* Posts by Alister

3335 posts • joined 19 May 2010

WHO was it that TAMED the WOLF? Heel, Rex! No! Aarrghh!

Alister Silver badge

Researchers led by Olaf Thalmann of the University of Turku in Finland used prehistoric genomes

First read that as prehistoric gnomes, strange how my mind works...

Doctor Who nicked my plot and all I got was a mention in this lousy feature

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Re: Cybermen = Borg

You appear to have it arse about face - the Cybermen predate the Borg by two decades at least, and in fact there is a case to be made that the creators of the Borg were influenced by Cybermen. (erm, not BY Cybermen, you understand, just by the idea)

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Also surprised you didn't mention The Androids of Tara - a very recognisable remake of The Prisoner of Zenda, so recognisable, It spoilt my enjoyment of the original broadcast, to some extent.

Billionaire vows to turn 007's Lotus Esprit into actual submarine car

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So, he wants to take car powered by a humungous battery of cells which object violently to being short circuited, and sink it in water...

More power to his elbow, I say.

Terminator-style robot busts leg in martial arts demo mishap

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According to Boston Dynamics, Atlas is a high mobility robot designed to negotiate difficult outdoor terrain.

Ah, there's your problem, right there...

It should have been designed to negotiate tricky indoor terrain, you know like highly polished lab floors, loose rugs, spilt cups of coffee, that sot of thing.

Microsoft holds nose, shoves Windows into Android, iOS boxes

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Newsflash... Windows Home editions do not contain a Remote Desktop (Terminal Services) server. This has been true all the way back to XP.

Reg reader's nipper takes felt pens to Vulture 2

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Re: ... to counterpoint

Oh freddled gruntbuggly, Thy micturations are to me As plurdled gabbleblotchits On a lurgid bee.

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Stelios Zacharias...

That's not the bloke that owns EasyJet is it??

I wouldn't take design advice from someone who paints aircraft like he does :-)

Joking apart, that gets my vote as well, excellent

Mac fans: You don't need Windows to get ripped off in tech support scams

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Re: Heh


<"support"> "Hello I am Paul, ringing from Microsoft. We have identified a problem with your computer"

<me> "Oh, Hello. Which one?"

<"support"> "Yes, your computer has a virus."

<me>"Yes, which one?"


<me>"Which computer? I have about twenty here at the moment"

<"support" (sticking grimly to the script)>"Please can you click on your Start button and ..."

<me>"I don't have a Start button"

<"support"> ... <click>

The Vulture 2: What paintjob should we put on our soaraway spaceplane?

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Is that you, alter-Eadon??

I'll call for UK law shakeup to cuff global web crime lords - new top cyber cop

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As my Lord Vimes says above, the term global web crime lords could be applied to many people, although not quite the ones Mr Archibald is thinking of...

Theresa May, David Cameron, Keith Alexander for instance?

Best Buy: Bring us your cowering, unwanted Microsoft Surface masses

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What are they going to do with them? If a retailer is offering buy-back on an item, It's usually because they can sell them on to other folk, but I can't see this being a viable option.

Maybe they think sufficient people will use the money they get from the buy-back to put towards a new purchase?

Cambridge withdraws from World Solar Challenge

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Re: Land Rover. We may not own the company any more

@AC 11:46

Hence we can blame the faulty Jags on the Indians who own and run it, not on the UK ex unionised car workers who killed the industry by producing Austin Allegro's and Morris Ital's

Are you a greengrocer? Only you seem to have a problem with apostrophes...

Hang in there, Internet Explorer peeps: Gaping zero-day fix coming Tues

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State-backed hackers: You think you're so mysterious, but you're really not – report

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Re: It's those 'regional traits' that give you away

Oi drove moi traactor threw yur net-stack larst noight, oohh aargh, oohh arrgh.

500 MEELLION PCs still run Windows XP. How did we get here?

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At time of writing a whopping one-third of the world’s millions of PCs were still running Microsoft’s 13-year-old client operating system

I would be intrigued to know how many Windows 2000 desktops there are still out there in daily use. I know a number of our clients still run it.


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Re: This is just a certificate for fascist snoopers

Mr Godwin, I presume?

