* Posts by Andy The Hat

669 posts • joined 21 Oct 2010

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France to lend Brexit Britain sore souvenir of Norman yoke – the Bayeux Tapestry

Andy The Hat
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Dear Engleesh types

Please look carefully at this tapestry - it celebrates how we beat the crap out of you last time ...

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What do voters want? An IRL Maybot? Sure, give that a whirl

Andy The Hat
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Q> Explain Brexit ...

A> In the post Maastricht European-republic it is known as a 'syntax error', "what?", "FIIK" or "doh!". It is a situation where a few people earning lots of money and wielding almost autocratic levels of political power force many adminitsrators to work massively hard with the aim of looking as if they are performing the will of the people, whilst at the same time preserving or increasing the income levels and power of the autocracy.

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WikiLeave? Assange tipped for Ecuadorian eviction

Andy The Hat
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Time for a chat ...

Talk to the UK judiciary, agree that on 'his' release they'll decide that, since charges are no longer pending, the original arrest warrant is no longer valid thus the 'jumping bail' condition is equally invalid. Job done.

Walks out a free man until he's involved in a fatal car accident ...

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Mystery surrounds fate of secret satellite slung by SpaceX

Andy The Hat
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Re: Probably the work of SPECTRE

I had one of those - the battery died after about a week so it was taken back for a refund.

Just imagine the havoc if everyone with an Apple watch did the same thing!

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Proposed Brit law to ban b**tards brandishing bots to bulk-buy tickets

Andy The Hat
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Could someone explain ...

what this has to do with the Government?

The tickets are initially sold in a legal 'system' devised by the sellers/promoters.

If there are people reselling goods after that so what?

If there are people legally making a business out of reselling so what?

The issue is with the 'system' that the sellers and promoters choose to use and nothing to do with the Government.

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Brazil says it has bagged Royal Navy flagship HMS Ocean for £84m

Andy The Hat
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Re: Whats in a name

'HMS Chazzer' would be more in keeping with modern culture ...

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Yes, your old iPhone is slowing down: iOS hits brakes on CPUs as batteries wear out

Andy The Hat
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Is everyone here missing the point?

There are two reasons for Apple's actions:

1) The are trying to help 'their lovely consumers' who have poor battery life devices ... or

2) They are throttling older devices deliberately to drive 'their lovely consumers' back to the Apple store to buy a "look how much faster it is" device.

There was no mention in the article that throttling was only on devices identified as having poor battery health therefore (1) is assumed incorrect and (2) is the likely answer.

Sky degraded their analogue transmission quality when the first digital sets came out so they could extol the quality of the new digital hardware (I was into satellite tv transmission and installed (proper) dishes at the time so actually watched it happen!), and Apple appear to be doing a similar thing - slow older devices deliberately to sell newer ones.

I may be cynical but I don't think I'm far wrong.

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TalkTalk banbans TeamTeamviewerviewer againagain

Andy The Hat
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Re: Hmmmm

I dunno, at my age a chocolate Dido would suit me ...

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Virgin Hyperloop pulls up the biggest chair for Branson, bags $50m, new speed record

Andy The Hat
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What's the record?

"Hyperloop also boasted about its latest speed record, which stands at 387kmph"

What's that a record for? A steam train has recorded over 200km/h, bullet trains over 600Km/h, cars (well, a car) is now supersonic and planes are faster still.

Is this simply a maximum speed recorded for a particular Hyperloop test vehicle?

A bit like giving a fastest speed record to a red Fiat Panda with four occupants and a dog whilst driven through Dartford Tunnel in the rush hour with a small flag flying from the rear window ...

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UK good for superfast broadband, crap for FTTP – Ofcom

Andy The Hat
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Re: What will you do with all that bandwidth?

Easy, open my browser and get more annoying adverts wasting bandwidth ...

At present, and for most usage a guaranteed 10Mbps bandwidth would suit me. On occasion for multiple streaming a 30Mbps is nice.

