* Posts by David 132

877 posts • joined 1 Mar 2010

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Connected and self-driving cars are being sent to Coventry

David 132
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Boffin

Re: RE: Article picture

1.21 gigaflops... when this baby gets to version 88.0, you're going to see some serious sh*t....

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Dick move: Navy flyboy flings firmament phallus for flabbergasted folk

David 132
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Joke

Top Brass quoted as saying,

"This wasn't deliberate, it was a cock-up in the sky".

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David 132
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Thumb Up

Dammit.

I posted a highly amusing pun, only to realize that it had been used IN THE FRICKING ARTICLE as the sub-head. Serves me right for skim-reading (and over-estimating the Reg team's sense of maturity). Withdrawn, with due sense of shame & humiliation.

Props to the pilot concerned, though. Takes some serious skill to draw something so, ahem, accurately, at jet speeds.

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True Telecom busted by Ofcom for 'slamming', misselling and more

David 132
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Seems that OFCOM are still running at 2400baud...

"Our investigations work at a rapid pace...

...a Pace Linnet 1200/75, to be precise. We hope to upgrade to V.22bis by 2025."

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World Vasectomy Day: 15k men line up for live vent-blocking

David 132
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Coat

Re: I'm a wimp

..I had a general for the op :-)

My, that IS macho.

Most people have a surgeon.

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US Homeland Security says hardly any Kaspersky software left on federal networks

David 132
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Unhappy

Re: MS' Windows 10 conduited baked-in 'slurped' malware uploads work in exactly the same way.

Firefox's built-in screen-grab tool is just another example of their annoying bloat. It's a browser for goodness' sake, please make it view web-pages as well & as quickly as possible. Nothing else.

"Oh, but our users often need to screen-shot webpages while browsing, so we put this in for their convenience!"

Yeah, you know what else people tend to do while browsing the web? They listen to music. They work on documents. They conduct IM conversations. They do background rendering tasks. But surely, Mozilla, you wouldn't think it reasonable to add a music player, spreadsheet, IM client and Blender to Firefox?

Aw, shoot. I just gave them ideas, didn't I.

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How can airlines stop hackers pwning planes over the air? And don't say 'regular patches'

David 132
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Coat

Oo-er

"Two days later, I was successful in accomplishing a remote, non-cooperative, penetration"

mumblemumble fnarrr mumble harvey weinstein mumblemumble

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Openreach fibre plan for 10m premises coming 'before Christmas'

David 132
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Re: Isn't Wifi/5G a viable and cheaper option

Khaptain - for reasons that others have pointed out, this isn't really an option - even so, your question was a perfectly reasonable one so I'm not sure why you're deep in downvotes. Have an UV from me to compensate.

Folks - can we try to reserve downvotes for comments that are factually wrong, trollish, offensive, off-topic or otherwise don't advance the conversation?

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The NAKED truth: Why flashing us your nude pics is a good idea – by Facebook's safety boss

David 132
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Happy

@Pompous Git In 1970, I was the undraped model at the Launceston Art School.

That's hilarious (although I have to point out that given the ubiquity of long hair on both sexes in the early 1970s, it's amazing they could see ANY flesh to paint...). Have an upvote.

And you've reminded me of this take on the T-Rex "tiny arms..." trope by the Oatmeal:

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/tiny_arms

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Alexa, please cause the cops to raid my home

David 132
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Terminator

Re: So is Alexa now the.....

"Waltz with me if you want to live."

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Chrome update kills unwanted ad redir... WIN A FREE iPad!!

David 132
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Happy

And you're telling me that all those times I tried to punch the monkey in that advert, it was a lie?

Next I suppose you'll claim that Bonzi Buddy is up to no good.

MY WORLD IS DUST!

Oblig. XKCD: New Car

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Irish priests told to stop bashing bishops

David 132
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Happy

Re: Calgary.

That would be Calvary

No, you're thinking of the movie Cavalry, about horse-mounted soldiers.

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David 132
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Windows

Re: Carry on Father Ted

Well darn it, you beat me to it. Have an upvote.

And I wonder if priests who call the hotline will have to listen to a nun's endless recitation of "Ave Maria"?

The icon is Father Jack. YES! THAT WOULD BE AN ECUMENICAL MATTER!