ZERO-G DINOSAUR made from bits and bobs by space station flight engineer

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crafted from Russian food podules


You managed to get the word "PODULES" into a headline!


London schoolboy cuffed for BIGGEST DDOS ATTACK IN HISTORY

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So you have a problem with anti-spam blacklists, and yet you say that you run your own email server - so just what anti-spam protection do you use on your server then? Or do you just let your users sort out the shit themselves?

Our magnificent Vulture 2 spaceplane: Intimate snaps

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the world's first 3D-printed, rocket-powered aircraft

I'm not trying to cast aspersions (or, indeed, nasturtiums) on the SPB staff, but is that really the case?

It just surprises me that, as 3D printing has been around for a few years now, some enterprising amateur rocketeer or RC plane enthusiast hasn't already done this?

Our LOHAN rocket ship team exits Spain with a bang

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The LOBBER was a definite highlight, those of us on the chat were beginning to worry that you'd set up the camera in the wrong place...

Bletchley rebooted: The crypto factory time remembered

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so that Britain could send out a pair of Supermarine Spitfires to sink it.

What a complete load of bollocks, as if they would send a couple of Spitfires. It took 3 heavy cruisers, four destroyers and 14 Fairey Swordfish to sink her.

El Reg seeks new mobile, wireless tech writer - could it be YOU?

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I hear Balmer is looking for a job. He says hes worked with mobiles before.

No, I'm sorry, but he doesn't meet the required standards. The article clearly states

Technical expertise in the underlying engineering and physics would also be highly desirable, and some knowledge of the wider telecoms and networking field is essential.

On that basis alone, he's got no chance...


Five reasons why you'll take your storage to the cloud

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"You have a woman's hand, milord! I'll wager these dainty pinkies never weighed anchor in a storm."

Our second attempt to give LOHAN a good banging: Live tomorrow

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Good luck!

Oh, and shouldn't it be Low Orbit Hydrogen Assisted Navigator now, I can't remember.

Ghastly! Yahoo! Groups! gripes! grip! grumpy! gremlin! grumblers!

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Never mind the quality, feel the width!!

Oh, and how do I get to type a whimsically slanted bang?

Massively leaked iFail 5S POUNDS pundits, EXCITES chavs

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I really. really hope you were doing it deliberately, otherwise your Fail is immense

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LOHAN Spanish team touches down... to prepare for lift-off

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I think he did the old "running along the back from one end to the other" trick whilst the photo was taken...

LOHAN test flight LIVE: All the launch action

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Balloon launch and pursuit for your viewing pleasure

One of the prerequisites for a balloon launch is, I believe, a balloon. The clue is in the title...

So, which bit did the team forget?

LOHAN doomsday box dubbed BRASTRAP

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"Snappy elastic backronym"

Nice... :)


<smug mode>

I voted for that!

</smug mode>

IETF floats plan to PRISM-proof the Internet

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Unfortunately, whilst a nice idea in principle, it is becoming clearer as more information is released that the underlying infrastructure of the current internet has been fatally compromised by the efforts of security services worldwide.

I can't see that there will ever be an internet which is free from the possibility of such interception,apart from starting again from scratch with new hardware, software and cryptography standards untainted by government interference, and this is not a feasible or practical solution for the internet as a whole.

BBC releases MYSTERY RIDDLE poster for Doctor Who anniversary episode

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The national broadcaster is milking the anniversary for all it's worth

Oh God, it's going to be soooo naff!

David Attenborough warns that humans have stopped evolving

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humans have become the first species to effectively halt the influence of natural selection.

But not the first species we did it to...

Most farm and domestic animals, and most farmed crops have been untouched by "natural selection" since humans started selective breeding, which is something like10 millennia ago.

In pictures: El Reg hooks up with rain-lashed Spanish rocketeers

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The photos of the assembled rockets lying on their side in a rack made me think of a stash of wing-mounted ordnance. I wonder how much a you can get a surplus Sidewinder for, these days?

Shop-a-suspect web security system: 'We've helped cops nab 100 suspects'

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Re: Innocent until ...

So if your face happens to resemble a poor quality image of someone who one shop keeper was suspicious of, all the local shopkeepers are going to be treating you as suspicious and keeping an eye on you every time you go out shopping. Every shop you go into is gong to be making it clear they are watching you. Every time.

