* Posts by bpfh

417 posts • joined 26 Jan 2011

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Ever feel like all your prayers go unheard? The Catholic Church has an app for that

bpfh

Re: Wrong App?

I thought you were not supposed to pick the Apple...

Apple hardware priced so high that no one wants to buy it? It's 1983 all over again

bpfh

Re: A reminder of how crap Apple products are

386 dx could go to 40 mhz or is my memory playing tricks - it was long time ago !

Lawyers' secure email network goes down, firm says it'll take 2 weeks to restore

bpfh

Correct. The pentagram and chanting is used to summon Oracle. Or BT depending on the chant.

AI snaps business titan jaywalking

bpfh
Joke

Did they really display...

A big dong on the screen ?

I’ll get my coat...

You were told to clean up our systems, not delete 8,000 crucial files

bpfh

At IBM in 1998...

When a 1994 era 540 meg drive failed it got a direct upgrade to 2 gb as there were no smaller FRU HDD’s available as replacement stock, and we had 4 gb Aptiva’s floating around being deployed new.

Oregon can't stop people from calling themselves engineers, judge rules in Traffic-Light-Math-Gate

bpfh
Trollface

Re: A lot of snobs in here today.

"Plagiarize

Let no one else's work evade your eyes

Remember why the good Lord made your eyes

So don't shade your eyes

But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize

Only be sure always to call it please "research" "

- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQHaGhC7C2E

bpfh
Joke

Re: OMG

Those who can, do

Those who can't, teach

Those who can't teach become politicians...

What happens when a Royal Navy warship sees a NATO task force headed straight for it? A crash course in Morse

bpfh

Re: NATO task force can't read Morse code?

I guess it’s as the backup. When all computers and electronics have failed for whatever reason, a good old light bulb and a battery will get the job done as long as there is a bald monkey around to hook it up and press the tit.

Could you speak up a bit? I didn't catch your password

bpfh
Mushroom

Ahhh Biometric Gates

Make passport control easier. And Faster. And is the reason why i "by mistake" take the non-EU channel for the Eurostar both in Paris and London as invariably the manual from one passport control agent go faster than the forest of bloody "automatic" gates...

Is Google purposefully breaking Microsoft, Apple browsers on its websites? Some insiders are confident it is

bpfh

Re: Brittle software?

No, Opera complained that some Microsoft web pages served borked html when Opera said it was opera, but when Opera changed its browser ID string to say it was IE, it got parseable HTML that worked as expected

EU politely asks if China could stop snaffling IP as precondition for doing business

bpfh

Re: Questionable quality...

Good old may by J. A. Pan. Now it's all made from premium quality chinesuim.

London's Gatwick airport suspends all flights after 'multiple' reports of drones

bpfh
Mushroom

Find the culprits...

And have Sussex Police deliver them to the departure lounge for an hour or two before hauling them off to trial. If there is anything left of them...

Dev's telnet tinkering lands him on out-of-hour conference call with CEO, CTO, MD

bpfh

Re: Well, there was this time...

Cold chisel? I used a shotgun...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7GZlHmLDWg

Time for a cracker joke: What's got one ball and buttons in the wrong place?

bpfh

And if you are really motivated...

on the old Latitude D610's (IIRC), if you tried very very hard, you could force an ethernet plug into the air vent before calling the helldesk that I needed to check the meeting room network connectivity from our database sales manager...

Windows 10 can carry on slurping even when you're sure you yelled STOP!

bpfh

Re: Easy Instructions

I followed your instructions but I don’t have a browser on my c drive to download anything after point 3, but I do have a ton of free space now!

Doom at 25: The FPS that wowed players, gummed up servers, and enraged admins

bpfh
Mushroom

Re: Dear God

It's worth installing, especially now that more modern versions have X and Y axis aiming, and more weapons to put your friendly neighbourhood imps through the meat grinder.

BOFH: State of a job, eh? Roll the Endless Requests for Further Information protocol

bpfh

Re: Depressingly accurate

Obviously you have not had any recent database normalisation errors recently. Or your management are on the ground floor or have windows that don’t open, even with assistance from the maintenance guy at 9pm along for the promised bottle of whiskey...

