* Posts by bpfh

404 posts • joined 26 Jan 2011


Time for a cracker joke: What's got one ball and buttons in the wrong place?


And if you are really motivated...

on the old Latitude D610's (IIRC), if you tried very very hard, you could force an ethernet plug into the air vent before calling the helldesk that I needed to check the meeting room network connectivity from our database sales manager...

Windows 10 can carry on slurping even when you're sure you yelled STOP!


Re: Easy Instructions

I followed your instructions but I don’t have a browser on my c drive to download anything after point 3, but I do have a ton of free space now!

Doom at 25: The FPS that wowed players, gummed up servers, and enraged admins


Re: Dear God

It's worth installing, especially now that more modern versions have X and Y axis aiming, and more weapons to put your friendly neighbourhood imps through the meat grinder.

BOFH: State of a job, eh? Roll the Endless Requests for Further Information protocol


Re: Depressingly accurate

Obviously you have not had any recent database normalisation errors recently. Or your management are on the ground floor or have windows that don’t open, even with assistance from the maintenance guy at 9pm along for the promised bottle of whiskey...

Microsoft polishes up Chromium as EdgeHTML peers into the abyss


Re: I'm possibly not alone here.

Probably a great way of bypassing some press website paywalls, as much as they bitch about Google ´stealing’ their content they still want it fully indexable, and some sites forgo content truncation or JavaScript limitations when the googlebot comes a crawln’

Blockchain study finds 0.00% success rate and vendors don't call back when asked for evidence


Re: Blockchain tutorials

A linked tree. Sounds a bit like FAT. You can verify the integrity of the tree... but nothing is stopping you from dropping older segments. They will clearly be corrupt if a scan and calculation of the whole tree is made, but how often would that happen?

Using the anology of the File Allocations Table, you would only find corruption when you accessed the data and found that pointers to the data were missing or invalid... or when you ran chkdsk, which was not a daily occurrence... now on a distributed file several gig long, I don’t see a sanity check of the entire chain happening on a regular basis either, or have I missed something?


Re: So no buyers...

Raspberry flavoured ?

I’ll get my coat...

Support whizz 'fixes' screeching laptop with a single click... by closing 'malware-y' browser tab


Great thing having backups on a central greppable server with everything backed up to a multi tape loader.

Mines the one with Dial B for Bastard paperback and a neodymium magnet in the pocket.

Microsoft slips ads into Windows 10 Mail client – then U-turns so hard, it warps fabric of reality


Re: Why would anyone tolerate this?

If you have your own mail server, post process the maildir, find to get all files in the last x minutes, grep and awk, pull the from domain, Whois (yep it still works), get registration date and sed the header to add [SPAM], then let your grep “[SPAM]” * | cages mv /foo/bar/user/maildir/cur/spam or somthing of that ilk...

Where to implant my employee microchip? I have the ideal location


Re: Poor Reliability.. better idea

<vincentprice> Woe to you, oh Earth and Sea...</vincentprice>


Re: Poor Reliability.. better idea

Apparently not. I was always surprised to see new crew every week. Just like Star Trek though those guys generally wore red shirts and were never seen again...

Junior dev decides to clear space for brewing boss, doesn't know what 'LDF' is, sooo...


Re: Coincidentally...

Reminds me of an old BOFH teaching students about the Remark function... it’s a brilliant compression utility...


By Thor, has it been 18 years already?

Data flows post-Brexit: 'Leave it to government to make sure you've got a smooth run in.' Er, OK


Spelling mistake?

“Brexitary Dominic Raab bullish”

You misspelled “bullsh*t”. Should I send a correction request ?

Clunk, bang, rattle: Is that a ghost inside your machine?


Re: Given the toxicity of the toner powder, Mike called an ambulance forthwith.

I think I have told this story before. Working for IBM, one of the big laser printers installed in the office had a big hopper of toner - like an a3 width Tupperware box with probably a pound of toner in it that you had to remove, take the new one, peel the alu foil off the top exposing the Black Death, and replace in the printer. It’s all fun and games until one of the Printing System Division techs walked back to the support office in blackface and black shirt after sneezing into the hopper mid replace... The director’s secretary was none too pleased about the impromptu printing room redecoration either.

