* Posts by David 18

95 posts • joined 27 Jul 2010

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Where to implant my employee microchip? I have the ideal location

David 18

Re: As someone who currently designs chip-enabled cat interface devices...

@FlossyThePig

"WTF. Are we getting a generation who can only do things via their phone?"

You have to ask? :)

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Erm... what did you say again, dear reader?

David 18

Re: Pfffft.

@Phuzz

Whoosh = The sound of low flying jokes passing overhead. I presume you missed the other deliberate mistakes?

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Why are sat-nav walking directions always so hopeless?

David 18

Re: Hahaha...

@Kubla Cant

"It's hard to make walking expensive."

Millets et al seem to be giving it a bloody good try!

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Bombing raids during WWII sent out shockwaves powerful enough to alter the Earth's ionosphere

David 18

Just the Allies?

"The volume of bombs dropped by the Allied Forces in the Second World War were powerful enough..."

Guess the Axis powers' bombs weren't powerful enough?

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Deliveroo to bike food to hungry fanbois queuing to buy iPhones

David 18

What about the waste products?

Not the most charming of subjects while eating my lunch, but....

What about the inevitable waste products produced from eating the hipster sandwich and overpriced alpine spring water? How is one supposed to relieve oneself without losing the place in the queue?

Maybe I should create a disruptive startup called DeliverPoo, although that's a bit like a return to the night soilmen of old. But hey, if it's on a carbon-neutral bike and has an app associated with the service then it's new and disruptive right?

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Dear America: Want secure elections? Stick to pen and paper for ballots, experts urge

David 18

@ Martin Gregorie

"OMR is old, tested and reliable technology:"

See the problem word there is "Old". Every fule know old=bad, newer is ALWAYS better. Tested and reliable are not important.

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HTTPS crypto-shame: TV Licensing website pulled offline

David 18
Facepalm

"Not aware"

"We've identified that this issue has happened very recently, and we're not aware of anyone's data being compromised."

If the men in the middle did their work properly how would they be aware!

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Nah, it won't install: The return of the ad-blocker-blocker

David 18

Re: Anonymous apparel

"We could all simply wear sheets on the streets and no longer brand anything. Then you wouldn't need ads on websites making you buy the latest whatever. What a dismal state of affairs. Just like North Korea."

I can't quite decide whether that's a better example of a false dichotomy or a straw man.

Either way it's total bollox. Presumably from someone wasting their life working in marketing, or a victim - in which case it's not too late, you can get help, keep reading comments on here from the grizzled oldsters who have been there, seen it, done it and got the (unbranded) T-Shirt.

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Either my name, my password or my soul is invalid – but which?

David 18

Re: University

What a monumentally stupid university! They are just absolutely ensuring that their users will write it down, almost certainly somewhere stupid.

Whenever the subject of password strength arises here, I refer them to this:

https://xkcd.com/936/

Don't get me started on bloody stupid biometrics - they should never be used for anything but identification, never authentication. I haven't made any friends pissing on the parade of breathless tech junkies extolling the virtue of their super-secure fingerprint enabled phones. "But it HAS to be super secure, it's NEW and BIOMETRIC!"

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Capita strikes again: Bug in UK-wide school info management system risks huge data breach

David 18

Access?

I bet what really happened is they just ran the Access upsizing wizard on it.

Actually no, that's not funny, you could probably cobble together a better database in Access!

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David 18

Re: SIMS

"More than 21,000 schools trust SIMS everyday"

I suspect significantly fewer than 21,000 trust it each of these last few days.

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IBM fired me because I'm not a millennial, says axed cloud sales star in age discrim court row

David 18
Pint

Re: Real benefit—or entrapment?

@Milton - It's a shame I can't upvote you more than once, so have a pint instead.

You've hit it right on the head.

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Git365. Git for Teams. Quatermass and the Git Pit. GitHub simply won't do now Microsoft has it

David 18

How about...

/dev/null ?

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UK military may recruit wheezy, alcoholic keyboard warriors

David 18

Re: "At last! A valid use of a 'hacker in a hoodie' stereotype stock image"

@Adam Foxton Have a pint, couldn't remember the exact quote and you go there first ;)

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No lie-in this morning? Thank the Moon's gravitational pull

David 18

Burn the heretic!

"....and the amount of solar radiation received on Earth also changes affecting the climate."

I thought it was heresy, punishable by death by a thousand cuts from the pseudo-scientific Twitterati, to even suggest that solar radiation could affect climate in any way.

