* Posts by caffeine addict

584 posts • joined 6 Jun 2007

Page:

Your phone may be able to clean up snaps – but our AI is much better at touching up, say boffins

caffeine addict
Silver badge

For the love of god, don't let an AI "learn" about grumble flicks. It'll lock itself in a room and start creating artefacts of its own...

4
0
caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: Huh

That was exactly my first thought. If they can remove text that's obliterating an image (interesting to know how they guess what should be underneath) then removing a subtle semi-transparent watermark should be simple.

But... how does it know what is text "noise"? If you feed it a street scene, will it go and rip the names off all the shop signs?

1
0

Leatherbound analogue password manager: For the hipster who doesn't mind losing everything

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Companies should give them out to their users. Anyone found to have used it for the intended purposes just fired from a canon.

Similar (ish) recent job I had here.

PM : The website for users to access HR. Add a button to print the page.

Me : But... why? The browser does that.

PM : Not all users will know that.

Me : Okay. So what about if I make it so that everyone who presses that button has their contact details forwarded to HR for not being able to use a web browser?

PM : No.

22
0

Jimmy Hill feted in Shoreditch

caffeine addict
Silver badge

200sq ft is "enormous"?

10ft x 20ft.

Apparently the estate agent was right when they called our front garden "enormous"...

9
0
caffeine addict
Silver badge

Agreed. Shame about whoever the other one is supposed to be though...

4
0

Atari accuses El Reg of professional trolling and making stuff up. Welp, here's the interview tape for you to decide...

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: ATARI is like NOKIA, some chinese guy bought the company name

That's a tad unfair to Nokia. Basically all phones come out of China nowadays. Sure, it's not a 3210 indistructaphone, but the "N" series phones don't pretend to be. They're half decent specced phones in a milled aluminium shell that's more deserving of the Nokia name than any of the MS devices were. The name has been licensed by a company trying to make good from it.

Atari is a different matter. The name gets slapped on pretty much anything regardless of quality by whoever owns it this week. Similar can be said of the Commodore devices that appear every now and then.

67
2

Developer’s code worked, but not in the right century

caffeine addict
Silver badge

They've started to censor "Head" from Lou Reed's 'Take A Walk On The Wild Side' on the radio.

Absolute Radio, by some chance?

Yeah, the line "But she never lost her head, even while giving ____" shows how stupid censoring one word is. They'd probably say "it's the meaning, not the word", but if so why have I recently heard them play the lyrics "will she go down on you in a theatre" and "she can only come when she's on top"?

Censorship is sh*t.

9
0

Office 365 celebrates National Beer Day by popping out for a pint

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: Remember the good old days?

Try being around in the mid-90s when ads in computer magazines were offering CDs with the entire contents of the Internet on them :)

It was great that they gave them away free every month, but needing a new one every month was a bit wasteful.

1
0
caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: We're all good!

I prefer fake matey-ness to the bane of my life "Windows has recovered from an unexpected shutdown".

No, you fecking didn't. Nothing has been "recovered". You shit the bed, threw the sheets out the window, and are now sitting on a soiled mattress boasting about how everything's under control.

14
0

BOFH: Got that syncing feeling, hm? I've looked at your computer and the Outlook isn't great

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Off topic

On that Union Carbide link, there's a picture of a young girl with hearing issues (#24 maybe?).

Never occurred to me that Indians could have blue eyes. That kid's eyes fecking bore into you. I feel personally responsible for the disaster despite being 8 at the time. And in the UK. And she's smiling. Christ know what would happen if she's angry. Some kind of X-men kind of thing, I assume.

13
0

Da rude sand storm seizes the Opportunity, threatens to KO rover

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: God speed little robot

Failing that, I assume the solar panels can adjust to get maximum light, so why couldn't they have been designed to clamshell shut, turn upside down, or vibrate slightly?

( Anyone else suddenly thinking of a rover doing jazz-hands with its panels? )

11
0

Tesla undecimates its workforce but Elon insists everything's absolutely fine

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: Undecimate?

Listen well, my fellow commentards...

Just because something is in the dictionary, doesn't make it "correct" or "acceptable".

All English dictionaries (unless someone knows otherwise) as descriptive not prescriptive. They list English words as what she is spoke in common usage, not what a word actually "means" according to history, word structure, or pedantry.

