* Posts by Alister

3027 posts • joined 19 May 2010

Concurrent gives old SQL users new Hadoop tricks

Alister
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Trollface

Will it still let me do this?

INSERT INTO Students VALUES ('Robert'); DROP TABLE STUDENTS; --

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Apple design bloke Ive finally honoured properly - with Blue Peter badge

Alister
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Angel

I think you're confusing Jonathan Ive and Jeremy Clarkson...

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Obama says patent trolls 'extort money', pledges reform

Alister
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FAIL

@ Ronald J Riley

Nice rant, shame about the comprehension fail...

The sentence you quote has nothing to do with Obama's view on patent trolls, it is talking about teaching programming in schools.

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Satanic Renault takes hapless French bloke on 200km/h joyride

Alister
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Re: No brakes? - Range Rover

@ TeeCee

quote: The separate transmission brake on Land Rover vehicles is actually a drum brake. Apart from the obvious advantages in having all the vulnerable bits inside a drum casing rather than dangling exposed under the car, drums are superior to disks as hand / emergency brakes as they are, by nature, self-servoing.

Depends on what age of vehicle - my Series 2 and 3, and my early 110 had a drum transmission brake, but my later Ninety and later Range Rovers had a disk brake. In my experience, the drum brake filled with either water or oil from the transfer box, and became quite ineffectual, not a problem with the disc.

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Alister
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Re: No brakes? - Range Rover

Arnold Lieberman wrote:

I do know of someone who managed to do a whole motorway journey in her Range Rover with the handbrake on - I think a new set of pads/disks was all that was required.

It's probably safer to drive a Range Rover at speed with the handbrake applied than it would be a normal car, as the handbrake acts on a separate disk on the back of the gearbox, rather than on individual wheels.

The only danger is breaking the half shafts if you apply the handbrake suddenly whilst moving.

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CEO Tim Cook: Apple retail stores are 'like Prozac' to me

Alister
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Re: "It's like Prozac."

Be funny if this quote was misinterpreted and taken as a Ratner-esque comment on the excitement of Apple Stores.

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UK doesn't have the SKILLS to save itself from cyber threats

Alister
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Stop

Re: Need to Know Rules the Cyber Roost

Can I just point out that two posts ago you said:

And that is as much as I wish to say, today, on the matter. Have a nice one, y'all.

Shut up, already...

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Alister
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Re: Security skills

Goddammit, that's twice now I've had to give you an upvote.

Stop being so reasonable, will you!!!

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Shocked jocks' O2 calls crossed with Brummies, now everyone's cross

Alister
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Re: You still have landlines in England???

Speaking of party lines, anyone else remember 1 & 1 carrier (or WB900). I fitted a few of them over the years.

One subscriber had a normal analogue pair, and the other subscriber used the same pair but their audio signal was carried by modulating a 40Khz carrier signal down the same line.

Filters at the subscriber premises and exchange kept the two signals apart.

I remember we used to have problems with the carrier subscriber picking up radio signals from the BBC.

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Alister
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Crossed lines get their name from the first automatic phone networks, based around a "crossbar" switch

Nonsense, crossed lines predate crossbar switches by at least 20 years, and probably longer.

There were a number of reasons why you would be able to overhear another call. In the early days of paper and lead insulated cables, (still in use in the 70s and 80s) you could end up with cross-talk between pairs if the cable got wet.

For actual interconnection of calls, these could be caused by the operator plugging a call into the wrong jack, and later, on Strowger exchanges, they could be caused by the wiper stepping to the wrong contact due to relay stutter.

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Men's rights activists: Symantec branded us a 'hate group'

Alister
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...It is not the job of Norton Symantec to be telling their customers which sites are and are not morally acceptable."

Umm, only it is, really, that's the basis on which the product is sold. You don't have to use it though.

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FUD flies as Raytheon reveals social media analysis tool

Alister
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Happy

Re: Social networks are clouds - a snooper's paradise - DATA ENTROPY

Do you know, Eadon has made a post which did not contain one instance of the word "Microsoft", nor did it try to tie in any aspect of the article to a certain Redmond based company.

Have an upvote, take two aspirin and go and lie down...

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British games company says it owns the idea of space marines

Alister
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Re: Define

At the risk of feeding the troll, the majority of Sci-Fi writers chose a Naval metaphor for their space-ship-borne characterizations, so the use of "Marine" to describe the ship-borne fighting force is following that tradition.

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Earth-like planets abound in red dwarf systems

Alister
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Re: Meh, so what...

Thankfully, no individual member of the species is a teenager for very long, and the period of childhood before and adulthood following the teenage years makes up for the shortfall.

That said, if we continue to dissuade our young from individual thought and experiment, by using education systems designed to meet targets rather than encourage learning, then we could well become "the species that goes "meh, so what" then goes down in a blaze of apathy".

