* Posts by Colin Millar

1238 posts • joined 7 Jun 2007

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While Facebook reinvents Sadville, we still dream of flying cars

Colin Millar

Re: Transvision Vamps?

Nah - it just means that Zuck finally got around to reading Snowcrash

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Please don't call them Facebook chatbots, says Facebook's bot boss

Colin Millar

Roger's of Canada

Must be one real shit company if an arsebook app improved it's customer satisfaction by 60%

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Deeming Facebook a 'publisher' of users' posts won't tackle paedo or terrorist content

Colin Millar
Flame

Old chestnuts are the best

Facebook et al are nothing to do with freedom of speech

Lazy web hacks constantly peddle the censorship/oppression buzz words every time someone suggests that "social media" should take some responsibility for what they enable, while conveniently forgetting that these same companies are, far from the great defenders of free speech they want us to see them as, the worst offenders in terms of imposing conformity, binary thinking and selective speech.

Yes you can have freedom of speech until facebook decides that you can't. Then try voting them out of office and see how far you get.

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Point-and-pwn tool for posers dumbs down ransomware spreading

Colin Millar
Pirate

You're thinking of his brother Freddie.

Guybrush was the younger sibling who went a-pirating and ended up on Monkey Island

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UK gov draws driverless car test zone around M40 corridor

Colin Millar

Not to mention the mini-roundabouts - and definitely don't mention the double mini-roundabouts.

At the top of my lane there's one of those y junctions onto a b-road - technically you are supposed to enter and exit on the left. Practically - you use right side to go right or you can't see the oncoming traffic and need to do a three point turn onto the national speed limit b-road. We have got plenty of roads with blind turnouts where you need to sight the traffic disappearing into a dip to calculate the turnout. We've also got loads of single tracks with very few (and variable quality) passing places where if you get it wrong you need to go and find a friendly farmer.

They are, however, welcome to the M40. Used to be a regular on that road and it always seemed to me that most of the vehicles would have been better off without whatever maniac was driving them.

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Amazing new WikiLeaks CIA bombshell: Agents can install software on Apple Macs, iPhones right in front of them

Colin Millar
Facepalm

Let me get this straight

Wikileaks and some cheap hacks that can't be arsed to do real journalism so just settle for copy and paste with a bit of random capitalised bold are wetting their panties because the CIA does spy stuff?

Oh boy - wait until they hear that the IRS is demanding money from people.

IRS DEMANDS that US citizens give them money or face CRIMINAL sanctions.

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That 'Trump lawyers threaten teen over kitten website' yarn is Fakey Fakey McFake Fakeface

Colin Millar
Colin Millar

Re: Are lawyers allowed to lie?

Allowed? It's compulsory.

Who the fuck would employ a lawyer that couldn't lie?

Now - getting caught in a lie without plausible reason (i.e. "I was reliably informed by .....presented the facts as they were known to me at the time etc") - that's a bit of a no-no.

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Trump, Brexit, and Cambridge Analytica – not quite the dystopia you're looking for

Colin Millar
IT Angle

Don't panic

Politicians do psychological profiling? Er - do they mean they try to make their message attractive to voters based on their perceptions of what the voters want to hear? - Wow, that trick goes all the way back to - well any sort of society really - certainly ancient Rome had it down to a fine art.

58,000 volunteer arsebookers? At least two major selection biases in three words.

Someone appears to be trying to justify their fees.

No IT to be seen here - just some more marketing fluff.

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That big scary 1.4bn leak was 100s of millions of email, postal addresses

Colin Millar

Oh boy

This is going to be the most popular sueball in history

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Don't worry, slowpoke Microsoft, we patched Windows bug for you, brags security biz

Colin Millar

Third party patching becoming a trend?

Yep - it probably will - but not for any good reasons.

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You're Donald Trump's sysadmin. You've got data leaks coming out the *ss. What to do

Colin Millar

The Donald has a plan

He will simply order all government departments to change all their datas to alternative datas. Then when it is leaked he can shout "fake news" and feel all truthy inside.

Meanwhile, all the real datas will be transferred to an sd card on his phone and he will send them by SMS only to people that he trusts.

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Gov wants to make the UK the 'safest place in the world to go online'

Colin Millar

Re: I know the programme itself was a bit shit... but...

Not nearly as shit as the recent US remake - just a bunch of pouty kids seeing who could shout "It's all about Meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!" the loudest

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Different judge, different verdict? Diageo's £54m SAP legal slap could have gone another way

Colin Millar

Re: Appeal

If one side that is a massive global firm with lawyers coming out of their ears doesn't understand the contract then they shouldn't have signed it - this is not the same as a domestic consumer being faced with 20 pages of legalese.