If enough people used the word "government" to describe the act of monkeys flinging poo at each other, the dictionary would (eventually) pick it up. If enough people describe a gigabyte as a thousand megabytes, the dictionary will reflect it. If enough people take a billion to mean a thousand million instead of a million million (as it always was when I was a kid) then the dictionary reflects it.

The fact that the dictionary lists logically incorrect definitions for unique, decimate and literally doesn't mean they are right... just common

3
0

Don’t talk to the ATM, young man, it’s just a machine and there’s nobody inside

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: Hi Vis...

... especially effective if a suit and tie is visible underneath

And you have a clipboard with some official-looking papers.

In the late 70s/early 80s my dad was a buildings surveyor for a largish London firm with buildings over looking the Thames in an expensive bit of town. He'd get sent off to a condemned squat one day and Heathrow the the next.

On one trip to Heathrow, armed with a clipboard and a dictaphone, he found that if he walked up to a door making notes people would go out of their way to let him through. No security checks, just let him through. Apparently it was all fun and games until he found himself airside with no way to get back in to the terminal without a lot of explaining.

Fast forward 20 years and he was running an odd-job type of building firm and got the job of fixing some lighting at a car hire concession at Stanstead. With arrogance typical of the trade, he rocked up, stopped his car on double yellows with hazard lights on, and went off to work. Thirty minutes later he returned to his frankly fucked Ford Capri abandoned in the drop off point guarded by a pair of very unamused armed policemen.

15
0

Did you test that? No, I thought you tested it. Now customers have it and it doesn't work

caffeine addict
Silver badge

My father used to tell the story of doing this in a science class (back in the days that teachers were coal powered and electricity hadn't been invented yet). Went to tidy up the bunsen/tripod/gauze combo. Apparently your can hold a suitably hot gauze for a surprisingly long time before the remaining nerves kick in and tell you to drop the thing. And, yes, cooking pork.

14
0

BCC is hard, OK? Quite a lot of orgs blurted your email addresses in GDPR mailouts

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: rather than "BCC is hard"...

It's always sticky when your brain replaces one word with your mother because it looks right with out context.

11
0

Ongoing game of Galileo chicken goes up a notch as the UK talks refunds

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: So sad we are leaving

I'd love to know why people downvoted my last comment. The German bank profit is a matter of fact.

Was it purely because I expressed a non-xenophobic, non-Daily Mail reason that I voted out? Or just because I voted out at all?

8
2
caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: So sad we are leaving

Lets not forget that Die Welt claimed German banks made more than $1bn profit from the Greek financial crisis.

That was one of the reasons I voted to leave - the EU pulls countries in, demands they join the Euro when they're financially shot, lets the Euro and French/German banks screw them over, then lets those same banks make a massive profit from the misery they caused. I don't see how that's can be considered an ethical organisation.

8
5
caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: It'll be worth it

Thanks anon coward - I was starting to think I was the only one who could read.

6
3
caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: It'll be worth it

Urg... I don't get why that myth persists.

If your other half said "we spend £100 a week down the pub. Let's go on a nice holiday instead" few people would assume that to mean exactly £5200 for a better holiday.

16
17
caffeine addict
Silver badge

Except that one hexagon of the leather (and the rubber beneath it) does belong to the UK.

The UK would quite like to either have someone pay for it's bit of the ball, or to have access rights to use the ball in the future. Oh, and it currently owns the jumpers (Falklands/Ascension) that make up one of the goal posts that the EU would like to keep using.

Your joke doesn't work so well any more, does it?

[ In this case, I mean. In general the Brexit response has been pretty close to what you wrote. :/ ]

64
9

London's Met Police: We won't use facial recognition at Notting Hill Carnival

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Considering how facial recognition software often can't even *see* black faces, let alone identify them, it sounds like the perfect training ground, false positives be damned.

It's acting on that information in any way other than a friendly "Hi, we're testing this software and it thinks you are Mr Person - would you be willing to show us ID to prove one way or the other?" that's problematic.

3
0

What's up with that ZX Spectrum reboot? Still no console

caffeine addict
Silver badge

I get why this is annoying, and I assume that ElReg's constant exposure makes them squirm a little, but I'm always surprised to see this story reappear.

It's a small company and a fairly small fraud. In general terms, not desperately newsworthy.

