* Posts by Locky

427 posts • joined 7 Apr 2010

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Friday fun fact: If Stegosauruses had space telescopes, they wouldn't have seen any rings around Saturn

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Re: Oops

I was more curious at how it would hold them to it's head.

Now if they had used a telescope on a tripod....

Slack to fend off the collaboration competition with... a new logo

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Thumb Up

It's been a while

I've missed Logowatch

Oh snap: AWS has only gone and brought out its own Backup

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All fine and dandy

Until you need to move cloud providers. AWS will offer you all your data back, but I bet it's going to cost you

Cops told: No, you can't have a warrant to force a big bunch of people to unlock their phones by fingerprint, face scans

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Joke

Re: So..

As I understand it you're fine, as long as you didn't shoot the deputy

This must be some kind of mistake. IT managers axed, CEO and others' wallets lightened in patient hack aftermath

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Re: Seems legit

@Waseem Alkurdi

I refer my learned colleague to the self preservation of the Executive Committee

It's raining, then? Hallelujah. Big Blue super 'puter sharpens forecasts

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Coat

Useful

But I'll stick to my more reliable method thanks

Amazon Mime: We train (badly) an AI love bot using divorce bombshell Bezos' alleged sexts to his new girlfriend

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New Skill Enabled

Alexia, file for divorce

Dozens of .gov HTTPS certs expire, webpages offline, FBI on ice, IT security slows... Yup, it's day 20 of Trump's govt shutdown

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Re: Oh God

Shhhh, don't tell them

You were told to clean up our systems, not delete 8,000 crucial files

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W95 had a Recycle Bin, definitely in the 320MB era

More nodding dogs green-light terrible UK.gov pr0n age verification plans

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Childcatcher

Re: Just like buying a magazine.

I didn't come her for sensible arguments. Be gone with you....

Happy new year, readers. Yes, we have threaded comments, an image-lite mode, and more...

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WTF?

But like Oliver Twist to the Master....

We want more

Where are our new icons?

Google-whisperers beat reCaptcha voice challenge with 90% success rate

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Terminator

Deply Deckard

It's 2019 and machines can convince security that they are people

The question is do they know?

An AI system has just created the most realistic looking photos ever

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Terminator

Pay attention

The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them easy. But these are new, they look human. Sweat, bad breath, everything. Very hard to spot.

Ticketmaster tells customer it's not at fault for site's Magecart malware pwnage

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I've always wondered what you got for that compulsory booking fee.

Now I know

Lenovo tells Asia-Pacific staff: Work lappy with your unencrypted data on it has been nicked

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Childcatcher

Lappy?

Is this the contempt that we deserve? Does the will of the people mean nothing?

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/03/14/lappy_poll/

I demand a referendum

Peak tech! Bacon vending machine signals apex of human invention

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Re: Which is better?

What we need now is a Lester-style investigation of what is the be bacon.

El Reg, you know what to do

Tumblr resorts to AI in attempt to scrub itself clean from filth

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Re: Nipples ye say?

Witchfinder Shadwell? Calm yourself with a glass of condensed milk

Apple co-founder and former CEO has the most expensive John Hancock on the planet

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The old Salvador Dali trick

As a famous but broke artist, he used to take his entourage to a restaurant and eat as much as they could. When the bill came, he'd write a cheque, flip it over and do a quick doodle.

The bar owner would be so please to have an original Dali he'd frame it and put it on the wall

Google: Psst, hey kid, want a new eSIM? Our Fi has one right here

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Coat

How did they come up with the project name?

Why Fi?

If I close my eyes, the end-of-life kit vanishes: UK banks in doghouse over poor resilience

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After 20+ years in the financial sector

You can colour me shocked at this report. Who knew?

Not a price cut! Apple perks up soggy iPhone demand with rebate boost

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@RegGuy1

... The phone is for work and so they have locked it down for work usage only, so I'll be buying an Android phone

FTFY

I was once one of you, F1 star Lewis Hamilton tells delighted IT bods

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Re: What a knob

I give you Helle Nice

Montezuma's Revenge can finally be laid to rest as Uber AI researchers crack the classic game

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Level1

Right, give them ET and see how it copes with that abomination

Want to hack a hole-in-the-wall cash machine for free dosh? It's as easy as Windows XP

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These black hat hacks are all well and good, but the Lincolnshire ne'er-do-wells prefer a more.... brute force attack

Cheeky cheesemaker fails to copyright how things taste

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As we say up here in Yorkshire when things don't go our way

Edam

OK Google, why was your web traffic hijacked and routed through China, Russia today?