I have absolutely no idea what the rest of a 300Mbps connection would be used for in the retail market - apart from the obvious marketing ploy of 'you really need this to improve our profit margins and it'll only cost oodles of wonga per month'.

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Intel to slap hardware lock on Management Engine code to thwart downgrade attacks

Andy The Hat
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Anti roll back ...

is a good thing ... unless the update goes wrong in which case Intel have killed your system until they decide to release an update with a later version number.

Nothing can possibly go wrong there then.

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Archive of 1.4 billion credentials in clear text found in dark web archive

Andy The Hat
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Re: "The only password phrase to remember is that for Keepass."

Only hypothetical issue is the password/keystroke grabber trojan inserted into the apparently valid download file by some script kiddie. Instead of hitting only one password you can get tens.

The question being, is that a valid scenario for such password vaults?

My password vault was used to contain only memory hints to the passwords as I never knew whether the vault itself was secure or purely an obfuscated pipe to a central server ...

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Shady US sigint base upgrade marred by stolen photograph

Andy The Hat
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Re: Google Wak

... and an ideal subject for any mites from Glut ...

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Andy The Hat
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Re: Google Wak

"...custodietting ..."?

I read that as my ideal snake-oil subject - Custard Dieting. Along with a nice free from something obscure jam roly poly ... new year's health resolution here we come!

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Someone tell Thorpe Lane in Suffolk their internet sucks – they're still loading the page

Andy The Hat
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Call that slow?

For over three years BT have been unable or unwilling to fix the 256/512Kbps (yes, that is the correct way around!) broadband at Seething observatory in Norfolk. We had download speeds of single digit Mbps until BT had a black node issue which 'was fixed', since then all they can tell us is 'the broadband is working". So I hold my head above the parapet with confidence and state that *we* are the slowest "broadband" ... unless someone knows better ...

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Microsoft adds nothing to new Semi-Annual Windows Server preview

Andy The Hat
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Perhaps this is a new development procedure? Instead of releasing new code then having the annoying prospect of users finding bugs, we now have the 'new development methodology' of introducing bugs to existing code to see who can put up with them for the longest ...

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International team takes down virus-spewing Andromeda botnet

Andy The Hat
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Grab your Pitchforks!

Deride ESET - they work with the FBI! State collusion with an AV vendor! It's a short plank to bias, infiltration and other stuff!

Reach for the placards - Down with that sort of thing!

"But ESET were helping the world avoid nasty malware that spied on users, grabbed personal information and sent it back to an undefined c&c server ... so that's ok then ... isn't it Ted?"

"Depends how far west the server is and if it turns out to be NSA state sponsored spyware Dougal ..."

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Ofcom just told BT to up its game on fibre investment

Andy The Hat
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40/2?

I've got (officially) Plusnet 32?/2 FTTC so it's final leg over wet clothes-line between posts but that's just been upgraded to 30/19 ... so 40/2 sounds old hat to me and it's worth checking the offerings.

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Damian Green: Not only my workstation – mystery pr0n all over Parliamentary PCs

Andy The Hat
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Re: So Many Questions

Why should it be any business of the Police what material was on that computer unless it was illegal or material pertaining to the search warrant? There would be no case to report personal or professionally confidential material on that computer unless specifically instructed to by and to the owner of the computer (Leader of the House in this case?)

It's always possible that the images as cached thumbnails were innocent drive-by pickups (used to be a real pig when you got 57 pop-unders, overs and throughs spawning and had to kill the session to stop them) but that would need forensic analysis to determine a deliberate clicking strategy to get to the site rather than an "innocent" click on a 'fraudulent' redirector.

I have no doubt that Green is a smarmy git and guilty of all sorts of stuff (dodgy or otherwise) but in this case it's no longer really any of any public interest, a flagrant breach of data privacy and a flagrant breach of Police etiquette so the copper needs taking down big time - what he's done is verging on political blackmail. (I assume he's not being paid for his story?)

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Want a new HDMI cable? No? Bad luck. You'll need one for HDMI 2.1

Andy The Hat
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cables, schmables ...