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Your software hates you and your devices think you're stupid

David 18

Re: Help me with my latin here…

""tuitive", same root as tuition, so it means "teachable", or, I guess "learnable"? Says the right thing about in-tuitive things, really."

Not quite. I did wonder myself, but different etymology.

Tuition from tueri (to watch, guard)

Intuition from intueri (Consider)

Anyone with a classical Latin education please feel free to correct me, I am not at home with access to proper books so had to trust Google.

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Grab your lamp, you've pulled: Brits punt life-saving gravity-powered light

David 18

Re: Oh look

"And for our next trick - the waterwheel!

If you can make one that works in a desert, I'm sure the world will beat a path to your door."

If you combine it with something to catch small rodents and use them to drive the wheel they certainly will!

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David 18

"Who is the hater downvoting all the comments? Weird to see 1 downvote of every post. Disgruntled competitor maybe?"

An idiotic, ignorant, imbecile with an aversion to alliterative annotations?

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‘I broke The Pentagon’s secure messaging system – and won an award for it!’

David 18
Black Helicopters

Wonder when the NSA will notice this

I expect El Reg towers will get a knock on the door soon from some serious looking blokes with odd bulges in their jackets, asking for the details of this contributor.

Or they may have already had a good poke around the files of course.

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Can't log into your TSB account? Well, it's your own fault for trying

David 18

Re: Arrrgh!

"I recently wasted 15 minutes watching a sci-fi movie called Arrowhead. (2016) I honestly thought that they had stopped making such crap in the 80s. It should have gone straight to VHS tape and only be shown in Alaska!"

Nooo, they are still churning them out 10 a penny, you can find them on SciFi Channel, I occasionally get duped by the synopses if I have a rare couple of hours to kill at the weekend and get drawn in. Often they are so bad it's funny, so i watch the whole thing.

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British government to ink deal for yet another immigration database

David 18

How does one get a slice of this pie?

Is there a secret club that one must be a member of, which allows access to this trough of cash that all these incompetent outsourced companies have their noses in?

Nice work if you can get it, almost limitless cash for a relatively simple database project, with the the bonus that you do not even need to deliver!

I'm guessing the costs are so high because there is an army of "project managers" on ~£100k pa who waffle endlessly with each other about stakeholders and owners in their interminable meetings, but know nothing about actually managing a project, or the work involved. They then employ consultants at £000s per day to tell them what their tech guys have already told them and then pass the work (and the buck) to third parties, who have their own "Project Managers".

Eventually the actual work ends up in the lap of one or two developers in a windowless room getting paid peanuts, in the form of a vague, but wordy spec with some pretty diagrams and a ludicrous project "plan" drawn up in Excel with arbitrary deadlines plucked out of the air.

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'Dear Mr F*ckingjoking': UK PM Theresa May's mass marketing missive misses mark

David 18

@Lee D

Did a similar thing years ago, but still get between 5 and 10 mailings a month from the evil cult of scientologists to a former resident. We have lived there for over 16 years now.

They have an office in town, I sometimes wonder what nastiness I could post through their door and stay on the right side of the law....

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Cambridge Analytica 'privatised colonising operation', not a 'legitimate business', says whistleblower

David 18

Re: The BBC

@K

"I often think this.. but afraid to admit I'm a closet Radio 4 listener.. as my wife says, "Isn't that a station for old people?".. Unfortunately I leave evidence (forgetting to switch stations before getting out of the car!)."

Sorry had to downvote, just for your wife's comment, please pass it on.

Please also let her know that no, it's not for "old" people, it's for intelligent, articulate people of any age who are interested in a wide variety of interesting topics, who wish to expand their knowledge and experience. it is the last bastion of truly balanced and challenging debate you are likely to find on any broadcast medium anywhere in the world.

I would happily continue to pay my TV licence fee purely to keep Radio 4 going in its current state.

It is not for vapid, boring, people interested only in fashion and celebrity who just want to absorb and consume. (Not casting aspersions on your wife by the way, get her try it, she might like it. Tell her not to worry what other people think.)

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Cambridge Analytica CEO suspended – and that's not even the worst news for them today

David 18

Re: OK, that's it!

@desht

"By the way, I didn't use the word "racist", but you did. Nor did I say you had a FB profile, so I'm not sure what "facts" you think you're referring to."

He did provide ample evidence of being a simpleton however.

