* Posts by Jedit

1226 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010

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No, seriously, why are you holding your phone like that?

Jedit
Coat

"The advantage of flip/slide mobiles"

Well, we wouldn't want any sensitive bits that increase their length when used to be unprotected, now, would we?

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Astroboffins spy the brightest quasar that lit the universe's dark ages

Jedit
Headmaster

"Either someone's being mis-quoted, source data is wrong..."

... or somebody is rounding to the nearest billion.

We don't have precise data on the age of the universe, either. It could be a bit older than we think, simply because the first stars might be so far away that due to the speed of light we cannot observe them yet.

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Sysadmin cracked military PC’s security by reading the manual

Jedit
Joke

"I read the manual"

To be fair, putting the instructions on how to bypass your security in the manual is about the safest thing you can do. Nobody tech-savvy would ever think to look there, and nobody else ever reads the manual.

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Bankrupt Aussie Hells Angel scoops £750k lottery jackpot

Jedit

"I guess you didn't mean Faecal Occult Blood Test"

Not much difference between one of those and a fixed odds betting terminal. They're both full of shit and involve bleeding the unfortunate.

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Dear Samsung mobe owners: It may leak your private pics to randoms

Jedit
Devil

Re: Gullible wanted

An Eiffel Tower? It's amazing what you can buy with the proceeds from selling slurped data.

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Science fiction legend Harlan Ellison ends his short time on Earth

Jedit

Minor pedant

It's "And I Must Scream", not "But".

Also, no mention of Babylon 5? For shame. In addition to writing an episode, Comes The Inquisitor is directly based on an Ellison story ("The Prowler in the City at the Edge of the World") and Ellison even appeared in the show twice.

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Atari accuses El Reg of professional trolling and making stuff up. Welp, here's the interview tape for you to decide...

Jedit

"It feels like a Star Citizen story."

You might say that something pongs about Atari's new console project. And I'm greatly disappointed that the Reg headline maker didn't.

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Microsoft says Windows 10 April update is fit for business rollout

Jedit
Trollface

reduction “in operating system and driver stability issues^W.”

So what you're saying is that Microsoft have removed all the issues?

I haven't even seen the reporting tool with the new update. I'm ready to accept that this may be because the new update broke it.

4
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This HTC U12+ review page is left intentionally blank

Jedit
Coat

"So after reviewing other reviews"

A post so good I read it twice. I just couldn't resist reviewing it.

1
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Facebook tells users to report crappy customer service from advertisers

Jedit
Mushroom

So, we'll be clicking all ads then

Because all Facebook ads are spam, except the ones that are scams. And as with spam, if I see an ad for your company on Facebook then you have LOST my potential future business because good businesses don't need to spam.

Incidentally, if you try reporting one of Facebook's own pages to them you get a "Whoops, something went wrong!" message.

2
2

Schadenfreude for UK mobile networks over the tumult at Carphone

Jedit
Stop

"the victim of identity theft perpetrated by Carphone Warehouse"

Carphone Whorehouse did not try to steal your identity. Maybe, just maybe, one member of staff did. More likely, it's that someone else tried to steal your details and use them to buy a phone from CPW - unlocked phones can be fenced for good value at high speed, and CPW are the best high street vendor. That happened to me about 11 years ago, and while I've never shopped at CPW for more than a case, I've never blamed them either.

3
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Amazon scam trio primed for prison stretch after million-dollar fraud

Jedit
WTF?

"Amazon are evil, but they're convenient evil."

Your refund and replace is being funded out of the pockets of their line workers. I for one would prefer them to be somewhat less convenient and a lot less evil.

2
1

Samsung escapes obligation to keep old phones patched

Jedit

"Since the EU has rules against built in obsolescence"

Failure to support with software isn't built in, though? It's the manufacturer's choice when and if to stop supporting its devices. But you won't find me arguing that they should have to provide support for reasonable life of the device - two years should be the bare minimum because that's the typical contract length, and preferably it should be four or five years.

