* Posts by Alister

3037 posts • joined 19 May 2010

Honey, the satnav app says you're to leave at 6am... Yup. I'll have that coffee off you

Alister
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I still don't get why anyone would bother to use a Sat-Nav (or App) for their daily commute - It's a journey you do every day, surely you should know the route and any shortcuts or alternatives?

Some people seem to be completely unable to function in life without a computer telling them what to do...

</grumpyoldman>

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Portable toilet mistaken for killer Nork drone

Alister
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If you follow the signs for the toilet on a RyanAir flight, you end up on the wing... Mind you, it's guaranteed to make you shit yourself...

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Order and shipping woes to hit Juniper in early summer, warns distie

Alister
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Gawd 'elp... Their lead times are legendary already, so we could be looking at 6-month waiting lists at this rate!

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Amazon granted patent for taking photos against a white background – seriously

Alister
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Facepalm

Re: I have a patent on corporeal being.

I remember it ends ZZPluralZ.

You forgot the Alpha...

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US alliance strengthens LOHAN imaging arsenal

Alister
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MODE=PHOTO

...

AUDIO_VOLUME=4

Just curious, why bother with the audio?

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Google's self-driving car breakthrough: Stop sign no longer a problem

Alister
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Re: Um, yes.

If you drive one around here, I'll drop a dirty big loom on it.

No, no, no...

The recognised method is to use a grand piano - a far more satisfying outcome.

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FTC: State laws blocking Tesla's direct sales are 'protectionist'

Alister
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Pint

What a bunch of smouldering knob-goblins.

My new favourite phrase, thank you!

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Pirate Bay's 10 millionth upload: Colour us shocked, a SMUT FLICK

Alister
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Re: Help please

@Pascal Monett

Troll, do not feed....

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Alister
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Re: We flicked through his uploads

I don't know why you were downvoted, as far as I can see it's a legitimate, and interesting point you raise, if these sites are blocked, do you potentially commit an offence by bypassing the block?

Have an upvote.

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UK bank heist-by-KVM gang sent down for 24 years after nicking £1.2m

Alister
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"This case demonstrates the sheer investigative skill we are able to apply to tackling cyber crime, as we continue working to keep London people and businesses safe from cyber criminals."

<cough>Bullshit<cough>

Oh, I'm sorry, did I type that out loud?

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Reg probe bombshell: How we HACKED mobile voicemail without a PIN

Alister
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Sorry, what did you say Orlowski's mobile number was, again?

Sent from my iPhone

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DeSENSORtised: Why the 'Internet of Things' will FAIL without IPv6

Alister
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RFC1918 address space

I know a funny story about that...

We moved offices a couple of years ago, and as part of that move we carefully re-planned our network.

For all the servers which were required to be accessible externally, we moved them onto a separate sub-net with VPNs in place - both site-to-site and client-to-site - for branch offices and home workers to connect. For the sake of argument, lets say we put these servers on 192.168.28.32/27.

Anyway, about a year ago, one of the company Directors started complaining that he couldn't get to these servers anymore from home. It took us a while before we realised he'd recently bought and set up a new broadband router, and, trying to be clever, he'd set it to serve DHCP addresses on 192.168.28.0/24 instead of the usual 192.168.1..0...

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Alister
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IPV4 shortage

We know there's a finite limit to the IPV4 address space, and we now have to jump through hoops and fill in loads of forms to justify our usage for each and every one.

But I personally know of at least 4 different /27 blocks that we stopped using in 2008 which have not been re-used, and still appear in the RIPE database as ours, even though they aren't routed to any of our existing networks. A couple I've just tried still have reverse DNS entries for a couple of mail servers of ours, even though there's no forward lookup to that IP anymore.

So how come they haven't been re-allocated, if we're so short of IPs?

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Japan plans SEVEN satellite launches to supercharge GPS

Alister
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...next best thing to flying cars that we'll not be seeing until the portable fusion reactor can power the gravity modulation plates that nobody has invented yet.

Well, if you're going to start bitching about the trivial little details...

:)

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UK.gov chucks £28m at F1 tech for buses and diggers plan

Alister
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I'm pretty sure I used to travel on buses with flywheel regenerative braking in the late eighties, so why is this suddenly big news?