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Stephen Hawking dies, aged 76

David 18

Re: @ Professor Clifton Shallot

"I'm of the opinion that the average effective IQ of this species just dropped by a statistically significant amount :( "

Could return to yesterday's average if anything unfortunate were ever to happen to Trump.

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Copper feel, fibre it ain't: Ads regulator could face court for playing hard and fast with definitions

David 18

Re: Alternative naming?

Don't forget the added AI!

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A print button? Mmkay. Let's explore WHY you need me to add that

David 18

Re: And despite all this users telemetry...

"You still need UI experts, not "designers"."

Thank god, I was getting worried, almost at the bottom of the page and nobody had mentioned it. Although the article is giving proper designer a bad name I think, real designers are like engineers and make things work, stylists and marketeers have taken over the real designers' jobs, sadly.

I thought the other premise of the article that "this is what improves software over time" way off the mark. I have come across very little software that is actually better in any meaningful or productive way with every release. Still got the same bugs; more bugs introduced; familiar, de-facto standard, UIs re-arranged or stripped; lots of shiny added for no benefit; then the original, minimal and useful shiny taken away so you don't know which window is active.... I could go on.

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UK.gov calls on the Big Man – GOD – to boost rural broadband

David 18
Coat

A case of Bits in the Belfry then.

Gawd that was bad, sorry.

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Oh dear, Capita: MPs put future UK.gov outsourcing in the spotlight

David 18

Commercial Confidentiality? This is public work.

"Dowden said the government met with Capita yesterday to discuss contingency plans, but declined to discuss details, citing commercial confidentiality."

"Commercial?" This is a company taking massive wads of our money, in a democracy they should not be able to hide behind "commercial" reasons without an extremely good reason. If they can't be open and transparent in their dealings with local and national government then they should not be dealing with them.

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NASA finds satellite, realises it has lost the software and kit that talk to it

David 18
Coat

Old Version?

Have they tried http://www.oldversion.com/ do you think?

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Amount of pixels needed to make VR less crap may set your PC on fire

David 18

Re: Fovea or FauxVR..?

Have an upvote for the pun sir!

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European court: Let's not kid ourselves, Uber. You're a transport firm, not a 'digital service'

David 18

Re: Sense and logic prevails

@Slx

"There are tech companies out there who've pioneered entirely new business niches that haven't existed before, but there are plenty that are just shaking up existing markets with an app / website.

People need to start looking beyond the hype and finding the radical innovators that are really creating new markets."

Well said that man/woman. Can't upvote you enough!

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The day I almost pinned my tushie as a Google Maps landmark

David 18

Re: Ch ch ch changes

@ Laura Kerr

Bravo, well played ma'am!

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Donald, YOU'RE FIRED: Rogue Twitter worker quits, deletes President Trump's account

David 18

Re: Chirp

'Pedantically, it's a Cold War anachronism: the West was the free world because the Soviet and Eastern-blocs weren't.'

No, pretty certain the use was ww2, the Axis powers being not free and continued/resurrected during cold war. Happy to be proven wrong.

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David 18

Re: Chirp

@Richard 45

I have always detested that term for the US President. None have been, nor will be my leader. It's an anachronism originally created from necessity during WWII and resurrected in times of crisis.

As your current incumbent has woeful leadership skill and goes against everything your once-great country stood for even your country can not be considered free - I would rather visit a tin-pot African dictatorship than set foot in the USA while he is "in charge".

Leader of the Free World is also totally inappropriate for the Orange Loon as he seems to want to become ever more insular and alienate your country's friends and allies. As an outsider he appears to me to be the most backward, unpatriotic and un-American individual. He is good at marketing himself which seems to be the only thing that matter these days.

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Car trouble: Keyless and lockless is no match for brainless

David 18

Re: Possible Solution

"Technology is great, when it works..."

Which is usually around v1.1 when all the bugs are ironed out and before bored developers start fucking around with it, or are told to make it shinier by brain-dead marketeers.

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I love disruptive computer jargon. It's so very William Burroughs

David 18
Headmaster

Re: British revenge

...'Oh, an please spell "defence" correctly.

"All I can say in defence of we Yanks is that the Brits must have created ITIL..."...'

The obligatory typo made it I see. :)

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Would you get in a one-man quadcopter air taxi?

David 18

Re: It won't let you out. Or land...

Oh I remember that one, seem to remember it being rather good.