Yes, Americans, you can break anti-piracy DRM if you want to repair some of your kit – US govt


Re: "unique screw head types and gluing or soldering components"

It’s just difficult in getting 200 million valves in a square centimeter of space... I’ll get my coat. It’s the one on the sideboard sized radio. Gerrof my lawn you young whippersnappers.

The best way to screw the competition? Do what they can't, in a fraction of the time


Re: Screwing over the competition

Pula mea :)


Re: Nah.

That’s what she said...

Microsoft promises a fix for Windows 10 zip file woes. In November


Re: Windows Search

On my personal setup, exclude C:\ from the search tree, then deactivate all services (the exclusion is hoping that it remembers the settings when some update happily reactivates the sodding thing again.

Once that is sorted, install Agent Ransack. Only runs when I want and has a logical search interface, looks in every file in a directory and subfolders if I request, no more telling windows to search for *.* containing whereDidMyFunctionGo à la windows 95, only to find windows search won’t find it because .php is not linked to a recognised windows app extension without hitting the registry...

SQLite creator crucified after code of conduct warns devs to love God, and not kill, commit adultery, steal, curse...


I thought the golden rule was « he who has the gold, makes the rules »

I’ll get my coat. It’s the one with the magic lamp in the pocket.


Re: Seriously though

I see what you did there. Stop playing with your CoC...


Re: Logical Conundrum.

Who said anything about sleeping?!!


Re: I have a code of conduct

Then the best defence is a bloody good offence. FS. :)

Intel's commitment to making its stuff secure is called into question


Re: Speed

Like the Cobra and the Viper?

On the seventh anniversary of Steve Jobs' death, we give you 7 times he served humanity and acted as an example to others


Someone isn really trying...

To keep out of Apple’s Good Books! No Press Releases for you!

Long may it last!

On the third day of Windows Microsoft gave to me: A file-munching run of DELTREE


Re: Not a good look here.

‘My’ folders were there before XP, certainly.... but not XP and later’s attempt to make it a view in the file system and attempt to hide the real directory path. Their first public attempt to push out a file system as a database...

Apple macOS Mojave: There's goth mode but developers will have to wait for the juicy stuff


Re: Piles is a great name

There must be a cream for that...

Rookie almost wipes customer's entire inventory – unbeknownst to sysadmin


Been there, done that :(

And wished that the design team who signed off on this would always be served stale beer for ever and ever. Amen.


Re: .cobol

"Delete is right above Rename in the bloody menu"

Probably designed by the same person who designed the crontab app then, with the command line options -e to edit and -r to remove immediately without confirmation. Misstype at your peril...

I found this out - to my peril - about 3 seconds before I realised that it was a good idea for a server's crontab to include a daily executed crontab -l > /foo/bar/crontab-backup.txt ...


Re: If rm -rf /* doesn't delete anything valuable

It makes the sound of a thousand wailing users marching to the Helldesk office armed with torches and pitchforks...

One Project to rule them all: Microsoft plots end to Project Online while nervous Server looks on


I thought was part of Office365...

Oh, Wait, we use Excel to manage our project times where I work...

LIFE, JIM? Comet probot lander found 'ORGANICS' on far-off iceball


Re: Panspermia

> the God I know doesn't often smite down blasphemers.

I'll just leave this Python here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucgU2DJlBiw


Re: It leaves you wanting more.

Turtles all the way down... It just passes the buck.

Python joins movement to dump 'offensive' master, slave terms


Re: @malle-herbert

I find this offensive as it implies a patriarchal notion of the superiority of the male. And what about same sex couples? Maybe my databases and databasettes want to fornic... replicate between themselves in peace and equality... /sarcasm

We've found another problem with IPv6: It's sparked a punch-up between top networks


Re: El Reg & IPv6

Too much salt is bad for you. Unless it’s for your hash :)

Windows 0-day pops up out of nowhere Twitter


Re: gpo help?