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Logitech: We're gonna brick your Harmony Link gizmos next year

David 132
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Pint

Re: Never do this

A sensible, reasonable, customer-friendly compromise solution.

And therefore, it will never happen.

Still, one can dream.

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'Lambda and serverless is one of the worst forms of proprietary lock-in we've ever seen in the history of humanity'

David 132
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Facepalm

Hyperbole for Hypervisors

"one of the worst forms of proprietary lock-in we've ever seen in the history of humanity"

Yeah. Lambda and Serverless is the kind of thing that HITLER would have done.

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KFC turns Japanese bath tubs into party buckets

David 132
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Happy

Re: Yum

Lovely, that would be great with some baconnaise shower gel and a side of cole slaw.

Speaking of which, I always hoped that the BBC would do a Crimewatch type program focusing on the legal profession and hosted by the geezer who played Arthur Daley... solely for the glorious opportunity to call it Cole's Law.

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Hells door-bells! Ring pieces paralyzed in horror during Halloween trick-or-treat rush

David 132
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@AC Bacon ice cream exists.

As do Buttered Mashed Potato and Gravy and Spiced Goat Cheese & Pumpkin Pie ice-cream flavours.

Mmmmmm!

https://saltandstraw.com/flavors/

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David 132
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WTF?

Well done, IoT wanksters...

...you've managed to take one of the simplest devices in human history (whether it be a bell on a spring, a buzzer on a simple electrical circuit, or even just a rope tied round a goat's 'nads) and give it a central point of failure. Bravo.

What next? The "iWheel" which gives you up to the second reports on how many times it's rotated, but turns square and refuses to roll if it can't connect to Azure?

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Car insurers recoil in horror from paying auto autos' speeding fines

David 132
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Trollface

Re: From the department of stupid ideas

Streetlights on one side of the street- or alternating - only are a thing. So that would mean trailing cables across the whole street.

Solar panels on the roof of the cars. Park under the streetlights, or within the cast of their light, and get a charge. Simple. And LED bulbs are efficient, typically for a 5W bulb you get 60W worth of light.

Sheesh, so much for these so-called "experts"....

(please note: Trollface icon. With logic like this, I should be giving evidence to Parliamentary committees)

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David 132
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Re: Why should the car be 'slow to respond'

@Nick Ryan The issue with signage is that sometimes it's a total arse trying to work out, at speed, whether the sign applies to you or not.

Good catch. Similarly, in my area (Northern Oregon) I've noticed many instances where a side-road joins a main highway at a narrow angle - and hence the STOP sign at the end of the side-road is practically face-on to drivers on the highway. It's caused me & my (theoretically) adaptable, flexible, carefully-trained-over-years human brain confusion in the past... I wonder how a computer vision algorithm would cope?

One moment your level 4 self-driving car is doing 55... then it suddenly screeches to a halt because of a confusing side-street...?

I have speed-sign recognition hardware on my (2013) car, which theoretically "reads" roadside speed limit signs and represents them on the dashboard. Simple camera, not LIDAR or anything fancy. I'd say it correctly spots them maybe 85% of the time - good, but not good enough for an autonomous vehicle.

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David 132
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Coat

Re: Try a sensible design?

You’ve hit on the perfect solution: Send your car to the naughty step

In the case of Spanish VW-group cars, it's a naughty Seat.

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David 132
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Happy

Re: I thought my opinion of MPs could go no lower

Now I've pointed you in the right direction I'm sure you can think of more exceptions to your rule.

Dr Jacob Bronowski.

Carl Sagan.

Heinz Wolff (I nearly wrote "Heinz Kiosk", oops, WE ARE ALL GUILTY)

Aleksandr Orlov

One of those, I'd even trust with choosing my insurance.

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David 132
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Happy

Re: I thought my opinion of MPs could go no lower

"Put the country on Red Alert!"

"Are you sure, Prime Minister? It will mean changing the bulb...."

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David 132
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Happy

Re: Speed Limit Signs

Seen pasted onto a roadside sign in the near future, in infrared-visible ink:

( 30 '); DROP TABLE autopilot-rules;-- )

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David 132
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Re: Try a sensible design?

What, and miss out on all that lovely revenue?

