* Posts by Jedit

1124 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010

By Juno! NASA delivers first new snaps from Jupiter

Jedit
Angel

Missing data

That first picture has Europa labelled, but you forgot to add the "Attempt no landings" sign.

15
0

Teen thugs lure, rob Pokemon Go gamers

Jedit

"It's not as if people looking at smartphones would otherwise be difficult to find."

No, but getting them to out of the way places without invoking suspicion isn't quite so easy. I'm not saying the story is necessarily true, but it's not unbelievable.

Of course, it can also go the other way. According to the BBC the cop shop in Darwin, Australia has been designated a Pokestop and they've had to put up a sign telling players not to come inside. Good luck muggers trying it on there.

1
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Facebook ‘glitch’ that deleted the Philando Castile shooting vid: It was the police – sources

Jedit

"I think I'll just leave this link from Not the Nine O'clock News here."

I can't watch that at work, but I'm guessing it's Constable Savage?

It's shocking how relevant a topical news comedy show remains 35 to 40 years later, especially with respect to race issues. The "Race and Responsibility" sketch could be any Tory in 2015, the budget cutting taxes on the rich while putting huge duties on wheelchairs, white sticks and diarrhoea medicine could have come straight from the lips of George Osborne. Our government has become indistinguishable from parody, except parody might be more believable.

33
2

Prominent Brit law firm instructed to block Brexit Article 50 trigger

Jedit
Stop

"if it was 52 percent who had voted remain you would have no problem "

Since we're talking reversals of the situation: Nigel Farage himself said that 52% Remain would not in his eyes constitute a settlement of the matter, so you should have no problem with Remain voters thinking 51.9% Leave should not settle it.

Funny how a majority vote is only relevant when the vote goes in your favour, etc etc.

6
2

Fear and Brexit in Tech City: Digital 'elite' are having a nervous breakdown

Jedit
Unhappy

"Whatever happens after Brexit..."

Don't be too quick to assume that London will remain popular after an EU exit. A lot of the banks are declaring plans to relocate, and France is pushing slyly to poach much of the rest.

22
4

Get-rich quick trick Twitch snitch: Bots sued for fake video views

Jedit
Headmaster

"highly unlikely to have 500 subs. More likely around 10-20% that number at most"

The Hearthstone streamer Shadybunny gets a regular 500-600 viewers, and he recently hit 250 subs - I know this because that's a threshold for gaining a personal emote. pewgeminilive, another streamer I know who was partnered before the requirements were increased, actually has more subs than he does regular viewers.

The reason your assumption is mistaken is because it doesn't account for the depersonalisation of large groups. Smaller streamers are able to interact with the chat on a personal basis. This makes viewers feel connected to the stream and more likely to want to contribute something back. Larger streamers still get more subs through sheer volume of traffic, but the overall proportion of viewers who sub is lower.

1
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Official: Microsoft goes to pot, gives weed growers fix they need

Jedit
Coat

Re: There's a joke in there somewhere

Are you suggesting that Windows 10 is vaperware?

3
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Lester Haines: RIP

Jedit

RIP

Hopefully Lester is not now a Bastard Operator In Hell. I'm told that down there they put tomato sauce on the bacon sandwiches instead of brown. Or as others would have it, both brown sauce and tomato sauce are available, but whichever you want the other one comes out of the squeezy bottle.

(If you like both, you get mayonnaise.)

4
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French B&Q equivalent 'hacked' to offer visitors vulgar DIY tools

Jedit

"I'd previously bought "LEGO Bricks & More 626: Large Green Baseplate"."

As anyone who's ever trodden on a brick in their bare feet knows, LEGO is both feared and loved.

1
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Eds off their meds: Does this headline REALLY need to be so astronomically long it can be measured in parsecs?

Jedit
Alien

Re: The URL to this comment section..

Clearly a fake article. I've never even met the woman.

14
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Marauding monkey blacks out Kenya

Jedit
Coat

"hanging's too good for them."

