* Posts by Jedit

1171 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010

Goodbye Blighty: The alternative reality of Quatermass II

Jedit

"Later we had Ealing Studios’ Went the Day Well"

I'm not sure what the writer is trying to say here. He seems to be saying that Quatermass II was an infuence on Went The Day Well, but it was released 13 years after that movie.

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Vulcan? Not on our tiny balls. Pluto moons named Kerberos, Styx

Jedit
Boffin

"time perception is, of course, governed by the Shatner's Bassoon"

Well, that explains those ... odd ... pauses we alll ... experience ... now and again.

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Jedit
Thumb Up

Re: "Cerebus"?

Cerebus even went out to Pluto. Damn, we should have voted that as the name (and Jaka for the other one).

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'That time I hired a call girl to do my taxes while I f****d my accountant'

Jedit
FAIL

"by the definition above the McAfee install is bloody malware"

Yes, but the definition you gave for malware isn't the real definition. Malware is software intended to harm your machine. McAfee is shovelware, but it's not malware. If it was, you wouldn't have the option to untick that box.

I'm guessing you installed Flash, hammered the Next button as fast as you could, and are now crying because McAfee got installed as well.

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I told you I'd be back: Arnie set for another career revival

Jedit
Terminator

"Conan the Barbarian clearly launched his career."

Arnie's movie career was launched by Stay Hungry. His presence and attitude in that movie was what attracted people towards him as a screen actor.

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Author Iain (M) Banks falls to cancer at 59

Jedit
IT Angle

"If you haven't already read the Wasp Factory. You wont regret it."

Most people who have read The Wasp Factory advance the opinion that they do regret reading it, for a great many reasons that do not involve the book being crap.

Personally I never saw what the fuss was about with The Wasp Factory and for the most part I can't relate to the Culture books with all their GUAs [1] either. But still, in an ideal world Iain Banks would still be here, writing books I don't want to read. Ave atque vale.

[1] GUA: Generally Unexplained Acronym

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Jack Vance: Science fiction’s master of magic, mischief and sex

Jedit
Paris Hilton

Sigh...

You just couldn't resist putting up the cover for Servants of the Wankh, could you?

(Paris, because she probably has servants for that as well.)

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Who should play the next Doctor? Nominations needed!

Jedit
Joke

Re: Tulisa :)

"This year, the Doctor is doing Time"

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iPHONES and 'Pads BANNED in US for violating Samsung patent

Jedit

"Apple's "paid-for property" is in this case the White House itself."

Of course Apple owns the White House. Couldn't you tell by the Oval Office's rounded corners?

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Germans purge selves of indigestible 63-letter word

Jedit
Headmaster

"A pathetic 27 letters, but you cannot say it is worthless"

Many of us probably can't say it, period. However, I do know for sure that you can't spell it. It's "floccinaucinihilipilification", and it's 29 letters long - one more than "antidisestablishmentarianism".

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Review: Philips Hue network enabled multicolour lightbulbs

Jedit
Headmaster

Re: "There's no need to change your light fittings - you can buy screw to bayonet adapters"

No. Glass can withstand a direct push against a light spring, and when you turn it to engage the bayonet it's a loose fit. Screw sockets grip the screw more tightly, and if anything causes the screw to stick you're suddenly twisting thin glass.

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Jedit
Stop

"There's no need to change your light fittings - you can buy screw to bayonet adapters"

Most people I know who dislike screw bulbs do so because screw bulbs are much easier to break when being fitted or removed, and if this happens it's an absolute bastard to clear the socket for a fresh bulb. Bayonet adapters may make it slightly easier to remove the bulb, but they shift the problem to removing the adapter so you can reuse it. If you can't readily remove the adapter, having a screw socket adds £2 to the price of every lightbulb you buy.

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Ex-Microsoft man plans brand of consumer marijuana 'fine cigars'

Jedit
Angel

iPot

Surely it would be iNdica?

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First 'adult' app for Google Glass planned 'within days'

Jedit
Joke

"Someone might put some Deep Heat in the tube of moisturising cream..."

That's OK - the cream is for his elbow.

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Tennis pro serves up pic of bad French Open line call

Jedit
Headmaster

Re: You can not be serious.

You realise that Cyclops and Hawkeye are both developments for which McEnroe pushed very strongly, right? If Hawkeye had existed when he was playing he'd never have been known as the Brat, because he didn't get mad because the calls went against him - he got mad because they were wrong.

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Fairphone goes on sale to all

Jedit
Facepalm

"closing-time-at-a-dive-pub type ramblings got on national stages "

Ah yes, a different time when we didn't have Al Murray and Frankie Boyle.