Non-removable batteries, on the other hand...

2
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Smut site offers VPN so you don't bare all online

Jedit
Trollface

Save yourself embarrassment!

"Please tell the court what site were you browsing for this adult material on."

"PORNHUB, your honour!"

"And where did you first hear about this ... porn hub?"

"thereg"

"Pardon?"

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BOFH: Their bright orange plumage warns other species, 'Back off! I'm dangerous!'

Jedit
Pint

"always carry a carrot for self-defence"

Sounds to me like someone has never seen Shoot Em Up.

(Beer, because it's about the only thing someone isn't killed with in that movie.)

15
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10 social networks ignored UK government consultations

Jedit
Flame

"what would happen if we asked an AI about whether our politicians are fit for purpose?"

What smoke coming out of the back? It's just a coincidence that the AI looks just like a crematorium oven. Now if the honourable member for Ham-on-Rye can just lie down, please, we need to put you inside so the machine can scan you.

0
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Off with e's head: E-cig explosion causes first vaping death

Jedit
Holmes

"injuries from electronic cigarettes are surprisingly common"

I hadn't heard of anyone being even injured by sucking R2-D2's cock before, let alone actually killed. So "surprisingly" is at least the right adjective. I'm not sure what word you could use in place of "common" without it sounding like you mean it happens a lot, though. "Frequent" and "often" both have that implication when combined with a hyperbolic.

(Sherlock, because there is detection to be done and this is a two-cartridge problem.)

5
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Cambridge Analytica dismantled for good? Nope: It just changed its name to Emerdata

Jedit
Thumb Up

"Is it just me who keeps reading it as "Emmerdale"? "

Well, they are farmers.

7
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Windrush immigration papers scandal is a big fat GDPR fail for UK.gov

Jedit

"they failed to keep accurate data that was relevant to these people's cases"

When the data was thrown out, it wasn't relevant; these people had undisputed indefinite right to remain. It only became relevant when May decided it was now relevant - after knowingly overseeing its destruction.

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Jedit

You're missing the point. These people didn't need a visa, because they were already citizens. It wasn't until much later that it was agreed the Empire was over and Commonwealth citizens would not automatically qualify for British nationality. What the Tories are trying to do is retroactively apply that to the people who spent their working lives contributing to Britain, so that we won't have to repay them with care in their retirement. It's a simple attempt to keep the pension system ticking over for their core voter base.

The killer irony is that to a man Britain's racist filth, who voted Brexit to get back to the glory days of Empire and "kick out the darkies", fail to understand that the Empire is the sole reason said "darkies" came here in the first place.

(NB: "racist filth" and "Brexit voter" is not a reversible equation here. All racists voted to leave the EU; not all people who voted to leave the EU are racist.)

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That's no moon... er, that's an asteroid. And it'll be your next and final home, spacefarer

Jedit
Thumb Down

"MELiSSA"

I think the scientific community needs to formalise strict legislation preventing the use of backronyms.

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Whoops! Google forgot to delete Right To Be Forgotten search result

Jedit
Trollface

"tell them you were on tour doing backing-vocals for Justin Bieber..."

If you were on tour with Bieber doing backing vocals, why would you not lie and say you were in Dartmoor?

8
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'Dear Mr F*ckingjoking': UK PM Theresa May's mass marketing missive misses mark

Jedit
Trollface

"I address mine to the paper recycling bin at the local tip."

Nice one.

Back in the days when Freepost reply coupons still existed, when I felt the urge to waste some annoying company's money I'd typically fill out the details as Mr A Hitler, 1 Bunkerstrasse, Berlin on the basis that 1) sending mail to other countries is more expensive and 2) if it somehow actually got through, nobody deserved the deluge of junk mail more than Hitler. Plus, it added the enjoyment of wondering exactly what he would do with a conservatory in an underground shelter.