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Alister
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Re: Meh, so what...

One of the leading drivers of intelligence is curiosity. If there was a species that went around going "meh, so what" at everything, they wouldn't be around for long, nor be particularly intelligent.

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Bug-hunters: They're coming outta the goddamn walls, aargh!

Alister
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Trollface

"Goddamn The Walls"

Shame, I preferred that version, what did you go and change it for...

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Kirk to beam up chat with ISS astronaut on Thursday

Alister
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FAIL

Re: Land of his birth?

“William Shatner to boldly go to the land of his birth”

Actually, as Kirk explains:

“I’m from Iowa, I just work in outer space”.

Let me explain... Kirk is from Iowa, Shatner is from Canada.

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First video inside thinking fish's brain captured by boffins

Alister
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Trollface

Re: 'FOOD!', piscine predator ponders purposefully

I was going for "PREY!" or "PROVISIONS!"

Mine's the one with chips also in the pocket.

Shirley you mean Potatoes

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First the NYT, now the Wall Street Journal: But are hacking attacks from China new?

Alister
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Facepalm

Re: FALSE FLACK

I believe the term you are looking for is "False Flag" as in, "operating under the flag of a country not your own"

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Is your Surface Pro a bit full? Slot in an SD card, it's not from Apple

Alister
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Facepalm

Re: There are these things called...

But only if you want to look a fool, wandering around with your iThing with a USB adapter and an SD card reader hanging from it.

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Feds slurping your private data? But that's OUR job, says Google

Alister
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Re: Pity Google does reeally push the issue by ...

My employer owns it's own mail server and all records are deleted two days after it has been read.

That must make life interesting, when someone says

"you know that email I sent you last week..."

"No, what email?"

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Red supergiant Betelgeuse heads for SMACKDOWN with 'dust bar'

Alister
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Thumb Up

...or think of it another way, Betelgeuse could have blown up 600 years ago, and we still wouldn't know about it for another 40 years.

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Alister
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How do they know that the dust bar is even in the same plane as the star?

It could be thousands of kilometres in front of or behind the path of Betelgeuse, as we see it, so the "collision" may be complete fabrication.

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'Gozi Trojan trio' blamed for multimillion-dollar bank raid spree

Alister
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Coat

As the US Department of Justice points out, "the charges contained in the indictments are merely accusations and the defendants are presumed innocent unless and until proven guilty".

Really? When did they change to that?

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Opposable thumbs for FISTS, not finesse, say bioboffins

Alister
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Re: broken metacarpals

A better explanation for why humans have shorter fingers and thumbs is surely so that its easier to send TXTs.

Indeed, the next evolutionary step will undoubtedly be the joining together and weakening of the fingers, and an extension and increased dexterity of the thumb.

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Google, Microsoft go head to head in Santa-tracking tech race

Alister
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Mushroom

Did no one else spot this?

... Microsoft's experience supporting NORAD's day-to-day activities during the rest of the year was what gave the agency the confidence that Redmond could pull off a project as important as the Santa Tracker.

So America's first line of defense appears to be a Microsoft based solution...

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Forget about fondling that slab... within 2 years, it'll fondle YOU

Alister
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Re: Context please

Previous gems from IBM:

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."

Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"But what ... is it good for?"

Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

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Alister
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As well as coming up with strange new food combinations, the eating computer will also be able to make healthy foods taste better.

The Nutri-matic machine made an instant but highly detailed examination of the subject's taste buds, a spectroscopic examination of the subject's metabolism and then sent tiny experimental signals down the neural pathways to the taste centers of the subject's brain to see what was likely to go down well.

However, no one knew quite why it did this because it invariably delivered a cupful of liquid that was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.

Thanks Douglas...

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NASA to smash its spacecraft INTO THE MOON

Alister
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WTF?

Probably going to get flamed to death here, but this seems like mindless vandalism to me...

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Atmos: Give us your tired, your poor... Heck, our cloud will even take that S3 app

Alister
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Unfortunately, whenever I see the name Atmos, I think Sontarans...

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LOHAN fabricates full-fat fantastical flying truss

Alister
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Now that you've carefully calculated every last bit of mass, can I suggest you add in a flotation device and a sachet of yellow dye...

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Revealed: The Brit-built GRAVITY-powered light that costs $5

Alister
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That'll go down a treat...

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Japan Airlines to serve KFC on Christmas flights

Alister
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@ Graham Marsden,

You're going to try and tell us that you didn't know the ingredients list off by heart, aren't you?

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Register readers mostly too ashamed to cop to hideous hoard horrors

Alister
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WTF?

Re: I hoard files

You're running as root!

The Horror!

