* Posts by David 132

791 posts • joined 1 Mar 2010

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I say, BING DONG! Microsoft's search engine literally cocks up on front page for hours

David 132
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Re: muhaha

Oh, behave!

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Surfacegate: Microsoft execs 'misled Nadella', claims report

David 132
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Re: @Ian Michael Gumby Not surprised...

You can never have enough cat videos.

640 kitties should be enough for anyone.

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David 132
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Re: Microsoft lying about surface?

But WHO runs Internet Explorer?

What's that?

Oh, you mean that one-time-use Microsoft Firefox Downloader app?

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Drone-maker DJI's Go app contains naughty Javascript hot-patching framework

David 132
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Facepalm

Re: "Once paid for, that's it."

Mrs 132 and I were in the old Oregon ghost-town of Shaniko a few weeks ago (well worth a visit, btw), and among the exhibits is a mid-C19th John Deere covered wagon (of the "Oregon Trail" sort). The thought of some hardy 1860s pioneer being told that he couldn't modify, improve or disassemble his newly-acquired wagon in any way makes me laugh. Compare with the company's current products, which as you say, come with an EULA that makes Oracle look like a bunch of property-is-theft-man hippies. Very depressing.

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On the interactive web conference, nobody will hear you are a dog

David 132
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WTF?

Um...

"Artificial intelligence techniques, applied to Cisco's immense collection of past WebEx sessions..."

Two possibilities.

1) the words "..from within their own company" are missing from the end of that sentence, or

2) this is yet another manifestation of the current corporate attitude to privacy - i.e, it is a mere irritation, a quaint social construct of the past like the wearing of hats and crinolines. And we're all supposed to shrug and say "well, of course they have the right to record everyones' Webex conferences... it's for our benefit so they can improve the product... if you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear...."

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Horsemen of the disk-drive apocalypse will ride upon 256TB SSDs

David 132
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Joke

Lee D Magnetic history is absolute, 100%, anti-science, tosh. There's no way that a piece of magnetic material remembers where it used to be, or that you can recover - statistically or probabilistically - overwritten material on a magnetic medium.

But if I understand it correctly... if you dissolve the magnetic material in water, then take a drop of that solution and dilute it again, then repeatedly dilute it a dozen more times - then that water will contain a memory of the data.

Er, or maybe I've got my bunkum, codswallop, pseudosciences muddled up.

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David 132
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Re: FLAPE= Flash to Tape

Booooooring.

VRAM-to-tape is where it's at now.

All the cool kids are VAPEing, I hear.

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David 132
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Re: What do you mean...

Kryten: "Look after this. It's Lister's mind."

(Cat drops microcassette into tea-mug, Rimmer & Cat cringe)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpZiNO2CRtw

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Infosec eggheads rig USB desk lamp to leak passwords via Bluetooth

David 132
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Re: and this is why I'm wary of public USB chargers!

And of course if you are going to use a USB charging point in an unknown, unverified environment - use one of these delightfully-named devices or equivalent!

https://www.amazon.com/Syncstop-The-Original-USB-Condom/dp/B01N0HCJOW

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New Amiga to go on sale in late 2017

David 132
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PAH! SCSI or death! :-)

Happened more often than you think - every SCSI installation involved a Terminator.

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London Mayor slams YouTube over failure to remove 'shocking' violent gang vids

David 132
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@Ledswinger "Surely it's part and parcel of living in a... squalid urban shit hole?

To paraphrase Pratchett, who was in turn paraphrasing Dr Johnson: "When one is tired of London, one is tired of ankle-deep slurry."

Ghastly place.

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Programmer's < fumble jeopardizes thousands of medical reports

David 132
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Looks like...

...the code review was less than diligent.

I'd make a cheap pun but I'm greater than that.

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Windows Subsystem for Linux to debut in Windows 10 Fall Creators Update

David 132
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FAIL

Re: Windows is a fish

Specifically, a "Flounder".

c:\windows> powershell -command "$totalsize=[long]0;gci -File -r -fo -ea Silent|%{$totalsize+=$_.Length};$totalsize"

32206581760 aka 32GB

I'd say Windows 10 these days is more of a bloater.

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Twitter's twits turned troll's tech taunt into thought-provoking tonic

David 132
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Happy

Poor show, editor.