So what? Unless you were planning to carry out some criminal activity, does it matter if the staff are watching you?

Pulse-taking ticker tech cuff to sniff out cash-snafflers

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the bracelet will have to ensure it remains connected to a live wrist; as with biostamps, if it can simply be slid (or hacked) off and still work, it'll be no good."

Ah, what you need is an Arisian Lens - it actively interferes with the life-force of anyone not authorized to use it.

Google submits YET ANOTHER offer to fix 'search dominance' in EU

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@AC 12:13GMT

Innovation is monopoly abuse?

Microsoft was innovating when they stuck IE in their OS?

Google are innovating when they put all their products and services first in search results?

I see this comparison a lot and it's completely false. Nobody is under any obligation to use Google as their search engine, and if they do, they don't have to click on the sponsored links, or links to Google products.

The only way your analogy would stack up is if Google ONLY returned search results pointing to their own products, and nobody else's, which is clearly not the case.

Vote NOW to name LOHAN doomsday box

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Thumb Up

A difficult choice - I liked ARMADA, but really, it's a bit tame considering the rest of the backronyms associated with the project, so I went for BRASTRAP

NSA is 'great at some sophisticated tasks but oddly bad at the simplest'

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Julien [sic] Assange and Edward Snowdon [sic]

One hopes that he learns enough about the people he's basing the film on to at least spell the names correctly.

Smartwatch craze is all just ONE OFF THE WRIST

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these companies are only doing what we ask: come up with stupid products that the cretinous will buy in their millions on the back of seeing inexplicably popular celebutards wear one.

Alistair, aren't you a little young to be exhibiting "Grumpy old man" syndrome?

That said, thanks, great article.

LOHAN cops a faceful of smutronyms

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Mission Abort Mechanism, May Attract Register Yokels

Description and warning in one neat package...

NAO: UK border bods not up to scratch, despite billion-pound facial recog tech

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The NAO said in a report that border staff managed to cut immigration queue times down during the London Olympics, but only at the expense of neglecting their other duties.

Ok, so the Tech used is inefficient, as repeated above by most commentards, but no-one seems to have noticed that this report is based on a period when the number of incoming visitors to the UK had almost doubled compared to normal, and yet the staffing levels were not adequately increased to deal with this.

It's hardly surprising, then, that the Border staff did the best they could with what was available to them, and prioritised the queues of incoming travelers over their other duties, and yet now they are being admonished for doing that. Had they ignored the queues and continued to carry out all their duties equally, I'm sure they would have been criticised for that as well

I am not in any way connected with the immigration service or any other affiliated organisation, by the way, I just think it's typical UK government behaviour to blame anyone other than the policy makers (themselves) when a lack of forward planning is highlighted.

Give us a break: Next Android version to be called 'KitKat'

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Re: "They should've named the next version of Android after Kendal Mint Cake"

Ahh the Kendal Mint Cake, appropriate emergency food as you would only choose to eat it in an emergency.

No, no, you're thinking of Dwarf Bread, it lasts for months... years... decades... aeons!

3D printed guns are for wimps. Meet NASA's 3D printed ROCKET ENGINE

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Re: patents patience


No, that would be conshiderably...

Guardian teams up with New York Times for future Snowden GCHQ coverage

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Re: Danger already present

Interesting that the two don't quite agree:

Snowden says: "The journalists I have worked with have, at my request, been judicious and careful in ensuring that the only things disclosed are what the public should know but that does not place any person in danger ..."

Greenwald says: "I'm not aware of, nor subject to, any agreement that imposes any limitations of any kind on the reporting that I am doing on these documents. I would never agree to any such limitations."

So which is it?

Russian spyboss brands Tor a crook's paradise, demands a total ban

Alister Silver badge

In a post last week, (here) where there was a discussion about using Tor to evade interception of web browsing by Google, the NSA or anyone else, I made the following comment:

I notice that certain sections of the UK press have cottoned on to the use of the Tor network, and have labelled it "a tool of paedos".

It would not surprise me if we soon see calls for knee-jerk legislation to try and block anonymising services, VPNs and encryption software.

It appears I was partially correct, I just got the country wrong...

Rasp Pi skydive: Ballsy Baumgartner best beware Brit bionic Babbage Bear

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