* Posts by Locky

362 posts • joined 7 Apr 2010

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Put WhatsApp, Slack, admin privileges in a blender and what do you get? Wickr

Locky
Flame

Re: Two small steps

I was thinking Wickr Man, and you are Edward Woodward in this scenario

6
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AAAAAAAAAA! You'll scream when you see how easy it is to pwn unpatched HPE servers

Locky
Flame

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

rse

20
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Hardware rumours, goat-spanking search engines and plenty of Azure. It's last week in Redmond

Locky

He turned into an annoying paperclip

Drugs are bad, mkay

3
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Bill Clinton's cyber-attack novel: The airport haxploit-blockbuster you knew it would be

Locky

Re: Widower

To be fair, he's done worse...

3
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'No, we are not rewriting Office in JavaScript' and other Microsoft tales

Locky

Re: Hello to Jermery Irons

Dead amaze and totes emosh

0
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IBM memo to staff: Our CEO Ginni is visiting so please 'act normally!'

Locky

When the Big Boss came up from the smoke to the frozen northern outpost we ordered in a fish lunch and went to the local for the pub quiz

He liked the cut of our jib

21
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So woke: Microsoft's face-recog can now ID more people who aren't pasty white blokes

Locky

Clippy ICE

I see you're having a heart attack. Would like some help with that?

1
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Relive your misspent, 8-bit youth on the BBC's reopened Micro archive

Locky

Coding inspiration

Will the give out the source code for Elite?

7
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Have YOU had your breakfast pint? Boffins confirm cheeky daily tipple is good for you

Locky
Pint

I'm not sure I trust health advice from Sally Hawkins

She seems to approve of sleeping with fish and having bears live in your house. A beer seems safer than those

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Office 365 celebrates National Beer Day by popping out for a pint

Locky
Mushroom

Office 358

Put it all in the cloud they said.

It'll be resilient they said.

8
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Woman sues NASA for ownership of vial of space dust

Locky
Facepalm

"Armstrong - who was the first person to set foot on the Moon"

Thanks El Reg, it's these insightful editorial nuggest of information that keep us all coming back for more

6
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British egg producers saddened by Google salad emoji update

Locky

Pointless emojis

I did not fight my way to the top of the food chain to eat salad....

59
2

Crappy IoT on the high seas: Holes punched in hull of maritime security

Locky

This does sound very familiar

Isn't this a combination of Die Hard 2 and Speed 2?

Someone call Willis and Bullock to sort it out

1
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NHS England fingered over failure to forward patient correspondence

Locky

Don't be ridiculous.

They put them in storage, and charged back with an inflated admin cost

2
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Un-bee-lievable: Two million Swedish bugs stolen in huge sting

Locky

You asked for miracles

I bring you the F Bee I

7
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Boffins: Michael Jackson's tilt was a criminally smooth trick

Locky

Re: six-pack

I have an awesome 6 pack, but I've lost the little plastic thing that holds them all together

19
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T-Mobile owner sends in legal heavies to lean on small Brit biz over use of 'trademarked' magenta

Locky

Re: Come the revolution

** Squares of ground my go up as well as down

4
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Texas residents start naming adopted drains

Locky

Re: @ Locky

Completly missed that, there was me thinking I was being all satirical and everything...

9
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Locky
Coat

Stormy Drainels

5
9

Exclusive to all press: Atari launches world's best ever games console

Locky

Dusty

Does it come with an offical ET catridge, now with added New Mexico dust?

18
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Virtual desktops won’t save cash in clouds or on-prem. So why care?

Locky

As if the Locky virus wasn't bad enough

It seems I’m now giving advice on Virtual Desktops. But a trip to Sydney though….

0
1

Techies! Britain's defence secretary wants you – for cyber-sniping at Russia

Locky

Psyops

Will that be run by Judge Anderson?

I'm in...

5
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Win 7, Server 2008 'Total Meltdown' exploit lands, pops admin shells

Locky

I'm thinking more goooooooal

1
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Even Microsoft's lost interest in Windows Phone: Skype and Yammer apps killed

Locky

End of Yammer support?

Noooooo. You can't

How will I know what Tracey-on-reception's dog picked up on it's walk now?

6
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LESTER gets ready to trundle: The Register's beer-bot has a name

Locky

Re: In loving memory

The last thing Lester will be doing is RIP'ing

He'll be cooking a massive fryup on B. L. Z. E. Bub's own BBQ, and then flying paper planes on the thermals.

27
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Sysadmin shut down the wrong server, and with it all European operations

Locky

Could be worse

My old boss stood on both the powerleads to our AS/400. They don't like unexpeted shutdowns. 4 hours later it was still booting...