And half a ton of other services that I do have some diffuculty understanding their reason for being, at least on a home PC...


Re: Not a problem for me

Won't a torpedo upgrade create a new security hole?

Windows 95 roars once more in the Microsoft round-up



That most of my applications will run on NT 4.0... though the lack of built in USB support is a nutache. Cut down Windows 2000 server anyone? 24 meg memory footprint running on a recycled P3 450, adding MySQL, Apache and PHP brought that to 48 meg... and ran part of Kodak France's photo developement tracking systems for more than 2 years. Built and delivered in 2006 on zero budget... I still don't know if I should be proud or ashamed...

Tax the tech giants and ISPs until the bits squeak – Corbyn


Re: Boo Hoo

So did the inhabitants of our colonies in 1789 :p

Winner, Winner, prison dinner: Five years in the clink for NSA leaker


Re: I find it hard to credit the 'printer dots' with her indictment/conviction

Maybe, but a group who is set up to publish confidential info did not seem to take any basic security checks or even ocr/retype (preferably retype), correct and then copy paste to and from notepad to disguise the data they have to take a long hard look at themselves...

I believe that about 20 years ago Tom Clancy mentionned à system where subtle changes would be made to a document to enable source text identification... and that was a fiction novel. After everything Snowden leaked, nobody thought of any abstraction of the source documents before posting it back to the same bloody agency that it escaped from? The mind boggles...

Super-mugs: Hackers claim to have snatched 20k customer records from Brit biz Superdrug


Re: Financial details?

So they can send you a happy birthday mail and a 5% off voucher (valid for any purchase in the next 26 hours over 150 quid or somthing like that...)

London's Gatwick Airport flies back to the future as screens fail


Re: "no redundancy in the internet link"

So Gatwick generates the raw departures/arrivals data, posts that data to somebody else’s computer, then the screens pull that back to Gatwick. And it only uses 3 megabits...

So 2 questions:

0. Did they really need Somebody Else’s Computer to do this (especially if the computers that run this are still there, but now offsite - out of sight out of mind?)

1. 3 megabits... cut fibre... nobody thought of setting their mobile phone into WiFi hotspot mode - or dare I say it, backup 3/4G router ? Or is mobile internet that crap there?

Now you can tell someone to literally go f--k themselves over the internet: Remote-control mock-cock patent dies



Simple Massage Transfer Protocol...




Header: (´intensity’:’11´;´duration’:´1800´;’livestream’:´true’)


250 Massage accepted for delivery

ZX Spectrum reboot scandal biz gets £35k legal costs delayed


dura lex sed lex and caveat emptor

becoming a “director” and being a company director named and registered with Company House are 2 different things. Me wonders if some people may have been a bit economical with the truth when handing out random directorships - and diluting overall responsibility - or even if they were aware of the sort of director they were becoming ?

Google shaves half a gig off Android Poundland Edition


Same question about windows 7...8....10...


Re: Old Linux ?

486 DX2 66 with 4 meg ram, running OS/2 Warp 3 presentation manager, and running Word 6 in its integrated Windows 3.1 interface. And running what could be called “virtualised” today an ms-dos 1.1 image in a command shell. And MS-DOS 6.11 image in another command shell, and a Slackware image in a 3rd image in a command shell, though it did end up pulling a trap D when trying to boot a QNX image into the OS2 presentation manager...

Click this link and you can get The Register banned in China


Rump steak?

Unbreakable smart lock devastated to discover screwdrivers exist


Re: Yeah - but if I am a "common criminal" I'll definitely find another non-indiegogo to pawn

AETP rather than PETA - Animals Eating Tasty People...

♫ The Core i9 clock cycles go up. Who cares where they come down?


Re: unless I am wrong

You can’t afford the Apple tax.



Re: The song the headline refers to...

Vonce ze rockets goes up who cares vhere zey komm down. Zat’s not my Department...

Fukushima reactors lend exotic nuclear finish to California's wines


Unfortunately too much for my tastes


Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2018