* Posts by Woza

160 posts • joined 25 Mar 2011

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Microsoft's Chinese chatbot inspired by images to write poetry

Woza
Joke

How many monkeys?

If an infinite number of monkeys on an infinite number of typewriters would eventually produce Shakespeare, what is the number of monkeys required to match this output? Methinks we need a new Reg unit for poetry.

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Wondering what to do with that $2,300 burning a hole in your pocket?

Woza
Joke

But but

Where do they strap on the blockchain?!

11
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Facebook insists it has 'no plans' to exploit your personal banking info for ads – just as we have 'no plans' to trust it

Woza
WTF?

There goes the neighbourhood

As an Australian, I'm hoping this doesn't have legs - our major banks are dodgy enough already (as per the ongoing Royal Commission) without Facebook added to the mix.

17
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Bank on it: It's either legal to port-scan someone without consent or it's not, fumes researcher

Woza
Joke

Re: What happens if they find something?

They wouldn't phone you, that would be absurd!

They'll probably just send you an email, with a helpful link to click on for more information.

(Password may be required)

9
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Hey, don't route the messenger! Telegram redirected through Iran by baffling BGP leak

Woza
Joke

Re: Unep Eurobats

"Quantum journalism" - so a journo can know how fast they're writing, or what they're writing, but not both?

1
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Amnesty slaps Google amid crippled censored China search claims

Woza

As userfriendly put it

Google employee: when in doubt, remember our three word motto...

User: publically traded company?

8
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Sysadmin sank IBM mainframe by going one VM too deep

Woza
Headmaster

I must admit to having used "octothorpe" in user manuals - he's got company!

49
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Get rich with Firefox or *(int *)NULL = 0 trying: Automated bug-bounty hunter build touted

Woza

I dunno, most users are after free stuff.

22
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Leatherbound analogue password manager: For the hipster who doesn't mind losing everything

Woza
Headmaster

Re: User-generated obfuscation

There's another way to use a 3x3 grid - Iain M. Banks' Marain (http://trevor-hopkins.com/banks/a-few-notes-on-marain.html).

But I'm confused by "You've just created a cypher that very few folks will be able to decode easily (if at all)" - isn't that just a substitution cipher? While strong passwords should render frequency analysis unprofitable, relying on that to keep secrets written in your native language seems potentially risky, depending on the audience. Or am I missing something?

17
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Bill Clinton's cyber-attack novel: The airport haxploit-blockbuster you knew it would be

Woza
Joke

The President is missing?

Did you look behind the fridge? If you lose something, it's nearly always there!

18
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Israel cyber chief's 'pants' analogy for password security deemed, well, 'pants'

Woza
Joke

Pants, eh?

So... where's the Government-mandated back door?

22
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MSDN unleashes a fresh round of unintentional innuendo bingo

Woza
Pint

If the range of a parameter

is itself a tunable parameter, then you might get knobby knobbs.

Icon: Beer in memory of Pterry.

13
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How to stealthily poison neural network chips in the supply chain

Woza
Megaphone

Re: Lie Mode

Hook, line, sinker, rod and copy of Angling Times, sir.

Icon: A small off-duty Czechoslovakian traffic warden.

1
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Brit mobile phone users want the Moon on a stick but then stay on same networks for aeons

Woza
Pint

Re: Or maybe how you ask it.

"Pollsters are masters at this."

Particularly pollsters called Humphrey.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0ZZJXw4MTA

2
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... Aaaand that's a fifth Brit Army Watchkeeper drone to crash in Wales

Woza
Joke

Re: I have a guess! - I'm going to say "Flying". Until it wasn't, of course.

Or, given what happened to other drones, it might have been thinking "Oh no, not again."

(Apologies to Douglas Adams)

10
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nbn™ CEO didn't mean to offend gamers, just brand them unwelcome bandwidth-hogs

Woza

As per Sir Humphrey

"A clarification isn't too make oneself clear, it is to put oneself in the clear."

1
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You have suffered without red-headed emoji for too long. That changes Tuesday

Woza

Re: So when do these things come to El Reg comment section?