You should have captioned the picture of the "mean tweet" sticker

"The sticker that kickstarted it all"

(hint: look at the user's profile image, and ask any Amiga fan)

But yeah, I agree with the commenter above - who uses TwitFaceSpaceChat anyway? What a load of narcissistic fappery.

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Security robot falls into pond after failing to spot stairs or water

David 132
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Re: Roomba

Round and round the rugged rug, the robot Roomba roamed...

Darn it, now you've reminded me of this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9arcRujTBc

RIP Kenneth Williams.

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UK government's war on e-cigs is over

David 132
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Re: No vaping in the workplace please

Can somebody pay a visit to bombastic bob's home and check his garden for suspicious pods?

That's four or five posts of his I've seen in this thread where he's been entirely reasonable, rational, well-informed and sane.

Because even BB would struggle to get mentions of "slurp" and "win-10-nic" into a thread about e-cigs?

Though I admit, the random capitalization OF words might BE easier to WORK into this thread, he's missed a TRICK there...

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Burglary in mind? Easy, just pwn the home alarm

David 132
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"Showing their age"?

It's Monday, and infosec-watchers are showing their age by calling internet of things security disclosures “a broken record”.

Yeah, all the cool kids now use the phrase "a corrupt M4A file"

/rolls eyes

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OMG, dad, you're so embarrassing! Are you P2P file sharing again?

David 132
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Re: Who's of thunk it

Nothing special about that. I often pay escorts to download music and movies. It's a win all around.

I used to have an escort, but I gave it the boot.

Now it's an Orion.

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David 132
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Looks at title

Thinks: "I bet me a pint I can guess who wrote that"

Looks

"Yup"

Don't be so sure - the word "freetard" wasn't used even once, so it was obviously written by an imposter & not the real Orlowski.

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The great phone squeeze wheeze: Getting squidgy with HTC's U11

David 132
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Headmaster

"range"?

EE and O2 range the device.

I never knew that "range" could be used as a verb. Such abuses of the language irate me.

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Microsoft drops Office 365 for biz. Now it's just Microsoft 365. Word

David 132
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Re: What is Microsoft 365?

....dows that mean all customers must upgrade to an XBOX 365?

No, but when the battery dies, you get a bonus MSFT product - Ex-cell.

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May the excessive force be with you: Chap cuffed after Star Trek v Star Wars row turns bloody

David 132
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Happy

Re: No contest

Red Dwarf for the win. Smeg all the others.

And its near-cousin, Hyperdrive.

"You have done a bad thing. We are going to re-habilitate you.

Watch the kitten. She does not question authority! Be like the happy kitten!

And look! Another kitten, sitting in a hat! What a lovely world it is where kittens can sit in hats!"

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David 132
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Pint

Meh

The Star Wars trilogy was OK, I guess (apart from the one with the wombles). Such a shame they didn't make any more after RoTJ.

I will now simultaneously put my fingers in my ears and don my flameproof suit.

Beer, because it's Friday afternoon and we shouldn't take life too seriously.

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Master of Dredd: Judge inker John Higgins speaks to The Reg

David 132
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Re: Started at Prog 13...

I think one of my fave Dredd moments was when confronted by a man who could change into a man sized fly if he smelt rooting food. I can't quite remember all the exact dialogue.

It's possible nay probable that I am confusing it with another story, but ISTR the title of that one (or maybe it was just a badge the protagonist wore?) was "I'm Manny, Me Fly". It took years before I discovered 10cc and "got" that particular reference!

BTW will I lose all squaxx dek Thargo credibility points if I admit that I rather like the Stallone version of Dredd?

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Well, that escalated quickly: Qualcomm demands iPhone, iPad sales ban in America

David 132
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Re: Why does the final product price determine the royalty?

Did you actually think about that before you posted?

Spend £10 producing a bit of kit, throwing it in the bin to save maybe £1

No no, I think he's onto something - it sounds like a great way for Apple to make a small fortune.

Of course, it presupposes that they start beforehand with a large fortune...

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Microsoft boasted it had rebuilt Skype 'from the ground up'. Instead, it should have buried it

David 132
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Re: I face a dilemma.

AC And best of luck to your friend.

Thank you for your simple, touching gesture of humanity. Very rare on Internet forums where everyone's usually too angry and convinced they're right to stop, pause, and reflect that we're all human beings... well, apart from those who are dogs, but on the Internet no-one knows that, as the old saying goes ;)

These are old friends of mine, and she just got a diagnosis of multiple cancers with a prognosis of weeks at most. Sucks, rather, and puts my own problems into perspective. May no-one here ever be faced with the same situation.