I assume one of our beloved hacks bought a dozen of them... :)

1
48

Off with e's head: E-cig explosion causes first vaping death

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: Here we go again

Mech mods are dangerous, even for experienced users.

I've been vaping for a couple of years (Innokin and Alien mod) but never heard of Mech Mods.

Looking at them, they sound like a perfect way to destroy your batteries, coils, lungs and (according to this news) brain. Who the hell though they were a good idea? I'm surprised they're legal even.

7
1

Agile development exposed as techie superstition

caffeine addict
Silver badge

{blockquote}Engineers aren't allowed to know with management method they're using...{blockquote}

I've worked in several places like that...

As a general rule, most of the places I've worked claim to be agile but they're actually waterfall with dev pushing back on things that make no sense or we don't don't want to do. Which probably means it looks a bit like agile from the outside.

15
0

UK's Royal Navy buys £13m mine-blasting robot boat

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: Qatari gas

If you look at the comment that proceeds yours, I think you'll find it obvious that I did.

Just not soon enough.

0
0
caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: Qatari gas

Well, I'm an idiot who doesn't think to check a map before he opens his pie hole...

10
0
caffeine addict
Silver badge

Qatari gas

Erm... wouldn't shipping from Qatar go north and through the Suez canal instead of going south, through the strait, past those naughty Somalians, and all the way round Africa?

0
4
caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: A Deeper Look into the Wishing Well ..... and your Future Part in IT

I thought he had vanished from the site. Is he getting moderated away, or have I just been even more unobservant than usual?

1
0

You have GNU sense of humor! Glibc abortion 'joke' diff tiff leaves Richard Stallman miffed

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Oh, come on. It's hardly laugh out loud funny, but it is worthy of a slight smile.

42
3

Commodore 64 owners rejoice: The 1541 is BACK

caffeine addict
Silver badge

I had a 1541 that worked like a dream for 15 years until it was finally put out to pasture, elderly but still happily chugging along. I couldn't get a damned tape drive to work for more than a day.

My tiny heart broke when Commodore Disk User magazine folded.

2
0

Reg man straps on Facebook's new VR goggles, feels sullied by the experience

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: Wait, are we sure we aren't already here?

People still read UserFriendly?

*checks date*

Oh. Never mind...

2
0
caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: Not VR

I'd modify that slightly...

It's like vowing to never buy an Audi R8 because you once went in a Audi R3 and the dealer promised you it was the most fun you could have in a car but at the fraction of the price.

The point is that in both markets, the expensive option is great, but the marketing droids can't bring themselves to describe the cheaper version in any less superlative terms.

6
0

Patch Drupal now: Yet another critical website bug found – a sequel to 'Drupalgeddon2'

caffeine addict
Silver badge

I've worked with many frameworks and various (.*) management systems in my twenty-ish years in this field, and nothing has filled me with dread like working on a Drupal system.

As far as I can see, the only people who like Drupal are the people who build sites in it, then keep getting called back as contractors because no-one can work out what the hell they've done or how to maintain it themselves. It's the only system I've met so far that has made me quit a job or refuse a job offer. And I have next to no standards. ;)

5
0

Bungling cops try to use dead chap's fingers to unlock his smartmobe

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: Animation

Don't iPhones want you to blink? It's all about the iLids.

11
0

France building encrypted messaging app for politicians

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: |matrix| ?

That's hard to say, because unfortunately noone can tell you what the matrix is.

Oh! Oh! Me, sir! Me! I know what the Matrix is! It isn't a spoon, sir! *looks smugly at colleagues planning to beat me up at playtime the pub in the carpark*

4
0

Google accidentally reveals new swipe-happy Android UI

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: To be honest

Every now and then I'm forced to use an iPad at work, and I must look like a fecking chimp - randomly flapping my hand across it with varying numbers of fingers, muttering "I'm sure this worked", staring at it, licking it, biting it, then finally flinging my poo at it.

33
1
caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: ..amazingly, one-quarter ... continues to run a version... released in 2014.

The only contact you're aware of it has with the outside world is:

FTFY.

I've not kept up to date with Android Mobile, but the last few years have been littered with places where some researcher somewhere finds out that if he overinflates the tyres to 200psi to overload the anti-burst sensors, he can tap morse code onto the command line of the car's OS with the door handle; or that if he triggers the alarm at EXACTLY 01:03 then the car will listen for instructions from the Lincolnshire Poacher numbers station.