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IRS boss on XP migration: 'Classic fix the airplane while you're flying it attempt'

Alister
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NSA fail either way

the NSA reportedly used the flaw for its own hacking purposes and never warned folks

but the NSA tweeted that it did no such thing:

NSA was not aware of the recently identified Heartbleed vulnerability until it was made public.

So they either knew about it and didn't tell anyone, which will not impress various large corporate bodies who've had to spend money to mitigate against it, or they didn't know about it and were caught hopping, in which case they're in trouble because they bloody SHOULD have known about it.

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OK, we get the message, Microsoft: Windows Defender splats 1000s of WinXP, Server 2k3 PCs

Alister
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That's a nice computer you have there, shame if anything happened to it...

like THIS for instance...

Are you sure we can't interest you in an upgrade?

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Zucker punched: Google gobbles Facebook-wooed Titan Aerospace

Alister
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Looks like in a few years the lower atmosphere is going to be more cluttered than Low-Earth Orbit is, and commercial airliners are going to be playing Dodge-The-Drone on every flight.

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Apple says iOS, OS X is immune to Heartbleed SSL bug

Alister
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I gave myself permission to look at one of our Mac Book Airs.

The reported version of openssl is 0.9.8 so that'll do me.

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Cyber hostage-takers SCAMMED six times as many people last year

Alister
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Re: separate points of failure?

Reading a recent thread on here, it appears that Cryptolocker, at least, will happily encrypt not only your local drive, but any attached shares as well, so your idea wouldn't work.

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Alister
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Personal assistants and those working in public relations were the two most targeted professions, according to Symantec's report

The solution is obvious...

B Ark.

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Space race auction: $130k raised for spacesuits, Apollo 11 kit

Alister
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Have they raised enough to fund a ticket on Elon Musk's space bus yet?

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LOHAN's Punch and Judy show relaunches Thursday

Alister
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How the hell do you expect us commentards to get any work done if you schedule these things on a weekday??

I'm just going to have to think up a good excuse for spending all day in the server room, now...

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British Gas applies to wind up UK colo outfit Alphadex

Alister
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So, they haven't paid the gas bill?

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UFO, cosmic ray or flasher? NASA rules on Curiosity curiosity

Alister
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Re: Is there...

All right, Beatrice, there was no alien. The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.

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Microsoft vows to save devs from unspeakable cloud screw-ups

Alister
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'You appear to have just run with scissors, want to try that again?'

LOL!

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Mechanical monster macropod LEAPS out of the lab

Alister
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Re: What's that Skippy?

My personal favorite was a design to eliminate the pidgin problem

The solution to the pidgin problem is to learn a proper language...

Pigeons, on the other hand, are more difficult...

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FCC doubles 5GHz spectrum in prep for one-gigabit Wi-Fi

Alister
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Re: I'm not sure what to make of that analogy.

I have never understood what the attraction is of peanut butter and jelly.

I like peanut butter (both crunchy and smooth) and I like jams (jelly? wtf is that about) including grape, but I cannot imagine putting them together in a sandwich, it's just wrong...

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LOHAN team gears up for Punch and Judy show

Alister
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Isn't Herefordshire a lot closer to the "Big Wet Bit" than Berkshire, and therefore more likelihood of the Frogmanaut being required?

I hope he's got a personal locator beacon about his person...

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Dutch doctors replace woman's skull with 3D-printed plastic copy

Alister
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Re: "by carrying out the first skull transplant using plastic parts built in a 3D printer."

May I point out that this is an implant, not a transplant?

So medically, to be a transplant, does the replacement part have to have been part of a different body first?

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Molyneux: Working at Microsoft is 'like taking antidepressants'

Alister
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Re: No @ David W

Brilliant description, which nicely sums up my experiences as well.

I wish I could give you more than a token upvote

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Sick of walking into things while gawping at your iPhone? Apple has a patent app. for that

Alister
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Re: Or...

Man for instance have been walking into lamp posts while looking at an attractive member of the interesting sex since the invention of the lamp post.

Exactly, they're approaching this from the wrong angle (HA)

It's obvious that lamp posts, telegraph poles, cars, buses and buildings should be outlawed immediately, and removed.

Don't they know that it's Man's god-given right to wander around wherever they want to whilst staring at pointless shit on their expensive toy, without fear of let or hindrance...

