* Posts by J. R. Hartley

649 posts • joined 23 Jan 2011

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When Samsung reveals the S9 at MWC, at least try to act surprised

J. R. Hartley
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Arse

Nokia is the Sevco of the mobile world.

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NHS deploys Microsoft threat detection service on just 30,000 devices

J. R. Hartley
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I wonder will it neutralise the threat posed by Jeremy Cunt?

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'WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ON?' Linus Torvalds explodes at Intel spinning Spectre fix as a security feature

J. R. Hartley
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Re: The bug is better than the buggy fix !!!

Windows 10 is the real vulnerability in your system.

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Unlocked: The hidden love note on the grave of America's first crypto power-couple

J. R. Hartley
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Re: Seems to me that a letter to the editor of ...

Would you like an ice-cream, Doc?

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Yay, it's power play day: Conaway prays USA says 'no way' to Huawei

J. R. Hartley
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Re: Huawai killed Marconi

Simpson? Not a chance. Look at the fantastic job he did with Rover.

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J. R. Hartley
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Huawai killed Marconi

Slap it up em.

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Now Meltdown patches are making industrial control systems lurch

J. R. Hartley
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A third?!

Fucking hell.

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Meltdown/Spectre fixes made AWS CPUs cry, says SolarWinds

J. R. Hartley
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Great Scott

This is heavy.

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Infamous Silicon Valley 'sex party' exactly as exciting as it sounds

J. R. Hartley
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Fast RAM

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OnePlus Android mobes' clipboard app caught phoning home to China

J. R. Hartley
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I'm not even mad

That's impressive.

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Q: How do you get YouTube to stop funneling ads to your vids? A: Make jokes next to a dead body

J. R. Hartley
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What an utter utter fucking idiot.

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You. Apple. Get in here and explain these iOS slowdowns and batteries – US, French govt reps

J. R. Hartley
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Mr. Apple

It's not looking good, is it.

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Kernel-memory-leaking Intel processor design flaw forces Linux, Windows redesign

J. R. Hartley
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Re: Hmmm...

Fuc

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To Puerto Ricans: A Register apology

J. R. Hartley
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*maths.

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That was fast... unlike old iPhones: Apple sued for slowing down mobes

J. R. Hartley
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Re: "To provide a better experience to customers"

Right in the gulliver.

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Yes, your old iPhone is slowing down: iOS hits brakes on CPUs as batteries wear out

J. R. Hartley
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Re: Apple acknowledged the situation in an email to The Register

"they are all modelled on what Commodore has done."

There, fixed that for you.

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J. R. Hartley
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Re: Apple acknowledged the situation in an email to The Register

Fucking hell, Apple really are scum.

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Hot chips crashed servers, but were still delicious

J. R. Hartley
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That old chestnut.

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One more credit insurer abandons Maplin Electronics

J. R. Hartley
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Re: Last of it's kind?

False. The component you need is not in stock.

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Coventry: Once a 'Ghost Town', soon to be UK City of Culture

J. R. Hartley
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*Derry

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Someone tell Thorpe Lane in Suffolk their internet sucks – they're still loading the page

J. R. Hartley
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Re: Progress?

1200 down? Luxury.

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Nokia 8: As pure as the driven Android - it's a classy return

J. R. Hartley
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Nokia doesn't exist. They're the Sevco of the telecommunications world.

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J. R. Hartley
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S80?

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Munich council finds €49.3m for Windows 10 embrace

J. R. Hartley
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Re: Keep politicians away from IT decisions

What's all this shouting? We'll have no trouble here!

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Arm Inside: Is Apple ready for the next big switch?

J. R. Hartley
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Acorn, we hardly knew ye :'(

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OnePlus 5 x T + five short months = Some p*ssed off fanboys

J. R. Hartley
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Re: @Dave 126

Dave, Samsung USB chargers are actually very smart, they put out 9v to compatible phones, they charge very fast over the Belkin 5m USB cables I use. Check the power rating on the adapter to see what I mean.

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J. R. Hartley
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Or simply buy a pack of 10 adapters off eBay for 2 quid, like what I done.

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J. R. Hartley
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Meh.

It's shite.

