* Posts by Evil Graham

1069 posts • joined 8 Jun 2007


'I found the intern curled up on the data centre floor moaning'

Evil Graham

Re: Number ranges

Nicosia contined to periodically fax my line...

Well they never did get those marbles back.

Being an IT trainer is like performing the bullet-catching trick

Evil Graham

You had me at

"thrusting incubated fintech wankers"

What's holding up Canada's internet?

Evil Graham

Re: I really should stay out of this

technically the equal of anything in Europe, which seems to be setting the standards for internet connections.

Europe is doing better than Canada for sure, but I doubt it's the world leader. I was talking to some Koreans the other day who told me 1 to 2Gbps to your apartment is now routine in many areas.

Got $130,000 down the back of the sofa? Great. Grab an HP 3D printer

Evil Graham




noun: aitch; plural noun: aitches

the letter H.

Pilot posts detailed MS Flight Sim video of how to land Boeing 737

Evil Graham


"...which nobs and switches you'll need to twiddle"

Knobs, please.

Cabling horrors unplugged: Reg readers reveal worst nightmares

Evil Graham

Re: Wrong spec co-ax

Calmeilles "...Heaviside. one of two physicists who predicted... the Kennelly–Heaviside layer."

Well, who was the other?

It was Arthur.

Uber driver 'pulls handgun' on passenger

Evil Graham

Re: Interesting

Depending on who was the victim this could very easily be due to the presence of a gun in the victims possession.

Ah, the old "if everyone was armed there would be fewer shootings" argument.

Comedy gold.

Come on kids, let's go play in the abandoned nuclear power station

Evil Graham

Strange covenant

"but there is not to be any form of fencing"

I suppose that was in case you had to leg it down the road for some reason...

Seriously though, great article. I love these.

Australia considers mass herpes release for population control

Evil Graham

Re: Close your eyes and make a wish

...mammals eventually took over leading inexorable to Donald Trump

I'll believe Donald Trump is a mammal when I've seen him dissected.

Stephen Hawking reckons he's cracked the black hole paradox

Evil Graham

Re: Other ways to preserve information

I'm no scientist, but...

I bet Professor Hawking is wondering why he bothered now. If only he'd had your email address eh?

Ansible dumps Van Halen product names for Led Zeppelin references

Evil Graham

Re: Surely many commentards recall

...not knowing or not caring about the line "You make a grown man cry".

Not to mention "you make a dead man come". Hardly corporate anthem material.

Boozing is unsafe at ‘any level’, thunders chief UK.gov quack

Evil Graham

Billy Connolly used to tell a joke about this.

Two Glaswegians find themselves in Rome, and ask for two pints of "heavy" in a bar. The barman says he's never heard of that, so they ask him what the Pope drinks.

The barman says "I believe the Pope drinks crème-de-menthe".

"Ok", say the Glaswegians, "we'll have two pints of that then".

After downing their green pints and standing up to leave the bar, one Glaswegian turns to the other and says "Christ, no wonder they carry him around in a chair".

IT security is a safe job? Tell that to Norse staff laid off this week

Evil Graham


Norse, like every other business in the world, had to let some employees go in order to better serve customers with quality products

Not every business does this. It's a stupid thing to say.

Security bod watches heart data flow from her pacemaker to doctor via ... er, SMS? 3G? Email?

Evil Graham

Re: "The life of our patients is at stake"

Frightening. If you read down the thread, another user points out that AWS isn't supposed to be used for anything life-critical - to which our hero replies:

Well, it is supposed to be reliable...

Should I ever have need for such a device, I really hope that this fucking idiot had nothing to do with it.

Periodic table enjoys elemental engorgement

Evil Graham

Re: Unobtainium...

You forgot Bacon(ium).

Brit cuffed for Kyrgyz 'horse penis' sausage quip

Evil Graham

Re: it IS a big deal...

I was cooking brats on the BBQ

Cultural context is everything though. In the UK that would mean you were grilling obnoxious children, which is usually more than enough to start a family row. No matter how obnoxious they might be.

Evil Graham

No big deal

As far as I can tell, most of his crimes are against spelling and grammar.

UK ISP Sky to make smut an opt-in service from 2016

Evil Graham

Re: Ambivalent

I so hope that isn't a valid URL

Only one way to find out...

...yes it is.

There's an epidemic of idiots who can't find power switches

Evil Graham

Re: On the plus side...

Oh Gods! There is nothing worse than a user who thinks they are IT - savvy,

Yes there is. There is the user who thinks her husband is IT savvy.

Scandal-hit Toshiba cutting 7,000 jobs, heads for $4.5bn loss

Evil Graham

Re: Bugger

I would guess this is part of Toshiba's problem - Cell processor technology has become quite a niche, especially now that partners Sony and IBM have lost interest in it.