Monkeys are perfectly capable of swinging from trees without your help.

0
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Welcome to the jumbo: Axl Rose tries to take a bite out of 'Fat Axl' internet meme

Jedit
Joke

"Having your cake and eating it, Register?"

I think it would be more appropriate to say that like Mr Rose, the Register were having their cake and eating several other people's cakes.

2
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Plutonian 'lava lamp' seas give dwarf planet a regular face lift

Jedit
Pint

"No it didn't. That proposed law was laughed out of the house."

Submit your correction to Stephen Pile for the next edition of The Book of Heroic Failures. Don't worry about causing offence - he'll take it as a compliment.

0
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Jedit

"Of course the world is a 6000-year-old flatland where π equals 3"

If you're referring to historical events: the state legislature of Indiana once ruled that pi was 4.

3
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BOFH: What's your point, caller?

Jedit
Boffin

"... they might well be used to hold the battery securely...somewhere."

Call yourself an IT support expert? Everyone knows gaffa tape isn't a hardware solution. Used properly, it's part of the user interface.

0
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Lost your shirt in the MtGox Bitcoin mess? Release the Kraken!

Jedit
FAIL

Re: "claimants seeking exactly $2,411,412,137,427 in total losses."

On average each claimant is claiming to have owned more than a third of the missing BitCoins. Says everything about the kind of person who would use them, really.

1
1

Microsoft won't back down from Windows 10 nagware 'trick'

Jedit
Stop

"You should probably double bag it when browsing with windows."

Actually using two condoms is less safe than using one, as the friction between the two makes them more likely to break. [*]

Properly advised and protected, you may now change this post to a GO icon.

[*] Which is a shame. I always liked the old joke: why did the Irishman wear two condoms? To be sure, to be sure.

11
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Gillian Anderson: The next James Jane Bond?

Jedit
Headmaster

"Even better, could we please, please, please have a female Deadpool?"

I don't know if you know, but there actually is a Lady Deadpool. She's part of the Deadpool Corps, a collection of Deadpools from a variety of parallel dimensions that also includes Pirate Deadpool, Deadpool the Kid and Headpool, the severed zombified head of the Marvel Zombies Deadpool who flies around using a helicopter beanie. Unfortunately Deadpool 2 is likely to be Deadpool and Cable, but who knows - maybe in the third?

1
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Jedit

"they should reboot Bond to be MI6s top agents 'identity' and not just a single person"

I can go with this. Particularly if they cast Gillian Anderson as James Bond without changing the name of the character.

The main issue with casting Anderson is she's 48 this year. This has nothing to do with her being a woman and everything to do with the role. Roger Moore's later movies were made when he was in his 50s, and he was something of an embarrassment in them. I wouldn't want Anderson to suffer the same fate.

OTOH, if they want to make an adaptation of Brian Michael Bendis's excellent period spy comic Velvet, I think Anderson would make a very good Velvet Templeton. For those unfamiliar, the central premise of the book is "What if Miss Moneypenny was a retired 00 agent?"

5
1

Blighty's Virgin Queen threatened with foreign abduction

Jedit
IT Angle

"someone will cough up the cost of a medical wing for it."

It's not a van Gogh, you know. (Although the buyer will probably be an American businessman.)

2
0

The Windows 10 future: Imagine a boot stamping on an upgrade treadmill forever

Jedit

"As bad as the malware-looking "upgrade now" or "upgrade later""

Came home to something similar yesterday, except that one was "Install now" or "Install tonight". Nowhere was an option given to not install, although closing the window without clicking either button will do it. This crap is unforgivable.

0
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Jedit

"Makes Windows 10 seem like an infection. Quite apt"

As mentioned in posts ad nauseam: it is an infection.

Got a pop-up yesterday telling me when my Windows 10 upgrade was scheduled. Microsoft need to be hit with the world's biggest anti-trust suit.

14
1

Dwarf planet intumesces before astronomers' gaze

Jedit
Stop

"I think we're coming to a point where we can give 2007 OR10 its rightful name."