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BT plots to slash pension benefits for 32,000 staff

J. R. Hartley
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Re: bollocks

Welcome to Thatcher's Britain.

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Brace yourselves, fanboys. Winter is coming. And the iPhone X can't handle the cold

J. R. Hartley
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Oh dear

And I had read that Foxconn had really made a decent iPhone this time too. Ah well. The Apple Reality Distortion Field will prevent this from becoming an issue.

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Facebook's send-us-your-nudes service is coming to UK, America

J. R. Hartley
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Re: Why...

Are Facebook hiring? They're not a bad company after all.

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Seldom used 'i' mangled by baffling autocorrect bug in Apple's iOS 11

J. R. Hartley
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As an Apple user I believe that i is an overrated letter anyway. No need for it. Excellent work, Apple.

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OK, we admit it. Under the hood, the iPhone X is a feat of engineering

J. R. Hartley
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Re: Hell froze over

Bravo to the fruity Foxconn rebranders.

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Flagging outsourcing biz and sports rights weigh down BT profits by 4%

J. R. Hartley
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Re: Love it...

450m for 10Mb broadband is a bit steep.

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If you say it loud enough, Uber will sound atrocious: Super Cali juristic discrimination process

J. R. Hartley
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Evil

Uber are giving Google a run for their money, if you'll excuse the pun.

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Sick burn, yo: Google's latest Pixel 2 XL suffers old-skool screen singe

J. R. Hartley
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My S8 is the same. I use it as a satnav for most of the day. The Google Maps icons and the black bar at the bottom are visible on Landscape mode. Thought the screen was damaged for ages before I realised what had happened.

Never had this on any phone before.

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Malware hidden in vid app is so nasty, victims should wipe their Macs

J. R. Hartley
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Re: Macs and PCs aren't so very different

As a famous Commodore engineer once said: There's nothing nasty about Bill Gates, and there's nothing nice about Steve Jobs.

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J. R. Hartley
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Re: Macs and PCs aren't so very different

I don't know that.

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Have you heard the one about IoT network tech that uses SIM cards?

J. R. Hartley
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Re: Eh?

Shirley the point is that sending USSD messages is free, but SMS isn't? (At least without a contract)

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What the fdisk? Storage Spaces Direct just vanished from Windows Server in version 1709

J. R. Hartley
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Hmmm...

What's their angle here?

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FCC Commissioner blasts new TV standard as a 'household tax'

J. R. Hartley
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Re: DVB-T2

Don't we use DVB-S2 for sat in the UK though?

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Software update turned my display and mouse upside-down, says user

J. R. Hartley
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Re: It's always the same, isn't it?

They invented gayness.

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Super Cali's futuristic robo-cars in focus – even though watchdogs say they're something quite atrocious

J. R. Hartley
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Re: never mind the content, brilliant headline!

My only concern is that it would flow better if it was 'the watchdogs' instead of just 'watchdogs'. I won't let this spoil my enjoyment of the aforementioned headline though.

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J. R. Hartley
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Re: never mind the content, brilliant headline!

It's one of the best versions of this. Excellent work. Congratulations to everyone involved.

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'Israel hacked Kaspersky and caught Russian spies using AV tool to harvest NSA exploits'

J. R. Hartley
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'Israel in illegal terrorist state that needs to get the fuck out of Palestine shocker'

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J. R. Hartley
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'Israel in being scumbags shocker'

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Equifax: About those 400,000 UK records we lost? It's now 15.2M. Yes, M for MEELLLION

J. R. Hartley
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Easy

Simply fine them £20000 for every persons data they leak.

That'll tighten the bastards.

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Dumb bug of the week: Apple's macOS reveals your encrypted drive's password in the hint box

J. R. Hartley
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Re: That's what you get

Aaahahaaaaahaaha.

Long live the Apple Reality Distortion Field.

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Roku tweaks Apple's nose with telly-friendly vid-streaming boxes

J. R. Hartley
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Re: Murdoch

Try buying a Roku 4 in the UK.

Fucking idiots.

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Nothing matters any more... Now hapless Equifax bags $7.5m IT contract with US taxmen

J. R. Hartley
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Alternative facts.

Alternative tenders.

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