* Posts by Antonius_Prime

111 posts • joined 22 Feb 2011


'We're changing shift, and no one can log on!' It was at this moment our hero knew server-lugging chap had screwed up


Re: Labels people, and read them!

People start getting right shirty when you start applying labels to them, physical or otherwise, these days...

Mine's the one with the iphone in it that identifies as an android that identifies as an iphone, thanks...

Apple creates face shield for health workers, resists the temptation to call it the 'iMask'


In fairness, Apple plopped down $15 million with no strings.

Facebook said "$10 million, if the FB community donates as well", which seems a bit forced t'me.

But what would I know, I'm not a sillycon valley billionaire tech maven...

Real-time tragedy: Dumb deletion leaves librarian red-faced and fails to nix teenage kicks on the school network


Re: My uni had similar rules :)

These wouldn't be boxen that would be booted maybe once a week for excel & word classes and never used again, would they?

Full of enough fruit at the time to make the entire computer department jealous?

While the computer classes which needed the processors, RAM, HDD space and GC capabilites were stuggling along on what could be compassionately called "pc's" because they were too far from water to be called anchors and too far from landfill to be called scrap?

If so, we may have attended similar colleges...


How dare you! My mother is a saint!

Borky shark: A deserted airport and a Raspberry Pi feeling poorly at baggage claim. Welcome to 2020


Surprised the byline didn't say

"Welcome to the Borkage Claim"

And maybe a little disappointed too...


(Icon, for obvious reasons...)

Not exactly the kind of housekeeping you want when it means the hotel's server uptime is scrubbed clean


Re: There's a Terry Pratchett Quote for That...

From Thief of Time, I believe, but I may be wrong.

Just the place you'd want to spot a BSOD: While waiting in line for a roller coaster that lifts you up 124ft


"An employee clutching a large bolt, saying 'No, I don't know where it came from either...' "

This is directly from the BOfHBBBoBB*, isn't it?

Either way; top job!

* Bastard Operator from Hell Big Bastarding Book of Bastard Bludges, for those suffering / recovering from TLA Poisoning...

Reddit gets downvoted as site takes a Wednesday tumble


Re: Wait a second...

"I've never met a Register reporter in real life so I couldn't comment."

With the exception of Dabsy, Verity & the Late, Greatly missed Lester; I reckon most of 'em are bots.

Simon most definitely isn't. I have the certificate he sold me...

Tech can endure the most inhospitable environments: Space, underwater, down t'pit... even hairdressers


Re: Might have mentioned this before...

That's OK. We all have our moment in the Sun, before bursting into flames like the pasty vampires we are...




That is all.

They were great. Like the tech equivalent to those pimple popper videos...


Re: Might have mentioned this before...

"No harm, no foal."

You missed a great opportunity to Dad-pun it...


(Icon appropriate - maybe...)

Bada Bing, bada bork: Windows 10 is not happy, and Microsoft's search engine has something to do with it


Games Companies, circa 2012-2016: "Always on online access for offline games is a great idea! Wait... no, wait, nope. huh. Looks like it isn't and the users definitely didn't like that. Better not do that again..."

Microsoft: "Hold my Bing..."


Because all your bas---^c^c data belong to MS...

Very little helps: Tesco flashes ancient Windows desktop on Scan-As-You-Shop device


Re: "On the other hand, they might complain anyway, even with the freshest stock."

More of a "try not to incite a violent mob at work".

As I said, it was probably one of the steps to BOfH-hood... :D

(Steps on a non-greased, well lit stairwell, with plenty of CCTV that IT can't access. Learn your lessons well, to enable you to get away with it easier...)


"On the other hand, they might complain anyway, even with the freshest stock."

To paraphrase the yanks a little:

"If you open, they will whinge..."

I was once, for my sins, one of those minumum wage wonks. Way back in the late 90's early 00's, for the chain wot is the subject of the article.

The tills at the time were DOS 6.22 based and the DB machine in the backroom that communicated with head office for prices & promos & barcodes ran Win3.11. Siemens PC's. Decent spec for the day, if I recall.

This was sometime circa 99/2000, so not the immense risk it would be today.

