* Posts by Jedit

1144 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010

Disney aims for Netflix. If the deal was made, it would shoot itself in the foot

Jedit
Big Brother

Punisher Kills The Disney Universe

One point not mentioned is that a Disney takeover of Netflix would put the Marvel Defenders shows under the same roof as the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Only Agents of SHIELD would be on a channel they don't own, I think?

3
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'Please label things so I can tell the difference between a mouse and a microphone'

Jedit
Go

"a local backup of the web"

"Your attempt to download allthepornontheinternet.zip has failed at 99% due to insufficient disk space. Free up additional space and retry."

10
0

True man-in-the-middle: Transmitting logins through the human body

Jedit
IT Angle

"Does this mean I could finally use my dictaphone?"

Only to download porn. 25 (naughty) bits per second may be pushing the limits of the technology, though.

(The IT angle? Well, that depends on how good the porn is.)

1
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Swansong for Rosetta as it lands on the duck-shaped comet

Jedit
Joke

"The final commands were uploaded on September 29 – and now there is no going back"

Indeed. The results are in, and Comet 67P will leave the EU.

Joking aside, it's a mark of how far space navigation has come that Rosetta bounced a bit on a comet but landed fundamentally intact. It's not all that many years since we were making new craters on Mars.

6
2

Ludicrous Patent of the Week: Rectangles on a computer screen

Jedit
Joke

"Just kill everybody"

I think Americans have patented that, too.

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Brit loan firm gets comeuppance for 7.7 million spam texts

Jedit

"those who requested a card were not spammed"

Spam is an unsolicited mass mailing. It doesn't matter whether you want what is being sold or not, if you didn't sign up to receive the information it was spam. Some people are just dumb enough to respond to spam.

Regarding the size of the fine: it was most likely based on the profits made from the spamming, plus a bit extra.

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ZX Spectrum Vega+ will ship on time, developer claims amid doubts

Jedit
Stop

"there is always some risk with a kick starter by definition"

It's not a Kickstarter, it's a crowdfunding project on Indiegogo. This is more than a semantic difference; IGG projects are always less safe because the site's practices are less rigorous and - let's be blunt - less honest than those of Kickstarter. The worst of it is IGG providing a "flexible funding" option, where backers have their cash taken whether or not the project meets its goal. This has led to IGG being a natural magnet for scams and vapourware, as the scammer doesn't even have to convince $10,000 worth of idiots to trust them before seeing a return.

Not all Indiegogo projects are scams, and I really hope the Vega+ isn't one of them. I might even buy one once they hit retail if the reviews are good. But I'd never back an IGG project, and I won't trust anyone who runs one until their product does go to retail.

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2,000 year old man found dead near 2,000 year old computer

Jedit

Re: Navigation error - core dump blues

I'm not sure he got that far before getting a Blue Sea of Death error.

23
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UK Science Museum will reconsider its 'sexist' brain quiz

Jedit
WTF?

"young and beautiful female elephants"

I really shouldn't judge in this modern society, but are you saying that you have sex with elephants?

Honestly, I'm not even sure how that would work because elephants have four feet and humans don't. I would imagine you would be completely incapable of congress with only six inches.

2
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Florida Man's prized jeep cremated by exploding Samsung Galaxy Note 7

Jedit
Trollface

"the fire retardants in the modern car ABS do not fire retard"

The guy left an unattended device charging in his car despite there having been a product recall for that device because it sometimes catches fire when charging, also he's wearing a DON'T TREAD ON ME T-shirt. I think it's obvious that in this case the retardation had been removed from the vehicle, because he wasn't in it.

37
5

Missing Milky Way mass blown away by bingeing supermassive black hole

Jedit
Headmaster

"I shall try the idea of 'Dark Money' on my bank manager"

It won't work. Dark money may exist, but economic science has found no way to measure your balance or cause it to interact with baryonic bills.

2
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Sex ban IT man loses appeal – but judge labels order 'unpoliceable'

Jedit
Mushroom

"Judge Dredd was a comic strip"

Minor pedant: Judge Dredd IS a comic strip.

(Apocalypse War, because I'm getting my retaliation against East Reg One in first.)