We were very sympathetic and supportive

14
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Slap visibility beacons on bikes so they can chat to auto autos, says trade body

Locky

Re: Why not...

There's a simple answer to that. School holidays....

2
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You must be yolking: English pub to launch eggstravagent Yorkshire pudding

Locky

Anything south of me while standing on the North Pole, southern.

8
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Elon Musk invents bus stop, waits for applause, internet LOLs

Locky
Gimp

Is Elon "Lyle Lanley" in disguise

Monorail!

2
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Brexit to better bumpkin broadband, 4G coverage for farmers – Gove

Locky

Re: Sigh

We don't want him back in the Shire. Send him to Mordor on some quest about a ring

25
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UK.gov calls on the Big Man – GOD – to boost rural broadband

Locky

Slow internet connection

Sorry, that's an act of God now. Nothing we can do.

3
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UK mobile customers face inflation-busting price hike

Locky

Re: Abuse

The one thing I miss with giffgaff is WiFi calling. Not to save the minutes, but the outlaws live in a phone wilderness.

Are their any (reasonable) simm only with wifi calling? I can't seem to find one

0
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Borked bog forces flight carrying 83 plumbers to bug out back to base

Locky

In flight movie

Shits on a plane

0
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Locky

83 Plumbers

The collective sound of "What cowboy put that in? I've not got that part on my van, here's my call out charge invoice" must have been deafening

41
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New Sky thinking: Media giant makes dish-swerving move on Netflix territory

Locky

Re: TV Licence?

If you can recieve BBC content, live or not, you need a licence

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-37226030

They closed that loophole about 18 months ago

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5

FYI: There's now an AI app that generates convincing fake smut vids using celebs' faces

Locky

On the plus side

It will remove the threat of revenge porn

"That's not me, move along" becomes the defacto response

6
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STOP! It's dangerous to upgrade to VMware 6.5 alone. Read this

Locky

Upgrading?

For major versions in VMware, I find it's rarely worth it.

Build new and migrate. Then nuke from orbit, it's the only way to be sure

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BOFH: Buttock And Departmental Defence ... As A Service

Locky

Missed opportunity

We know he can count the number of buttocks he thinks he has, but that doesn't mean that this the actual number he has.

A second, public visible pants down counting session will be required. In front of his whole team

65
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UK exam chiefs: About the compsci coursework you've been working on. It means diddly-squat

Locky
Boffin

Re: So it all hinges on exams

Q1)

You have a roll of carpet, a bag of quicklime and spade

What IT problem are you equiped to solve?

8
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Yahooooo! says! its! email! is! scrahoooo-ed!

Locky

The Register has contacted Yahoo! for comment

You did it my e-mail, right?

9
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Skynet it ain't: Deep learning will not evolve into true AI, says boffin

Locky
Terminator

Deep learning?

Don't talk to me about deep learning

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Meltdown, Spectre: The password theft bugs at the heart of Intel CPUs

Locky

Re: Oracle caught napping ?

They are trying to work out the costing model for the patch. One that is per core effected

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Locky
Boffin

Note to El Reg and commantards

Someone has spent a lot of time on the branding of this to create some cool images, please make sure use them. This is clearly more important than actually trying to fix the thing, obviously;

https://meltdownattack.com/

Seems VMware have been sparked into life too, and have released some patches for ESXi Workstation and Fusion;

https://www.vmware.com/us/security/advisories/VMSA-2018-0002.html

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Brazil says it has bagged Royal Navy flagship HMS Ocean for £84m

Locky

Re: Serious Question

We'll leave it just outside of port, and get the buyers to sign a recipt with "Sold as seen" on it.

Then you just prey it starts up okay and gets out into international waters and cash cheque quick

2
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The North remembers: York scraps Uber's licence over data breach

Locky
Coat

Uber?

Uber?

We used to dream of catching an Uber....

2
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So you're 'agile', huh? I do not think it means what you think it means

Locky

Agile

Project Management shister-speak for "Make it up as you go along"

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EE drops packets but retains UK network champ's title

Locky

A simple rule of thumb

Comms companies. They are all as bad as each other.

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London mayor: Self-driving cars? Not without jacked-up taxes, you don't!

Locky
Big Brother

Re: I'd like the public transport to be viable replacement to cars ...

Maybe not in that there London, but Leeds is the largest city in Europe with no mass transport. This is potentially viable here.

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Locky

Driverless cars reduce the number of cyclists

Indeed they do :(

Googles driverless car confused

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Gulp. HPE's InfoSight self-repairs and makes 'proactive decisions'

Locky

Deleting that Archive LUN for you

This is how SkyNet started isn't it....

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