The fun story I have of that time was around the turn of the milleniumiumium... Literally!

New Years Eve 1999. I was working the checkout in the Off Licence with 2 others. We had queues just for the off licence stretching the ENTIRE length of the store - and back. This was in Ireland, so the Off Licence area had to be semi segregated from normal shopping, due to laws. This was also a branch in an affluent part of the town, so not your normal regulars...

From the technical side of things, the Powers tHat Be had decided to segregate the portions of the DB that dealt with alchohol from those that dealt with normal groceries.

So someone couldn't pay for wine & beer at normal checkouts and groceries at the licensed ones. Remember this, it'll be important in a bit...

Back to yon story!

New Years 1999! Queues out the wazoo!

I'm on the middle till, the busiest of the 3 tills there. Out of nowhere, in the face of very impatient people queuing to pay for social lubrication, this lovely* lady storms up with a basket of all groceries, no alcohol.

Said lady slams basket of goodies down in front of 18-ish year old me and began a tirade of abuse directed at me, the directors of the company and anyone around that it was **unacceptable** that she have to wait in line at the tills and ... blah blah blah, imprecations, blah, threats, blah, implications about my parentage, etc.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see our designated assistant manager attempt to become smaller and smaller behind me whiloe attempting to stack shelves quietly.

Attempting to humour said harpy; I attempted to explain that the store was quite busy, apologies, it was New Year's Eve and a new millenium would be starting soon, unless all the computers fscked up, but the particular computer in front of me simply couldn't take her goods, it wasn't "programmed**" to...

Which started another round of abuse. Again, displaying the traits that many now know and fear as "positive reinforcement" (If you're negative to me, I'll be positive to you. or your right nipple, if the jumper lead will reach...) I swung the screen around, scanned every item in her basket which flashed up big red "ITEM NOT FOUND" along with a klaxxon like sound from the buzzer. (Perhaps that's the evolutionary precursor to 'UNKNOWN ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA'?)

Not satisfied, The Greatest Customer In The World, started another round of painting the air blue.

I now recognise this moment as a step on my path to BOfH-hood, as with manager attempting to become a chameleon and look like a bottle of Huzzar, I sweetly turned to her, after interruping and said:

"I'm sorry; I'm not paid to take your abuse. There's a manager there [points back with thumb] if you'd like to complain."

She grabbed her basket and turned away. I don't recall what she muttered, but I do recall I probably rubbed salt, vinegar, lemon and chilli into the wound by shouting "Next!!" as she turned.

I have it on reliable evidence that that anecdote had made it into a "What not to do in these situations" for a few years.

I'm quite proud of that...

*she wasn't in the slightest...

**"programmed to do it" was a great term, even back then, to explain stuff to non-users...

Icon because of her reaction...

IoT security? We've heard of it, says UK.gov waving new regs


"IoT security? We've heard of it, says UK.gov"

Doing better than the IoshiT vendors at least!

Clunk, whirr, buzz, whine. Shared office space can be a riot and sounds like one too


Someone earlier on mentioned a hammer, go with that...


Re: Simple cure



Re: Sometimes

"A hammer"

You mean a User Expectation Recalibration Device?

It Recalibrates the users expectations of such things as continued use of fingers, kneecaps, smartthingys and wrists, if its utilised in the proscribed manner...

Microsoft boffin inadvertently highlights .NET image woes by running C# on Windows 3.11


Re: BTW if you need a cross-platform GUI development solution

Which raises the question of what actually is the native look and feel of Windows these days?


Same as the rest of us...

BOFH: You brought nothing to the party but a six-pack of regret


Re: Welcome back!

Monthly?! I remember when it was weekly!

Those were good times...

A Notepad nightmare leaves sysadmin with something totally unprintable


Re: Printer drivers: still cruddy after all these years

Only because the EPA get shirty about normal peons (i.e. non-governments and non-big bucks bizzes) dumping toxic waste in the local tip...


BOFH: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and the ransomware struck


Re: A what USB stick?

Nah, same technique the gents wot dun threaten us wif the dirty vids they claim to have taken use.

Throw some plausible & google-able terms at non-techs to up the sense of urgency.

In fact, the entire episode could be used to illustrate how these plonkers fall for these scams!