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David 132
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Boffin

Re: midas != microsoft

That would explain a lot, given a hell of a lot of Millennial Pacific Northwest/West Coast engineers also happen to be hipsters...or at least do a damn good imitation.

I'm in Portland Oregon, which is pretty much Hipster Ground Zero. It's a fun place, but there sure is a surfeit of plaid lumberjack shirts, NHS glasses and olde timey moustaches (and that's just the females, ahaha).

On the plus side, the Rick & Morty Road Trip came to town last week, and I'm sure that doesn't happen in Solihull or Reading. Wubba lubba dub dub!

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David 132
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Re: a colleague skyped me..

you type cemeont instead of "cement". Instead of offering "cement" it will offer "common/recount/covet/duvet/moment/.." anything you could think of except "cement"

Thanks for the concrete example, but I suspect there's mortar it than you think. (sorry..)

If it makes you feel any better, autocorrect on ios isn't much better. Earlier today I typed "face" in a message to someone - as soon as I continued to the next word, it "helpfully" corrected it to "fave". So I deleted that and re-typed "face". Which it then corrected to "gave". On the third attempt, it allowed my intended word.

Is it just me, or is technology getting more and more shit as time passes?

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David 132
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Re: I face a dilemma.

Why are you using Skype on iOS? You have Facetime.

Thanks for the useful suggestions. I agree re Facetime - it's good, reliable, uncluttered, and doesn't assume that I'm a tween girl incapable of expressing myself other than in emoji pictograms (albeit as someone said further down in this thread, it does seem to need higher bandwidth).

However, it assumes - correct me if I'm wrong - that both parties are on Apple devices. I'm on an iPhone, but my friends in England are on a PC and a steam-powered featurephone.

Cheers to those who recommended Signal (I've upvoted you) - will check that out.

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David 132
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Facepalm

Re: I face a dilemma.

To someone who has no landline and needs to talk to me and see me with video to discuss her terminal cancer diagnosis, internationally from half way round the world?

You're so right that "stretching to the price of a phone call" is exactly what's needed. Why oh why didn't I think of that. I shall call the operator forthwith and request connection. Oh wait, this is 2017, not 1957.

Thanks for your "helpful" suggestion. Now fuck off.

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David 132
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Mushroom

I face a dilemma.

On the one hand, you're right that the reviews of the new Skype version are abysmal, and it strikes me as about as enticing as a puddle of cold sick.

On the other, I can't even use my existing version of (iOS) skype any more - when I run it, it just tells me to update and won't go any further. Typical Microsoft "let's keep our users on the treadmill of enforced 'upgrades' - that's how we'll get them to love us..."

The timing couldn't be worse; I just had some very bad news about a friend back in England and need to call her to offer support. What I need is a professional, reliable communications tool. What MS think I want is another &@%#! SnapBookTwitArseSpace clone (NOW WITH OVER 5000 NEW EMOJIS!!!!!")

Don't get me started on Lync aka Skype for Business, an app that thinks single-threaded UI design and blocking modal dialogs are still a good idea in 2017.

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In touching tribute to Samsung Note 7, fidget spinners burst in flames

David 132
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Re: There's an opportunity here

"The real opportunity is Fidget Spinners: The Movie."

Who would you have direct it? Michael Bay, or Uwe Boll?

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French general accused of nicking fast jet for weekend trips to the Sun

David 132
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Re: Silver Spitfire

On a related note, also worth a read:

"A Higher Call", by Adam Makos - the true story of how a Luftwaffe pilot escorted a critically-damaged USAF bomber safely out of German airspace.

https://www.amazon.com/Higher-Call-Incredible-Chivalry-War-Torn/dp/0425255735

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David 132
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Re: There is a venerable tradition here

"Panzer? I 'ardly knew 'er..."

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Bye bye MP3: You sucked the life out of music. But vinyl is just as warped

David 132
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Re: You. You with the money. Yes you. Go see a live gig.

I really need to get my eyes tested. I read your subject line as "Go see a live pig" and was momentarily flummoxed by the surrealism of it.

But yeah, gigs. They're good, too.

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Koh-no! Silicon Lucy blocks Qualcomm from wriggling out of FTC's chip monopoly trial

David 132
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Re: SEP = Standard Essential Patent

You are truly a hoopy frood.