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Prankster 'Superhero' takes on robot traffic warden AND WINS

Jedit
Joke

"I've received penalty points for speeding in Watford and Hull within 15 minutes of each other"

Dear God, man, how fast were you going?

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Apple adds Galaxy S 4 to Samsung patent suit

Jedit
Headmaster

"How about you spend that fat cash on making a better product "

Because their proprietary closed shop prevents it. As the outsiders with the unique product, their R&D team has to try and beat the combined resources of every other phone manufacturer all by itself. It's not reasonable to expect them to beat everyone, and so now the field has caught up Apple will never be top of the line again. Since the sole justification for their inflated prices is that iProducts are top of the line, if Apple want to keep their position as top dog they have no recourse except to litigate.

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Jedit
Headmaster

"Captain Ahab Apple still going after Moby Dick Samsung."

Wouldn't Apple be Moby Dick? They want an arm and a leg from Samsung and so far have only got the leg [1], and of course their whales are available in white.

Yeah, yeah, call me iShmael.

[1] Though Samsung do still have a leg to stand on.

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Review: Samsung Galaxy S4

Jedit
Coat

"On the downside, being a mini-tablet it was too big for most pockets "

How small are your pockets? My S4 fits comfortably into my shirt pocket with nothing sticking out. I'd have to bend 90 degrees at the waist to risk it tipping.

Also, don't use the Samsung generic keyboard. Gingerbread Keyboard is free, better and comes with the predictive text we all crave - though for some reason its first suggestion for "di" is "dildo". So don't take too many shortcuts when typing "didn't", or your texts could become a whole lot more fun.

Mine is, of course, the one with the Galaxy S4 in the pocket.

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NEW ITV Player app IS HERE ... for Samsung fandroids only. Ha ha

Jedit
Thumb Down

Samsung exclusivity for ITV?

Well, that would be a reason to sign up with Samsung, if I ever watched anything on ITV.

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Retro-tech fan seeks cash for Commodore 64 clones

Jedit
Stop

"Something seems amiss."

Yes, something does seem amiss - namely, that it's a flexible funding campaign. That means Biehl will get every dollar pledged even if he doesn't make his target. You should never, ever trust or pledge to a flexible funding campaign; far too many of them are scams.

It would be good if El Reg could put a note on the article warning people about this.

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Ray Harryhausen, king of stop motion, takes final voyage

Jedit
Stop

Ray Harryhausen is not dead...

... he's just waiting for the next frame.

Some things live forever. Prosit, Ray.

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How did something so small and pink cause so much trouble?

Jedit
Holmes

"And a colon map as a backup"

The colon map should have been the default plan. They could have tested it by sticking it up their arses.

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Impoverished net user slams 'disgusting' quid-a-day hack

Jedit
Angel

"Good effort."

By a bizarre coincidence, that is likely to be our response when your next £1-a-day article describes your latest attempt to use the lavatory.

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Weary quid-a-day nosh hack fears colonal mass ejection

Jedit
Joke

Mass Eject 3?

All I can say is I hope they change the ending. Lester's currently got three options but they all end the same way.

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Fanbois vs fandroids: Punters display 'tribal loyalty'

Jedit
Stop

"It's unlikely that dumb-phone holdouts are going to go straight to a top-of-the-range smartphone"

Why? That's exactly what I did when I finally got a smartphone two years ago. My logic was simple: I wanted to buy a phone that could handle anything that might come along during the lifetime of the device.

The surveys showing greater brand loyalty among Apple owners are false, though - in my experience, at least. I see people saying "I think this is where I switch from my iPhone to Phone X" all the time, but I haven't once seen someone say "I'm disappointed in my Galaxy SIII, I'm going to buy an iPhone".

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Virgin Media: SO SORRY we fined your dead dad £10 for unpaid bill

Jedit
Mushroom

"You are aware that these bills are never seen by a human being"

Unlike Atos reports, which have on several occasions now declared that a dead person is fit for work.

Mind you, given Atos' track record for recommending that the benefits of critically disabled or terminally ill people be stopped, I don't think being compiled by a staff member rules out their never having been seen by a human being.

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Crackdown looming on premium-rate phone number internet ads

Jedit
Thumb Up

This is good news

Now all we need is to institute the death penalty [1] for the scum who cold call from "the technical support service of Windows", and we'll be set.

[1] Some negotiation may be required here.

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Gov.uk named THE BEST THING Britain has made all year

Jedit
Boffin

"This service doesn’t work with some modern browsers and operating systems"

There was an article on this in the new Private Eye. Apparently the benefits claim form has small print saying you may have problems trying to use the site with the following systems and software:

All Macs

All Linux-based systems

Windows Vista (and therefore presumably Win7)

IE versions above 6

Chrome

Safari

Firefox

In other words, this masterpiece of design is incompatible with literally every computer made in the last six years.

