* Posts by lucsan

10 posts • joined 13 Mar 2010

Diary of a somebody - life in iPhone 4 land


apple w@nkerz

Nice amusing piece of writing.

"What is it about Apple products that makes otherwise rational human beings behave like complete maniacs?"

No, not a rational human being. The question is "what is it about apple products that attracts so many tw@ts?"

One fifth of humans say aliens walk among us

Paris Hilton

All your bases are belong to us

This is the usual sloppy work of humans, how many belive they are aliens. I for one am happy to be your overlord when Eastenders and I'm a nonentity are on. We do not have these documetories on our planet...

Ps. We aliens do not eat your tasty tasty brains, that the other aliens, the tasty brains eating type.

Paris cos she's an alien.

Murdoch hacks grumble over outsourced IT failures



What do they expect when they hire someone out of Accedenture? Maybe he can go fix the NHS IT systems now.

Irish civil rights group takes aim at iPad launch


Waz it being meantz?

Am speaker not for rish nor nglish speakering nor comprehendo, am not aving clue to wat lot youz be sayink nor meez unersant me zelv eifer.

Nuclear synthi-jetfuel plants wanted for US Afghan bases


Come on baby light my farts

Just what I need for my flat which is completely powered by manky french electricty atm, I want a dusbin sized reactor ready for the power cuts in 2015, plus, I get to lgiht my onw fart? Heaven.

Weak passwords stored in browsers make hackers happy


The Solution

The solution is simple. First create an imaginary life for yourself. Make sure you populate it with plenty of characters and cool thinks. Now you can use the nameof your imaginary pet as a password, no one will guess it.

Want even more security? create a secret codex, this is even cooler as it's a codex like Da Vinci's (surely the coolest techie ever?) (Da Vinci is a char from history popularised by Dan Brown). Create your codex by writing down all the letter you use then map them to a set of chars.

Wow cool, not you can browse safely as long as you do it well away from cliffs and objects with sharp edges.

Legal high fire sale starts now


Juvenile response

Once again the gov has responded to this issue in a childish way. Clearly the phenomon of taking drugs in't going away.Clearly the main concern is the physical impact drugs have on young physiques.

My idea is a licenced system, intrested parties can take a test and get a licence to self-prescribe. The govcan raise much needed tax from the sale of drugs, people can party off their heads safe in the knowledge that, well they know what they do as drug taxes can pay to help educate them.

Meanwhile the gov insists on puting this revenue and the safty of our children into the hands of unscrupulous criminals, criminalises indiviuals (which improves their criminal contacts) and keeps the gen pop in ignorance. One may think that there is some vested interest here, possibly to do with war funding.

Woman finds Romanian living in shed

Paris Hilton

two sheds jackson

Great article Lester, but you've overlooked the technical angle. What was this shed? A hinkson double shindled pine 8x10 or a Wickes super deal 500? did it have brass or iron hinges and what is the door action like? (does it always stick at the bottom?) Creasote or varnsh? please, please remember to include the important teck details.

Also where's the Paris Hilton angle? Is this Rumanian taller than her? fatter? hairirer? more Rumanian?

Jobcentre ejects Jedi Knight


This is not the job you are looking for...

Where's your compasion? You kno nothing about this man other than he's a jobseeking jedi with a hood.

From which we can see:

a) he's looking for work

b) his marketing campagn is inspired (taking a sun journo to the JC with him)

c) he's providing employment for others (said journo + JC employees)

d) he's cheeper than a criminal (and probably recieving less social)

e) he's not a satanist or an ewok

f) he's brave enough to enter the dark temple of Job Centeredness

I'd give him a job if a) i was an employer b) he passed the stringent psycho-metric and handwriting tests that as an employer i would feel forced to make all my potential employees take.

'Health and safety killjoys' kill cheese-rolling race


Freed Cheese

This heralds a great day for cheese freedom, and end to 200 hundred years of abuse at the hands and mouths of the cheese eating surrender munchies and their unfeasibly fiendish cracker biscuits.

Big smiley cheese icon.

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