I have no doubt you can get impressive image processing results with Cell but I would be prepared to bet there are cheaper ways to do it.

Kids' TV show Rainbow in homosexual agenda shocker

Evil Graham

Re: Untrue

Well I guess the BBC's actual reasons will be forever lost in the mists of time, as it all happened half a century ago. According to Wikipedia:

"A former BBC employee, interviewed on BBC Radio in 2008, maintained that the original contract with the French owners did not include the scripts that accompanied the original animations (contrary to BBC assumptions). The BBC, instead of making a further payment to acquire the scripts, which would have required translation, decided to commission its own version – without access to the original French, and the English-language version therefore bears no resemblance to it."

Which seems plausible to me. Anyway it doesn't matter, the point is that Eric Thompson winged it and was brilliant.

Evil Graham

I can see the problem

Loud music waking everyone up, junk all over the floor, someone's eaten all the cereal, no milk in the fridge, lazy bastard lying in bed reading comics - I think they might be students.

Evil Graham


No, you didn't make it up. The English voiceover for The Magic Roundabout was done by Eric Thompson (trivia note: Emma Thompson's dad).

I remember watching a documentary about it years ago. Thompson didn't speak French and there was no budget for translation, so he just made it all up as he went along. He must have been a talented guy to do that.

I always thought the "drug" thing was a bit bogus. Things from the 60s might look trippy now but I think it was genuinely just a more innocent time.

Brit 'naut Tim Peake preps for Space Station launch

Evil Graham

Interesting transition

"The former army helicopter and test pilot..."

Putin's Russia outlaws ECHR judgments after mass surveillance case

Evil Graham

Re: Putin it to 'em

You are probably right. Putin may well be a vicious and nasty dictator type, but on the other hand he does a lovely rendition of "Blueberry Hill":


I don't know if they had a vote at the end though.

Brit hardware hacker turns Raspberry Pi Zeros into selfie slayers

Evil Graham

Re: I'm wondering

My favourite jape was by the guy who discovered his neighbours were leeching his wi-fi connection, so he redirected their traffic via a proxy that turned all the images upside down.


Tech firms fight anti-encryption demands after Paris murders

Evil Graham

Re: Don't look here - look there!

Surely our feckless and ignorant but devious and amoral overlords can't really be *this* stupid.

I don't think they are stupid at all. They are hoping that we are stupid, or at least stupid enough to roll over and allow wholesale removal of our basic human rights on the bogus pretext that it will help to keep us safe.

Trouble is, a quick trawl through Facebook and Twitter responses suggests that they may be right.

Commentard achieves bronze badge, goes directly to jail

Evil Graham


It's "Dread..." isn't it?

Do I win a prize?

Trouble brewing as iThing coffee machine seems to be hackable

Evil Graham

Re: No! No! No!

...someone can log

I see what you did there.

Evil Graham

I honestly don't need to save time here

I know it's supposed to be a selling point, but I kind of like standing around waiting for coffee to brew. It gets me away from my desk and gives me 5 minutes to hang around the kitchen, where I might meet some interesting people and engage in mild banter or cod philosophy.

BBC encourages rebellious Welsh town to move offshore

Evil Graham

Offshore eh?

They won't be laughing when they can't watch themselves on iPlayer.

Flying drug mule crashes in Manchester prison

Evil Graham


Glyn Travis, of the Prison Officers’ Association, confirmed the economics of the flying service. He said: "Technology like drones allows criminals to drop contraband virtually onto a pedestal. A drone might cost £300 or £400 but there’s big money to be made. If it breaks, that's just short change."

What's more, they are seriously undercutting the prison officers' prices.

Emacs gets new maintainer as Richard Stallman signs off

Evil Graham

I'm a fan

Any usable software old enough to have "Eight Megabytes And Constantly Swapping" as an insult must be alright.

Linus Torvalds fires off angry 'compiler-masturbation' rant

Evil Graham

Re: Stop being a dick.

There's no need to be a dick about it.

It's more fun if you are though.

Evil Graham

And so my code is what I refer to as "kindergarten code".

I gave you an upvote, but what I really wanted was to give you a job.

Evil Graham

Re: his rant...

In any professional organisation he'd have been fired for bullying

It's only bullying if he picks on specific individuals. All the evidence I have seen suggests that Linus just cares about the quality of the code, no matter who it comes from.

I've worked in hardware and software development for more than 30 years and I have never been anywhere where this would be taboo, provided the criticism was justified and that it was directed against the work rather than the person.

I think if your corporate culture is hyper-protective to the point where any kind of conflict is suppressed or avoided, then your precious employees are going to have a shock when they interface with the real world.

Second UK teen suspect arrested over TalkTalk hack

Evil Graham

Point and shoot.

That was my point ... I hope they don't get shot.