My 80 year old neighbour bought a 40" LCD tv. He wanted to connect it to his old, pre HD Sky box so needed a simple scart cable. The store gladly sold him one.The one he had to have because it was HD gubbins, had gold and silver stuff in it, some OFC things stored somewhere and had pirate incantations whispered over it during the extrusion of its super special pvc insulation ... all for only £120.

Of course, the cable was obviously needed as although both my neighbours' eyesight and hearing were bad, the cable significantly improved the salesman's wallet/cash extraction signal and subsequent bank balance viewing experience ...

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Apple embraces El Reg! iOS 11 is now biting the hand that types IT

Andy The Hat
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Another auto correct bug

"I️ just typed “it” and tried going back to fix it but then I️ have to delete the whole word omFg I’m losing it"

It appears this poor user's post had a comma, full stop or possibly a hyphen replaced with the random sequence "omFg". And for good measure had the final full stop erased!

Perhaps iOs is replacing their 'auto-correct' and currently testing a replacement 'auto incorrect' feature?

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SurfaceBook 2 battery drains even when plugged in

Andy The Hat
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To hark back to the broad band story

Did they forget to include the 'up to ...' clause in the marketing :-

The Surface can deliver 'up to' quite a lot of welly. The Surface can deliver 'up to' lots of battery life. Deliverance of welly and battery life are mutually exclusive. Do not use your Surface to develop a particularly taxing power point just before heading off to a meeting to deliver that power point as it will have eaten your battery which can cause 'up to' a lot of bad language and 'up to' significant damage to the Surface as it contacts the wall.

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Mythical broadband speeds to plummet in crackdown on ISP ads

Andy The Hat
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Honest description ...

Instead of potentially allowing them to get away with 'fibre' when it's simply a fibre exchange backbone, perhaps they should be forced to describe the lowest speed component? FTP, FTC, 'high speed' copper, wet string between poles, carrier pigeon, smoke signals ...

That's a question which need an El Reg investigation - which has the greater bandwidth, a carrier pigeon or smoke signals?

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From Vega with love: Pegasus interstellar asteroid's next stop

Andy The Hat
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Humph.

Based on the confirmed accuracy of the long distance imaging of 67/P, the object probably looks like George from Rainbow ...

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Connected and self-driving cars are being sent to Coventry

Andy The Hat
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Re: Coventry just as good...

"Also, there's no such thing as an unavoidable accident between two cars. "

So a high speed blow-out never occurs?

What about hitting one of the mother-of-a-pothole that are appearing with increasing frequency and ripping a wheel off?

What about general mechanical failure?

There *should* be fewer accidents as many driving accidents are avoidable however there's no such thing as unavoidable unless you never take the vehicle out of the drive (even then you can get killed by handbrake failure ... but I suppose that's avoidable by not parking it on a slope?)

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Weekend dealbook: Cavium to Marvell, Toshiba denies ASUS

Andy The Hat
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Is that a typo?

"...with the US$113 helping it to recover..."

US$113? Sounds a good deal to me ... that's assuming the buyer didn't take on $500m in debt too ...

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Car tax evasion has soared since paper discs scrapped

Andy The Hat
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excuses excuses.

The 'demise of the disc' excuse is rubbish. An A4 paper reminder is sent out three weeks before VED expires. One good bit of gov IT is that you can successfully pay what is owed with two minutes online ...

One bad thing is that some of us (yes I am one) have zero rated vehicles - how the hell is that economic? Make everyone pay at least a sensible base fee - say £20 - to cover at least the admin of the system. At present, every zero-rated reminder COSTS the system money.

Otherwise, as someone else said, stuff the entire cost on the fuel (that includes electricity - raise the VAT to say 9% and catch electric bikes too ...) then if you use it you pay it. In addition, if they have to be refueled, foreign registered vehicles also pay ... The advantage to the Government is that the cost of admin falls through the floor and far fewer administrators are required at DVLA and ... oops, just seen the flaw in my argument ...

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Andy The Hat
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Actually as of the last budget they do pay a form of VED now but *all* vehicles, even if zero-rated, need valid VED.