Don't worry, they'll follow the fine principles of ex-North Wales Chief Constable Richard Brunstrom (he of the infamous "that guy we caught doing 31mph in a 30 zone* is no better than a teenage vandal and should shut up and admit his guilt") when designing this. Just be grateful that the speed limit signs aren't in a locked filing cabinet in a disused lavatory behind a sign saying "beware of the leopard", etc.

*-because the guy in question was overtaking a slow-moving tractor, as I recall.

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David 132
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Unhappy

Because it's Britain, and the joyless shitpails who run the country (of which MPs are just a sub-set.. see also councils, quangos, pressure groups and the perpetually offended) decide everything on the basis of: how miserable, coerced, and fleeced can we make the populace? What remnants of light and joy and self-determination and freedom can we stamp out next?

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Boss visited the night shift and found a car in the data centre

David 132
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Happy

@Loud Speaker I used to work for British Rail, and we had a room for wheel-tappers, shunters and other out-door workers to "rest and recuperate"

I thought those guys had their own Social Club? I'm sure I saw it featured on TV once in the 70s.

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David 132
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Re: " I can't even get the spark plugs out of my wife's car."

Plot twist - his wife's car's a Tesla.

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Google AMP supremo whinges at being called out on team's bulls***

David 132
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Not directly relevant, but..

...for those who are puzzled - as I used to be - by the references in this article and elsewhere to "Kool-Aid" and "Jim Jones", I can *highly* recommend this PBS documentary on the Youtubes:

American Experience - The Jonestown Massacre: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elrV-14_m5w

Worth watching if you want an appropriately terrifying Halloween-time reminder of how a single charismatic individual can inspire, subvert and ultimately, destroy a large group of people.

<poker face> Thank goodness nothing remotely comparable has happened since or could ever happen again.</poker face>

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Why are we disappointed with the best streaming media box on the market?

David 132
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Thumb Up

Re: The exciting future of streaming TV is going to be in personalization

I have a couple of Roku 3's, a 4, and a Stick & mainly use them all with Plex to view my content library from my NAS. All are great, although the Roku 4 refused to do 4K on my HDMI 1.4 TV until I got an HDCP converter box (fuck you very much, HDCP and Roku for going along with that crap). The Stick, I find, has awful wifi performance - constantly dropping out or buffering where my previous Roku 3 in the same location performed perfectly.

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Li-ion batteries blow up because they breed nanowire crystals

David 132
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Happy

What a promising technique

"Cryo-EM involves freezing the dendrites in liquid nitrogen before thinly slicing them to view under a microscope. By flash-freezing the batteries at different points of its charge and discharge cycle, scientists can see how it changes over time."

This technique has so many possible applications. Think of the things we'll now be able to study in detail by flash-freezing them and then thinly slicing them. Politicians come to mind.

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Please replace the sword, says owner of now-hollow stone

David 132
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Re: Stone? What stone?

Disney got it right, in 1963...

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Dumb bug of the week: Outlook staples your encrypted emails to, er, plaintext copies when sending messages

David 132
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Re: Hire my dad.

If your dad also goes by the name allthecoolshortnamesweretaken then I would imagine he has uncovered quite a few buffer overflows in his time.

That's just his first name. His surname is Smith '); DROP TABLE Comments;--

(and if the Reg comments system goes down after I click "submit", I will not know whether to laugh, cry, or flee the incoming vulture death-squads)

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Screw the badgers! Irish High Court dismisses Apple bit barn appeals

David 132
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Happy

Someone has to say it, for tradition's sake:

"Badgers? We don' need no stinkin' badgers!"

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Star Wars: Big Euro cinema group can't handle demand for tickets to new flick

David 132
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Headmaster

@werdsmith Less smelly bastards, less noisy eaters and irritating interruptions.

"Fewer". Not "less".

Now write it out a hundred times. And if it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off. Hail Caesar.

(this is a tongue-in-cheek joke. I wasn't your downvoter, btw).

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Apple's iOS password prompts prime punters for phishing: Too easy now for apps to swipe secrets, dev warns

David 132
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Happy

Gosh.

"Apple, as expected, did not respond to a request for comment."

Awww. Such touching optimism there. So adorably naïve. But hope springs eternal, eh?

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How many times can Microsoft kill Mobile?