13
0

'Daddy, what's a Blu-ray disc?'

Jedit

"a third of all Blu-ray discs sold are bought between October and December"

Are Reg writers paid by the word, perchance? There's nothing noteworthy in the fact that 33% of discs are sold in 25% of the year, even before considering that all it indicates is that sales of leisure products rise in the run-up to Christmas.

3
1

Windows 10: Happy with Anniversary Update?

Jedit
Joke

"As Phomne 10 dead in water"

Looks like the spelling and grammar checkers need some work as well.

13
2

UK govt digi-chief confirms he is standing down after ... 9 months

Jedit
Angel

It's Moore's Law in action

The number of ex-GDS project managers will double every 18 months. And government project managers are like transistors - they do one job, and do it exactly as badly as they're instructed.

1
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Cyberpunks might not be crooks but they're really very rude

Jedit
Trollface

Perhaps a new page name is in order?

"The Vagister: Gay/Lord News To The World".

7
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Church organist nabbed for playing glory hole in excelsis

Jedit
Coat

"piccolo, although he was probably hoping for a trombone"

Hey - you can't say there was anything wrong with this gentleman's organ. It just obviously wasn't made for playing in a cathedral.

(Mine's the one that thankfully doesn't have a hole in the pocket...)

0
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Dolly the sheep clones have aged well, say scientists

Jedit
Joke

"<Insert obligatory Welsh joke here>"

I thought cloning was reproduction without sex?

(Hey, you asked.)

5
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Seminal adventure game The Hobbit finally ported to the Dragon 64

Jedit
Headmaster

"I never got past the "A pair of bulbous eyes stare at you""

If the bulbous eyes stare at you, go back west. When you head east again they'll be gone.

The most fun I ever had in The Hobbit was when I climbed into the chest in Bag End and closed the lid. You can't open the lid again because it's dark and you can't see the chest. Thorin is usually there, but he never does anything you ask.

Incidentally, it was possible to kill Thorin - just very, very unlikely.

3
0

Tight-wad Apple repair techs swapped our damaged iGear with used kit – lawsuit

Jedit
IT Angle

"Half the time refurbished gear tends to run a little better and longer"

Doesn't that imply that Apple gear is released in suboptimal condition and requires a second QA pass to get up to spec?

4
4

By Juno! NASA delivers first new snaps from Jupiter

Jedit
Angel

Missing data

That first picture has Europa labelled, but you forgot to add the "Attempt no landings" sign.

15
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Teen thugs lure, rob Pokemon Go gamers

Jedit

"It's not as if people looking at smartphones would otherwise be difficult to find."

No, but getting them to out of the way places without invoking suspicion isn't quite so easy. I'm not saying the story is necessarily true, but it's not unbelievable.

Of course, it can also go the other way. According to the BBC the cop shop in Darwin, Australia has been designated a Pokestop and they've had to put up a sign telling players not to come inside. Good luck muggers trying it on there.

1
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Facebook ‘glitch’ that deleted the Philando Castile shooting vid: It was the police – sources

Jedit

"I think I'll just leave this link from Not the Nine O'clock News here."

I can't watch that at work, but I'm guessing it's Constable Savage?

It's shocking how relevant a topical news comedy show remains 35 to 40 years later, especially with respect to race issues. The "Race and Responsibility" sketch could be any Tory in 2015, the budget cutting taxes on the rich while putting huge duties on wheelchairs, white sticks and diarrhoea medicine could have come straight from the lips of George Osborne. Our government has become indistinguishable from parody, except parody might be more believable.

33
2

Prominent Brit law firm instructed to block Brexit Article 50 trigger

Jedit
Stop

"if it was 52 percent who had voted remain you would have no problem "

Since we're talking reversals of the situation: Nigel Farage himself said that 52% Remain would not in his eyes constitute a settlement of the matter, so you should have no problem with Remain voters thinking 51.9% Leave should not settle it.

Funny how a majority vote is only relevant when the vote goes in your favour, etc etc.

6
2

Fear and Brexit in Tech City: Digital 'elite' are having a nervous breakdown

Jedit
Unhappy

"Whatever happens after Brexit..."