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Crouching cyber Hidden Cobra: US warns Nork hackers are at it again with new software nasty

Andy The Hat
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Can someone explain ...?

"... concentrates on infiltrating networks in India, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Taiwan, and so on."

I'm trying to spot the logical sequence to fit "... and so on".

Countries with an "n" in them (or not), countries on the Asian seaboard (or not), Chinese allied states (or not), Western allied states (or not), countries that don't speak English - cowabunga! A pattern!

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How about that time Russian military used a video game pic as proof of US aiding ISIS?

Andy The Hat
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Re: Yeah, what about them?

Actually, I'm not sure who is fighting who and which are enemies any more ... after all, the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

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Pastry in a manger: We're soz, Greggs man said

Andy The Hat
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Sorry but I can see that substitution with a pork delicacy could be seen as derogatory to those who believe in non-corporeal pig abstainers.

Presumably however, a steak slice would have been fine, or a beef sausage roll, or a pie ... or even some falafels with chilli sauce ...

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Amazon to make multiple Lord of the Rings prequel TV series

Andy The Hat
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"...shoe horn in Legolas..."

My eyes watered as I read that one ...

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Andy The Hat
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Titles ...

The series could be a manufactured journey home, led by an annoying dwarf, encountering new tribes and races (all of which speak amazing English) and having epic battles where nobody of significance gets severely mangled.

It could be called Lord of the Rings - the Voyager Chronicles.

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Firefox 57: Good news? It's nippy. Bad news? It'll also trash your add-ons

Andy The Hat
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Bye bye

For a couple of reasons I can't live without Tabmix, Session Manager or similar. They will not be updated until at least after 57 is released and, if the API doesn't play, never will be.

I loved Opera and used it for years until they crippled it, perhaps it's time to give Vivaldi a try ...

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Metal 3D printing at 100 times the speed and a twentieth of the cost

Andy The Hat
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Not quite sure how the lack of an "expensive laser" for direct sintering during printing (as can be currently done and is being used by NASA for some engine parts) is going to reduce part cost by a factor of 20 when their own marketing example is only a factor of 14 ...

Equally, I'd have to be convinced that a part that potentially needed several hours cooking in a furnace would be 100x quicker to produce than a laser sintered part ...

Be interesting if it can be done but looks a bit like a rehash of 10 year old technology to me.

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Irish priests told to stop bashing bishops

Andy The Hat
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Perhaps there are ways of sorting it out.

Put them all in a massive ladies lingerie department (either interpretation!) with some covert cameras and call it "Big Brothers". Everyone will be too busy laughing to care about anything else!

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US domestic, er, foreign spying bill progresses through Congress

Andy The Hat
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The Land of the Free

The USA should be leading the world in democracy for the electorate, instead it is leading the world in "dictatorship by elected Government". All chant now, "Democracy is dead, long live democracy!"

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NASA reconfirms 2019 will see first launch of Space Launch System

Andy The Hat
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2019?

"the first flight of its Space Launch System and Orion spacecraft in December 2019"

Or possibly much later to be assured that the arse in the White House doesn't still insist on a manned first flight ...

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Intel's super-secret Management Engine firmware now glimpsed, fingered via USB

Andy The Hat
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Tanenbaum?

Haven't heard that name in years, nice to know he's still going. "Computer Networks" was *the* book I wanted but couldn't afford when I was at university in 1984!

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Lord of the Rings TV show shopped around Hollywood

Andy The Hat
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Talking of characters ... what have they done to Poirot's moustache in Murder on the Orient Express. I don't remember Christie ever writing "His delicately waxed moustache looked like a rat that had done ten rounds in a candy floss machine."

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Andy The Hat
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The script:

E1: intro characters with some orc bashing.

E2: Find a super elvish sword and kill some orcs

E3: Bilbo (the Brave) humps an elf (sex unspecified)

E4: Team-kill some orcs

E5: Bilbo gets humped by a ethnic-minority dwarf and runs into Gandalf the Gone-off

E6: Kill some orcs and, for good measure Bilbo humps one.