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Trump cybersecurity order morphs into 2,200-plus-word extravaganza

Colin Millar

He better read them quick

Odds on impeachment are shortening

10 Days ago

11/4 first term, 6/1 first six months

Now come in to 2/1 and 4/1

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Grumpy Trump trumped, now he's got the hump: Muslim ban beaten back by appeals court

Colin Millar
Headmaster

43

The alternative ob IT angle

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Explained: Apple iCloud kept 'deleted' browser histories for over a year

Colin Millar

How dare you

Apple doesn't do flaws - as we all know

Perhaps you meant to say

Apple appears to have fixed a flaw improved a feature in iCloud

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UK uni KCL spunks IT budget on 'reputation management' after IT disaster headlines

Colin Millar

Re: really?

Yup - and because that wasn't quite nailbiting enough someone updated the firmware just for the LULZ

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Trump's cybersecurity strategy kinda makes sense, so why delay?

Colin Millar
Boffin

Playing the game

Anyone who has been in admin at a serious level knows how to stay a few steps ahead of the accountability.

Give them this memo and they will say - sure - I'll accept accountability - here is my assessment of what is needed to make this shit secure (long list of stuff with budgets follows). Its called CYA and these people know that in their jobs it is their number one priority cos their bosses are all politicians who will hang their granny out to dry before taking a hit.

Radical changes in direction in large organisations take time and money and (because it is all new) no-one quite knows how much of each. You can, to a degree, reduce the cost by increasing the time but you cannot reduce the time by much no matter how much money you throw at it because the specialist resources required to fulfill complex tasks are limited.

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Pentagon anti-missile-on-missile test actually WORKS, for once

Colin Millar

Re: Shooting down satellites @ Pter2

"Really Free People's Republic of Dictatorstania"

John Otway has his own country now?

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A non-Standards Soviet approved measure of weight? Sod off, BBC!

Colin Millar
Coat

Re: What rot

Ah - the Scottish Highlands - where men are men ......... and sheep look worried.

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This bot shorts stocks when Trump tweets (don't fret, the profit is used for good)

Colin Millar

Re: "Trump n Dump."

plus 1 out of the 1 presidents that resigned before the feds came knocking

Paddy Power impeachment odds currently 11/4 first term, 6/1 first six months

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With net neutrality pretty much dead in the US, your privacy is next

Colin Millar

But shirley

"Lobbying group CTIA" won't survive the swamp clearing we have been promised and are eagerly awaiting in an EO coming soon.

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Trump's cartoon comedy approach to running a country: 'One in, two out' rule for regulations

Colin Millar

Re: > former aide to Reagan & Bush 1, described it as the "stupidest executive order in history."

Yep - to paraphrase Homer Simpson - "the stupidest executive order in history ........ so far"

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Facebook ad biz comes under scrutiny in MPs ‘Fake News’ probe

Colin Millar

Why tell the truth when a lie will do

All the way back to Jefferson and Adams US presidential elections have been stuffed full of everything from out of context quotes to outright lies. They learnt if from the Brits who have it in the list of "Things the romans did for us".

I think that the focus on fake news influencing individual political outcomes is a bit shortsighted. The erosion of confidence in sources of information is much more corrosive for the western democracies. The Russians (amongst others) policy isn't to simply undermine individual politicians but to destroy impartiality and due process leaving us with wildly unstable political environments where strong men politicians will clash furiously with a population grown used to liberal values. They intend to drag us down to their level and beat us with experience.

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Don't worry, America: Elon Musk says he'll have a word with Trump

Colin Millar

An american tale

One day a couple of bored gods were arguing over the total amount of stupid that the world could contain and decided to bet on it.

One of them bet that it was an infinite amount. What he didn't know was that the other one had just recently discovered the Donald.

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Irish townsfolk besieged by confused smut channel callers

Colin Millar
Headmaster

"highly alliterative, not unlike Mr Ring"

You are getting your alliteration mixed up with your nominative determinism

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We've found a ‘vaccine’ for fake news. Wait! No, we really are Cambridge researchers

Colin Millar

Re: Good grief ...

Beat me to it.

Yeah - confusing mental processes with physiological responses pretty much wrote "snake-oil salesman" all over this guff.

Most people who "believe" fake news do so because they want to because it would be much more convenient for them if it was real.

Remember David Irving - the court case pretty much proved that he denied the holocaust despite knowing for sure that it happened.