Microsoft polishes up Chromium as EdgeHTML peers into the abyss

bpfh

Re: I'm possibly not alone here.

Probably a great way of bypassing some press website paywalls, as much as they bitch about Google ´stealing’ their content they still want it fully indexable, and some sites forgo content truncation or JavaScript limitations when the googlebot comes a crawln’

Blockchain study finds 0.00% success rate and vendors don't call back when asked for evidence

bpfh

Re: Blockchain tutorials

A linked tree. Sounds a bit like FAT. You can verify the integrity of the tree... but nothing is stopping you from dropping older segments. They will clearly be corrupt if a scan and calculation of the whole tree is made, but how often would that happen?

Using the anology of the File Allocations Table, you would only find corruption when you accessed the data and found that pointers to the data were missing or invalid... or when you ran chkdsk, which was not a daily occurrence... now on a distributed file several gig long, I don’t see a sanity check of the entire chain happening on a regular basis either, or have I missed something?

bpfh

Re: So no buyers...

Raspberry flavoured ?

I’ll get my coat...

Support whizz 'fixes' screeching laptop with a single click... by closing 'malware-y' browser tab

bpfh

Great thing having backups on a central greppable server with everything backed up to a multi tape loader.

Mines the one with Dial B for Bastard paperback and a neodymium magnet in the pocket.

Microsoft slips ads into Windows 10 Mail client – then U-turns so hard, it warps fabric of reality

bpfh

Re: Why would anyone tolerate this?

If you have your own mail server, post process the maildir, find to get all files in the last x minutes, grep and awk, pull the from domain, Whois (yep it still works), get registration date and sed the header to add [SPAM], then let your grep “[SPAM]” * | cages mv /foo/bar/user/maildir/cur/spam or somthing of that ilk...

Where to implant my employee microchip? I have the ideal location

bpfh

Re: Poor Reliability.. better idea

<vincentprice> Woe to you, oh Earth and Sea...</vincentprice>

bpfh

Re: Poor Reliability.. better idea

Apparently not. I was always surprised to see new crew every week. Just like Star Trek though those guys generally wore red shirts and were never seen again...

Junior dev decides to clear space for brewing boss, doesn't know what 'LDF' is, sooo...

bpfh

Re: Coincidentally...

Reminds me of an old BOFH teaching students about the Remark function... it’s a brilliant compression utility...

http://www.bofharchive.com/2000/bastard200009.html

By Thor, has it been 18 years already?

Data flows post-Brexit: 'Leave it to government to make sure you've got a smooth run in.' Er, OK

bpfh

Spelling mistake?

“Brexitary Dominic Raab bullish”

You misspelled “bullsh*t”. Should I send a correction request ?

Clunk, bang, rattle: Is that a ghost inside your machine?

bpfh

Re: Given the toxicity of the toner powder, Mike called an ambulance forthwith.

I think I have told this story before. Working for IBM, one of the big laser printers installed in the office had a big hopper of toner - like an a3 width Tupperware box with probably a pound of toner in it that you had to remove, take the new one, peel the alu foil off the top exposing the Black Death, and replace in the printer. It’s all fun and games until one of the Printing System Division techs walked back to the support office in blackface and black shirt after sneezing into the hopper mid replace... The director’s secretary was none too pleased about the impromptu printing room redecoration either.

Yes, Americans, you can break anti-piracy DRM if you want to repair some of your kit – US govt

bpfh

Re: "unique screw head types and gluing or soldering components"

It’s just difficult in getting 200 million valves in a square centimeter of space... I’ll get my coat. It’s the one on the sideboard sized radio. Gerrof my lawn you young whippersnappers.

The best way to screw the competition? Do what they can't, in a fraction of the time

bpfh

Re: Screwing over the competition

Pula mea :)

bpfh

Re: Nah.

That’s what she said...

Microsoft promises a fix for Windows 10 zip file woes. In November

bpfh

Re: Windows Search

On my personal setup, exclude C:\ from the search tree, then deactivate all services (the exclusion is hoping that it remembers the settings when some update happily reactivates the sodding thing again.