Blindingly great episode though! I was in audible laughter in the office here.

Thank $deity that theres no one else here.

The time PC Tools spared an aerospace techie the blushes

Thumb Up

Re: Norton Utilities 2002

Yep. Only now you can get it on USB as well!

It's a mighty tool, especialy in Win10.


Re: Windows 3.1

"Heck the time they turned off the server room air con by mistake was also put down to it.."

Yeah, nah. Your IT team were BOfH's. You're a lucky bloke to not have met your end! :)

(Also, El Reg, why do we not have a BOfH icon? :) )

Log us out: Private equity snaffles Lastpass owner LogMeIn

Big Brother

Re: Here to collect the downvote.

Up to about 4 hours ago, my time, anyway. (12:30pm GMT, in wintertime. DO THE MATHS AMERICANS! XD )

Possibly a gruntled LastPass employee?

Gruntled because if they were disgruntled they'd downvote the ones praising LP.

FUSE for macOS: Why a popular open source library became closed source and commercially licensed


That's a terrible thing to do to those poor monkeys Adobe get from the zoo...

Xbox Series X: Gee thanks, Microsoft! Just what we wanted for Xmas 2020 – a Gateway tower PC


Re: So, it's a PC, right ?

"I wonder if you could install Linux on it. I also wonder why you would want to."

I believe George Mallory said it best: "Because it's there..."

Why is the printer spouting nonsense... and who on earth tried to wire this plug?


Re: It's a four lettered word!

You "Participated in Contractual Employement for Monetary Renumeration". Shouldn't trip the swear filter...

Internet jerk with million-plus fans starts 14-year stretch for bizarre dot-com armed robbery


Re: I feel sorry for the defence lawyer...

He got 22k for it.

Court appointed defence. says it in the article.

I imagine his thought process went: "Hmm. This twatwafflen might be good for a few g's..."

From Instagram to insta-banned: Facebook wipes NSO Group workers' personal profiles amid WhatsApp hack rap


Re: Really

"at least they aren't selling weaponized software to depots and other ne'er-do-wells"

Like warehouses? :P

The scourge of storage areas must be stopped!

I kid!

Couldn't resist the gentle-ish poke...

We lose money on repairs, sobs penniless Apple, even though we charge y'all a fortune


Re: Makes it easier to recognise idiots at first sighting

Loud ringers, BIG keys, BIG type on screen, simple functions. Durable.

Dorophones are brilliant for elderly people who don't generally need to be playing Angry Birds at every opportunity...

I won't knock those types of devices, they have their place in the world.

Amnesty slams Facebook, Google over 'pervasive surveillance' business model


Re: This is Facebook's standard dodge

Hang on. 1,500 domains? That's some hell of a blocklist. I assume you're on PiHole so.

Got a list of these trackers? I imagine my network traffic would drop substantially if I could block most of those!

The US Army recruits WALL-E Chris H as its next-generation bomb disposal robot


They could've Backronymed it to be "Common Robotic Assistive System - Heavy".

In fact, I would put folding money on it being called that in some focus group beforfe being killed off in PR...

When the IT department speaks, users listen. Or face the consequences


Re: Not an IT problem

On that we agree, and after all, exceptions get made...


Re: Not an IT problem

This is something I've explained to more than a few IT-adjacent staff in my work.

I'm all for solving problems with tech -- when they're the kinds of problems that tech can solve.

Can't solve people though...

Yes, technology can do --fscking-- amazing things, but if we cover it in policy, instruct people on policy & stick to policy, when the inevitable occurs we can point to our IMAC/CYA of a policy and say: "Did you do the thing we specifically told you not to do? Yes? Then gl;hf;gg..."

Plus, it means less ballaches in the long run when manglement get behind us and policy and we don;t have to support long dead systems or one off POS pieces of software, or... (you get the idea...)

If you're going to exploit work's infrastructure to torrent, you better damn well know how to hide it


Pragmatism at it's best, BOfH style...

Huawei with you! FCC's American Pai proposes rip-and-replace of scary Chinese comms kit


Re: Follow the money

"Why do I feel it likely that most if not all of any available rip-and-replace subsidies will end up the the pocket of the largest FCC Lobbyists & Pai?"

