* Posts by Alister

3263 posts • joined 19 May 2010

UK will build new nuclear bomb subs, says Defence Secretary

Alister Silver badge
Facepalm

Given their recent record

The new submarines will not be able to submerge, without an "optional" upgrade, and the missile tubes will be built the wrong size for the proposed armament.

What’s that Sooty? You want a girlfriend?

Alister Silver badge

Re: I had always assumed ... that Sweep was trying to muscle in on the action. (4 Bloaky1)

soup-briquette

Like it!

Oxo cube, anyone?

One-way Martian ticket: Pick passengers for Musk's first Mars pioneer squad

Alister Silver badge

I didn't vote for Trump in the poll, but only because by 2022 it'll be far too late, the damage will have been done, either by him or Clinton. I have no faith that either will make a fit President of the USA.

Unfortunately, I could happily fill all 100 places with people who I feel the Earth would be better without, and probably a few more ship's worth besides...

Pisspoor IoT security means it'd be really easy to bump off pensioners

Alister Silver badge

Two things are fixed on everyone's minds when it comes to the Internet of Things: security and law.

You're havin' a laugh, apart from a very small minority, the two things on everyone's minds when it comes to the Internet of Things are money and image.

Apple moving to scrubbed up London's Battersea Power Station

Alister Silver badge

But why haven't you mentioned Cybus Industries? They were using the power station for a while, as the headquarters of John Lumic.

Exchange down for Android and iOS users

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The protocol of EAS used to vehiculate said XML is left unstated

Vehiculate?

Really!!?

That's cold: This is how our boss told us our jobs are at risk, staffers claim

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Coat

When the boss asks...

How long have you worked for this company? Oh, not counting tomorrow...

R2D2 delivery robots to scurry through the streets of San Francisco

Alister Silver badge

I've just read through all the comments on this thread, and I can't believe that no-one has yet posted:

THESE ARE NOT THE DROIDS YOU ARE LOOKING FOR!

Alister Silver badge

Re: Passing resemblance to R2D2

Well from the accompanying photo, they look nothing like R2D2, which is probably just as well or George Lucas might be suing them.

They look more like a cool-box to me.

DDoS attacks: For the hell of it or targeted – how do you see them off?

Alister Silver badge

Re: Cloud-based DDoS defences introduce delays

Disconnect all those compromised windows desktops out there on the Internet.

And what about all those compromised Linux based routers, and DNS servers, and so on?

I want to remotely disable Londoners' cars, says Met's top cop

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Senior Law Enforcement officials on both sides of the Atlantic seem to be using Hollywood blockbusters as their reference material for operational doctrine, it seems.

Apple wants to buy Formula 1 car firm McLaren – report

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Coat

Re: Perfect for Apple

Perfect for Apple - round corners, not so good on the straights...

Apple seeks patent for paper bag - you read that right, a paper bag

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Re: Grammar police alert

Ah. You see, I extrapolated "Apple's" to "Apple has" not "Apple is", which makes it "Apple has used the bag in its stores for a few months now" - which is also correct, isn't it?

Yes, but "Apple has" is correct for both, "Apple is" would not be correct:

"Apple has reportedly been using the bag in its stores for a few months now."

"Apple has used the bag in its stores for a few months now"

Alister Silver badge

Re: Is white paper green?

How green is bleached paper?

Umm, very pale green?

Quantum comms succeed over metro-scale fibre networks

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Joke

successfully teleporting state information across metro-scale lines.

Isn't this Wire Fraud?

Naked, drunken Swede assaults chicken shed after 60th birthday

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Re: Hang over cure

Yep, thank God she didn't have a pig pen as well...

Autonomous vehicles inquiry set up in the UK

Alister Silver badge

the UK "has the potential to become a world leader in developing, producing and deploying autonomous vehicles".

Well yes, although as usual we are starting some way back.

And then...

"...to ensure that we can carry out the most thorough and informative inquiry possible."

That's game over then, the inquiry will take at least ten years to reach a conclusion.

Great British Great Bake Off gets new judge

Alister Silver badge

Re: Lady, shall I lie in your lap?

@AC

I doubt that very much, it's not an integral part of British culture until it's in Shakespeare.

I know you probably wrote that tongue in cheek, but you do us a disservice, there's an awful lot of integral British culture which Shakespeare had no hand in, and quite a lot of "British" traditions, mores and values only appeared in Victorian times, although of course had then existed forever.