Don't be too quick to assume that London will remain popular after an EU exit. A lot of the banks are declaring plans to relocate, and France is pushing slyly to poach much of the rest.

22
4

Get-rich quick trick Twitch snitch: Bots sued for fake video views

Jedit
Headmaster

"highly unlikely to have 500 subs. More likely around 10-20% that number at most"

The Hearthstone streamer Shadybunny gets a regular 500-600 viewers, and he recently hit 250 subs - I know this because that's a threshold for gaining a personal emote. pewgeminilive, another streamer I know who was partnered before the requirements were increased, actually has more subs than he does regular viewers.

The reason your assumption is mistaken is because it doesn't account for the depersonalisation of large groups. Smaller streamers are able to interact with the chat on a personal basis. This makes viewers feel connected to the stream and more likely to want to contribute something back. Larger streamers still get more subs through sheer volume of traffic, but the overall proportion of viewers who sub is lower.

1
0

Official: Microsoft goes to pot, gives weed growers fix they need

Jedit
Coat

Re: There's a joke in there somewhere

Are you suggesting that Windows 10 is vaperware?

3
0

Lester Haines: RIP

Jedit

RIP

Hopefully Lester is not now a Bastard Operator In Hell. I'm told that down there they put tomato sauce on the bacon sandwiches instead of brown. Or as others would have it, both brown sauce and tomato sauce are available, but whichever you want the other one comes out of the squeezy bottle.

(If you like both, you get mayonnaise.)

4
0

French B&Q equivalent 'hacked' to offer visitors vulgar DIY tools

Jedit

"I'd previously bought "LEGO Bricks & More 626: Large Green Baseplate"."

As anyone who's ever trodden on a brick in their bare feet knows, LEGO is both feared and loved.

1
0

Eds off their meds: Does this headline REALLY need to be so astronomically long it can be measured in parsecs?

Jedit
Alien

Re: The URL to this comment section..

Clearly a fake article. I've never even met the woman.

14
0

Marauding monkey blacks out Kenya

Jedit
Coat

"hanging's too good for them."

Monkeys are perfectly capable of swinging from trees without your help.

0
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Welcome to the jumbo: Axl Rose tries to take a bite out of 'Fat Axl' internet meme

Jedit
Joke

"Having your cake and eating it, Register?"

I think it would be more appropriate to say that like Mr Rose, the Register were having their cake and eating several other people's cakes.

2
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Plutonian 'lava lamp' seas give dwarf planet a regular face lift

Jedit
Pint

"No it didn't. That proposed law was laughed out of the house."

Submit your correction to Stephen Pile for the next edition of The Book of Heroic Failures. Don't worry about causing offence - he'll take it as a compliment.

0
0
Jedit

"Of course the world is a 6000-year-old flatland where π equals 3"

If you're referring to historical events: the state legislature of Indiana once ruled that pi was 4.

3
0

BOFH: What's your point, caller?

Jedit
Boffin

"... they might well be used to hold the battery securely...somewhere."

Call yourself an IT support expert? Everyone knows gaffa tape isn't a hardware solution. Used properly, it's part of the user interface.

0
0

Lost your shirt in the MtGox Bitcoin mess? Release the Kraken!

Jedit
FAIL

Re: "claimants seeking exactly $2,411,412,137,427 in total losses."

On average each claimant is claiming to have owned more than a third of the missing BitCoins. Says everything about the kind of person who would use them, really.

1
1

Microsoft won't back down from Windows 10 nagware 'trick'

Jedit
Stop

"You should probably double bag it when browsing with windows."

Actually using two condoms is less safe than using one, as the friction between the two makes them more likely to break. [*]

Properly advised and protected, you may now change this post to a GO icon.

[*] Which is a shame. I always liked the old joke: why did the Irishman wear two condoms? To be sure, to be sure.

11
0

Gillian Anderson: The next James Jane Bond?

Jedit
Headmaster

"Even better, could we please, please, please have a female Deadpool?"

