* Posts by Jedit

1178 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010

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Quentin Tarantino in talks to make Star Trek movie

Jedit
Boffin

"Michael Madsen - cutting Farengi ears off while whistling"

That's not going to happen. It would take the entire length of the movie.

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Facebook bends to pressure, opens German center to löschen abuse, gets yelled at by spies

Jedit
Thumb Up

Nice place for a call centre

I've been to Essen a number of times for the International Spieltage trade fair (AKA Spiel). I like it; it's in the middle of a nest of small towns that puts me in mind of what London would be like if it wasn't an evil vampire monster pretending to be one place. It's a bit lacking in things to do, but it's only 30 minutes train from Dusseldorf.

(This post was not sponsored by the North Rhein-Westfalen tourist board.)

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Team Trump goes in to bat for Google and Facebook

Jedit
Mushroom

"everyone else has to live with the consequences"

Only temporarily. (See post icon for details.)

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Fear not, driverless car devs, UK.gov won't force you to write Trolley Problem solutions

Jedit

"the default action would be to stop as quickly as possible"

Of course it would. But the whole point of the Trolley Problem is that it involves a scenario where stopping is not possible. If the trolley could stop, it wouldn't be a problem.

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Jedit
Terminator

"an old lady pushing a shopping trolley, and a cyclist - which one do you hit?"

The problem with that choice is that different priorities exist. If you are a typical city centre car driver, you hit the cyclist because that stupid bastard shouldn't have been there in the first place. If you are a pragmatist, then you hit the old lady because she has had a long and good life and the cyclist deserves the same chance. If you are a moral absolutist then you hit whichever of the two was in the dumbest position and hence most deserved to be hit, and so on.

The government don't want to regulate on this because to serve their own purposes would say too much about them. But they'd probably rule that cars had to hit the cyclist, because the cyclist is more likely to be poor and the old lady is more likely to vote Tory.

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Help desk declared code PEBCAK and therefore refused to help!

Jedit
Thumb Up

Re: PICNIC

That's the one we always used to use, as it was easier to slip into the reports unnoticed. "Resolving this ticket was a picnic", and similar.

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BOFH: But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?

Jedit
Joke

"It's the only way we're going to be able to do this business-critical backup."

If you undo your belt your trousers will fall down. Is that what you mean by a business critical back up?

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Twitter to be 'aggressive' enforcer of new, stronger rules

Jedit
Headmaster

"that wouldn't stop 'evangelists' from retweeting"

The OP is talking about hellbanning Trump. If you're hellbanned, the only person who can see what you post is you. You think you're talking to the world, but you're just screaming into the void. So nobody would be retweeting or publishing, because they'd never see it.

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Grant Shapps of coup shame fame stands by 'broadbad' research

Jedit

Re: He cites his own constituency experience in Essendon...

He's an idiot who half-arsed his way through a rushed meeting, burbling buzzwords and platitudes rather than anything of substance. Take a look at the negotations with the EU and tell me Shapps wouldn't fit right in.

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Home Sec Amber Rudd: Yeah, I don't understand encryption. So what?

Jedit

"as many "sneering" experts have previously pointed out"

Or as the Tories would put it, sneering "experts". Of whom we are, of course, tired of hearing their opinions on their specialist subjects. They truly are an idiocracy, valuing ignorance over knowledge because knowledge exposes the emptiness of their ideology. Auberon Waugh was ashamed of the Conservatives in 1983; God knows what he'd think of them now.

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BOFH: Come on, PFY, let's pick a Boss

Jedit
Boffin

"Why would they kick their own robot out of the window?"

Because it's the boss now. And that's what you do.

1
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30 strong fingers but still no happy ending for robotic back rub

Jedit
Terminator

"Aaaaahhhhh-two-dee-two ?"

More like Threepiohhhh.

"Sir, I am fluent in over six million forms of masturbation."

"Do you speak dirty?"

16
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Welcome to the future: Bluetooth jackets you can only wash 10 times. Gee, thanks, Google

Jedit
Thumb Down

"this jacket might be shit, but the iJacket 3..."

If you think I'm queuing overnight without a jacket, you can think again.

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Jedit
Headmaster

"now can someone show me the problem?"

Same as it always has been: idiots currently have too much money.

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It's high time we extend Freedom of Information Act to outsourcers

Jedit

"(DExEU) granted only 15 per cent of FoI requests in full"

To be fair, no government department can provide information it doesn't have. If there's one thing Leavers and Remainers should be able to agree on it's that the management of Brexit has thus far been utterly shambolic. In the three months following the triggering of Article 50 most of the requests received by DExEU would be along the lines of "What are your plans?" and "When are you going to start negotiating?" - two questions to which sending no answer would be answering in full.

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Connect at mine free Wi-Fi! I would knew what I is do! I is cafe boss!