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Yet another committee gives UK.gov a lashing for digital strategy delay

Colin Millar

Coinciding with the Industrial Strategy

That's pretty much guaranteed - they haven't got a clue what to put in that either.

The plan from this point on is going to be something like:

Write a content free vision statement

Have another consultation with key stakeholders to see if they can think of something

Discover they pissed 450m up the wall on lunch and glossy vision statement printing

Have a "refresh" of the strategy

GOTO 10

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350,000 Twitter bot sleeper cell betrayed by love of Star Wars and Windows Phone

Colin Millar
Coffee/keyboard

Good one!!

"Honesty in marketing"

I think a bit of pee actually came out

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Doctor AI: Good news, I'm better at predicting when you'll die of a heart attack. Bad news is...

Colin Millar

Man says to the computer

How long do I have?

Computersays: ten

Man: Ten what?

Computersays: Nine, eight..........

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UK.gov departments are each clinging on to 100 terabytes of legacy data

Colin Millar

Much better solution

Flush the lot.

No-one knows what is there and it will cost loadsamoney to piss around "structuring" the data which no-one will ever refer to.

I liked this bit

"Access to searchable digital legacy information can also prevent civil servants recreating previous policy ideas that do not work or inventing new solutions that are not actually new, known as reinventing the wheel, it said."

Nothing in this universe will stop civil servants ministers (FTFY) "recreating policy ideas that do not work" coz they are all convinced it would have worked last time if only everyone had just listened to them. As for re-inventing the wheel - that is the very core of the civil service (motto: "never do anything for the first time")

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BT installs phone 'spam filter', says it'll strain out mass cold-callers

Colin Millar

Re: A Typical Scam Call I Get

My son likes to see how long he can keep them on the line using just "Yurp" or "Nurp" *

* Hot Fuzz I think

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Google gives up YOUR private data to US govt – but won't hand over its OWN staff personal info

Colin Millar

Re: It was the IRS that ...

Can we get them to subcontract the UK please - HMRC is broken and getting brokener by the minute

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TV anchor says live on-air 'Alexa, order me a dollhouse' – guess what happens next

Colin Millar
FAIL

FTFY

This is not the first time an ill-conceived TV spot piece of e-shit has caused havoc

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IBM staff petition for right not to work on Trump's pet projects

Colin Millar
Flame

And the cycle of stupid continues

This is wrong on so many levels it is hard to believe that organisms with actual brain cells thought of it.

They actually mention the constitution in the petition before proposing that they get to be the arbiters of the constitution thus rendering the whole thing fairly dead, they propose that IBM should take on the role of enforcing anti-corruption laws and then make up a completely new law ("perceived" influence peddling - I suppose it's just too much bother to actually prove anything).

Its morons like these with their massive sense of entitlement and conviction that (despite all the evidence of the past couple of decades) they know whats best that have given rise to Brexit and Trump. And now they are going to have tantrums and scream until they get their toys back. I thought that Brexit and Trump were a bad omen for the future of liberal democracy but these guys are just proving Trump's claims that it was never about liberal or democratic values - just a power elite complacent in their own smugness.

I think I need to go and lie down in a dark room for a while.

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Beauty is in the AI of the beholder: Young blokes teach computer to judge women by their looks

Colin Millar

You may sneer

But this "research" project has its uses.

The manufacturers of blow-up sex dolls will surely pay for this insight.

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'I told him to cut it out' – Obama is convinced Putin's hackers swung the election for Trump

Colin Millar

DNC - Remove the mote from your own eye

Maybe if people are so horrified at the contents of DNC emails that they voted for an orange monkey to be president then the DNC might want to consider that maybe the views they hold are anathema to a lot of voters.

It's a strange complaint to make - "the us voters didn't vote for us because they found out what we really think"

The attitude of some people to email security might also be on their list of things to think really hard about in future.

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Trump's 140 characters on F-35 wipes $2bn off Lockheed Martin

Colin Millar

Re: "when The Orange One made his pronouncement"

The Bhagwan seems to have done that EFL thing of not quite getting that the phrase is actually a joke and getting a key word wrong

Said of a blunt talker

"He calls a spade a fucking shovel"

My favourite was always

"You think I know damn nothing - well you're wrong - I know damn all"

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$17k win for man falsely accused of a terrible crime: Downloading an Adam Sandler movie

Colin Millar

Re: 55 hours of legal time?

