* Posts by Alister

3335 posts • joined 19 May 2010

Sliced your submarine cable? Fill in this paperwork

Alister Silver badge

Re: Pedantic

... being "cut" with a wrench.

It's a pair of side-cutters...

PM resigns as Britain votes to leave EU

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Re: We all know what happened

Bigotry exists on both sides if you ask me. Yes there are bigots and racists in the leave camp. But to tar just over half the population that way...seriously?

At no point did I suggest that all Leave voters were either racists or bigots.

However you cannot deny that a significant portion of the country voted to Leave based purely on the Immigration issue, and the completely false premise that "we can control our own borders now" as I heard quoted on the radio this morning.

Alister Silver badge

Re: We all know what happened

Exactly. If ever proof were needed, this shows just how much xenophobic bigotry is still present in Britain.

I want to learn about gamification but all I see is same-ification

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Ivor Biggun was a legend, sadly unappreciated by the masses. Some of his lyrics stay with me to this day.

In brave new 5G world, data centres are pizza boxes... or football fields

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So, how do you build multiple redundant carrier routing, N+1 UPS and backup generators into a pizza-box?

Mobile phone app replaces Congressional TV as Democrats stage sit-in

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And on occasion the feed has freezed, prompting C-SPAN to cut back to its studio

The word is froze, or even frozen for heaven's sake, there's no such word as freezed.

Cash-strapped English and Welsh cops prepare to centralise all 43 forces' websites

Alister Silver badge

Re: Local bobby?

All ours spend their lives sitting on their fat arses in an expensive car, looking out for minor traffic offences

No, those are Traffic officers.

The local bobby is the one sitting in the police station filling out forms in triplicate for a domestic violence offence, whilst wishing he could be doing something else, like be a traffic officer.

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The company will build off the back of something already in existence, such as WordPress, or even use the Government Digital Service's GOV.UK site

Oh Dear Gods, not WordPress...

Meet the 1,000 core chip that can be powered by an AA battery

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Re: Why?

There must be a reason for building it - some application that needs this architecture - otherwise ... title?

@MT Field

This outlook on life really annoys me. If everyone had this attitude, there would never be any innovation, no new discoveries, no experimentation.

I hope you will choose not to take advantage of this or any other technical innovation, in fact, I think you should stop using your mobile phone, laptop, PC or whatever it is you use to post on here, and go back to rubbing two sticks together for warmth.

You lucky creatures! Mammals only JUUUST survived asteroid that killed dinosaurs

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Researchers from the Milner Centre for Evolution of the University of Bath

I hadn't realised the University of Bath was so old...

DARPA demands brand-new command … IN SPAAACE!

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Well from the artist's impression, it appears all they need are some big LED monitors and a few tablets dotted about.

There you go, sorted, I'll send you the bill shortly.

How's your driving, Elon? Musk tweets that Tesla Model S 'floats'

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Re: I would like to know

It does look like the driver was a pillock though - he was moving quickly enough to create a bow wave that could cause water to enter and damage the engines of the other people's cars. Some 4x4 drivers have been know to do the same on flooded roads.

Far from being a pillock, it sounds like he knew what he was doing.

To drive through deep water you are taught that you should create a bow wave, as it causes a lower area of water immediately behind the wave, and thus less chance of water damage in the engine compartment, in particular it keeps the water away from the cooling fan, so less likely to spray it everywhere.

In the case of the Tesla, there probably isn't a fan on the front, but the principle is sound.

Non-US encryption is 'theoretical,' claims CIA chief in backdoor debate

Alister Silver badge

Re: From 55 Countries?

Let's be fair for a moment. Encryption standards as they stand today originate in the US.

AES - Belgium

RSA - one of the inventors is Israeli


Hey cloud lawyer: Can I take my client list with me?

Alister Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Re: Suspenders?

I thought suspenders were for my stockings?

I'm too pure and innocent to know about such things...

Alister Silver badge


Those aren't suspenders, they are braces.

Suspenders are for socks.

This is still supposed to be a British website, isn't it?

Telco bosses' salaries must take heat for cyber attacks, says MPs' TalkTalk enquiry

Alister Silver badge

Well well, you learn something every day.

I'd never heard the term garnished in it's secondary usage, I though it meant to decorate or embellish, so the first sentence confused me.