Alister Silver badge

I want to hear Clarkson shouting "FLOUR" as he turns a food processor up to max revs...

Trump website server config snafu left interns' CVs exposed

Alister Silver badge

Trump said...

"We have to see Bill Gates and a lot of different people that really understand what's happening. We have to talk to them about, maybe in certain areas, closing that internet up in some ways."

Yep, there you go Donald.

'Inherent risk' to untried and untested 4G emergency services network – NAO

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Re: Bean counters again

Totally agree, this seems to be an ongoing trend for the way government think of all the emergency services.

Fire / Ambulance / Police stations cost too much, lets close all but the bare minimum.

Ambulance / Fire personnel sit around waiting for jobs, that's not efficient, so let's get rid of them.

Hmm, I wonder why response times are going up, can't fathom it out, we've made them more efficient.

Gone

Alister Silver badge

I hope there will be a big, big banner at the venue, saying:

BIOMETRICS IS FOR THE USER NAME, NOT THE PASSWORD

But I doubt it.

'Jet blast' noise KOs ING bank's spinning rust servers

Alister Silver badge

PPS: 130dB seems way too loud for the alarm... I know they're supposed to be loud enough to drive you out of the room, but aren't there standards for loudness.

It's not an alarm, the 130dB sound was created by the gas exiting the nozzles of the suppressant system.

Alister Silver badge

Re: 130 db can knock you out and disorient you

As I understand it, it wasn't a siren, the 130db noise was generated by the high-pressure gas escaping through the nozzles of the fire suppression system.

'What this video game needs is actual footage of real gruesome deaths'

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pigs being slaughtered by being “hung upside down, stabbed, and dropped into scalding-hot water.”

It's a shame they haven't a clue what they are talking about. All of the above take place after the pig is dead, and are simply processes in preparing the carcass for consumption.

Now if it was lobsters, you could argue that they are slaughtered by being tied up in rubber bands and dropped into scalding hot water, oh the horror, but somehow lobsters don't seem as emotive.

Ad flog Plus: Adblock Plus now an advertising network, takes cash to broker web banners

Alister Silver badge

Re: Playing Devil's Advocate. Let's get to the real issue. Everyone wants content.

I pay a few pounds a year to the Guardian to support good journalism.

Wow, did you just use "The Guardian" and "good journalism" in the same sentence?

Blimey!

GitLab snags VC cash, promises to 'Git-ify' the world

Alister Silver badge
Boffin

Re: Does this mean?

We'll need a new collective noun for a bunch of Gits?

So, not "a lab of gits" then?

Microsoft thinks time crystals may be viable after all

Alister Silver badge

And why Microsoft would care, I can't even fathom.

Well, obviously, it's so they can improve the operation of their progress bars.

As we all know, Microsoft employ their own custom time algorithms for calculating the time left for file transfers and downloads: who hasn't seen the "time left" value oscillate between "32 seconds" and "2 days eleven hours and 51 minutes" when copying a file.

However, this is obviously not enough, and the ability to actually stretch and manipulate time to suite their algorithms is eminently more sensible to Microsoft than actually making their algorithms reflect reality.

Curiosity rover likes big buttes but it cannot lie around

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I'm sure I can see a face carved in that cliff-side.

NURSE!

Sniffing your storage could lead to sensitive leaks, warn infosec bods

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Re: I'm starting to get tired of these 'Your data is leaking down the side of your device'

I was going to post exactly the same thing, the inside of these devices are so electronically noisy that the chances that you can effectively isolate the particular signal associated with encryption / decryption seems remote.

Drones and alt energy tech star at Spanish start-up fiesta

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Canard Drones

Is this an unfounded rumour, or do I need to duck?

The next Bond – Basildon or Bass-Ass? YOU decide

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I think Dominic West should be considered for the role, he did a fair job of being the baddie in Johnny English Reborn.

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Living embodiment of a martini Julian Clary

Umm... "shaken, not stirred"?

or is it "any time, any place, anywhere"?

Self-stocking internet fridge faces a delivery come down

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Re: Remind me not to have dinner at your place

"None of this is food."

It's considered such in parts of London. I'm not sure about Gloucestershire.

In Gloucestershire, if it doesn't contain some part of a pig, it isn't food.

Read the damning dossier on the security stupidity that let China ransack OPM's systems

Alister Silver badge

Re: What on earth was going on over there?

