I have no desire to touch my laptop's screen - I don't want my fingerprints on the screen, let alone anyone else's greasy mitts! When I ordered my current laptop last fall (an HP 17t) there was an option to get a touchscreen, which I declined. It cost $50 extra, but I would have refused it if it was free.
No foldable tablet mode
Again, don't want, and most Windows laptops don't have this either. Are they all useless too? I guess you thought all laptops sucked until a couple years ago??
No replaceable HDD
No upgradeable RAM
I agree this sucks, but probably 1-2% of users would ever contemplate replacing/upgrading their HDD/RAM, so it is a Reg reader problem, not an average user problem.
Shallow keyboard that is impossible to actually type on
You mean like the shitty keyboard on the Surface Pro's type cover?
Last year's memory and processor to make Apple even more margin
Yeah, wouldn't want to miss out on Intel's annual 3-4% performance gain!