However, I now know that garnish can mean

"serve notice on (a third party) for the purpose of legally seizing money belonging to a debtor or defendant."

Lester Haines: RIP

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What terrible news, my condolences to his family.

RIP Lester.

Cats understand the laws of physics, researchers claim

Alister Silver badge

Sometimes, you really wish that researchers could be punished by having to pay back all their grant money.

This is such a "No shit, Sherlock" result. I suggest that most mammals have sufficient reasoning power to work out that one thing leads to another, and that a box which makes a noise might be of interest. Any animal will be curious about a silly human waving something around - after all, instinct tells them it may contain food!

You could repeat the same experiment with new-born babies, and would probably see similar results, but I doubt anyone would try to extrapolate from that that the infants have a deep understanding of physics.

Boffins decipher manual for 2,000-year-old Ancient Greek computer

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Re: Bah!

Worrabout Stonehenge? Bigger, tougher and based on advanced Flash* technology so no moving parts.

A triumph of silicon chunk technology!

(With apologies to Sir pTerry)

JFrog's marriage made in ... well: Internet of Things, meet DevOps

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“We are binaries people, and for devices and machines this is the only language they speak, they speak binary,” he continued.

Erm, OK...

“Who is the consumer?” he asked. “The consumer will not be a human being, it will not be you or me. It will be devices or machines and this is what is called continuous update, this is where the world goes to.”

WTF does that even mean?

“We are focusing on providing a very powerful pipe for binaries. We want to make software liquid.”

Ah, what you need is a blender. It transforms nearly anything into a liquid eventually.

Not just the proles getting the heave-ho as British Airways races to save millions

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Re: Dumbsourcing

(what can I say, I was a fitter before Mortis became a Rigger...)

Lol I hadn't heard that one before.

Eds off their meds: Does this headline REALLY need to be so astronomically long it can be measured in parsecs?

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You might at least have marked it NSFW, although it's my own damn fault for looking, I suppose.

So. Why don't people talk to invisible robots in public?

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Black Helicopters

Re: Safe TV replacement

Don't trust them goldfish, they call home all the time!

They're watching me, you can see them, like this:


In-flight movies via BYOD? Just what I always wan... argh no we’re all going to die!

Alister Silver badge

Re: "The very fact that so much stuff in the digital age is bashed out poorly...


However, I would like to bet that Mr Dabbs spent an inordinate amount of time proofreading this article, just so his comments didn't come back to bite him :)

Mars' poles shrink during ice ages, boffins say

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I think it fair to say that most Men's poles shrink in cold weather...

China confirms moonshot

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Re: NK for the win

Ah, but I bet they didn't bring back any samples!

ISS pump-up space podule refuses to engorge

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Re: Performance issues.

Yep, all those people staring, I'm not surprised they couldn't get it up.

Beleaguered 123-reg customers spot price hike

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I can't believe I'm about to type these words, but:

"to be fair to 123-reg"

the domain renewal price rises are a consequence of Nominet's (and ultimately ICANN's) policies, and all registrars have had to increase their pricing by quite a large hike.

What is slightly disingenuous is that a lot of registrars seem to be keeping the price down for initial purchase, but stinging you for renewals.

The six stages of post-security incident grief avoidance

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Six Stages of Incident Response

Based on detailed research of recent incidents involving large companies, I can confirm that the following are the Six Stages of Incident Response:




Grudging Acceptance

Half-hearted Remediation

Business As Usual

Thai bloke battles jumbo python in toilet todger thriller

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Re: Is it just me, or...

Sadly, due to the obvious decline in comprehension standards around here, it's probably time that each "Bootnotes" article had a big banner at the top saying "THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT HAVE TO HAVE AN IT ANGLE"

Bearded Baron Shugs hired by Gov.uk to get down with the kids

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Not a fan of Lord Sugar, but I do think that there should be more emphasis on apprenticeships and other paths into employment beside the last decade's ill advised push to get every school leaver into university.

'Grey tech' broker DP Data Systems has gone titsup

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Vowed to go clean rather than shut up shop. Shuts up shop

That made me laugh.

Obviously, integrity and probity don't pay.

ISS 'nauts to inflate pump-up space podule

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The Glorious 25th May

For Truth, Justice, Freedom, Reasonably Priced Love, and a Hard-Boiled Egg!

