* Posts by Alister

3108 posts • joined 19 May 2010

We don't need no STEENKIN' exploit brokers: Let's FLATTEN all bug bounties

Alister
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Stefan Frei, research director at NSS Labs

No, go on, really?

Is he tall, and has a broken nose?

And can he tell us how the internet works?

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/01/18/stephen_frytard/

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Mosquitoes, Comets and Vampires: The de Havilland Museum

Alister
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Neville Shute Norway worked for DeHavilland before he went off to join Vickers to help create R100, the successful private attempt at a British designed and built Airship. (unlike the R101, which was a government project).

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No anon pr0n for you: BT's network-level 'smut' filters will catch proxy servers too

Alister
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@Phil O'Sophical Re: @Marvin

There's an election coming up, and politicians (that *we* elected, in case you missed that) are Doing Something to get the Mumsnet vote.

Um, no actually, we didn't. It was a hung parliament, in case you missed that.

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WIN YOUR OWN HADRON COLLIDER pop-up book with El Reg

Alister
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Unhappy

Win you own HADRON COLLIDER

Well, I've got a cellar, so if I knock through into next-door, and then their neighbour's, and then their neighbour's, and the ones across the street, and the ones in the next street...

Sorted!

Oh, hang on, I missed the "pop-up book".

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Spinning rust and tape are DEAD. The future's flash, cache and cloud

Alister
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WTF?

What a nonsensical title. Just what do you think "the cloud" sits on?

Is it some mystical "other stuff" which we mere mortals know not of?

Or perhaps it's ALL flash based, Hmm?

NO, It's spinning rust, and probably Tape for backup as well.

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Blighty's winter storms are PUNY compared to Saturn's 200mph, 15,000 mile wide HEXACANE

Alister
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Stop

Blighty's winter storms are PUNY compared to Saturn's

Yeah maybe... but you don't have to dodge flying trees on Saturn!

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Sensors and sensibility: Quirky’s Spotter multi-purpose monitor module

Alister
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Unhappy

I see no mention on their site of an API to allow you access the device with your own software.

This seems a shame, as there are lots of ways I can think of using this, but I would rather tailor the software to control and access the device myself.

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What is thy bidding? Han Solo’s shooter goes under the hammer

Alister
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Headmaster

Re: Am I reading this corectly?

Yes, just not spelling it correctly...

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The only way is Office: UK Parliament to migrate to Microsoft cloud

Alister
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Never mind all the fluff and flurry about the NSA / other foreign intelligence services, Office365 has been shown to be unreliable at best, with a number of outages this year, as well as losing various client's data.

What a good idea to entrust it with government internal communications, how long before they break it?

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Brit-boy Bates is Silicon Valley's pick for Microsoft's CEO

Alister
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Ah, young Master Bates, come in, come in...

Maybe they misheard his name, and think it's Bill's son...

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UK parents to splurge £3 BEELLLIIIION on kids' tech gifts at Christmas

Alister
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Ernest Doku, telecoms expert at uSwitch

I just wondered, is his wife called Su?

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'Schrödinger's Comet' ISON LIVES (or DOESN'T) after Thanksgiving solar roast

Alister
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Thumb Up

Lets face it, there's not many websites, or news outlets, who could manage to include references to a famous thought experiment and a mangled quote from Shakespeare in a single article headline about a comet.

Congratulations...

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Gone

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ROBOT SWARM positions itself over EARTH ... to probe our magnetic field

Alister
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one small step for a man...

One giant LEOP for robokind...

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Berners-Lee: 'Growing tide of surveillance' is destroying the internet

Alister
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Maybe he and Vint Cerf should have a chat about whether privacy is a good thing...

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Hot digital dog: A man’s best friend is still his... K-9

Alister
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Silly old Hector...

Gosh, that takes me back.

I had a Hector's House annual when I was little.

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Brit graphene maker poised to go public: Yes, wonder stuff WILL float

Alister
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So, once they go public, will they have a shareholders AGM?

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Feds cuff five more suspects in $45m bank mega-cyber-heist

Alister
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Interesting how the US "justice" system works....