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Facebook taps up NASA boffins to launch drone fleet, laser comms lab

Alister
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Re: Two possibilites....

someone, somewhere thinks cat videos will find a big demand in Africa.

Well, they do have much bigger cats in Africa...

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LenovOUCH! Thinkpad's overheating batteries spark recall alert

Alister
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"Manufacturer Imperfections" in a Chinese manufactured laptop? Imagine that!

Why do people still trot out this stupid cliché?

A large proportion of the day to day consumer electronics used round the world is manufactured in China, especially telecommunications and networking devices, and yet people still come out with the same bullshit.

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Ugh! This DUNKABLE wearable tech is REPELLENT

Alister
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Boffin

Never mind the IT angle...

...what about the serious stuff!

When I read DUNKABLE I thought this would be an article on the far more important science of biscuit dunking:

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/technology-science/science/scientists-prove-rich-tea-biscuits-3232211

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Alister
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Re: The ultimate test

The cat litter can be gently heated in an oven to restore its effectiveness.

Does that also work for general use?

Yes, if you NEVER, EVER want to cook food in the oven EVER AGAIN!!

:-)

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ECCENTRIC, PINK DWARF dubbed 'Biden' by saucy astronomers

Alister
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Thanks

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Alister
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When measuring distances in space scientists use astronomical units, with one AU being exactly 149,597,870,700 meters – or the distance from the Sun to the Earth.

Is this an average? as I thought the Earth's orbit was elliptical?

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Twitter sneaks in Facebook-ish photo-tagging – how to switch it off

Alister
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Trollface

Re: strange..

It was crap like this that made me delete Facebook.

Wait, What! You deleted the whole of Facebook??

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Whitehall and Microsoft thrashing out 1-year NHS WinXP lifeline

Alister
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Re: Nice to see...

Umm... yes, that was my point...

sigh.

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Alister
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Re: Nice to see...

What on earth makes you think that N.I. payments go anywhere near the NHS??

I bet you think the Road Fund Licence goes to the councils for maintenance, as well, don't you?

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Microsoft exec: I don't know HOW our market share sunk

Alister
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'can't put adjectives behind the why'

I could think of a few nice adjectives...

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Google's Larry Page: DeepMind 'discovered CATS on its own'

Alister
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Re: So they...

So they...

let an AI loose on the Interwebs and it started playing games and watching cat videos.

So... It's already achieved the same level of sentience as most internet users then?

Scary!

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Amazon wants me to WEAR NAPPIES?! But I'm a 40-something MAN

Alister
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Re: World-class data-mining.

Jake, is that you?

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Alister
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Re: Are you sure it's the wrong conclusion ?

Absolutely.

Amazon has clearly determined that your progeny are now of child bearing age, and therefore are making you this offer to help you support your grandchildren...

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Not sure if you're STILL running Windows XP? AmIRunningXP.com to the rescue!

Alister
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Re: Typewriter and Abacus are not running XP

I've not been able to work out to connect them to the phone line let alone the Internet!

Oh come on...

Acoustic coupler, obviously!

You just need to type or click the beads at 9600 baud...

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Object Storage suppliers: Bikers? Dentists? Or Biker Dentists?

Alister
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Thumb Up

Re: Biker Dentist

As soon as I read "Biker Dentist" that's what I thought of...

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BuzzGasm: 9 Incredible Things You Never Knew About PLIERS!

Alister
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Re: Pliers, Wiring, No 2.

I thought it was Screwdriver No.2 and Pliers, Wiring No.81.

It was in my day...

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Show more CANADIAN-MADE PORN, insists Canadian government

Alister
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Re: Closed captions?

I suspect the subtitles are intended to fill Quebecóis language requirements

So... what's the french for

OoooooooooooooooHHH YEEEEEEEEEESSSS YES YES OHMIGOD

??

(and in case anyone thinks that's a serious question, I offer)

AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHHH OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUIH OUI OUI OH MON DIEU

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Very fabric of space-time RIPPED apart in latest Hubble pic

Alister
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Re: OUT OF THE WAY!

It's an Emergency Galaxy...

You can't hear the NEE-NAH NEE-NAH but you can sure see the Blue Lights!

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