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Cutting CO2 too difficult? Try these 4 simple tricks instead

Jedit
Paris Hilton

"What a complete non-story, it is not like any of this is "new" information"

This is the internet. Its entire purpose is to distribute pornography, bad opinions and weird tricks discovered by housewives. This article has done the last and several commentards have done the second, so it was worthwhile.

(Paris, because we may as well complete the trifecta.)

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Review: Kobo Arc Android tablet

Jedit
Facepalm

"Reading" material, huh?

Next time El Reg gets someone to review a tablet or e-reader, it might be a good idea if they were advised to take their porno off the page before taking the photos or screenshots.

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Australian Feds charge 17-year-old 'Anon' with four crimes

Jedit
Headmaster

"He was Anonymous but not anonymous."

Actually he is still anonymous. As a minor his name is protected.

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ANCIENT CURSED RING known to TOLKIEN goes on display

Jedit
Trollface

Re: Ancient and cursed ring?

So that was you in the Goatse picture?

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Chinese game addict MURDERS girlfriend after she leaves him

Jedit
Stop

"He couldn't have been that distracted if he caught wind"

Unless he "caught wind" when she told him she was leaving him for someone else.

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Furious Stephen Fry blasts 'evil' Reg and 'TW*T' Orlowski

Jedit
Headmaster

"you can still be a twat !!"

Interestingly, "twat" is Neil Gaiman's past tense for "tweet". Example: "Stephen Fry twat six times today".

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The gaming habits of Reg readers revealed

Jedit
Joke

"does my 2 yo really need to see my one shot sniper kill?"

He does if you ever expect him to get good at the game!

Me, I'm sensing a man desperately trying to delay the inevitable day whe he gets pwned by his preschooler...

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Osborne slashes growth forecast by half in bleak economy statement

Jedit
Stop

"while even more would argue..."

No, I don't think they would. Cameron and Osborne are still in Downing Street, so the government clearly hasn't gone anywhere near far enough.

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BYOD: Bring Your Own Device - or Bring Your Own Disaster?

This post has been deleted by a moderator

'Wireless charging' in Galaxy S4 will betray Samsung's best pal

Jedit
Devil

"Give me convenience or give me death!"

Shouldn't that be "give me convenience *and* give me death"?

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Jedit
Headmaster

"Errr, remind me, which was the best out of those?"

In terms of quality, Betamax. VHS survived because it was a bit cheaper.

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Carrie Fisher dusts off THAT bikini for Star Wars VII

Jedit
Trollface

"I never understood what was so special..."

Indeed. But enough about Serenity - what did you think of Star Wars?

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Twenty classic arcade games

Jedit
Thumb Up

Re: I spent ages playing Tempest...

For reference, the "claw" in Tempest is called a C-Shooter.

Dave Theurer's finest hour, that game, and it didn't get any worse when Jeff Minter remade it as Tempest 2000.

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Tesco: Every little (effort to kill Amazon, Spotify) helps

Jedit
Devil

"I can see it now films brought to you by Tesco"

They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

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Unwearable tech: Five ways IT garb's gone HORRIBLY WRONG

Jedit
Alert

"A Fully Integrated RF-Powered Contact Lens With a Single Element Display'"

Is there something wrong with me that my first reaction to seeing that was to try and figure out what the humourous acronym was?

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BBC: Monster cargo ship delivers '863 million tins of baked beans'

Jedit
Headmaster

"is the Triple E the class, or the name?"

It's the class, obviously. You see it, and you go "Eee, that's a big ship!"

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Apple design bloke Ive finally honoured properly - with Blue Peter badge

Jedit
Headmaster

where's your, "double-sided sticky tape, for speed"?

Apple patented it so they could use it in Apple Maps.

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Satanic Renault takes hapless French bloke on 200km/h joyride

Jedit
Megaphone

A Renault, you say?

"Papa?"

"NIICOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

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Public told to go to hell, name Pluto's two new moons

Jedit
Headmaster

"Acheron and Styx"

If you're going to name them for a pair of rivers, Phlegethon and Styx would be more appropriate. The water nymph Styx (for whom the river is named) was in love with the fire spirit Phlegethon, but died at his touch.

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Huge rock-hard marble erection shocks Japanese kiddies

Jedit
Angel

"I've seen bigger pricks down at the local bank."

Not unusual, really. The average man has 5.5-7 inches, whereas the average bank manager is closer to six foot.

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