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Jedit
Mushroom

"your tax dollars paid for something"

Being British, our tax DOLLARS didn't pay for anything. However much Theresa May wants to help Trump find his dick, we're not the 51st state yet.

5
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2001: A Space Odyssey has haunted pop culture with anxiety about rogue AIs for half a century

Jedit

"HAL ... was under the control of the monolith or in contact with it"

Not until 2010, when Discovery was destroyed by the conversion of Jupiter. Before that his behaviour was explained by the conflicting orders, as previously described: his original instruction to assist the Discovery's crew in exploring the orbit of Jupiter, and the post-Monolith instruction to prevent anyone learning what they found there.

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Jedit
Headmaster

"the monolith is a representation of a wideframe cinema screen rotated 90°."

*dons pedant hat and also running shoes for quick getaway*

Nope, sorry. The dimensions of the Monolith are explicitly given as being in the ratio 1:4:9 - the first three square numbers. The ratio of a cinema screen is 2.35:1, not the necessary 2.25:1.

33
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Facebook exec extracts foot from mouth: We didn't really mean growth matters more than human life

Jedit
Big Brother

"That would pretty much finish off anything more advanced than pond scum"

What's the point if it still wouldn't get rid of Facebook executives?

9
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Magic Leap bounds into SF's Games Developer Conference and... disappears

Jedit
Boffin

"They have mastered the "augmented" part, now they will tackle the "reality" part..."

Please, I think it's fairly obvious that Magic Leap have succeeded completely. Augmented Reality is about making people see things that aren't really there, and it certainly seems to be the case that their partners are seeing things that don't exist. Like their product.

23
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Android P will hear no evil, see no evil, support evil notches

Jedit

Re: Polo Mint

The chief selling point of Android P is that it closes holes, not opens them.

I think it'll just be Peanut Butter, no cups.

1
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10 PRINT "ZX81 at 37" 20 GOTO 10

Jedit

"I had a Memotech 16K Rampack. Seems they used the same solution"

Assuming I'm not misremembering the name after 35 years and we're not talking about the same peripheral: it's quite likely they used the same blueprint for the external shell, if not the same manufacturer.

1
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Jedit

Re: Gateway Drug

The best RAM packs for the ZX81 were the dkTronics line. Instead of being a vertical box, they were shaped to fit the rear of the computer and came with a Velcro pad to secure the far end. Absolutely stable, and with larger surface area they ran cooler to boot.

6
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You get a criminal record! And you get a criminal record! Peach state goes bananas with expanded anti-hack law

Jedit

Re: "I am so happy will not be around when "Generation Triggered" is writing the laws"

@Eddy Ito: it's not the scrapping of the tax break that is important. It's that the L-G of Georgia is using his political power in the service of a private body. And not even to support the issue that group lobbies for - he's doing it so they can enjoy a completely unrelated privilege. It's naked corruption and may even be straight up illegal (IANAL).

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Jedit
Mushroom

"I am so happy will not be around when "Generation Triggered" is writing the laws"

So are they.

The lieutenant governor of Georgia just declared that he would kill any tax legislation that benefits Delta Airlines because in the wake of Parkland they ended their discount program for NRA members. Just the kind of lawmaker America needs!

10
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Hot NAND: Samsung wheels out 30TB SSD monster

Jedit
Joke

"bad PM can be evil and even worse when the are suggesting bad solutions..."

You must have been up too long. This is an article about Samsung SSDs, not Brexit.

1
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KFC: Enemy of waistlines, AI, arteries and logistics software

Jedit

"Not an acronym"

Looks like an intended backronym to me. Luckily El Reg has installed PRATS: Pedantic Register Acronym Testing System.

(Before anyone takes offence, I came here to post the correction myself.)

7
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From tomorrow, Google Chrome will block crud ads. Here's how it'll work

Jedit
Stop

"I run noscript, even for El Reg."

Especially use it for El Reg. The Google Ads script that it uses regularly causes the site to hang or the page to crash in Internet Explorer and Firefox. But not in Chrome, which I'm sure is a complete coincidence and not actually Google's deliberate intent.