I don't know if you know, but there actually is a Lady Deadpool. She's part of the Deadpool Corps, a collection of Deadpools from a variety of parallel dimensions that also includes Pirate Deadpool, Deadpool the Kid and Headpool, the severed zombified head of the Marvel Zombies Deadpool who flies around using a helicopter beanie. Unfortunately Deadpool 2 is likely to be Deadpool and Cable, but who knows - maybe in the third?

1
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Jedit

"they should reboot Bond to be MI6s top agents 'identity' and not just a single person"

I can go with this. Particularly if they cast Gillian Anderson as James Bond without changing the name of the character.

The main issue with casting Anderson is she's 48 this year. This has nothing to do with her being a woman and everything to do with the role. Roger Moore's later movies were made when he was in his 50s, and he was something of an embarrassment in them. I wouldn't want Anderson to suffer the same fate.

OTOH, if they want to make an adaptation of Brian Michael Bendis's excellent period spy comic Velvet, I think Anderson would make a very good Velvet Templeton. For those unfamiliar, the central premise of the book is "What if Miss Moneypenny was a retired 00 agent?"

5
1

Blighty's Virgin Queen threatened with foreign abduction

Jedit
IT Angle

"someone will cough up the cost of a medical wing for it."

It's not a van Gogh, you know. (Although the buyer will probably be an American businessman.)

2
0

The Windows 10 future: Imagine a boot stamping on an upgrade treadmill forever

Jedit

"As bad as the malware-looking "upgrade now" or "upgrade later""

Came home to something similar yesterday, except that one was "Install now" or "Install tonight". Nowhere was an option given to not install, although closing the window without clicking either button will do it. This crap is unforgivable.

0
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Jedit

"Makes Windows 10 seem like an infection. Quite apt"

As mentioned in posts ad nauseam: it is an infection.

Got a pop-up yesterday telling me when my Windows 10 upgrade was scheduled. Microsoft need to be hit with the world's biggest anti-trust suit.

14
1

Dwarf planet intumesces before astronomers' gaze

Jedit
Stop

"I think we're coming to a point where we can give 2007 OR10 its rightful name."

Anyone suggesting Planet McPlanetface will be shot.

Unfortunately Hades has already gone - they gave it to Tau Ceti 3.

19
0

Windows 10 build 14342: No more friendly Wi-Fi sharing

Jedit
Black Helicopters

"how many of the 300m windows 10 users know they were sharing their WiFi keys?"

How many of the 300 million Windows 10 users knew they were using Windows 10?

2
0

Archaeologists find oldest ever ground-edge stone axe

Jedit
Boffin

"It wouldn't take me 'hundreds and hundreds of hours' to perform 800 strokes"

It seems we've also found evidence of the earliest known short term contractor.

11
0

UK's 'superfast' broadband is still complete dog toffee, even in London

Jedit
Paris Hilton

"I'm in Aberdeen and get an average 17mbps on a copper line"

I'm in Aberdeen too, and I get sustained speeds of 70+ mbps on BT Infinity 2.

(Paris, because when it comes to making a fast connection she has no equal.)

1
0

Stross' new Laundry list

Jedit

"Bob Howard is named for the BOFH"

And in the short story "Pimpf" Bob acquires an assistant whose initials are PFY, and handles a situation in which a user inadvertently does something horrible involving a computer due to lack of Clue. It's basically a BOFH story set in the Laundry. Which is one or indeed several of the reasons why for years I've been of the belief that Simon Travaglia - which translates as "He has heard torment", BTW - is a pen name of Stross.

1
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If you're appy and you know it, say five Hail Marys – cyber-Pope

Jedit
Pint

"Has there been an edict from FSM on this also?"

No word as yet on smartphones, but he's definitely in favour of the taglia telly.

2
0

Flying Spaghetti Monster is not God, rules mortal judge

Jedit
Joke

Denying this man access to his means of worship?

Honestly, it only sounds reasonable under the circumstances. If Cavanaugh had access to sufficient quantities of pasta he might make a noose from the noodles and hang himself.

2
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UK competition watchdog gripes to Brussels about Three-O2 merger

Jedit
Joke

"it is the face of Three's most recent ad campaign"

I wasn't aware that Three were government owned.

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