Anyone suggesting Planet McPlanetface will be shot.

Unfortunately Hades has already gone - they gave it to Tau Ceti 3.

19
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Windows 10 build 14342: No more friendly Wi-Fi sharing

Jedit
Black Helicopters

"how many of the 300m windows 10 users know they were sharing their WiFi keys?"

How many of the 300 million Windows 10 users knew they were using Windows 10?

2
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Archaeologists find oldest ever ground-edge stone axe

Jedit
Boffin

"It wouldn't take me 'hundreds and hundreds of hours' to perform 800 strokes"

It seems we've also found evidence of the earliest known short term contractor.

11
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UK's 'superfast' broadband is still complete dog toffee, even in London

Jedit
Paris Hilton

"I'm in Aberdeen and get an average 17mbps on a copper line"

I'm in Aberdeen too, and I get sustained speeds of 70+ mbps on BT Infinity 2.

(Paris, because when it comes to making a fast connection she has no equal.)

1
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Stross' new Laundry list

Jedit

"Bob Howard is named for the BOFH"

And in the short story "Pimpf" Bob acquires an assistant whose initials are PFY, and handles a situation in which a user inadvertently does something horrible involving a computer due to lack of Clue. It's basically a BOFH story set in the Laundry. Which is one or indeed several of the reasons why for years I've been of the belief that Simon Travaglia - which translates as "He has heard torment", BTW - is a pen name of Stross.

1
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If you're appy and you know it, say five Hail Marys – cyber-Pope

Jedit
Pint

"Has there been an edict from FSM on this also?"

No word as yet on smartphones, but he's definitely in favour of the taglia telly.

2
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Flying Spaghetti Monster is not God, rules mortal judge

Jedit
Joke

Denying this man access to his means of worship?

Honestly, it only sounds reasonable under the circumstances. If Cavanaugh had access to sufficient quantities of pasta he might make a noose from the noodles and hang himself.

2
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UK competition watchdog gripes to Brussels about Three-O2 merger

Jedit
Joke

"it is the face of Three's most recent ad campaign"

I wasn't aware that Three were government owned.

0
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Ultra-rare WWII Lorenz cipher machine goes on display at Bletchley Park

Jedit
Joke

"Is it just for things based in Yorkshire"

Exactly. The author just held t'Shift key down too early, it's meant to be t'NMOC.

2
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Congressman called out for $1,300 video game binge

Jedit
Coat

"I bet they are in Crysis talks right now about this."

Deciding whether or not he will run?

4
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Govt: Citizens, we know you want 10Mbps. This is the last broadband scheme for that

Jedit
Megaphone

"It's more like series of tubes..."

What's that? A series of lubes, you say?

1
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How Microsoft copied malware techniques to make Get Windows 10 the world's PC pest

Jedit
Trollface

"ten years ago I got spam from a dating agency that matched up people with herpes"

Ten years? Damn, those spammers were riding the crest of the targeted advertising wave, weren't they?

1
0

Michigan shooter says 'mind controlling' Uber app told him to kill

Jedit
Paris Hilton

"Some people theorise that mass killing sprees are sometimes performed by MK subjects"

So that's what the MK in MK-ULTRA stands for - "Mass Killing". The project is a system to track all the lunatic paranoid conspiracy theorists who are apt to go off the rails and shoot a bunch of folks. That certainly makes more sense than the American government being unable to spell "mind control" properly. Thanks!

(Paris, because people are always watching her through night vision goggles.)

1
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Software dev 101: 'The best time to understand how your system works is when it is dying'

Jedit
Boffin

"would you have less confidence in someone who thinks that an app dying is brilliant?"

No. I'd have less confidence in someone who thinks their app can't fail.

2
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Mountains of madness found on Pluto's Cthulhu Regio

Jedit

"there are some places that are even too depressing for Him"

If Cthulhu shares his creator's views on black people, depression won't be the reason he doesn't live in Detroit. That is not dead which can eternal lie, but thankfully that doesn't apply to death of the author.