Rather than bring them here, El Reg should lobby for emoji versions of the comment icons for use outside this forum.

2
1

Military brainboxes ponder 'UK needs you' list of AI boffins

Woza

Re: Automatic or intelligent?

"A truly intelligent autonomous weapon system might read the manifesto of the opposing forces, and decide to change sides."

Reminds me of Peter Watts' short story "Malak".

5
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Hitler 'is dead' declares French prof who gazed at dictator's nashers

Woza

Re: Death of Conspiracy theories?....not likely.

Everyone's always in favour of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, ooh, suddenly you've gone too far!

- Hubert Farnsworth

36
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Africa's internet body in full-blown meltdown: 'None of the above' wins board protest vote

Woza
Joke

Open invitation

Want to join the board? Change your name via deed poll to "None of the above".

4
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Chap charged with fraud after mail for UPS global HQ floods Chicago flat

Woza
Joke

Re: I wonder how long it will take

"For anyone to realise that all post addressed to Donald Trump is being redirected to the Kremlin?"

Before or after the addressee receives it?

3
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Microsoft programming chief to devs: Tell us where Windows hurt you

Woza

Pain points, you say?

It's been a while since I tried, but do they support C99 yet - particularly designated initialisers? It's only been 19 years.

19
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UK's Royal Navy buys £13m mine-blasting robot boat

Woza
Coat

Re: "The Strait of Hormuz"..

Mining that could put things in Dire Straits.

Good thing the RN has some minecraft to keep it clear.

7
0

Australian Signals Directorate won't become domestic snoops

Woza
Joke

Re: Betcha they lost the Docs

"probably sent the originals to the Journo" - someone misunderstood the phrase 'offsite backup'?

1
0
Woza

Re: Lying liers deny lying

Yes Minister taught me the first rule of politics: Never believe anything until it's been officially denied.

4
0

Apple leak: If you leak from Apple, we'll have you arrested, says Apple

Woza
Joke

They wrote out a response, but it was classified... we'll have to wait until it's leaked.

12
0

Commonwealth Games brochure declares that England is now in Africa

Woza

Do we need to update bookmarks to the register.co.gm too?

4
0

Stop us if you've heard this one: Job cuts at IBM

Woza
Joke

Re: Sales positions

What use does she have for bridges? She's got a helicopter!

30
0

Sysadmin wiped two servers, left the country to escape the shame

Woza
Facepalm

dd if=/mnt/some/long/involved/path of=/dev/sda

Followed 0.03 seconds later by swearing and control-C. It didn't have time to do much... other than totally corrupt the file system on /dev/sda. Target should have been /dev/sdb, /dev/sda was the backup drive I was trying to recover from.

15
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Surprise UK raid of Cambridge Analytica delayed: Nobody expects the British information commissioner!

Woza
Coat

From Red Dwarf - Demons and Angels

KRYTEN: I'm going to come around behind you now, sir.

LISTER: Okay, Kryten, take me by surprise!

KRYTEN: I'm coming around behind you to take you by surprise, sir.

LISTER: Get on with it, surprise me!

KRYTEN: You may get an unpleasant sensation of chloroform. Don't be

alarmed.

LISTER: Surprise me now!

KRYTEN: Here comes my surprise, sir.

4
0

No, Stephen Hawking's last paper didn't prove the existence of a multiverse

Woza
Coat

Re: That just about wraps it up for the Great A'Tuin

The start of Hogfather seems more apposite...

"Everything starts somewhere, although many physicists disagree."

17
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You're decorating it wrong: Apple HomePod gives wood ring of death

Woza

Re: Apple home furnishings range.

"iSsue"

Apple's legal department?

10
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Beyond code PEBCAK lies KMACYOYO, PENCIL and PAFO

Woza

PRATFO

Patient Reassured And Told to Fuck Off

7
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Judge stalls Uber trade-secret theft trial after learning upstart 'ran a trade-secret stealing op'

Woza

Re: "Stealing trade secrets"?