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Re: Cui bono?

Until next weeks "On Call" submission

So, doing some slow work at an ISP, I was messing around with vi masterDNS one Monday night....

Palliative care for Windows 10 Mobile like a Crimean field hospital, but with even less effort

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IT Angle

Florence Nightingale

The definitive hottie from history #thebugle

Huawei Mate 20 Pro: If you can stomach the nagware and price, it may be Droid of the Year

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Re: Face-ID

As Keanu foretold in The Matrix

How about I give you the finger, and you give me my phone call

Townsfolk left deeply unsatisfied by Bury St Edmunds' 'twig' of a Christmas tree

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IT Angle

Re: Not Technical!

As Aussie commentards would say;

Spruce!

UK.gov to roll out voter ID trials in 2019 local elections

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Heresy

The last time Pendle was used as a legal first it didn't end well for some of it's constituents

How a nine-year-old's evidence in a 17th Century witch trial led to the execution of 10 people

Stairway to edam: Swiss bloke blasts roquefort his cheese, thinks Led Zep might make it tastier

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These aren't my cup of tea, I'm more of a R 'n' Brie man.

But I do like Ricotta Get Out of this Place - The Animals

Britain's rail ticket-booking systems go TITSUP*

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Not all areas

I note that Southern Rail passengers have yet to notice a change to their normal level of service

Manchester man fined £1,440 after neighbours couldn't open windows for stench of dog toffee

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Presumably

When the officers turned up they asked What's the Story, Morning Glory?

Congrats from 123-Reg! You can now pay us an extra £6 or £12 a year for basically nothing

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+1 for NamesCo

Alibaba pulls dust covers off its new London cloud presence

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Secure

Protected by best in class great firewall, unless someone says the magic words

Open Sesame

Don't make us pay compensation for employee data breach, Morrisons begs UK court

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Re: English Idio.....

As an elderly, scruffy Yorkshireman, I approve

Self-driving cars may not have steering wheels in future, dev preview for PyTorch 1.0 is here, etc

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Mushroom

Turn left here please

I don't want to insist on it, Dave, but I am incapable of making an error. That road does not exist

One Project to rule them all: Microsoft plots end to Project Online while nervous Server looks on

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Coat

Re: Is it git-based?

I find that most PMs are git-based

Amazon Alexa outage: Voice-activated devices are down in UK and beyond

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Apparently my Alexia is feeling "fine" when I asked

God I'm in trouble

Holy macaroni! After months of number-crunching, behold the strongest material in the universe: Nuclear pasta

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Re: Always used to be buckminsterfullerene

That pun was soba-d

Like tax? Love networks? UK taxmen have a job just for you

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Pay AWS?

Couldn't they just knock the costs off their tax bill?

Oh

Milton Keynes: Come for roundabouts, stay for near-gigabit broadband

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Re: Openreach

@Steve K

I'd tell you a UDP joke but I'm not sure you'd get it

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Coat

An impressive challenge undertaken

To make Peterborough look attractive

Previous efforts have only been made by makers of rear view mirrors

Brit armed forces still don't have enough techies, thunder MPs

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Recruitment

Who would have thought they would be struggling to recruit competent techies when they use such stella adverts as this to promote them;

Royal Navy Recruiting Advert - Weapon Engineering Submariner

So what's Microsoft's counter-AWS cloud strategy? Don't be evil

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Big Brother

Microsoft's counter-Amazon strategy...

"is to play up its trustworthiness credentials"

I'm sorry, have I been redirected to The Onion?

Cock-ups, rather than conspiracies, top self-reported data breaches

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plead ignorance or successfully blame the previous COO

FTFY

Google is 20, Chrome is 10, and Microsoft would rather ignore the Nokia deal's 5th birthday

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Ask Google? Ask Microsoft?

What about ask Jeeves? How quick we forget

Excuse me, but your website's source code appears to be showing

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Coat

Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

285? No member of the Corp should report for duty in a ginger toupee?

How would that help

Detroit sh*t shifter's operating costs waste away with Oracle's cloud

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Mushroom

Going the wrong way

"DWSD can focus business strategies and priorities toward their number one priority – their customers."

I'm pretty sure most customers want their priorities to go away from them, not towards them

Butcher by name, Butcher by nature? Capita finds new CFO

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Pat Butcher?

Duff duff duff duff da da duff

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