Nah - Thats just the lawyers mantra

"Someone is going to get fucked at both ends and we don't care if it's our client or the opposition"

Plaintiffs lawyers create a mountain of BS = loadsachargeablehours

Defendants lawyers read the mountain of BS = loadsachargeablehours

Everybody who is a lawyer wins wins wins$$$$

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If your smart home gear hasn't updated recently, throw it in the trash

Colin Millar
Alert

Throw i(o)t in the trash? - There's an app for that

Believe it or not - an IoT trash can

http://www.smart-qube.com/

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IoT camera crew Titathink tells Reg it'll patch GET bug in a week

Colin Millar

Grumpy old men 1 - Web experience managers 0

In the last couple of weeks we have had directory traversal, open management ports without defined address ranges and multiple credential guessing attacks. What's next - a resurgence of SQL injection? Come on people - this is basic stuff.

Dear web experience manager - Next time that employee with a liking for doughnuts and coffee, no fashion sense and a claim to 10 languages none of which he can use to communicate with human beings says "are you sure? Can you just confirm that in en email" remember - that glint in his eye is his anticipation of watching you wet your pants in panic as your latest bit of shiny web experience crashes and burns due to the sheer weight of uninformed decision making.

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Amazon tries again with AppStream because customers didn't like it

Colin Millar

Not so radical next time

"With AppStream, we set out to solve a significant customer problem, but failed to get the solution right," he said. This time it will be different"

Yeah - they will go back to the tried and tested model of creating a solution to a non-existent problem.

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Microsoft, IBM, Intel refuse to hand over family jewels to China

Colin Millar

Re: WTF LOL

Yeah - I think the original version was

"Two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead"

Post Warhol that had to be slightly amended

"Two people can keep a secret if both of them are dead"

And then amended again with the advent of cradle to grave social networking

"Two people can keep a secret if neither of them knows the secret"

Of course the problem with that last one is that the two people - in common with everyone else on twitbook - just keep brainfarting until they actually reveal the secret (think monkeys and shakespeare).

I think the current revision is - "two people can keep a secret if the secret doesn't exist" - but it is currently being tested to see how it holds up against "A lie is just a truth that hasn't yet come true"

I think we are going to get eventually to "Two people can keep a secret if the secret is that neither of the two people exist"

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Microsoft refuses to join the Zero Outage brigade, Google and AWS keep mum

Colin Millar

Going all retro on us

"More complete testing"

How quaint - that was a 20th century thing wasn't it?

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BOFH: The Idiot-ware Project and the Meaningless Acronym

Colin Millar

Re: huh ?

I remember an old boss of mine once told me

"If someone gives you a problem to deal with nurture that problem, grow it and become an expert in the detail and minutiae - but never, ever solve that problem because, as soon as you do, someone will give you another one."

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Gov's industrial strategy: 'Look, we've changed the words above our door'

Colin Millar

I thought our industrial strategy was to bribe the japanese to keep making cars here.

Oh - and also to shout about how the weak pound makes exporting more competitive.

Oh - and selling explosive things to those parts of the world that seem to be forever blowing things up.

Unfortunately the gov appears to have missed the O level economics lesson where they would have learned that a falling pound actually kills many exporters when their unit costs go through the roof because of all that imported stuff you need to make the exported stuff (like for example all your tech and raw materials) going up in price.

Of course a lot of that stuff is priced in $US so I'm guessing that our economic and industrial strategy right now is to hope that Trumpton hits the skids - pretty slim chance given that those guys up on Capitol Hill have a keen understanding of how the green is grown and years of experience in telling the most powerful man in the world to go f**k himself.

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Hey techbros, make an airplane mode but for driving for your apps – US traffic watchdog

Colin Millar

Re: Texting while driving banned in 46 states

"I think you'll find the remaining 14 states ....."

Did the US just take over Canada? Oh well - it will save them from building the norther wall.

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UK PM Theresa May's £2bn in R&D still a drop in the ocean

Colin Millar
Mushroom

May you live in interesting times

The political horizon has never been closer - April 2017 is as far as May's calendar goes and that's looking like a fair distance itself.

Just saw on the news that Ukrainian demonstrators smashed up a Russian bank - and then we have that new country arriving in January - the Republic of Trumpton, IS part 2 "No more Mr Nice Guy" and China's first industrial recession.

"I promise to pay you 2bn by 2020" - translation - "Piss off and stop bothering me"

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Google declares victory for its Wifi router before it's even shipped

Colin Millar

A google spokesdrone says

"Just in case you inadvertently prevented us from having access to all your internet traffic - and while we were about it we slurped any home network activity, hacked any non google approved mobiles attaching to our router and turned down your thermostat."

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