"Normally theft involves taking something with the intent of permanently depriving the owner of it"

Is that really the case though? I think that the intent of a thief is to gain access to the stolen item (e.g: to sell). Depriving the original owner of that item is an unavoidable byproduct of the item being physical. In cases like this the intent is the same, but the byproduct can be avoided.

1
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Australian senator Pauline Hanson wants devilish scam calls to flash '666'

Woza
Meh

So many idiots

So few villages.

9
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Top of the radio charts: Jodrell Bank goes for UNESCO World Heritage status

Woza
Joke

Re: Quasers?

Quaser or Quasar? As long as they're not Quagaars...

3
0

How much for that Belkin cable? Margin of 1,992%?

Woza
Coat

Re: Best practice is 3% margin?

Maybe they were checking to see if you were part of the inner circle - the Society of Hardcore IT Honchos, Extra-Achievers Division ?

5
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Australian PM Malcolm Turnbull hints at surveillance expansion

Woza
Black Helicopters

Re: Facial recognition

I sense a new market in Malcolm Turnbull masks.

4
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Australia commits to establish space agency with no budget, plan, name, deadline …

Woza
Joke

Yes, a spaceport should be near the equator, but a spacepork is best situated near a dense mass of potential votes.

24
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Say Hello to my little friend: Nest blasts IoT world with doorbell, home security gear

Woza

Umm...

"detectors for both motion and movement built in"

Did I miss something? Aren't movement and motion the same thing?

5
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Inept bloke who tried to sell military sat secrets to Russia gets 5 years

Woza
Angel

"while in jail he had had a religious epiphany."

Paging Charles Prentiss, Charles Prentiss to the courtesy phone.

Icon: Religious epiphany in progress.

4
0

Yet more British military drones crash, this time into the Irish Sea

Woza

I've tried flying sideways, and flying to the front,

But people just look at me,

And say "it's a publicity stunt!"

Upvoted for Spike Milligan

5
0

Secure microkernel in a KVM switch offers spy-grade app virtualization

Woza
Alert

Re: What I don't understand is why that needs an OS kernel?

It's also important to realise that SeL4 is a *micro*kernel. When I looked into it a couple of months ago, it (i.e: the core, subject to the security proof) seemed to be little more than a scheduler and IPC mechanism. Things like file systems, drivers, etc would need to be implemented on top of SeL4. In other words, when saying "why does it need an OS kernel", bear in mind that we're not talking Linux levels of complexity / functionality here.

Caution Icon: I didn't spend very long investigating, and don't claim to be an expert.

7
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Pre-order your early-bird pre-sale product today! (Oh did we mention the shipping date has slipped AGAIN?)

Woza
Pint

Re: Kickstarter's about 99.995% bad

I also have backed exactly one project - LOHAN. I got what I paid for (a mug), but not what I hoped for (launch).

(Icon: Beer for the (grounded) plucky playmonaut.)

4
0

UK spookhaus GCHQ can crack end-to-end encryption, claims Australian A-G

Woza
Joke

Wait for it...

"The laws of mathematics are very commendable but the only laws that applies in Australia is the law of Australia"

Let pi = 3...

47
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Shock: NASA denies secret child sex slave cannibal colony on Mars

Woza
Joke

Re: School boy mistake

They laughed at Galileo, they laughed at Einstein, they laughed at Darwin... but they also laughed at Bozo the clown.

16
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Photobucket says photo-f**k-it, starts off-site image shakedown

Woza

Re: Have they tried...

" It never occurred to them that they hadn't ever actually supported the delivery of their pictures?"

Unfortunately many people don't understand how electronic devices like computers and phones work, even before you throw the internet into the mix. They seem to view them as magic boxes. And why shouldn't the magic within those boxes be free - after all, it's magic, right? Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain...

30
2

WikiLeaks doc dump reveals CIA tools for infecting air-gapped PCs

Woza
Joke

Re: Air gap with Windows gateways, you say (imply)

When you do upgrade, make sure you use a pointless albatross - less wear and tear on its feet.

5
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Canadian sniper makes kill shot at distance of 3.5 KILOMETRES

Woza

Re: 29" barrel

Damn! Trapped by a brilliant stratagem, and a common-or-garden forty-four thousand ton battleship.

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