Compare and contrast the two statements:

The US Department of Justice notes that "the charges contained in [today's] indictment are merely allegations, and the defendants, including those charged today, are presumed innocent unless and until proven guilty."

and

"As alleged (...) these defendants were packing bags to the brim with stolen cash, destined for the cybercriminal organizers of these attacks," claimed US Attorney Loretta Lynch.

"Today, we have sent them packing once again – but this time, to jail."

Yep, nice presumption of innocence, there.

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Build your own WORKING Sonic Screwdriver... for a UNDER A FIVER

Alister
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"Eddies in the space-time continuum"

Is he? How nice...

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Salesforce forces Force sales-force sales: Or tries to anyway

Alister
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So, was preparing for this announcement what caused the outages last week?

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London businesses to signal UNSWERVING LOYALTY to capital with .london domain

Alister
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not.in.london

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The ULTIMATE cuppa showdown: And the winner is...

Alister
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Joke

Re: Barrys

If it's suitable for wiping floors, I'm not sure I want to drink it...

:-)

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What a plot of nonsense: Ten Master master plan FAILS

Alister
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Coffee/keyboard

"god of see-through toilet paper, Azal."

I could do with some toilet roll - or kitchen roll - now.

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WHO was it that TAMED the WOLF? Heel, Rex! No! Aarrghh!

Alister
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Researchers led by Olaf Thalmann of the University of Turku in Finland used prehistoric genomes

First read that as prehistoric gnomes, strange how my mind works...

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Doctor Who nicked my plot and all I got was a mention in this lousy feature

Alister
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Re: Cybermen = Borg

You appear to have it arse about face - the Cybermen predate the Borg by two decades at least, and in fact there is a case to be made that the creators of the Borg were influenced by Cybermen. (erm, not BY Cybermen, you understand, just by the idea)

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Alister
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Also surprised you didn't mention The Androids of Tara - a very recognisable remake of The Prisoner of Zenda, so recognisable, It spoilt my enjoyment of the original broadcast, to some extent.

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Billionaire vows to turn 007's Lotus Esprit into actual submarine car

Alister
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So, he wants to take car powered by a humungous battery of cells which object violently to being short circuited, and sink it in water...

More power to his elbow, I say.

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Terminator-style robot busts leg in martial arts demo mishap

Alister
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According to Boston Dynamics, Atlas is a high mobility robot designed to negotiate difficult outdoor terrain.

Ah, there's your problem, right there...

It should have been designed to negotiate tricky indoor terrain, you know like highly polished lab floors, loose rugs, spilt cups of coffee, that sot of thing.

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Microsoft holds nose, shoves Windows into Android, iOS boxes

Alister
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Newsflash... Windows Home editions do not contain a Remote Desktop (Terminal Services) server. This has been true all the way back to XP.

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Reg reader's nipper takes felt pens to Vulture 2

Alister
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Re: ... to counterpoint

Oh freddled gruntbuggly, Thy micturations are to me As plurdled gabbleblotchits On a lurgid bee.

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Alister
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Joke

Stelios Zacharias...

That's not the bloke that owns EasyJet is it??

I wouldn't take design advice from someone who paints aircraft like he does :-)

Joking apart, that gets my vote as well, excellent

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Mac fans: You don't need Windows to get ripped off in tech support scams

Alister
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Re: Heh

Yup!...

<"support"> "Hello I am Paul, ringing from Microsoft. We have identified a problem with your computer"

<me> "Oh, Hello. Which one?"

<"support"> "Yes, your computer has a virus."

<me>"Yes, which one?"

<"support">"What?"

<me>"Which computer? I have about twenty here at the moment"

<"support" (sticking grimly to the script)>"Please can you click on your Start button and ..."

<me>"I don't have a Start button"

<"support"> ... <click>

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The Vulture 2: What paintjob should we put on our soaraway spaceplane?

Alister
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Re: MS FTW!

Is that you, alter-Eadon??

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I'll call for UK law shakeup to cuff global web crime lords - new top cyber cop

Alister
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As my Lord Vimes says above, the term global web crime lords could be applied to many people, although not quite the ones Mr Archibald is thinking of...