Wasn't there one a while back where you could override the braking system using the CD player because the CD Player was connected to the CANBUS?

6
0

Penis pothole protester: Cambridge's 'Wanksy' art shows feted

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: Hills Road

The entire city is a mess. Madingley Road is a traffic hazard.

Maybe the govt should give the whole lot to highways and take the relevant chunk of money from the local council.

4
0
caffeine addict
Silver badge

Whoa now...

That's Haverhill with it's porksword painter, not Cambridge. Don't go tarring us with that brush. ;)

2
0

T-Mobile Austria stores passwords as plain text, Outlook gets message crypto, and more

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Wait, what?

Do you have a cite for that, because that's f*cked up.

2
0

Mind the gap: Men paid 18.6% more than women in Blighty tech sector

caffeine addict
Silver badge

It's largely pointless, but for tech it could be actively harmful.

Imagine for a moment that 95% of tech was male 10 years ago and that women were broadly paid the same as men.

Something changes and more women start coming in to tech. The mean and median wage gap is going to stretch massively as there's a lot of young low paid women (although paid the same as their male colleagues) compared to high paid women.

Wage gap expands, girls are put off from joining the sector, overall we've failed...

11
3

'Every little helps'... unless you want email: Tesco to kill free service

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Really?

Sorry - is no-one going to mention the fact that the header image for this article is in Sainsbury's?

2
0

What the @#$%&!? Microsoft bans nudity, swearing in Skype, emails, Office 365 docs

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

Sir - you appear to have a hole in your pocket...

2
0
caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

We have this fun about once a year at work when they try to add a "badwords" list to one of our products.

Each time I argue that a long list of them are perfectly valid non-"bad" words, like slag, shag, bitch, or words that are useful for reporting bad behavior, like porn.

I then argue that "salad tossing" should be added to the bad list. And since Absolute Radio censor Lou Reed, I'm going to start arguing that "head" should be added. :D

8
0

El Reg deep dive: Everything you need to know about UK.gov's pr0n block

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: Cybergumble

Didn't everything have "binaries" in the name too?

Christ - it's got to be 20 years since I've used usenet regularly. It was about 1998 when alt.fan.pratchett got too big to read completely. By 2000 my now other-half was using usenet but didn't realise it because it was under the banner Google Groups rather than a news panel in her mail client of choice.

(Actually, Google Groups was 2001 so she was probably using DejaNews for the first year I knew her)

4
0

Hip hop-eration: Hopless Franken-beer will bring you hoppiness

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: Whatever next?

I believe the traditional response now would end with "your mum".

17
0

UK's London Gatwick Airport boasts of driverless vehicle trial

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Re: Eliminate any pedestrian humans

We already eliminate any pedestrian humans from the taxiways by having big jet engines to Hoover them up

Unless there's a MASSIVE bag I've not seen, shirley this should be a certain brand of bagless vacuum cleaner...

0
0

FYI: There's a cop tool called GrayKey that force unlocks iPhones. Let's hope it doesn't fall into the wrong hands!

caffeine addict
Silver badge
WTF?

Re: Woah! Some much tin foil, so many hats.....

this is a site for IT professionals.

Professionals? Really? Have you seen some of this lot? And I include myself in that...

9
0

Maplin shutdown sale prices still HIGHER than rivals

caffeine addict
Silver badge

Hands up, everyone who is surprised the prices are still too high?

No-one?

( Although, to be fair, comparing maplin prices to ebay is unfair. One gives you absolutely zero ongoing customer support or legal backup. And the other is ebay. )

175
2

Age checks for UK pr0n site visitors on ice as regulator cobbles together some guidance

caffeine addict
Silver badge

If a site doesn't comply, presumably the government will add the URL to the naughty list along side the pirate bay. An action countered by thousands of proxies appearing overnight and people who wanted to do naughty things using a VPN to grab the magnet link.

I wonder if anyone has any stats on how the number of torrent download bytes per month changed after TPB was "closed" to the UK...

I'd guess it make basically feck all difference. Same as these stupid laws will. I expect the LGBTQ+ community to explode if Tumblr goes behind an AVS wall. Wordpress and Blogger the same.

16
0

Page:

Forums

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2018