Fixed that for ya. Even us Europeons know that Ajit's a huge Pai-le of excrement...

Hell hath GNOME fury: Linux desktop org swings ax at patent troll's infringement claim


Re: Have Big Players Contributed?

I'd imagine that they're taking a "wait and see..." stance.

And for those playing the home game, the missing part of the sentence was ".. what way the legal wind blows.."


Other authors of course depict gnomes in other ways.

Ofc, lets not forget that the late, great Sir PTerry described Gnomes as the sober, clean living relatives of Pictsies like the Nac Mac Feegle...

Who were thrown out of Fairyland for being Drunk and Disorderly.

And when a clan of Feegles lives near your farm, expect livestock to move quite quickly without moving their legs. Quite often backwards...

"There can be anly wan thuuusssaaand! Ey Wally!"

A History of (Computer) Violence: Wait. Before you whack it again, try caressing the mouse


Re: Whacksing benefits

I'm in no way knocking the printer reccomendations, but it seems t'me that you gents are popping up more and more in every thread I read these days!

You sure you aren't working for Zuck or Bezos?


HP to hike upfront price of printer hardware as ink biz growth runs dry


Re: What costs?

In fairness, this does seem related.

It seems to line up (in my memory, at least) that when HP et al started bringing out a different cartridge a week that Gillette started seeing just how many blades they could stick on a razor...

(Mach 3 etc.)

Perhaps the two designers in each company were related...

TalkTalk says WalkWalk if you've got a mouldy Tiscali email address, or pay £50 a year to keep it


Re: In this case...

It may not be scandoulous, but it's still IT News.

Which is what El Reg reports, last I checked... :P

Beer, 'cos it's Friday, and we;re on track for Beer O'Clock soon.

Divert the power to the shields. 'I'm givin' her all she's got, Captain!'


Re: It's getting hot in here...

"No server ops worth their salt should be without at least some skills as a glazier."

I believe Adam Savage said it best, when naming his book:

"Any Tool is a Hammer."

Related icon. Need at least a degree to properly handle the KVM switch as a makeshift glass breaker... :)

Android PDF app with just 100m downloads caught sneaking malware into mobes


Re: "we tried to contact the developer, but the bastard won't answer"

I'd have a heck of a lot more respect and understanding if those lines were in the article.

Bit more... down to earth... honest... about it.

Breaker, breaker. Apple's iOS 12.4 update breaks jailbreak break, un-breaks the break. 10-4


Re: So, unc0ver is open-source ?

Thankfully, even in Cupertino, they realised its best to keep the coloured pencils department away from the coders most of the time...

(We once heard talk of secret arena's, ***** club style, but the people telling us this said they were breaking the first two rules...)


Re: Standard

"You know, similar to the "user not available" logs to keep tickets in SLA when we were all lowly desk support monkeys..."

I give three goes in 3 days then close. If it's super important, then maybe respond to emails and walk ups.

Mine's the rubber one with the over-volted cattle-prod in the outside pocket, next to the hammer with easily wipeable handle...

It will never be safe to turn off your computer: Prankster harnesses the power of Windows 95 to torment fellow students


Re: W98 was OK, but W95 and USB ..

Ah, so it's not just me then that has that type of reaction! Good to know.

'Hey Google, remind Greg the locks have been changed, and he should find a new place to live. Maybe ask his mistress?'


Er... The EU might want a word...

"At least Google has anticipated that some people may want to opt-out: In conjunction with the arrival of Assignable Reminders, Assistant Settings will gain a gag control option"

Didn't the EU decide that Opt-Out was Not Good (TM) and it should be Opt-In?

Glad I don't have the digital assistant's turned on and dialling home locked down.

Apple's WebKit techs declare privacy circumvention to be a security issue


Re: Have been playing with a Pi-hole

Pi-Hole can also run happily along side a PiVPN, in case your VPN is still super important.

As others have said, browser add-ons can block most browser stuff, but Pi Hole gets stuff at a network level.

Smart TV? IoT toys? Home assistants?

Bye-bye all their needless 2am call homes to deliver their espion--- I mean; telemetry...



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