Theresa May, David Cameron, Keith Alexander for instance?

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Best Buy: Bring us your cowering, unwanted Microsoft Surface masses

Alister
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What are they going to do with them? If a retailer is offering buy-back on an item, It's usually because they can sell them on to other folk, but I can't see this being a viable option.

Maybe they think sufficient people will use the money they get from the buy-back to put towards a new purchase?

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Cambridge withdraws from World Solar Challenge

Alister
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Headmaster

Re: Land Rover. We may not own the company any more

@AC 11:46

Hence we can blame the faulty Jags on the Indians who own and run it, not on the UK ex unionised car workers who killed the industry by producing Austin Allegro's and Morris Ital's

Are you a greengrocer? Only you seem to have a problem with apostrophes...

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Hang in there, Internet Explorer peeps: Gaping zero-day fix coming Tues

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State-backed hackers: You think you're so mysterious, but you're really not – report

Alister
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Re: It's those 'regional traits' that give you away

Oi drove moi traactor threw yur net-stack larst noight, oohh aargh, oohh arrgh.

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500 MEELLION PCs still run Windows XP. How did we get here?

Alister
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At time of writing a whopping one-third of the world’s millions of PCs were still running Microsoft’s 13-year-old client operating system

I would be intrigued to know how many Windows 2000 desktops there are still out there in daily use. I know a number of our clients still run it.

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GCHQ's CESG CCP 4 UK GOV IT BFFs? LOL RTFA INFOSEC VIPs ASAP

Alister
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Re: This is just a certificate for fascist snoopers

Mr Godwin, I presume?

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ZERO-G DINOSAUR made from bits and bobs by space station flight engineer

Alister
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crafted from Russian food podules

Yay!

You managed to get the word "PODULES" into a headline!

:-)

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London schoolboy cuffed for BIGGEST DDOS ATTACK IN HISTORY

Alister
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@Grogan

So you have a problem with anti-spam blacklists, and yet you say that you run your own email server - so just what anti-spam protection do you use on your server then? Or do you just let your users sort out the shit themselves?

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Our magnificent Vulture 2 spaceplane: Intimate snaps

Alister
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the world's first 3D-printed, rocket-powered aircraft

I'm not trying to cast aspersions (or, indeed, nasturtiums) on the SPB staff, but is that really the case?

It just surprises me that, as 3D printing has been around for a few years now, some enterprising amateur rocketeer or RC plane enthusiast hasn't already done this?

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Our LOHAN rocket ship team exits Spain with a bang

Alister
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The LOBBER was a definite highlight, those of us on the chat were beginning to worry that you'd set up the camera in the wrong place...

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Bletchley rebooted: The crypto factory time remembered

Alister
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so that Britain could send out a pair of Supermarine Spitfires to sink it.

What a complete load of bollocks, as if they would send a couple of Spitfires. It took 3 heavy cruisers, four destroyers and 14 Fairey Swordfish to sink her.

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El Reg seeks new mobile, wireless tech writer - could it be YOU?

Alister
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I hear Balmer is looking for a job. He says hes worked with mobiles before.

No, I'm sorry, but he doesn't meet the required standards. The article clearly states

Technical expertise in the underlying engineering and physics would also be highly desirable, and some knowledge of the wider telecoms and networking field is essential.

On that basis alone, he's got no chance...

:-)

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Five reasons why you'll take your storage to the cloud

Alister
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"You have a woman's hand, milord! I'll wager these dainty pinkies never weighed anchor in a storm."

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Our second attempt to give LOHAN a good banging: Live tomorrow

Alister
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Good luck!

Oh, and shouldn't it be Low Orbit Hydrogen Assisted Navigator now, I can't remember.

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Ghastly! Yahoo! Groups! gripes! grip! grumpy! gremlin! grumblers!

Alister
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Never mind the quality, feel the width!!

Oh, and how do I get to type a whimsically slanted bang?

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Massively leaked iFail 5S POUNDS pundits, EXCITES chavs

Alister
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FAIL

I really. really hope you were doing it deliberately, otherwise your Fail is immense

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