(if iOS autocorrect had had its way, you would be a "hoppy droid". Cupertino philistines.)

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Virgin Media router security flap follows weak password expose

David 132
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Trollface

Re: Where are the instructions?

I haven't seen any instructions about how to do this, and rather vexingly there's no link in the article. Does anyone have the link / some guidance?

Many thanks,

A Virgin (Customer)

Don't worry, we've done it for you.

-Random Chinese Hacker Collective

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Canadian sniper makes kill shot at distance of 3.5 KILOMETRES

David 132
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Pint

Re: Canadians vs Americans

Was he using a Martini-Henry rifle?

Touché. Upvoted.

Wandering off-topic... here in Oregon, the "Don't Drink & Drive" roadside signs use a representation of a martini glass, of all things.

I find this highly amusing - the unavoidable mental image is of plaid-clad burly PNW lumberjacks daintily sipping their martinis in roadside taverns before getting in their logging trucks to weave unsteadily down the highway.

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David 132
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Re: Canadians vs Americans

Flaming gins all round!

Ineffective for sniper work - the bullets are too sloe.

Still, it's a tonic for the troops.

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Two Brits nabbed amid probe into global plot to hack Microsoft network

David 132
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Happy

I'd like to think that the original Microsoft denial, before nervous lawyers toned it down, went something like this:

"No customer data was accessed, and we're confident in the integrity of our software and systems... Bob Doe (53) of Boise, Idaho - the video record of the 30 seconds you spent excavating your nostrils in front of your webcam last Tuesday evening is safe with us. Molly Bloggs of Ottowa - that sexytimes note you drafted in Notepad on Monday will remain a secret between you, your boyfriend, us, and carefully-and-rigorously-selected third party marketing partners. And Tim Smith-Smythe - we know which websites you went to last week from your house in Acacia Avenue, Stoke-on-Trent, but fortunately you used Edge's Privacy Mode so only we and the Five Eyes intelligence agencies know... the hackers didn't get that either. But you might want to wipe your keyboard now. Use the yellow cloth that's to the left of your coffee-cup. No, not that one, the other one."

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When we said don't link to the article, Google, we meant DON'T LINK TO THE ARTICLE!

David 132
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Joke

Re: Not so easy...

Due dill?

I assume you mean "due diligence"?

"Due dill" is the term for when you ordered a burger but didn't get the pickle you were expecting.

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David 132
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Facepalm

Ooh, goody, the Streisand effect.

Anyone know the name of the company concerned? (on second thoughts, no, let's avoid getting El Reg into similar trouble)

But really, the complainant does seem to be splitting hairs. "We're not accused of criminal fraud, we're accused of investment fraud! Totally different type of fraud! You can confidently invest with the trusted company of Dewey, Cheatham and Howe!"

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Telegram chat app founder claims Feds offered backdoor bribe

David 132
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Re: Secure Chats

I attack the gazebo with my +1 sword!

I put on my robe and wizard hat.

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David 132
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Pint

Re: Secure Chats

The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.

But the water in Majorca don't taste like what it oughta.

https://youtu.be/u4VFqbroi1I

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David 132
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Re: Secure Chats

The significant owl hoots in the night.

The good mother makes bean soup for the errant boy.

Sorry, I think I'm in the wrong secret conversation.

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Nuns chastise Google and Eric names Larry greatest human alive

David 132
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Happy

Re: Nuns

Perks of working for The Register, #47*:

- You can search the image library for "sexy nuns" on company time, without anyone raising an eyebrow.

*see also: vast amounts of money, groupies, adulation, rock star status among journalists

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David 132
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Re: weasel words are weasel words...

"My father was a nun."

"No he wasn't, Baldrick."

"He was too! Whenever he was in court, and the judge would ask his occupation, he'd always reply 'nun'..."

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Phiendish phisher gets phive years in phederal for $2m phlights phraud

David 132
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Happy

Hopefully there's an extra £15 in the headline writer's pay packet this week...

Steady on...it was good, but not 100% pay-rise good...

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IBM: ALL travel must be approved now, and shut up about the copter

David 132
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Happy

Re: A ghoul stood on a bridge one night..

"A ghoul stood on a bridge one night..

..its face was all a-quiver.

It gave a cough,

its leg fell off,

and floated down the river."

I have no idea what the relevance of this is to the story under discussion, but thank you anyway for reminding me of a limerick I last heard when I was, ooh, about 9 years old.

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