Jedit

Re: Obession with (free) Wi-Fi

You can at least rely on Wi-Fi to provide data, especially when abroad. The number of times I've stayed in a hotel that was a data blackspot outweigh the times when I haven't.

This trend to connect everything to the internet is disturbing, though. I think the lowlight was the internet-connected refrigerator that would log its contents and power consumption using an app and send handy notes to your phone that you hadn't bought milk since Tuesday or that you'd spent £6.75 operating it this month. "Well, we programmed the smart lighting system and the smart TV to turn on and off on a variable timer to simulate us being home. Unfortunately someone hacked the smart fridge and the log told them that nobody had opened the door in five days."

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Uber sued by Uber for tarnishing the good name of Uber

Jedit
Coat

A bad day for business, a glorious day for punnage

Don't Ubermenschen: The War

Yeah, yeah, I know...

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Samsung gains ground on smartphones

Jedit
Coat

"some 90 MegaPhones in Q4, 2016."

I didn't realise the megaphone was a unit of measurement. No wonder they're so noisy on the bus.

(Mine's the one with a Note 4 in the pocket...)

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Atari shoots sueball at KitKat maker over use of 'Breakout' in ad

Jedit

Re: Nestlé's legal department....

I was torn between upvoting this for the pun and downvoting because I'd wanted to post it myself.

Personally, I think both parties are Batty.

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Strip club selfie bloke's accidental discharge gets him 6 years in clink

Jedit
Big Brother

"attempted murder charges are what it takes to deny someone the right to bear arms"

I think you'll find there were more significant factors involved, such as the gentleman in question not being white. Although that's more of an excuse than the actual law [1], to be fair.

[1] For now. Expect the tangerine twat's executive order prohibiting black people from owning Dodge Chargers at any moment.

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Batteries that don't burn at the drop of a Galaxy Note 7? We're listening

Jedit

"Not me. I'm slave to the rhythm."

Speak for yourself. I'd rather be a slave to love.

6
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Watch this nanochip reprogram cells to fix damaged body tissue

Jedit
IT Angle

"I'd mention Jake The Peg, but that might take things a bit too far"

He certainly did.

(The IT angle: can you guess what IT is?)

1
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Jedit

"Two more todgers, you say? Tell me - how do your trousers fit?"

They'd probably have to be made to measure, so quite well.

Of course, getting the measurements may prove tricky. "Do you dress to the left or to the right, sir?" "Yes."

3
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Cardiff did Nazi that coming: Hackers slap Trump, swastikas, Sharia law on e-sign

Jedit
Big Brother

"a volatile relationship with dried frog pills"

So long as they are responsibly sourced dried frog pills, I don't mind. And by "responsibly sourced" I mean "made out of Pepe".

BTW, I think my post icon has been hacked.

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Expect the Note 8 to break the bank (and your wallet)

Jedit

I'm down. Samsung designs have been on fire lately.

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Juicy fine for Bradford firm after it blurts one million spam texts

Jedit

"Or am I comparing apples to oranges?"

Indeed. Or possibly to raspberries.

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All your bass are belong to us: Soundcloud fans raid site for music amid fears of total collapse

Jedit

Re: "Fully funded into the fourth quarter"

"Fully funded into the fourth quarter" doesn't automatically mean "fully funded through the fourth quarter", though. They could have enough cash to keep the lights on until October 1st and no more, and still make their claim.

That said, it's still more than fifty days until the end of Q3 2017.

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When 'Saving The Internet' means 'Saving Crony Capitalism'

Jedit
Joke

Re: Smash the monopolies

If we're going to play Smash The Monopoly, I want to be the boot.

And no arguments about how in your family it's the top hat, please.

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Male escort says he gave up IT to do something more meaningful

Jedit
Devil

"If I did it, I'd get to make a big difference to people's lives!"

Stuff asking "why aren't there more women in tech", the real question we should be asking is why there are so many male engineers when they all seem to think

<------>

is eight inches.

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Jedit

Re: What sort of clientele?

I would upvote this OP, but it's at +69 right now and I won't be the one to spoil it.

4
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Fresh cotton underpants fix series of mysterious mainframe crashes

Jedit
Angel

"Surely a moment calling for supreme delicacy and tact?"

Perhaps not supreme delicacy. That was presumably required shortly after, as the writer implies that enquiries were also made into the nature of the lady's underwear.

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Cheeky IT rival parks 'we're hiring' van outside 'vote Tory' firm Storm Technologies

Jedit
Trollface

"VOTE CONSERVATIVE if you believe in free enterprise and progression"

"If you desire a LINUX USER for a neighbour, vote Labour.

If you are already burdened with one, vote Conservative."

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Gay Dutch vultures become dads

Jedit
WTF?

"the gay Teutonic vultures, Guido and Detlef"

Hopefully some German-speaking Reg reader will correct me if I'm wrong, but I was given to understand that "detlef" was the German equivalent word to "faggot". Not very PC, that.