IETF spikes government metadata collection with DNS request crypto plan

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@massivelySerial, I dunno why you gained a downvote for that, so have one of these in compensation

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Bootnote: For those unfamiliar with DNS, the domain name system is the infrastructure that converts "www.theregister.co.uk" into the relevant IP address, so you don't need to memorise the 12-digit numbers to get to a website.

Yeah, thanks for that.

At least you didn't mention "Telephone Directory", as nobody knows what one of those is nowadays...

British cops to film you with 59k body-worn cameras by end of year

Alister Silver badge

Re: Not 59,000 each then?

I came to post the same thing - the poor bastards won't move very fast with 59,000 cameras attached to them...

Pepper robot acts like real teenager, gets job at Pizza Hut

Alister Silver badge

Re: How about a rampant robot

Any chance they could make "Pepper" look like Gwyneth Paltrow??

UK distributor Steljes goes titsup

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Steljes, which specialised in flat panel projectors and interactive whiteboards

Ah, I'm glad you said that.

When I first read "audio and visual specialist" I thought they might be one of those ridiculous Hi-Fi places that try to sell you a hand-crafted, gold-plated, unicorn-piss embalmed CAT-6 cable for £500 to improve the sound of your digital audio device.

Hate Windows 10? Microsoft's given you 'Insider' powers anyway

Alister Silver badge

Are you kidding?

Er, Yes?

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I hope they've built this feedback system to be robust and scaleable, cos I foresee a massive spike in traffic heading its way.

Gillian Anderson: The next James Jane Bond?

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"Betteridge's law" is applicable to the headline of this article, with the answer being a definitive "no".

Oh good, I don't need to read it to comment then...

UK plastic beats cash in 2021

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Well I don't know where you live, but round here, odd-job men certainly don't take card payments, and nor do market stalls, car-boot sales, the local chip shop, the thing at the petrol station that I use to pump my tyres up, and a number of the local shops will only accept card payments for goods over £10.00.

Alister Silver badge

Although there is an obvious decline in the use of cash, there will come a point below which the percentage of cash use is unlikely to fall, simply because there are still times when cash payments are the only available option.

Pointless features add to browser bloat and insecurity

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Re the title image:

"We're going to need a bigger bloat!"

Password reuse bot steals creds from weak sites, logs in to banks

Alister Silver badge

Re: If you use Online Banking you get what you deserve

Actually, my online banking login requires knowledge of a numeric banking ID, a passphrase, and a uniquely generated passcode using a hardware dongle, so username + password from another site isn't going to get anyone very far.

The Sons of Kahn and the Witch of Wookey

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And the Youth Faction replied unto them: So we do too remember who Kahn was, he was the baddie in an early Trek movie possibly in black-and-white.

...and more recently played by that omnipresent thespian Bend-Him-over-the-Cucumber-Patch?

Alister Silver badge

Re: Prophetic

Hey dol! merry dol! ring a dong dillo!

Ring a dong! hop along! fal lal the willow!

Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!

I sometimes think Tolkien was doing some serious herbiage when he wrote these.

Photoplethysmography up

Alister Silver badge

Define "a lot"? You can get them online for around £35 or so

Note I said "proper".

A professional Pulse-Oximeter as used by the medical profession is likely to be £150 - £200 or more.

Anything cheaper is likely to be inaccurate, or unable to compensate for patient movement or circulatory variations.

The "oxygen bit" at it's most basic measures the "redness" of the blood in the capillaries - which can be correlated to the oxygen saturation. In practice, it's a bit more involved than that though...

Alister Silver badge

Yet another way to worry hypochondriacs and annoy GPs.

"Doctor, Doctor, My Smartband says my blood oxygen level is 70%"

"Yes, yes, if it was true, you'd be unconscious by now, Mrs Smith"

There's a reason proper Pulse-Oximeters cost a lot of money.

Google Chrome deletes Backspace

Alister Silver badge

Re: Great! Now how about never resetting Forms unnecessarily...

I have a serious beef with forms that automatically reset especially when the Captcha isn't satisfied. Government payment sites I'm looking at you, but many corporate sites also suffer from this...

Unfortunately this is one of those things mandated as best practice for security, so you are likely to see it become more and more common, as more sites fall under the limitations of PCI-DSS and other security restrictions.

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