1
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Triple-murderer prisoner keeps mobile phone in his butt for a week

Jedit

"why don't prisons just jam mobile phone signals?"

Because there are more people than prisoners in prisons. They'd also jam the signal for visitors, including lawyers, and more importantly they'd jam it for the guards.

0
4
Jedit

Re: He'd have to take care not to butt-dial anyone,

Doubly so while wiping his bottom, lest he swipe to unlock.

And here I was, thinking only the Duracell bunny had a high-capacity battery stuck up its bum.

5
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Eurovision Song Contest uncorks 1975 vote shocker: No 'Nul point'!

Jedit

" only ever worth watching to see how badly the scoring system broke down"

That's not true, there are always the gaffes to look forward to. The year when Slovenia's hosts excitedly awarded their own country 12 points despite not qualifying for the finals was a highlight.

3
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Sir Clive Sinclair in tech tin-rattle triumph

Jedit
Headmaster

"Barbarian complete with a HiRes poster of norktastic linda lusardi"

It was Maria Whittaker on the Barbarian poster. And the barbarian himself was Wolf from Gladiators.

2
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Indonesian comms ministry orders 'gay emoji' block

Jedit
Boffin

""gay" is, unsurprisingly, *not* a synonym for "stupid""

I've often wondered why people who use "gay" to mean "bad" never logically extend it and use "straight" to mean "good". And do they think bisexuality is mediocre?

1
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Microsoft researchers smash homomorphic encryption speed barrier

Jedit
Mushroom

"I suspect its probably the rather childish association"

To be honest, I first read the headline as "homophobic encryption speed barrier".

I think the downvotes have come because ISIS have not broken the homophobic encryption speed barrier. In fact, their homophobia is not encrypted at all. They're getting plenty of practice taking it to terminal velocity, though.

(Bomb, because we're dropping a lot of them on the gay-bashers of the Caliphate.)

1
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Universal Credit slammed by MPs: Late programme branded 'unacceptable'

Jedit

They complain because it's late?

They should try being on Universal Credit. The IFS just announced that it will make people poorer than they are under the existing system.

(Before anyone goes off on one about encouraging people to find work: many people who will be on UC are already working.)

15
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The monitor didn't work but the problem was between the user's ears

Jedit

"In 90's, about half of the switches could be moved with a fingernail"

Indeed, thank you Solmyr. This one was a simple slide switch that looked rather like this:

http://binged.it/1SfH5i1

I'm not going to pass comment on how they found it before finding the big rocker switch they should have been using, but it was even worse than just needing a fingernail.

3
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Jedit

"Do not try this yourself."

Too late. I've been there when someone was instructed to use the power switch on the back of the PC to turn it off and hit the voltage switcher instead. I believe that sound is sometimes referred to as "the Crack of Doom".

7
2

30 years on from Challenger, NASA remembers the fallen

Jedit
Pint

"That's as maybe, but they're not putting people into orbit any more"

So he's right, NASA haven't changed a bit. They weren't putting people into orbit thirty years ago, either.

Beer: to the crew of the Challenger and especially to Christa McAuliffe, the woman who wanted to teach history and instead became it.

3
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Major Hollywood studio eyes Paint Drying sequel

Jedit
Coat

"I do worry that at a mere 23 hours the film will gloss over a lot of the finer detail."

This being Hollywood, they'll just split it into two parts to double the box office.

I'll get my second coat, shall I?

5
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Florida cuffee surprised by pills in vagina

Jedit
Pint

"She took way too many and then couldn't tell the difference"

Muscle relaxant so she could get the bag up, then a painkiller so she wouldn't notice they were there. It's a sound theory that fits the evidence.

(Beer, even though despite being a muscle relaxant and relieving the pain you really will notice if it's inserted into a bodily orifice.)

0
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Spoilsport scientists unstick Spider-Man

Jedit
Gimp

"Doesn't sound very mystical to me."

Listen, bud - he's got MYSTICAL radioactive blood.

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