Once that is sorted, install Agent Ransack. Only runs when I want and has a logical search interface, looks in every file in a directory and subfolders if I request, no more telling windows to search for *.* containing whereDidMyFunctionGo à la windows 95, only to find windows search won’t find it because .php is not linked to a recognised windows app extension without hitting the registry...

SQLite creator crucified after code of conduct warns devs to love God, and not kill, commit adultery, steal, curse...

bpfh

I thought the golden rule was « he who has the gold, makes the rules »

I’ll get my coat. It’s the one with the magic lamp in the pocket.

bpfh

Re: Seriously though

I see what you did there. Stop playing with your CoC...

bpfh

Re: Logical Conundrum.

Who said anything about sleeping?!!

bpfh

Re: I have a code of conduct

Then the best defence is a bloody good offence. FS. :)

Intel's commitment to making its stuff secure is called into question

bpfh

Re: Speed

Like the Cobra and the Viper?

On the seventh anniversary of Steve Jobs' death, we give you 7 times he served humanity and acted as an example to others

bpfh

Someone isn really trying...

To keep out of Apple’s Good Books! No Press Releases for you!

Long may it last!

On the third day of Windows Microsoft gave to me: A file-munching run of DELTREE

bpfh

Re: Not a good look here.

‘My’ folders were there before XP, certainly.... but not XP and later’s attempt to make it a view in the file system and attempt to hide the real directory path. Their first public attempt to push out a file system as a database...

Apple macOS Mojave: There's goth mode but developers will have to wait for the juicy stuff

bpfh

Re: Piles is a great name

There must be a cream for that...

Rookie almost wipes customer's entire inventory – unbeknownst to sysadmin

bpfh
Mushroom

Been there, done that :(

And wished that the design team who signed off on this would always be served stale beer for ever and ever. Amen.

bpfh

Re: .cobol

"Delete is right above Rename in the bloody menu"

Probably designed by the same person who designed the crontab app then, with the command line options -e to edit and -r to remove immediately without confirmation. Misstype at your peril...

I found this out - to my peril - about 3 seconds before I realised that it was a good idea for a server's crontab to include a daily executed crontab -l > /foo/bar/crontab-backup.txt ...

bpfh

Re: If rm -rf /* doesn't delete anything valuable

It makes the sound of a thousand wailing users marching to the Helldesk office armed with torches and pitchforks...

One Project to rule them all: Microsoft plots end to Project Online while nervous Server looks on

bpfh

I thought was part of Office365...

Oh, Wait, we use Excel to manage our project times where I work...

LIFE, JIM? Comet probot lander found 'ORGANICS' on far-off iceball

bpfh

Re: Panspermia

> the God I know doesn't often smite down blasphemers.

I'll just leave this Python here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucgU2DJlBiw

bpfh

Re: It leaves you wanting more.

Turtles all the way down... It just passes the buck.

Python joins movement to dump 'offensive' master, slave terms

bpfh

Re: @malle-herbert

I find this offensive as it implies a patriarchal notion of the superiority of the male. And what about same sex couples? Maybe my databases and databasettes want to fornic... replicate between themselves in peace and equality... /sarcasm

We've found another problem with IPv6: It's sparked a punch-up between top networks

bpfh

Re: El Reg & IPv6

Too much salt is bad for you. Unless it’s for your hash :)

Windows 0-day pops up out of nowhere Twitter

bpfh

Re: gpo help?

And half a ton of other services that I do have some diffuculty understanding their reason for being, at least on a home PC...

bpfh

Re: Not a problem for me

Won't a torpedo upgrade create a new security hole?

Windows 95 roars once more in the Microsoft round-up

bpfh

Methinks...

That most of my applications will run on NT 4.0... though the lack of built in USB support is a nutache. Cut down Windows 2000 server anyone? 24 meg memory footprint running on a recycled P3 450, adding MySQL, Apache and PHP brought that to 48 meg... and ran part of Kodak France's photo developement tracking systems for more than 2 years. Built and delivered in 2006 on zero budget... I still don't know if I should be proud or ashamed...

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