Evil Graham


I'm wondering if they are just arresting random script kiddies who took part in the DDoS attack without being smart enough to hide their IP addresses.

If so, I hope they aren't going to be used as scapegoats for the actual intrusion.

GCHQ starts hunt for tech-savvy apprentices

Evil Graham

Re: Do you actually know anything about the course?

lefty lecturers who've never earned a decent salary in their lives

Or, "people who do something useful for society rather than just grabbing the money" as I like to think of them.

Cops use terror powers to lift BBC man's laptop after ISIS interview

Evil Graham

Re: So what?

Yes, go on kiddies, mod me down.

Ok then.

To the main point about whether journalists have a right to protect their sources: apparently they do, under section 10 of the Contempt of Court Act.

There are exceptions to this rule though, one of which is - you guessed it - national security. I'd hazard a guess that that trump card gets played quite a lot these days.

TalkTalk attack: UK digi minister recommends security badges for websites

Evil Graham

Re: Brilliant this, isn't it?

And what money will they pay with? Unless they've got a printing press its money paid by customers that would otherwise have gone on to shareholder's (generally your insurers or pension fund)

Sure it would be money raised from customers, that's where they get it from. But if you were free to jump ship to a more secure and/or cheaper provider at no penalty to yourself, then the insecure (and consequently expensive) ISPs would go out of business or at least be severely damaged.

As for financial penalties not working - they must have some deterrent effect otherwise courts would hand out nothing but custodial sentences.

Evil Graham

Brilliant this, isn't it?

Talk Talk, who have No Fucking Idea how to keep their data secure, get hit by a massive security breach. So they wheel out their CEO, who has No Fucking Idea what she is talking about, to explain it to a mass media that has No Fucking Idea what she said, nor what the problem is.

Luckily a government minister - who has No Fucking Idea what to do either - is on hand with a cretinous proposal for self regulation, which has No Fucking Chance of working.

Until we start punishing them, companies will not pay proper attention to our security. Offending firms need to be brutally fined, to the point where their top management starts worrying about the forthcoming removal of working tax credits. Customers should also be allowed to switch providers with no penalty if there's even a sniff of lax security.

Hit them in the pocket, it's the only language they understand.

Balloon-lofted space podule hits 30,000m

Evil Graham

Wi-Fi and a bar?

Don't get me wrong, I love Wi-Fi and bars. But I really can't imagine who would be blasé enough to want them on the way to space and back.

Have we lost so much as humans that we aren't excited by things like mind-bending views of our planet?

Further confusion at TalkTalk claims it was hit by 'sequential attack'

Evil Graham

Re: Maybe they were going for Sequel

Technically literate people do themselves and no one a service by constantly coming up with acronyms and aphorisms to obfuscate processes and terms that are already hard for lay people to understand

And lay people do themselves and no one a service by running ISPs with millions of customers depending on them to keep their stuff secure from basic network attacks.

Science and industry is full of jargon because the concepts are often complicated and tend to have long names. Spelling everything out in full every time a) doesn't help you understand it any better and b) takes too long for those who do understand it.

Evil Graham

Re: I think her best strategy at this stage

And what "technical people" would that be then? BAe Systems?

I have no idea whether they have any, or where they might get some from. But if and when they do, they are going to need a shitload of tea.

In all seriousness, these public statements aren't really helping. And yes, I think we are all agreed that SQL injection attacks should be historical curiosities in 2015.

To be honest, what can we expect when we have someone with a degree in PPE from Oxford running a major ISP? It's not like they are short of career opportunities is it? They run pretty much everything else FFS.

Evil Graham

I think her best strategy at this stage

Would be to stop talking and make some tea for the technical people.

Bacon as deadly as cigarettes and asbestos

Evil Graham

Re: Wouldn't be worth it...

I trust you're as happy to pay for my lung cancer treatment as I am to pay for your bowel cancer treatment...

Well basically, yes. That's how the NHS works.

And given the high rate of tax on cigarettes, you have probably paid for your own lung cancer treatment anyway.

German football hero battles Nazi doppelgänger

Evil Graham

Who needs this model anyway?

I had the usual action figures as a kid, but I can't remember ever needing a cheerful German carrying two loaves of bread and a milk churn.

Perhaps he's part of the special 'Allo 'Allo collection.

Connected kettles boil over, spill Wi-Fi passwords over London

Evil Graham

Re: Nobody NEEDS a connected kettle...

A toaster doesn't need an internet connection, unless it's to download a new language pack. Toasters need to talk.

Would you like some toast?

In my house that would be classed as a rhetorical question.

Samsung told to build bots who work for less than Foxconn staffers

Evil Graham

Re: What's wrong with good old fashioned

@AC: ...people consider a 14-15 year old a child, they are Young Adults, and I treat them as such...

You should get a proper lawyer next time.


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