E7: Bilbo befriends a dead dragon and rides it for the rest of the season.

E8: Bilbo humps the elf (turns out to be Lucy Lawless) whilst riding the dragon and kills loads of orcs.

E9: Big battle. Bilbo about to die at the hands of reincarnated Sauron ... just as season ends ...

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Let's get ready to grumble! UFC secretly choke slams browsers with Monero miners

Andy The Hat
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Made me smile

" the biz is very cash rich, and shouldn’t need the relative pittance such a mining operation would bring in compared to its subscription fees."

The belief that a 'fight' business based on maximising income in any way possible will not take advantage of another way to screw the punter perhaps suggests that the author had a very sheltered upbringing.

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Your future data-centre: servers immersed in box full of oil, in a field

Andy The Hat
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Re: Been there, done that...

Yep, nothing new under the sun ...

The downside is fixing the things as the boards are slimy to work with after soaking ... Modern SSD makes the storage viable for submersion too (which spinning rust didn't like).

The two approaches were simple submersion relying on natural convection for lower power silent systems, and pumped coolant for high power boxes which was better but in itself obviously requires more power and loses efficiency. I believe some of Chinese bitcoin mining racks are pumped coolant systems.

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Health quango: Booze 'evidence' not Puritan enough, do us another

Andy The Hat
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Why argue about a J curve?

J curves of various gradients are often present in biological systems so the J curve itself shouldn't be considered 'odd'.

Take another substance that can be abused - abstinence causes death, moderate consumption promotes health, over consumption causes death. That compound is water ...

Many, many natural compounds exhibit similar results.

Even synthetics like Viagra can be the same ... a small amount helps but a lot tends to give you (or the Mrs) palpitations ...

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MoD: Sci-tech strategy? Er, here's a bunch of words and diagrams

Andy The Hat
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Missing the point

This graphic diarrhea circumvents basic procurement processes. In times of yore they went something like:

Buy guns AND buy ammunition

Buy aircraft carriers AND buy working planes

Buy anything AND have military personnel to use it.

The new procurement methodology to save money does a search and replace of "AND" for "OR" which results in no planes, no personnel and no kit ...

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Curiosity rover gives Mars the middle finger, prepares to get drilling

Andy The Hat
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Whoa!

Drilling into a potentially uneven surface with uneven structure lots of times with a 2.3mm drill and not snapping it? I'm in awe of that machine!

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Didn't install a safety-critical driverless car patch? Bye, insurance!

Andy The Hat
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Re: So...

"Odds are you'll be in an Uber (or suchlike) vehicle."

Oh heavens! Order a car with Uber ... just a car, no driver but the car will hopefully know where it's going ... Is that better or worse than having a car with a driver in control who possibly doesn't know where they're going?

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EU: No encryption backdoors but, eh, let's help each other crack that crypto, oui? Ja?

Andy The Hat
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What's the EU law?

Wasn't it made illegal under EU law to *attempt* to reverse engineer or defeat encryption mechanisms except for specific research purposes? I thought Mr Murdoch was instrumental in lobbying for that particular law (along with other broadcasters) to stamp out attempts to hack encrypted tv channels such as Sky?

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Google adds planets and moons to Maps, but puts bits in the wrong places

Andy The Hat
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Not on Mars

... it'll be Canal View ...

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Argh, my loafer just fell down the rope ladder! Yes, I'm in the Microsoft treehouse

Andy The Hat
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Hypocritical?

Micro$oft say they want people to use them and 'intentionally unplug' blah blah. Loverly jubbly, verbally interact, cuddly space etc

But fortunately

"They come equipped with ... Wi-Fi, power outlets ..."

Just imagine the planning meeting ...

Architect: "No Sir, nowadays you need WiFi and power to charge your devices ..."

MS design bod: "But we're unplugging all our devices."

Architect: "No Sir, nowadays you need WiFi and power to charge your devices ..."

MS Design bod: " ... err, ok then."

Architect 1: Client 0

Now all we need is a smart, full length, outward opening window with a dodgy catch ...

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