So far as I'm concerned, Google Ads are malware.

3
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Aching bad: 'Kingpin Granny' nicked in huge prescription drugs bust

Jedit
Joke

"Loitering with intent to use a pedestrian crossing"

But the lady in question is not a coloured gentleman?

Looks like your racial sensitivity training had some effect, Savage. You're a disgrace to the modern police force.

4
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Game of Thrones showrunners to make Star Wars flicks

Jedit
Devil

Another tragically missed headline

THRONES SHOWRUNNERS SWAP NOOKIE FOR WOOKIEES

Number of knights who fancy their sister remains constant

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1

Crowdfunding small print binned as Retro Computers Ltd loses court refund action

Jedit
Headmaster

"rather than anything to do with IndieGoGo"

Indiegogo is where you go if you can't meet the standard required by Kickstarter. They are notorious for providing a "flexible funding" method, where the project runner gets paid even if the goal isn't met - and thus they are by their own admission incapable of fulfilling their promises. Basically, you should assume that any IGG project with flexible funding is a scam.

1
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RIP Ursula K Le Guin: The wizard of Earthsea

Jedit
Unhappy

Re: A good read?!

For she goes not blindly; but surely, knowing the way.

16
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PACK YOUR BAGS! Two Trappist-1 planets have watery oceans, most likely to be inhabitable

Jedit

"why does the artwork always show a scenery which is pretty much unlikely?"

Because if people want to see a realistic looking alien world, they'll go to Anglesey.

32
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Facebook invents new unit of time to measure modern attention spans: 1/705,600,000 of a sec

Jedit
Go

Days since last flick was given

By a strange coincidence, the flick is also the exact length of time that it is worth devoting to any "tag a friend" post on Facebook.

7
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Sad-sack Anon calling himself 'Mr Cunnilingus' online is busted for DDoSing ex-bosses

Jedit

"15 years with no practice"

He's an anonymous DDOSer. When the system beat him, it was the first time in his life that a pussy got licked.

3
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Junk food meets junk money: KFC starts selling Bitcoin Bucket

Jedit
FAIL

"Satoshi Nakamoto has chosen to remain anonymous"

He doesn't appear to be making a very good job of it.

7
3

Heart of darkness: Inside the Osówka underground city

Jedit

"A clear mandate for destroying the British economy, then."

I think people are more tired of everything being used as an excuse to make a Brexit joke, and probably not a little aggrieved at being compared to Nazis.

30
6

Twitter's not dreaming of a white supremacist Xmas: Accounts nuked

Jedit

"Can't ban Trump"

Yeah, this measure reeks of an attempt to get good publicity, coming as it does so soon after a declaration from Twitter that they haven't removed Trump's account because it generates too much public interest (and hence ad revenue).

4
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Engineer named Jason told to re-write the calendar

Jedit
Unhappy

"Can't we get rid of May?"

We tried that in June, but we were foiled by the Orange March.

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Sigh. It's not quite Star Trek's Data, but it'll do: AI helps boffins clock second Solar System

Jedit
FAIL

"Hey, if Uranus can be different with its axial tilt"

You were told already, the solar system got Uranus down on the ecliptic.

1
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Quentin Tarantino in talks to make Star Trek movie

Jedit
Boffin

"Michael Madsen - cutting Farengi ears off while whistling"

That's not going to happen. It would take the entire length of the movie.

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Facebook bends to pressure, opens German center to löschen abuse, gets yelled at by spies

Jedit
Thumb Up

Nice place for a call centre

I've been to Essen a number of times for the International Spieltage trade fair (AKA Spiel). I like it; it's in the middle of a nest of small towns that puts me in mind of what London would be like if it wasn't an evil vampire monster pretending to be one place. It's a bit lacking in things to do, but it's only 30 minutes train from Dusseldorf.

(This post was not sponsored by the North Rhein-Westfalen tourist board.)

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