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Alister
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Trade Waste

Unfortunately, if I were to try and offload all the IT related crap that's filling my cellar, they would probably refuse it on the basis that I must be trade - 7 CTR monitors, at least 20 rotting carcases of PCs from IBM PC-AT onwards, innumerable keyboards and mice, and the shells of two 2U HP servers, not to mention the hard drives, CD-ROM drives (2x speed, anyone?), modems, motherboards and graphic cards.

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BOFH: The Great Patch Mismatch

Alister
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Re: Halon Rocket Fuel

I have a similar tale of an "F" size (about 4 foot tall and 8 inches wide) Medical Oxygen cylinder which was dropped in the gases store at an Ambulance station and snapped the valve off.

It went through (in order) a brick wall, three ambulance vehicles, another brick wall, the stone retaining wall at the side of the driveway and disappeared into a wood. Later found half a mile away...

You can still see the new brickwork where they patched up the building.

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EINSTEIN'S BRAIN had unusual lobes and cortex

Alister
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Re: It is common knowledge...

Look, just don't start with the "Hedgehog Song" ok?

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A history of personal computing in 20 objects part 1

Alister
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Re: Not only that

Um, possibly because whilst Babbage and Flowers designed and actually built computing devices, neither Lovelace or Turing did. This article is mostly about the hardware, not the theory behind it.

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Geneva devastated by monster tsunami, millions at risk

Alister
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News just in from 563 AD

I'd heard the Swiss were quite laid back, but that's taking it a bit far. I wonder when they'll publicise the Army Knife, it's only been around for 120 years...

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France again threatens Google with link tax

Alister
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Re: A.N.Other Way, La Belle France ...... Next Generation NEUKLearer HyperRadioProActive IT

@amanfromMars 1

"How very odd that you cannot tell the difference between/make a firm decision on whether this text is man or machine generated and posted."

Given your predilection for long, rambling sentences with random capitalisation and strange phrasing, bordering on the unintelligible, is it any wonder if we conflate your postings with the output of a spambot?

I did in fact describe you as "a failed Turing Test" and an "email spam generator which has achieved sentience" so I think you're ahead of the game either way...

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Alister
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Terminator

Re: A.N.Other Way, La Belle France ...... Next Generation NEUKLearer HyperRadioProActive IT

I often wonder if amanfromMars is in fact a failed Turing Test on the rampage, or possibly one of those email spam generators which has achieved sentience.

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Kick your computer... before it kicks you

Alister
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Re: A.B- Sorry

That's alright, It's good enough to be worth posting twice :-)

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Alister
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Reign of terror.

The workstations at my place of work know better than to mess with me. In fact, I often only have to stand behind the user who complained of some obscure failure to find that the machine is miraculously working again...

In our server room, all the racks face the workbench, where it is our practice to leave the disemboweled remains of an HP Proliant DL360 (with the screwdriver still embedded in the RAID backplane) as a salutary lesson to all who are watching.

A friend of mine once physically threw his tower PC out of his bedroom window, after it persistently disagreed with him about the availability of a network share. Having retrieved it from the lawn, and shaken out the soil from the case, it has worked perfectly ever since.

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Slideshow: A History of James Bond in 20 Games

Alister
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WTF?

In The World is not Enough, the player appears to be holding a sonic screwdriver?

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Plucky orangutan rescued from encroaching biofuel plantations

Alister
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Ook! Ook, oook-ook...

He couldn't find an LSpace portal.

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'Hypersensitive' Wi-Fi hater loses case against fiendish DEVICES

Alister
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Facepalm

Re: Inquiring minds...

@nigel 11

"Your physics is wrong. The wavelength being bigger than your head doesn't mean it cannot interact. It just means you need to use different mathematics to properly model it. (Were you right, holding a nail and sticking it into the live hole in a plug would be harmless ... a mere 50 Hertz! )"

What absolute rubbish!

Sticking a nail in a power outlet has got nothing whatsoever to do with wireless or frequencies, it's a direct electrical connection.

Idiot!

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Alister
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...and needs to be treated.

With electrotherapy?

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Quite contrary Somerville: Behind the Ada Lovelace legend

Alister
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Re: Ada Lovelace day

I love that the link contains the word b01ngs

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OFT writes volley of stern letters to naughty web retailers

Alister
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FAIL

Re: Do what?

>>There's nothing to stop you having an email address shown as well as the form, is there? How much >>re-writing and redesign does that involve?

>>And you don't even have to make it a "mailto" link, either, just plain text somewhere down the bottom of the >>form, so that by the time most people get there they've already filled in your form?

If you put an email address on a web site in any form of text, it will be scraped by a bot and spammed within hours. They need to rethink the ECommerce Regulations to take account of today's malicious internet users.

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Vote NOW for the vilest Bond villain

Alister
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Re: Where are...

Bambi and Thumper?

You really class them as vile?

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