@IvyKing

Unfortunately this has been very typical of the Obama administration.

Did you actually read the article, at all? The roots of this go back way before the current administration, and have absolutely nothing to do with who is the current President.

But you seem to have a problem with Obama, so it must be personally all his fault.

I suppose you blame him for the fact I had a shit summer this year, as well.

Star Trek's Enterprise turns 50 and still no sign of a warp drive. Sigh

Alister Silver badge

According to Universe Today, a paper has just been accepted that outlines how a reactionless propulsion system – a system that requires no propellant to gain momentum – could generate enough thrust to power a spacecraft faster than the speed of light.

This is a nonsensical statement. Leaving aside the veracity or otherwise of the reactionless propulsion system, it doesn't matter how much power / thrust you have, you cannot accelerate anything in normal space-time faster than the speed of light.

CIA-backed big data firm Palantir says secrets pinched by investor

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and made false claims to the United States Patent and Trademark Office.

Wow, were the USPTO diligent enough enough to spot that?

<reads on>

Hmm, no, thought not...

Publishing military officers' names 'creates Islamic State hitlist'

Alister Silver badge

Re: Major Hazard

Perhaps you can explain who the devil this General Failure chap is and why he's reading my C:\ drive?

Well obviously he's military liaison with GCHQ...

Alister Silver badge

Re: Major Hazard

He's in the same regiment as Corporal Punishment, Private Convenience, and General Quarters.

Alister Silver badge

Re: Islamic State Hitlist

I'm sure i've read somewhere, and seen a photograph, of a road sign that says "<< Secret Government Facility" which points to GCHQ or Fylingdales or some such installation.

Alister Silver badge

...though the Army still sees a strong benefit to influencing future captains of industry, leaders of the Empire and officers of the East India Company's steamships.

I did chuckle at that.

HSBC: How will we verify business banking customers? Selfies!

Alister Silver badge

Re: Just remember

Where's Albert Spangler when you need him..

He's gone all Moist.

Alister Silver badge

Maybe HSBC think they'll get more new customers if the suckers don't see inside their local branch first.

You're lucky to have a local branch, ours closed in July, so our "local" branch is now 20 miles away.

Of course, HSBC is happy to believe that all the local pensioners who previously used the branch have cars or use the internet...

Google plots cop detection for auto autos

Alister Silver badge

Re: Loop until... Loop until...

@Jason Bloomberg

I don't know why you got a downvote for that, you are absolutely correct, an emergency vehicle should never force other road users to pass a red light.

That said, in the UK properly trained emergency drivers will ideally either attempt to pass the lights on the other side of the road if safe to do so, or sit in the traffic with their audible warnings switched off until the lights change, so as not to terrorise other drivers.

Unfortunately, in very busy city centres though, it just isn't practical for an emergency vehicle to courteously wait for drivers to do the right thing, as often people will insist on queueing at the lights in both lanes even though an emergency vehicle is behind them.

Alister Silver badge

Re: Oh good grief

...and then hit the brakes, slowing to a speed that impedes progress but isn't slow enough to make overtaking easier.

It's not just traffic going the same way, the usual cause of swearing for me is that the first vehicle in opposing traffic sees you coming, and slows down and pulls over, the vehicle following then immediately tries to overtake, then sees you at last minute and screeches to a halt in the middle of the road, completely blocking the carriageway.

Alister Silver badge

Re: Oh good grief

replicate the behaviour of humans, most of whom will readily move out of the way of emergency vehicles?

That doesn't tie in with my experience...

"replicate the behaviour of humans, most of whom never notice emergency vehicles until they are 3 feet from their windscreen" would be nearer the reality.

Hollywood offers Daniel Craig $150m to (slash wrists) play James Bond

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Re: Mark Strong.

He is older than Daniel Craig though, could he carry it off?

Alister Silver badge

Craig Daniels

Who?

Childcare app bods wipe users' data – then discover backups had been borked for a year

Alister Silver badge

Thanks for the story, it'll go in my bag marked "Cloud isn't always shiny and cheap"

You only have a bag? I have a room full of filing cabinets marked "Why cloud is bad for you" but we still struggle to fight off PHBs with silly ideas.

'Hey, Elon? You broke it, you bought it' says owner of SpaceX's satellite cinder

Alister Silver badge

@ phuzz

Yes, I get why they feel they have a case against SpaceX, but the article also said they were pursuing compensation from the satellite builders IAI.

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