


There goes the neighbourhood

As an Australian, I'm hoping this doesn't have legs - our major banks are dodgy enough already (as per the ongoing Royal Commission) without Facebook added to the mix.

Bank on it: It's either legal to port-scan someone without consent or it's not, fumes researcher


Re: What happens if they find something?

They wouldn't phone you, that would be absurd!

They'll probably just send you an email, with a helpful link to click on for more information.

(Password may be required)

Hey, don't route the messenger! Telegram redirected through Iran by baffling BGP leak


Re: Unep Eurobats

"Quantum journalism" - so a journo can know how fast they're writing, or what they're writing, but not both?

Amnesty slaps Google amid crippled censored China search claims


As userfriendly put it

Google employee: when in doubt, remember our three word motto...

User: publically traded company?

Sysadmin sank IBM mainframe by going one VM too deep


I must admit to having used "octothorpe" in user manuals - he's got company!

Get rich with Firefox or *(int *)NULL = 0 trying: Automated bug-bounty hunter build touted


I dunno, most users are after free stuff.

Leatherbound analogue password manager: For the hipster who doesn't mind losing everything


Re: User-generated obfuscation

There's another way to use a 3x3 grid - Iain M. Banks' Marain (http://trevor-hopkins.com/banks/a-few-notes-on-marain.html).

But I'm confused by "You've just created a cypher that very few folks will be able to decode easily (if at all)" - isn't that just a substitution cipher? While strong passwords should render frequency analysis unprofitable, relying on that to keep secrets written in your native language seems potentially risky, depending on the audience. Or am I missing something?

Bill Clinton's cyber-attack novel: The airport haxploit-blockbuster you knew it would be


The President is missing?

Did you look behind the fridge? If you lose something, it's nearly always there!

Israel cyber chief's 'pants' analogy for password security deemed, well, 'pants'


Pants, eh?

So... where's the Government-mandated back door?

MSDN unleashes a fresh round of unintentional innuendo bingo


If the range of a parameter

is itself a tunable parameter, then you might get knobby knobbs.

Icon: Beer in memory of Pterry.

How to stealthily poison neural network chips in the supply chain


Re: Lie Mode

Hook, line, sinker, rod and copy of Angling Times, sir.

Icon: A small off-duty Czechoslovakian traffic warden.

Brit mobile phone users want the Moon on a stick but then stay on same networks for aeons


Re: Or maybe how you ask it.

"Pollsters are masters at this."

Particularly pollsters called Humphrey.


... Aaaand that's a fifth Brit Army Watchkeeper drone to crash in Wales


Re: I have a guess! - I'm going to say "Flying". Until it wasn't, of course.

Or, given what happened to other drones, it might have been thinking "Oh no, not again."

(Apologies to Douglas Adams)

nbn™ CEO didn't mean to offend gamers, just brand them unwelcome bandwidth-hogs


As per Sir Humphrey

"A clarification isn't too make oneself clear, it is to put oneself in the clear."

You have suffered without red-headed emoji for too long. That changes Tuesday


Re: So when do these things come to El Reg comment section?

Rather than bring them here, El Reg should lobby for emoji versions of the comment icons for use outside this forum.

Military brainboxes ponder 'UK needs you' list of AI boffins


Re: Automatic or intelligent?

"A truly intelligent autonomous weapon system might read the manifesto of the opposing forces, and decide to change sides."

Reminds me of Peter Watts' short story "Malak".

Hitler 'is dead' declares French prof who gazed at dictator's nashers


Re: Death of Conspiracy theories?....not likely.

Everyone's always in favour of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, ooh, suddenly you've gone too far!

- Hubert Farnsworth

Africa's internet body in full-blown meltdown: 'None of the above' wins board protest vote


Open invitation

Want to join the board? Change your name via deed poll to "None of the above".

Chap charged with fraud after mail for UPS global HQ floods Chicago flat


Re: I wonder how long it will take

"For anyone to realise that all post addressed to Donald Trump is being redirected to the Kremlin?"

Before or after the addressee receives it?

Microsoft programming chief to devs: Tell us where Windows hurt you


Pain points, you say?

It's been a while since I tried, but do they support C99 yet - particularly designated initialisers? It's only been 19 years.

UK's Royal Navy buys £13m mine-blasting robot boat


Re: "The Strait of Hormuz"..

Mining that could put things in Dire Straits.

Good thing the RN has some minecraft to keep it clear.

Australian Signals Directorate won't become domestic snoops


Re: Betcha they lost the Docs

"probably sent the originals to the Journo" - someone misunderstood the phrase 'offsite backup'?


Re: Lying liers deny lying

Yes Minister taught me the first rule of politics: Never believe anything until it's been officially denied.

Apple leak: If you leak from Apple, we'll have you arrested, says Apple


They wrote out a response, but it was classified... we'll have to wait until it's leaked.

Commonwealth Games brochure declares that England is now in Africa


Do we need to update bookmarks to the register.co.gm too?

Stop us if you've heard this one: Job cuts at IBM


Re: Sales positions

What use does she have for bridges? She's got a helicopter!


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