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Seminal game 'Colossal Cave Adventure' released onto GitLab

Jedit
Trollface

"You are in a maze of twisty passages, all alike."

It is dank. You may get memed by a grue.

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Bloke charged under UK terror law for refusing to cough up passwords

Jedit

"if they didn't pick up arms and charge over the top"

I think you have the wrong war. Unless you're north of 50 it's more likely that your grandfather fought in World War II, not World War I.

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Fake ruse: USA Today calls the FBI after half of its 15m Facebook Likes turn out to be bogus

Jedit
Trollface

"fb claim almost 2 billion accounts but always forget to mention..."

YOU CAN'T MAKE

500 MILLION FRIENDS

WITHOUT MAKING

A FEW BOTNETS

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Fire fighters get grinding on London man’s trapped genitalia

Jedit
Devil

"... then apply a blow torch to the metal ring."

That's not what they meant by "give him a blow job"!

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Master of Dredd: Judge inker John Higgins speaks to The Reg

Jedit

Re: Democracy

You misspelled "America" there, but I'll forgive you as the two words have little connection these days.

Totally unrelated to Higgins or Dredd, but Summer Magic just got a full reprint this week. John Ridgway's art in top form (and Ridgway illustrated The Dead Man - ha, there's your Dredd connection).

This forum needs a Dredd icon.

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Jedit
IT Angle

Meltdown Man

Sorry to be a pedant on what is otherwise a good post, but Meltdown Man was illustrated by Massimo Belardinelli. Sadly taken from us too young, like Joe Colquhoun and now Steve Dillon.

6
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Male escort forgot pregnancy protection, scores data protection instead

Jedit

"R-Type? Something related to the Super Nintendo game?"

She has lost her battle against the Buydildo Empire.

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BOFH: This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back

Jedit

"It needs a NSFW tag on it to avoid coffee splattered monitors and keyboards"

If your coffee drinking is NSFW, you're using the wrong orifice.

1
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Come celebrate World Hypocrisy Day

Jedit
FAIL

"shocked to see it for sale on AliExpress"

He was probably the only one who was shocked. Whenever a "lifestyle accessory" project like this hits a crowdfunding platform, nine times out of ten it's cheap tat that was already on sale on Alibaba being resold at a 300% markup.

5
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Drupal sci-fi sex scandal deepens: Now devs spank Dries over Gor bloke's banishment

Jedit
Devil

Re: Sin and sex

Speak for yourself, you God-benighted sinner.

0
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Super Cali goes ballistic, Uber drivers are stocious (allegedly!)

Jedit
Headmaster

"Yay, the regular Super Cali headline"

Nobody's ever beaten the original newspaper headline recorded after Inverness Caledonian Thistle (AKA Caley Thistle) beat Celtic: "Super Caley go ballistic, Celtic are atrocious".

Also this one doesn't match the song; it needs to drop a syllable in the second half. "Uber drivers stocious" works, as does "Uber hacks are stocious".

Now if you'll excuse me, the wind just changed and I need to go back to work.

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Prisoners built two PCs from parts, hid them in ceiling, connected to the state's network and did cybershenanigans

Jedit
FAIL

Nobody ever asks the important questions

OK, we know how the inmates got the parts. We know how they got them into the ceiling. We even know how they got the PCs rigged up to a display. But nobody - NOBODY - has asked the most important question of all:

Can it run Crysis?

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Eric S. Raymond says you probably fit one of eight tech archetypes

Jedit

"There are two more archetypes"

I suspect most of us believe there are only two archetypes, total: "complete and utter twunts", and "me".

Everybody holds this opinion simultaneously, and everybody is right.

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Boaty McBoatface sinks in South Atlantic on her maiden deployment

Jedit
Joke

"They managed to get a cheap lot of surplus phone batteries from a source in Korea."

And just as the Note 7 was recalled, the North Korean nuclear programme took a lurch forward. I wonder what happened to all those defective batteries.

1
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It's not just Elon building bridges to the brain: The Internet of Things is coming to a head

Jedit
Paris Hilton

""My objective ... is to read and write the underlying functions of the human brain"

Reading brain functions doesn't bother me, but writing? Not to go all tinfoil hat here, but there's not an open system that can't be broken into with sufficient time, effort and incentive. And when you apply that to the human brain, you literally get mind control. That's a pretty big incentive.

(Paris, because at least she'd be safe.)

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BOFH: The Boss, the floppy and the work 'experience'

Jedit

"James is now rolled in carpet under a layer of quicklime."

I read that as "a layer of QuickTime", a fate I wouldn't wish on anyone.

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US Senate votes to let broadband ISPs sell your browser histories

Jedit

"you voted in Donald Trump, now you are having to pay the price"

No. Only Trump voters voted in Donald Trump, but everyone is paying the price.

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