David 132
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Re: Hooray

bel***m... totally and utterly bel***m

I'll thank you not to use language like that, this is a family website and there might be children, maiden aunts or horses reading this.

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BT fined £25,000 over second unsafe London roadworks this year

David 132
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Holmes

@Martin Summers Fantastic job folks, the fines really seem to be doing the trick!

From the article:

Over the last seven years, TfL said it has handed BT 991 fixed penalty notices (fines), netting it £67,270

If the average fine was just over £68, then I'm not surprised it's not having much effect.

Are there a few digits misplaced in the above figures?

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The axeman strikes again: Microsoft has real commitment issues

David 132
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Coat

Re: Is it just me?

Ah here, it'd work really well until some old duffer in a scarf or his cricket whites or just a hat bumbled in and reversed the polarity of the neutron flow...

Besides... I seem to recall that in Davros' evil lair(s), there were endless identical corridors and never any Windows...

Mine's the coat with the sprig of celery in the pocket.

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Out, damned Spot! Amazon emits Echo ball with screen, inevitable ever-listening mic

David 132
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Black Helicopters

Re: Always on microphone?

Has anyone tried acting out a "play" of terrorists organising an attack to see if there's any kind of response?

I suspect that TPTB would handle that in a very similar way to you performing the same "play" in the checkin line at Gatwick airport... they tend not to have any sense of humour or whimsy about such things.

Still, at least we have a free society where we can say what we want, believe what we want, associate with whomever we want, eat what we want and dress how we want - right? Remember, kids, that's why the terrorists hate us.

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David 132
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Headmaster

Re: One for the laydees?

throws of passion

ITYM "throes". Unless your idea of sexytimes is some xxxtreme wrestling with Giant Haystacks or Big Daddy - in which case, not only "throws of passion" but "headlocks of titillation" and "bodyslams of naughty bits", indeed.

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Is this cough cancer, doc? No: it's a case of Playmobil on the lung

David 132
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Happy

Re: Now that we're in this area...

Must be awkward with the rest of it stuck outside?

Reel inconvenient, but on the plus side he's the only person in the world with 4 feet between his shoes.

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David 132
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Coat

Re: ...bronchogenic...

No point in shutting the door now - they are falling like cats and dogs.

In related news, two cargo aircraft carrying Japanese car parts collided earlier - witnesses say it's now raining Datsun cogs.

Sorry.

7-year-old me will get my coat.

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David 132
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Re: ...bronchogenic...

...but his condition is now "stable".

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David 132
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Pint

Oh, Lester, your presence is missed.

If ever a story needed a Playmobil reenactment...

Pint, in memoriam--->

PS: I managed to shove the wheel off a Matchbox car up my nostril at the tender age of 4 or thereabouts. I still have a vivid memory of going to Alder Hey hospital to have it removed, and the doc holding said wheel in tweezers in front of my eyes - but to this day I swear there was nothing on the tweezers. Wouldn't be at all surprised to learn that it was all a cruel con and the wheel is still there. It would explain a lot.

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Microsoft sparks up Ignite with fresh Azure, Office 365 features

David 132
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Trollface

Typo?

Microsoft is also aiming a new crop of Windows 10 S hardware

"crop"?

Huh, funny, it's not even as if the 'o' key is anywhere near the 'a' key...

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You forgot that you hired me and now you're saying it's my fault?

David 132
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Trollface

Re: Idiots in charge of booking ...

Wow! Disney have offices on the Isle of Skye?

Where else do you think they got the idea for McKey Mouse from?

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David 132
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Happy

Re: Meeting room naming

@AdamT You've reminded me... at our office Christmas party a few years ago, all the raffle prizes had been purchased by one of the admins, who had her own interests & hobbies and assumed everyone else felt the same. So people won spa sessions, Lush bath bombs, hair straighteners and so on.

But the real hilarity was when a colleague of mine (from Sri Lanka, hence let's just say dark of skin-tone) won.... a free spray-on tanning session. Cue the whole room (including said colleague, who has a sense of humour and has since gone on to great things in the company) erupting in laughter.

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Microsoft reveals details of flagship London store within spitting distance from Apple's

David 132
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Re: A great idea

And I'll be there in me pac-a-mac, writing down the numbers of the trains hotfixes.

"Ooh! KB3213522! I haven't seen that one yet!"

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