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How to build your own DIY makeshift levitation machine at home

David 18

Hoverboards?

So how long until this is scaled up to make my frikkin' hoverboard I've been waiting for since 1985!

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Foot-long £1 sausage roll arrives

David 18

Re: That's a broad brush you paint with, sir! Get any on ya?

@Jake "On the bright side, beer."

I bet it's hard to get a decent pint of that over there, if they call that tasteless, watery gnat's piss Budweiser the King of Beers.

I wouldn't know, never been there and no desire to, Washington State or New England maybe. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Americans in general, just their Government, Politicians and businesses.

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UK government's war on e-cigs is over

David 18

Re: We already know.

"There's already been the case of the caramel flavour that's carcinogenic when heated and inhaled, but perfectly safe when flavouring food."

Any more info on this? Which brand and tested by who?

Google diacetyl and acetoin. Diacetyl /Used/ to be in a lot of buttery/creamy type flavours ( but not for years) Acetoin is largely used as a replacement but evidence suggests it could act in a similar way.

I mix my own so I can research the flavours I am adding to go for Diacetyl/Acetoin free as much as possible.

The grumblers on here do realise that the base compounds are used in hospital nebulisers for people with respiratory problems I hope. Nicotine has NEVER been proven to be harmful in itself, just addictive, and some studies suggest it is possibly even beneficial to warding off Alzheimer's and aiding concentration. The flavours are the only potentially harmful ingredient. Mix your own, keep it weak.

I also read somewhere (unverified) that the passive nicotine you are likely to inhale from somebody else's vapour is akin to what you would ingest eating a tomato. Having said that, common manners and decency make me try to avoid blowing it near other people.

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Bloke charged under UK terror law for refusing to cough up passwords

David 18

Re: "used only in extreme terrorism cases"

" "Terr'sm is just EVUHL" ..

It is, no matter how it came about; or do you think otherwise?"

The French Resistance were terrorists by today's definition. I wouldn't consider them evil. There is little black and white certainty in the world. Unless you are dull, unimaginative or thick (or any combination thereof).

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Why do GUIs jump around like a demented terrier while starting up? Am I on my own?

David 18

Emperor's new clothes

Basic software interface design reached a pinnacle about 15 - 20 years ago, especially the standard File>...Help menu bar. Didn't matter what you used, whether the first or millionth time you'd used it, it worked.

Everyone has fawn and praise the god-awful shittiness of the flat, monochrome, capitalised crap we have now, that makes it impossible to tell which is the active window at a glance, otherwise you are a dinosaur and the dreaded "Change-averse".

Why is that a bad thing? Change for improvement is great, i'd happily lead the charge. Change for change's sake is wasteful, inefficient bollox.

Being generous, I think there are too many "developers" out there trying to justify their existence, fiddling around the edges and breaking things.

Being paranoid, it sells "training" courses.

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The future of Not Reality is a strap-on that talks to my smarting ring

David 18

How about a necklace instead of a ring...

... then you can pretend you are starring in the film Wedlock when the battery decides to explode.

Seriously though, you'd have to be mad to put a potentially explosive device in a ring - we all know how hard it can be to get a ring off in a hurry. Quite likely to get dinged and dented on a finger too.

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Despite the spiel, we're still some decades from true anti-malware AI

David 18

Re: Um, sarcastic joking?

Anyone else suspect I.Geller is a bot?

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David 18

Neugents

Are these anything like Ted? Now, where's my copy of Cat Scratch Fever? Not heard that for years...

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Florida Man sues Verizon for $72m – for letting him commit identity theft

David 18

Re: Nice to see...

@Keef

Since when have we ever voted for a Prime Minister? We vote for local MPs to (theoretically) represent our interests in Parliament.

There is plenty wrong with our system but I am rather glad it's not a Presidential system.

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David 18

Re: The time has come .......

@dan1980

Presumably, a lawyer has usually offered advice before the filing and suggested the case has legs. Perhaps if they operated a "three strikes and you're disbarred" policy for filing ridiculous, frivolous and time-wasting cases like this then the burden would be shifted from the courts to the lawyers.

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EU dings Sony, Panasonic over rechargeable battery cartel

David 18

Payback?

Wonder if there is any evidence of a link between the suppliers of Note7 batteries and the fined companies.....

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Privacy is theft! Dave Eggers' big-screen takedown of Google and Facebook emerges

David 18

Re: Is the book worth a read?

Yes definitely. The creepiness builds nicely.

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